|The Prayer Warriors 1: The Evil Gods Commentary
Author: Void Child PM
This "fanfiction" I am commenting on is a disgrace to all mankind. This is an attempt of a humorous take on BelieverInChrist's story.WARNING:ORIGINAL STORY RATED M, BUT IT DESERVES A T RATING.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Spiritual - Percy J. - Chapters: 20 - Words: 20,545 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 03-11-12 - Published: 01-24-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7772316
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Believer in Christ: Hello Jesus!
Jesus: Hello my son. Trying to "talk" to Jesus, eh? Lame.
Believer in Christ: Am I saved by writing this story.
Jesus: Yes my son.
Believer in Christ: Good. Now should I go hunt down those Satanists. Ever heard of this wonderful thing called a "question mark"?
Jesus: Yes my son.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Bible, God does. I will not feel sorry for using Percy Jackson as it is evil and should not have a disclaimer. I will not feel sorry for making fun of your crappy story.
Being Together The Army
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. -Proverbs 16:18 Oooh, a Bible quote! That makes this story automatically awesome!
I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior. I always knew there was something strange about that mouse... I am a servent of the lord and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods. Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson Really? has taken over much of the land, along with his Satanic Army and his girlfriend whore. WHORE? There's so much Riordan hasn't told us! She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money. Satan this, Satan that. Now Satanic MONEY? I don't know anyone who goes around carrying Satan bucks in case they run into Annabeth.
That means that I have to get an army together of Christians, so that we can defeat the servents of Satan, and defeat his evil puppets, the false greek gods, who are in fact a lie created by Satan to poison people`s mind. If Satan could create fricken gods, he can easily beat anyone who challenges him.
Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise. – Deuteronomy 12:30 That quote had nothing to do with anything.
"Hello my fellow Christian" I told Mary, who is named after Jesus`s Mother. I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum think that there is something Satanic going on. We are dating, LIAR! but we are not having Sex until we get married. But because we are 15, it means that it is going to be while before we do such a thing. Whoa, someone's getting defensive here!
"Yes Jerry, how are you. Have you been doing the lord`s biddings?" she asked me. Not your everyday greeting. I nodded my head and then she took out the bible and we read the first Chapter of Genesis, which is about the the creation of the world. We talk about how God was so good that he was kind to create a great world as we live in. There's more to life than fricken God and the Bible and Satan Bucks.
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. -Proverbs 18:13
Then we discuss about how Satan had poisoned the world by inventing false gods such as Zeus and Venus, who were sex gods, which is against the Ten commandments. Do gods have to follow the commandments?
"I need an Army to defeat the evil leader Percy Jackson" I asked her. That was not a question. I wanted an army so that I could defeat this Satanist and his ungodly army. I'm honestly on Satan's side in a war between him and this douche. This is America which is a Christian nation, Not. so Satanist, athesit, hindu, muslims, buddhist, and any other non-god fearing people, who worshiped false gods, should not be allowed in this God fearing Nation. Then go ahead and kick me out, buddy! I wanna see YOU kick out the hundreds of millions who aren't Christian! We must get rid of them, and make them slaves, if they agree to being a fellow Christian. "Will you convert to Christianity?" "Yes." "Then we'll make you a slave." Once they truly believe in God and his son, Jesus, then would we release them to bring glory to God and his son. If they still did not believe, we would burn then, just as their fellow Satanist did when they refused to worship our lord Jesus Christ. "I want to bring Glory to God" I'm not even going to say anything now.
Their bows also shall dash the young men to pieces; and they shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children.-Isaiah 13:18
"Then I will show you my Christian friends. You will not find a ungodly one among them. There are as clean as you can get them" she told me. She had a her hair tied back so that it would not get in her and not look like a Satanic whore. So any girl who does not have her hair tied back is a Satanic whore. She also made sure that her skirt did not show any of her legs, or else it would be a sin for a man such as myself to look at it. And if you look at any part of a female's legs, you're going to Hell.
And that was when I got message that a follower of the Satanic leader Percy Jackson. He was there to force people in believing in false gods that made their followers get naked and perform Satanic killings. ...Why get naked...
Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. -Leviticus 18:19
But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die. -Deuteronomy 18:20
So I went down stair to face the false prophet. He was a believer in false nature gods, such as Pan, who is Satan in disguise. Everyone is Satan, aren't they? He had big Satanic horns, so that everyone that was Christian could tell that he was a Satanist. So all bulls, moose, rhinos, and deer are actually Satan in disguise.
"Believe in my god Pan" said the Satyr. "I am Grover and I am servent of Pan and Satan, who are great gods. They are better then God and Jesus" Gosh, can anyone last five seconds without ranting about Satan?
He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed. -Exodus 22:20
So to defeat this Satanic scum, me, Mary and one of her Christian friends that was there, her name was Ruth, prayed to God and our lord Jesus Christ, to bring down this false prophet. And behold, a group of locus came from the heavens and ate Grover alive. No part of his body, other then his guts and his brains, was left. No even his bones remained. How come we don't see swarms of bugs from Heaven come down from the sky and eat bad people every day?
And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left. -Exodus 10:12
So we brought glory to God. We killed a sheep so that we can say thanks to God. Die, foul Satanic beast! Then we went back church and prayed some more. We read the Bible and how Paul convert many people to God. Then Mary`s friends came and we made them members of the Order of the Prayer Warriors. Well that was quick.
Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished. -Isaiah 13:16
Believers in Christ: Thank you for read this and I hope you have turn to the glory of God and his eternal son Jesus Christ, the greatest thing to ever happen to this earth. What about canned bread? May all that read this be save.
Jesus: You done me well son. Shouldn't Jesus have better grammar?
Believer in Christ: Thank you my lord for giving me live and allow me to write this. Amen. Go Satan!