Author's Notes: Hi, readers. Here's the eighth set of outtakes for "Avatar Outtakes." I feel great that it took only four days to get out. However, I do have some sad news. This will be my last set of outtakes. I want to move on to other projects regarding Avatar. This includes a two-part Jake/Neytiri fic called "Swimming Tides," where they spend an afternoon playing with a pod of dolphins. I had great fun writing this humor-filled fic and thank everyone who reviewed and supported it. I really appreciate it.

XXXXX

Outtake #29

Norm, Jake, and Grace are in a cell in the prison bay following the destruction of Hometree. They appear very dejected, but the guard shows no sympathy for them. Trudy arrives at the entrance with a cart, and the guard presses a button. The door slides open with a hiss.

Trudy: What's going on, brother? Long time no see.

Guard: Hey.

Trudy pushes the cart inside, appearing fierce. The guard approaches her, as Norm, Jake, and Grace look toward them.

Trudy: Personally, I don't feel these three traitors deserve steak.

Guard: They get steak? That's bullshit. Let me see.

Trudy chuckles to herself. The guard goes down to inspect the food when she pulls out her sidearm and points it at his head.

Trudy: Yeah. You know what that is. Now, go down all the way.

Norm, Jake, and Grace approach the door. Trudy forces the guard to the floor, looking determined. She hits him in the temple, knocking him out cold. Norm, Jake, and Grace smile at her and watch her slip her sidearm into her pants. Trudy looks toward the entrance.

Trudy: Max!

Max arrives at the entrance and runs very quickly inside the cell bay. He trips over his feet and collides with a cell door to the left of Norm, Grace, and Jake's. He hits his head on it and falls on his back. Trudy rushes to his side and helps him up.

Trudy: You okay?

Max: Yeah. I didn't mean to be so clumsy.

Trudy: Ah, don't sweat it. It happens to everyone.

Grace: (giggles) You looked really funny when you hit the door.

Jake: Yeah. It was like you were jumping at it.

Max: (shakes his head) I was not!

Norm: You were so!

Norm imitates jumping at the door Max collided with. Max gets irritated and reaches underneath his shirt. He pulls out a water gun and runs to the door, pushing it open. He squirts Norm with it, drenching his shirt. Norm glares at him as he laughs his head off.

Max: I guess you have a sweating problem, Norm.

Norm: Oh, you're going to get it, Max!

Norm reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gun. He fires at Max, who jumps out of the way. Trudy is hit in the face, neck, and chest. Norm gulps fearfully as she glares at him.

Trudy: You're going to get it, nerd!

Trudy draws a gun out of her pocket. She squirts water at Norm, who fires back. She's hit in the same areas as before. She aims at Norm, hitting him in the shoulder and stomach. She races off, and he chases after her. Max opens the carts and grabs two guns. He turns to Jake and Grace.

Max: (tosses the guns) Catch, you two!

Jake and Grace catch the guns easily and aim at Max, nailing him in the face. Max gets another gun and fires at them, scoring hits in their chests and stomachs. He runs away, and they're right on his tail. He stops for a moment to squirt them, only to be hit in the back with water. He peers over his shoulder to see Norm and Trudy.

Trudy: Gotcha, Max!

Norm: You forgot the first rule of a water gun fight. Never turn your back on an opponent!

Max: Forget this!

Max squirts Norm and Trudy, getting them in their faces. He is nailed in his own when they retaliate. Norm and Trudy rush off with him right behind them. Jake and Grace go after everyone. The director throws the script down in annoyance.

Director: I swear, I'm going insane!

00000

Outtake #30

Jake opens his link unit's lid and sits up after he's been disconnected from his avatar. He stares Quaritch down in great anger. Quaritch doesn't move an inch and narrows his eyes at him.

Jake: Are you out of your goddamn mind?

Quaritch: You crossed the line.

Quaritch punches Jake in the face, knocking him down. He's about to handcuff him when he hears his costar's cell phone ring. Jake digs into his pocket and pulls it out. He puts it to his ear after he opens it.

Jake: Hello?

Voice: I'm looking for a—

Jake hears the sound of an object hitting the floor and breaking on impact. He listens to someone pick it up and looks toward the back of the set. He recognizes the voice when he catches 'Oh, great. Now, I can't disguise my voice anymore.'

Jake: Selfridge, is that you?

Selfridge: Uh-oh.

Jake: (angrily) You're the one who's been making all these prank calls on my cell phone!

Selfridge: (frightened) It wasn't my idea! Quaritch put me up to it!

Jake turns to Quaritch, who holds up his hands and shakes his head. He can tell he's being truthful and focuses his attention back on the phone.

Jake: I don't think so, Parker.

Selfridge: He did put me up to it! Honest!

Jake: (sarcastically) Yeah, and my aunt is queen of the universe. You're going to get it big time.

Jake snaps his phone shut and looks at Quaritch, who raises an eyebrow. He shoots a glance toward his wheelchair.

Jake: I'm sorry, but I need to take care of some business.

Quaritch: How about I help you?

Grace runs up to Jake and Quaritch, panting heavily. Both men eye her carefully as she catches her breath.

Grace: Don't you guys count me out of this. I need to get back at Parker for changing all the soft rock songs on my Ipod to terrible rap songs. I have those awful tunes in my head.

Jake: Okay. You can come.

Quaritch: Let's kick some ass.

Jake climbs into his wheelchair and heads behind the set with Quaritch and Grace on his tail. Sounds of yelling and punching can be heard coming from behind it. The trio comes out, looking satisfied.

Jake: That took care of him!

Grace: I hope he learned a lesson.

Quaritch: Me too.

Quaritch, Jake, and Grace chuckle and shrug their shoulders. The director puts his hand over his face, letting out a soft hiss.

Director: I need a vacation.

00000

Outtake #31

Jake is in position on the banshee. So are Tsu'tey, Neytiri, and the hunters on the outcropping. The director leans back in his chair, running his hands through his hair.

Director: Take one! Action!

The banshee starts to jump around in an effort to free itself from Jake's grasp. Neytiri gets nervous while Tsu'tey and the hunters laugh. The banshee throws Jake off it, and he goes over the cliff and grabs onto a vine. The vine breaks, and he looks toward the camera in fear.

Jake: Uh-oh.

Jake waves at the camera and plummets toward the ground at rapid speed. He is still holding the vine in his hand.

Jake: (echoes) Yah-hoo-hoo-hooey!

Jake lands in a mudhole face first with his arms on either side of his head. He grabs his head, groaning loudly.

Director: Cut!

Jake hears laughter and looks up to see Neytiri and Tsu'tey staring down at him. He gets up, stumbling off to the right. He regains his balance before he glares at the two Na'vi.

Tsu'tey: I didn't realize you looked great in a mud mask!

Neytiri: It really does say a lot about you.

Jake: Why don't you two get out of town?

Tsu'tey: No, you get out of town!

Neytiri: Yeah!

Jake blows a raspberry at Tsu'tey and Neytiri, who mimic him. The director rolls his eyes and stares down at the floor.

Director: Let's try this scene again!

00000

Outtake #32

Jake is back in position on the banshee, as are Neytiri, Tsu'tey, and the hunters on the outcropping. The director lays his script in his lap, looking serious.

Director: Take two! Action!

The banshee starts to jump around in an effort to free itself from Jake's grasp. Neytiri gets nervous while Tsu'tey and the hunters laugh. The banshee throws Jake off it. Instead of going over the cliff, Jake lands on top of Neytiri. He looks at her sheepishly.

Jake: Sorry.

Neytiri: (grunts) Jake, would you get off? You're a little heavy.

Jake: I have a better idea. How about this?

Jake grabs Neytiri's cheeks and gives her a passionate kiss. He smiles when he hears her moan and pulls away.

Neytiri: Now, that was a kiss! Now, come here!

Neytiri places her hands on Jake's cheeks. She pulls him down, planting a hard kiss to his lips. They make out like crazy. They break apart when they hear a clearing throat. They glance at Tsu'tey, who snickers.

Tsu'tey: Get a room, you two.

Jake: You better watch it, Tsu'tey, or I'll throw you a rock at you!

Tsu'tey: Try me.

Jake gets off Neytiri. He picks up a rock and throws it at Tsu'tey, nailing him in the forehead. Tsu'tey falls on his back with his legs and arms spread eagle style. He has a goofy smile on his face. Jake laughs and claps his hands.

Jake: Yes! I got a strike this time!

Neytiri: Nice shot.

Jake: Thank you.

Jake helps Neytiri to her feet and kisses her on the cheek. The director yells with annoyance and hits himself in the head with the script.

Director: That's it! One more mishap, and I'm gone for good! Cut!

THE END