Disclaimer: I do not hold the right to any blizzard characters, terms, or situations. I also do not hold the right to celebrity names or companies or blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah! And all that other crap needed to keep my ass from being sued.

Welcome readers to the Hyper Guyver interviews. Our new series will revolve around the ever-popular Star Craft characters; today’s guest is the ever- illustrious character… uh… hold on a second… (Shuffles through papers)… KERRIGAN?! Ah, Crap! (sigh) Maybe this time she won’t send an Ultralisk after me.

Hyper Guyver: Uh… Welcome Kerrigan… how are you today?

Kerrigan: Silence! The Queen of Zerg will only be spoken to when she speaks to them first!

Hyper Guyver: But am giving the interview!

Kerrigan: Oh, uh… silly me.

Hyper Guyver: So… why don’t we talk about your child hood first…

Kerrigan: All right then, well, when it was found that I had immense psychic potential I was kidnapped and rigorously trained to be a ghost operative.

Hyper Guyver: Wow that must have been tough.

Kerrigan: Yeah, the toughest part was all the training to get me to see into the future, the commander in charge had a thing about the lottery.

Hyper Guyver: So how did that go?

Kerrigan: Not good, I couldn’t see into the future and the commander went broke from spending all his money on lottery tickets.

Hyper Guyver: what happened next?

Kerrigan: Well, I was later rescued from the Confederates by Arcturus Mengsk; so instead of mindlessly killing people for a corrupt government, I was mindlessly killing people for a corrupt political fanatic.

Hyper Guyver: Makes sense.

Hyper Guyver: So… What is it like being queen of the Zerg?

Kerrigan: Very glamorous, I’m served on hand, foot and claw. Billions of loyal servants to do my bidding, and I lack in nothing.

Hyper Guyver: There’s no down side?

Kerrigan: Well… uh… maybe one thing little thing…

Hyper Guyver: What?

Kerrigan: Well… I… I…

Hyper Guyver: Well What?!

Kerrigan: OH GOD I NEED A MAN!!!

Hyper Guyver: (Gulp) huh?

Kerrigan: Since I’ve become the queen of the Zerg, I haven’t had sex at all!

Hyper Guyver: Oh, uh… that’s interesting…

Kerrigan: I mean come on! It’s been nearly TWO YEARS!

Hyper Guyver: Uh… moving along…

Kerrigan: I think I’m almost about ready to burst! I mean… say… how old are you?

Hyper Guyver: Uh… Why?

Kerrigan: Nothing… (Her bone wings begin to flicker)

Hyper Guyver: (Gulp)

Kerrigan: Oh, come on, you have to be somewhere between 15 to 20, I am right.

Hyper Guyver: uh…

Kerrigan: Come on…

Hyper Guyver: Where Jim Raynor when you need him!

Kerrigan: Jim?

Kerrigan: Jimmy! That’s it! Excuse me one moment…

(Kerrigan pulls out a cell phone and starts dialing, Kerrigan starts talking in a giddy girly tone)

Kerrigan: Hi Jimmy! How’s it going? Tee hee hee…

Hyper Guyver: uh… Kerrigan?

Kerrigan: Shhh! Yeah, Jimmy, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh…

Kerrigan: Yeah Jimmy, I really need it… Yeah, BAD! Okay, see you then!

(Kerrigan goes back to serious tone)

Kerrigan: Okay lets get this over with, I got places to be and someone to do.

Hyper Guyver: Uh… well I guess there really isn’t that much left to ask you… oh, I found the rest of my questions.

Kerrigan: I tire of you! Hydralisk! (Fingers snap)

(Hydralisk pop out)

Hydralisk: Rrwwaahh…

Hyper Guyver: Ah, Crap. Here we go again… Can I at least have a head start this time?

Kerrigan: Very well…

(Hyper Guyver takes off down the hall)

Hydralisk: RRRRWWWWAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

Hyper Guyver: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Hyper Guyver: Stay tuned… huff, huff, huff… until next time… huff, huff, huff… when I interview Arcturus Mengsk…. Huff, huff, huff, huff…

Hydralisk: CHOMP!

Hyper Guyver: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! MY ASS!!! Until next time… huff, huff, huff… good day and Good night!

Hydralisk: CHOMP!

Hyper Guyver: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHY THE ASS?!!!!