MONDAY: Sent into the woods by Harry to look for two female hikers that were way overdue. Turned out they were lost in Horne's Dept. store.

TUESDAY: Sent into the woods by Harry to look for Leo Johnson's whereabouts. Simple – just followed the trail of drool.

WEDNESDAY: Sent into the woods by Harry because he had nothing else for me to do – bastard. Missed out on the doughnuts.

THURSDAY: Sent into the woods by Agent Cooper and Big Ed Hurley to look for wormsign. WHAT! Sorry, wrong David Lynch film project.

FRIDAY: Have a guess – you're not wrong. Bloody woods!