As always, I don't own IASIP!

Mac sat at the bar, sipping a beer, alone on a Thursday afternoon. He had the bar all to himself, so he was thinking. These past few days had just been the shittiest. It was all her fault. That freakish, beautiful bird-girl. God, she was ruining my life. I was perfectly happy getting wasted and passing out every day, hooking up with random chicks, and hanging out with Charlie and Dennis.

But she had to wreck it all.

The bane of his current existence walked into Paddy's just at that moment. "What up, boner?" she said, dropping her oversize purse on the bar. "Where the hell is everybody?" Dee got herself a beer and opened it, using the counter as a bottle opener.

"Uh…Frank is out with Artemis, they're bangin' in the dumpster." Mac took a sip of his beer, now lukewarm and still mostly full from his recent lack of appetite. "Charlie is out in the sewer, and Dennis is out auditioning for a J. Crew catalogue because he got one of those mass mail-outs the other day and thought it was especially for him."

Dee laughed. Mac smiled a little bit. She hopped up on the counter and let her long legs dangle over the side. He stared at her, sort of mesmerized by her strange prettiness. She was anything but fragile: a strong, carefree, fiery princess.

She looked at him oddly. "Why are you staring at me?" she said, taking another sip of beer.

"I'm not," Mac said, quickly looking away. "Why would I stare at you?" he said, trying his best to be standoffish and cruel. "You look like a giant bird."

She looked hurt for a millisecond. Mac felt bad for saying it almost immediately. She tried to look cool and brush it off. "Yeah, why don't you just shoot me in the face," she retorted coolly.

"I would never, ever, do that," Mac blurted out sincerely. "I mean…uh...um…" he scrambled to find a cover up.

"What?" Dee said, clearly confused by his response.

There was no point in covering it up anymore. It was killing him. If Mac didn't do something, he would explode. He couldn't stand looking at her and knowing that she wasn't his.

Mac stood up, so he was a little taller than Dee. He moved close to her, their noses almost touching, and put his hand on her shoulder. Mac looked into her gorgeous, clear blue eyes. She had an apprehensive look on her face.

Without giving it a second thought, he leaned in and kissed Dee. She was unresponsive and surprised at first, but she leaned into it. She wasn't quite kissing him back, but she wasn't resisting. Mac's strong hands cupped her face and pulled her closer.

They broke free after a minute or so, breathing heavily and staring into each other's eyes. Mac, for the first time in a long time, was scared and nervous. He didn't know what she would do next. He just stood there, looking weak and helpless, his eyes begging her for a response.

She just looked back at him, also unsure of what came next. She finally spoke, and Mac's heart beat faster. Her voice was quiet and low. "What was that for?" she said, expressing her utter confusion. Dee always thought Mac hated her.

Mac didn't know if he should tell Dee how he really felt, or just lie. He tried to get some coherent words out, but the usually confident man suddenly couldn't find his voice.

Mac grabbed his beer bottle and darted out of Paddy's, leaving a very confused Dee sitting on the bar top.

She couldn't decide whether she liked kissing Mac or not. He was one of her best friends in the world, although she would never admit it. But…his lips were surprisingly soft, and his scratchy beard felt…kinda nice.

Mac would disappear from Paddy's for the next two days, without a trace. Dennis wouldn't see him in their apartment, but he sorta forgot about it. He was busy being gorgeous for the fake J. Crew camera. Charlie and Frank would barely wonder where Mac was.

Dee would be the only one that cared. She would be worried sick sometimes, staying up late, hoping that nothing bad happened to him. She would keep replaying the kiss over and over in her head, wondering what she did wrong…secretly wishing that she would get a second chance at kissing him.

Then, Mac would show up at Dee's apartment three days after the kiss, with bags under his eyes, his skin pale, looking tired as ever.

Dee would open the door and Mac would hug her unexpectedly. She would wrap her arms around him and hug him back, just happy to see him again. He would pull back from the hug and kiss her once more, not caring how crazy he was.

This time Dee would welcome his lips almost immediately, knotting her hands in his soft brown hair. Mac would push her up against the wall to the side of them, still kissing her, his arms tight around her waist.

Then Dee, always curious, would pull back abruptly. She would see Mac's slightly hurt expression but ask anyways, "Mac, you can't keep kissing me like this without any explanation. Why are you doing this?" She didn't want to put herself out there and just be hurt by Mac.

Mac, on the other hand, was afraid that she would hurt him. He would exhale and say, softly and tantalizingly, "I've been a wreck these past few weeks. I keep thinking about you…and when I kissed you in the bar, I was too afraid to tell you that…well…that I want to be with you." Mac would look embarrassed and turn his face away from Dee.

Dee would laugh lightly and pull his face back towards her. She saw Mac, putting himself out there, and she would kiss him lightly. She would say, "Well, why didn't you just say so?"

He would be relieved beyond measure. He would kiss her again, this time much more passionately. He would lift her up with his strong arms and twirl her around, thinking to himself what a cliché he was, but he didn't care.

Mac and Dee would date secretly at first. They both didn't want the rest of the gang to find out. So they would act like they hated each other while Frank, Dennis, and Charlie were around, but Mac would sneak off to Dee's apartment late at night and she would welcome him with open arms.

After a month or so of dating, Dee would beg Mac to tell the rest of the guys. Mac would look into her pleading blue eyes, her sexy-as-hell lip bite, and he was a goner. He would agree to tell them, only because of Sweet Dee.

They would gather everyone at Paddy's and tell them outright. Mac would wrap his arm around Dee's waist for comfort, and say that the two of them were dating.

Dennis and Frank would look surprised and disgusted at first. Charlie would ease the tension, as always, by saying, "Dude, Mac's bangin' your sister!"

Frank would laugh and shrug it off; Charlie wouldn't really care anyways—just as long as Mac wasn't banging the waitress anymore.

Dennis would be the hardest one to convert. He would give Mac the cold shoulder for a while, but then he would see Mac and Dee together, laughing and smiling…actually happy. Then he would get over himself and accept it, glad to not compete over girls with Mac anymore.

Dee would still be crude and call Mac "assdick", "boner", "dickhole", "shithead", etc., but Mac wouldn't care. Mac would still occasionally call her a bird, and insult her various body parts and eating habits, but Dee wouldn't care.

Mac would convert Dee into worshipping Rocky IV like he and Charlie did. After the millionth time of watching it together, after Dee knew all the fights and would still cheer Rocky on, after Mac watched her beautiful eyes light up when Stallone beat the shit out of the Russian, Mac would pause the movie and say for the first time, "I love you, Dee," without hesitating.

Dee would say, "You're such a girl, Mac," but kiss him and whisper, "I love you too."

They would still get shitfaced together, as always. They would be still the same people, the same best friends, except they were dating.

But on Mac's birthday, Dee would find herself at a loss for a present. She would think of something that would make him happy, other than the expected…um…sexual favors, of course. Then, she would suddenly think of something brilliant. Mac would open the card Dee got him and find nothing written but a lopsided heart and a key taped to the inside.

Mac would smile, a small one at first, but he would break out into a full grin, kissing Dee over and over.

So Mac would move in with Sweet Dee, and they would be the same people, the same best friends, the same couple, except living together.

They would keep dating, Mac falling more in love with Dee almost every day. She was the last voice he waned to hear before he fell asleep, and the first voice he wanted to hear when he woke up. He would lean over to her just before she went to sleep and whisper "You're beautiful, ostrich."

She would smile and whisper back, "I love you, dickskin."

They were never very romantic people. But Mac would try his best. One day at Paddy's, when Dee, Dennis, Charlie, and Frank were sitting and drinking as usual, Mac would start playing "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds on the jukebox. He would walk over to Sweet Dee.

She would look at him strangely. Mac's heart was beating faster than it ever had. Dee would say, "What are you doing, Mac?" but her heart was pounding as well.

Mac would take out a small velvet box, and Charlie would groan.

"Ugh, get a room you guys." Dennis would say.

"Come on Deandra and Mac, just get it over with," Frank would say.

"You guys are disgusting," Charlie would say.

But they all would keep watching.

Mac would still be grinning like an idiot, standing in front of Dee, holding his small velvet box. Dee was paralyzed, too shocked to speak.

Mac would get down on one knee. He would open the velvet box, revealing a simple, pretty emerald ring.

He would say, "Dee, you look like a giant bird. I've seen you do a keg stand for 77 seconds, and down a pint of beer in 10 seconds. You are the only girl…no, you're the only person I know who can beat me in a drinking contest. You are practically the coolest girl ever, and I love you. I know I suck at this romantic shit, but…will you marry me, Dee?"

She would sit there, frozen, surprised. Mac would get more and more nervous with each passing second. Then, Dee would slowly get off her barstool, pull Mac up by his sleeveless shirt, and say, "Of course I'll marry you, assdick." Then she would wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him, ineffably happy. He would wrap his arms around her small waist and kiss her repeatedly.

Frank, Dennis, and Charlie would groan in disgust.

"What a dirty, dirty whore," Frank would say, and Mac and Dee would flip him off while still kissing each other.

Mac would slip the emerald ring on her slim finger. Dee would look at Mac and ask, "How did you buy this? We're broke as shit."

He would look at her and sheepishly admit, "I've been saving up for this thing for five months now. I finally got enough to buy it last week, otherwise I would've proposed sooner." Dee would look at the ring, look back at Mac, and her eyes would fill with tears. She would grin and say, "I love you," this time with no impudent insult.

They were still the same people, the same best friends, the same couple, except now they were engaged.

All of this flashed through Mac's mind while he was sitting at the bar.

"Mac! Mac, what the hell is wrong with you? Jeez, you must be really shitfaced." Dee waved her hand in front of his face.

Mac snapped from his reverie. All of what he dreamt could happen, if he could just stand up and kiss her. But instead, he said, "Yeah, I should just shoot you in the face."

They continued talking for a little while, until Dee announced proudly that she had a date that night and left to get ready.

Mac walked out into the crisp, slightly polluted air, and couldn't help but think about what could've been for them, if only Mac had tried.

Another Mac/Dee fic! Hope you guys like this one :)

p.s. "The Luckiest" is a super awesome, sad song.