Gloria: *walks into the room* Hey guys, look what I found on the Internet.
They're funny quotes.
Celeste: Let's hear them.
My clone did it!
Monica: Well, she did.
Adam: In your case, yes, she did.
I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do.
Andrew: *heads toward kitchen*
Tess: Where are you going?
Andrew: The voices told me to eat.
If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?
Sam: I'm not going to go there.
Rafael: I agree.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Tess: *concentrates* Nope, I don't believe in it.
Sam: *raises hand* Yes you do!
What part of my brilliance don't you understand?
I have PMS and a gun, did you say something?
*guys inch away from the girls*
Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark?
Monica: *shakes head*
When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
Write your questions down on the back of a $20 dollar bill and send them
Monica: *holds out hands* Well?
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every
other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the
locks, they are always locking three of them.
Celeste: Good idea.
Adam: Can we try it?
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got
a t-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest
Andrew: People always have bigger problems.
Out of my mind, be back in 5 minutes.
Tess: You know Gloria…
Gloria: Don't even go there.
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?!
Rafael: I did! Me!
4 out of 5 voices say call in sick.
Celeste: *picks up phone*
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
Tess: Well, I could.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Monica: That, I do.
Rafael: We know.
…The answer is…uh, what was the question?
Adam: That's me.
Do not disturb. I am already quite disturbed, thank you.
Monica: Be quiet, Andrew!
Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully?"
Gloria: *points at Sam* Proof.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Karaoke is Japanese for tone deaf.
All: *points at Monica*
Not now, I'm too busy having an argument with my rice crispies.
Adam: I think I did that once.
Monica: Doesn't surprise me.
Celeste: Me neither.
You know, I'm naked under these clothes.
Men: *look at the women*
Women: *inch away from men*
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?
Always remember, you are unique, just like everyone else.
How can I miss you if you don't go away?
All: *exchange glances*
There are three kinds of people; those who can count, and those who
Andrew: But that makes four.
Monica: Oh brother!
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Adam: Yes, there is no meat in it.
Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck
is my ceiling?
I'm sorry, do I look like I was listening?
Rafael: Did you say something?
Did you know I'm invisible? Only when no one's around though.
Andrew: Am I invisible?
I'm blonde, what's your excuse?
All: *look at Celeste*
Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
All: *looks at Andrew and Adam*
Adam and Andrew: What?
Normal people worry me.
Tess: Don't worry, none of us are normal.
Gloria: Including you?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their
feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Rafael: They land on their side.
Insanity is just anger put to good use!
I'm 98% beautiful and 2% crazy…or is it the other way around?
Women: 98% beautiful!
Men: Other way around!
It's not easy being me…but it sure is funny watching people try.
Andrew: Like Monica's clone.
Monica: *throws hands in air*
Scientists say one out of every four people is crazy. Check three
friends, if they're okay, you're it.
Gloria: *looks at Andrew, Adam, and Monica* I'm fine.
Andrew, Adam, and Monica: Hey!
Stop looking at me that way…you're scaring me!
Celeste: Oh yeah!
All: Hey! *glares at Celeste*
Help! I've started talking and I can't stop!
All: *stares at Adam*
Adam: You know…
Mirrors don't talk and lucky for you they don't laugh.
Gloria: *looks at Sam*
Sam: Not one word, Gloria.
In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.
Rafael: Yes they do.
I don't need your attitude; I got one of my own.
Monica: Well, I do.
Adam: We know, Monica, we know.
Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight; you can have it when I'm done.
Sam: Yes, when I'm done.
Andrew: Ok, you're done. My turn!
Never fight with an ugly person…they have nothing to lose.
Gloria: Last time I fight with Tess.
Tess: *glares at Gloria*
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Rafael: Yeah, never underestimate us!
My I.Q. test came back negative.
Monica: You know…
Andrew: If it's anything about me, can you keep silent? *smiles* Ok, what
were you going to say?
Ociffer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O
to a tree for instance.
I may not always be right, but I'm NEVER wrong!
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful! Hate me because…well…Okay! Hate me
because I'm beautiful.
Men: Oh brother!
I know I'm not perfect, but I'm so close it scares me.
Rafael: I know.
I'm not weird…I'm gifted.
Tess: That's one way of putting it.
I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive, then I realized…oh yeah!
Suicide is a crime.
Gloria: Oh yeah! I did forget.
Sam: *smacks forehead*
Well, if I called the wrong number, why'd you answer?
Celeste: Never could figure that out.
I'm an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up
Monica: I don't have horns!
Andrew: Maybe that's why you never had your halo on straight.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow
doesn't look good either.
Rafael: That's my golden rule.
Gloria: We know.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Tess: I believe it.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Celeste: I'll walk by again.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to
Andrew: That's wrong.
God created men first, 'cause you always make a rough draft before a
Women: Oh yeah!
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot, than to open your
mouth and prove it.
Gloria: Yeah! Take a lesson Rafael.
Rafael: Gloria…be quiet.
Everybody's entitled to be stupid, but your abusing the privilege.
All: *looks at Andrew*
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost,
and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Men: I give up!
Gloria: Ok, that's all. I ran out of quotes.
All: *walk away laughing*