|All or Nothing
Author: The Jackal's Vixen PM
2000- Lucky comes back and she should be happy. He's the same Lucky she had fallen in love with, so why didn't she love him back? When did loving him become impossible? And when did another man take claim to her heart? All or nothing...but who gets which?Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Jason M. & Elizabeth W. - Words: 3,489 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 5 - Published: 02-02-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7800736
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: Lucky comes back the same Lucky he always was. The rest is as the television depicted...up until he returns.
She didn't know how it happened.
For months she has racked her brain, trying to figure out how they became something more.
Lucky is supposed to be her everything.
Her soulmate, her forever love, she's not supposed to want someone else.
She's not supposed to ache for his presence in her life and pray that he would come back for her.
This isn't how her life is supposed to be.
But it has become her reality.
The man she has always believed was the love of her life is alive.
He has come back from the dead just for her and now all she feels is emptiness.
She should be happy.
Everyone keeps telling her this is the miracle she had hoped for and they were right.
She prayed for this miracle.
Begging and pleading for Lucky to be alive.
She has bargained with God profusely to give Lucky back to her and here he was.
Back in the flesh, wanting to be with her...to love her...as if nothing ever happened.
But she couldn't be that Elizabeth anymore.
Although he wants to act like it hasn't, everything has changed.
She has changed. She grew up and lived through a time without him.
She has come to rely on herself and she found that she loved her independence.
The more time she went without Lucky, the more she found her way back to the Elizabeth she had been before him.
The Elizabeth that craved for the rush and the excitement.
An Elizabeth that loved to have adrenaline coursing through her veins and her hear racing from something she has accomplished.
The Elizabeth she is now craves another man.
A man out of her reach.
A man that no longer inhabited the small town of Port Charles.
But a man that she has realized found his way into her heart.
Into the very core of who she is, deep within her soul.
He must have snuck his way into her being when she wasn't looking.
However he did it, she now realizes that she wants him in her life.
The freedom he offers and the rush from finding the wind.
She wants him and she can't have him.
Elizabeth tries to love Lucky.
To go back to the Elizabeth she was when she was with him, but she can't do it.
No matter how hard she tries, she just can't become that Elizabeth again and she knew it was becoming more and more apparent to Lucky.
Everyone is fighting to keep them together.
Telling her that all she needed was time.
Time for them to get back into the groove of things.
Back to how they were before the tragic fire that took Lucky from her, but she didn't believe it.
Elizabeth didn't believe that all it would take was time.
She has moved on from that time and Lucky was stuck in the past.
As if that year never happened.
As if she never lost him and learnt to live without him.
Twelve months, forty-eight weeks, three hundred and sixty-five days.
That's the difference between the Elizabeth that loved Lucky and the Elizabeth that no longer did.
Looking around the dingy, musky bar known as Jake's, Elizabeth wondered if she'd ever be able to move on and fall back in love with Lucky.
Paying Jake for her soda, Elizabeth secured her jacket around her before walking out of the establishment.
She's supposed to have met the others at Kelly's five minutes ago and she still had the to walk the distance to get there, making her even later than she had anticipated.
Walking through the doors of Kelly's she found them sitting at their usual table.
A year ago this would be the highlight of her day.
Seeing her friends and hanging out.
Spending time with her boyfriend and worrying about nothing else but college acceptance letters.
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth was about to shrug out of her jacket when she found she couldn't do it.
It was the jacket he gave her.
The jacket she has come to cherish since he left.
Securing the jacket tightly around her, Elizabeth walked further into the diner once her fake smile was in place.
Lucky quickly stood up to kiss her cheek before situating her seat next to him.
She hoped he didn't feel her tense up when his lips touched her cheek, but she knew that was wishful thinking.
"Where were you?" Emily blurted out when no one else would ask. "You're not usually late."
"Sorry." Elizabeth spoke but didn't mean. She was sorry about a lot of things but being late wasn't one of it. "I lost track of time. You know how I get when I'm painting.
All three of them accepted that answer and talk of the weekend's plans began.
It was kind of ironic since she hasn't painted a single thing since January.
Since he left.
She tried her best to tune into the conversation at hand.
Supplying them with feedback as often as she could, but her heart just wasn't in it anymore.
She should want to do these things.
Going to the movies, hanging out at the lake, having dinner with her boyfriend and calling it a night together.
She's only eighteen after all, so this should be fun to her.
Except that it wasn't. None of it appealed to her.
Nothing appealed to her like a bike ride at night, the wind bowing against her face, the load roar of the engine as they chased the wind.
"Liz, you ready to go?" Lucky's voice broke through her barrier.
"Where?" she asked, though by the look on his face, she probably should have known the answer.
"Upstairs." he said, the pain in his eyes evident. "You coming?"
"Oh, right." Elizabeth shook her head. "Yeah."
Saying goodbye to Emily and Nikolas, she hesitantly took Lucky's hand and followed him upstairs to his room.
She could see that she was hurting him, but why couldn't she stop?
That's the part that she should be able to change.
She should be able to love him. She did before, why couldn't she do it now?
Elizabeth can see that he needs her to love him. For things to go back to how they used to be so that it would be as if he was never gone. So why couldn't she do it?
Lucky opened the door for her and let her walk in before him.
A part of her wondering if he did that because he was afraid she'd book it if he were to walk in first.
Everything seemed to happen so loudly.
As if she could hear every movement made, her hearing completely acute.
"Liz." his voice was strained, thick with emotion as he turned her to look at him. "We should talk."
"About what?" she asks, but she's certain she knows that nature of the conversation.
"You know what." he sounds defeated. "We can't go on like this."
"I don't understand." she hears herself say, but she could see that he has already made up his mind. "What are you saying?"
She had to hear him say it. For the words to come out of his mouth.
"Emily and Nik filled me in on everything that happened when I was gone." Lucky sighed, slumping down onto the bed, his legs seemed to be weak at the knees. "They told me about Jason...that you've gotten close."
Elizabeth didn't know what to say.
Was there anything to say to that?
"We're just friends." her words feeling hollow.
Was she really just friends with Jason?
Was it ever just that?
"Who are you trying to convince?" Lucky looked up at her, no accusation in his voice, just defeat. "Me or you?"
"Lucky..." she tried but the words couldn't form.
She didn't know what to say.
If there were words to make him feel better, Elizabeth couldn't find it. Her mind a complete blank.
"I'd fight for you." Lucky said seriously, letting out a deep breath. "I'd fight for you, but there's no one to fight. I can't fight with a memory...or with your heart."
"Lucky..." she tries again, but still nothing.
The tears form and fall, but no words can be said.
No words will come out.
"I don't want us to end." he says above a whisper. "But I can't fight for someone that doesn't want to fight for me."
"I never wanted to hurt you." she hears herself say.
Out of all the words that she could think to say, those had to be the ones that come out?
Elizabeth hated herself in that moment.
Why couldn't she think of something articulate to say?
Something to take his pain away.
"I know." he sighs, boy did he know. "Maybe we should take some time apart. So you can know if you want us or not."
"Lucky..." damn it, why couldn't anything else come out.
"It's okay." he assures her, getting up slowly, placing a lingering kiss upon her forehead. "If its me you really want...my door is open, but I can't take sharing you with a memory. I just can't."
Not knowing what else to say, she takes a deep breath and walks out of the room.
She didn't know what to do.
She didn't know what to say.
Jason isn't coming back. She saw that in his eyes when he said goodbye.
So why was she holding onto a man that wouldn't return?
Making her way to their special place, Elizabeth sits on the bench.
Wondering if she was crazy for loving a man that didn't belong to her.
It was getting dark as she sat there and she could almost hear his voice in her head.
"Its dangerous to be out her this late." she whispered. "Especially alone."
Laughing softly to herself, she stood from her position and dusted off her pants.
"Okay Jason." she whispers. "I'll go inside."
She walks up the stairs and for a moment she thinks she hears the sound of a motorcycle engine roaring in the wind.
Elizabeth closes her eyes for a moment, standing at the top of the stairs.
And there was her answer.
She had to let Lucky go.
It wasn't fair to him for her to hold on when her heart has let go.
Making the short journey to her studio, Elizabeth picked up her phone and dialled his number.
"Yeah?" his voice came on the other end.
"It's me." she says, though she knows he probably already knew that. "You're right. You shouldn't have to compete with a memory. I'm sorry Lucky."
"It's okay." he says, but she knows its not.
Their love was supposed to binding.
An unbreakable lock, but in spite of everything the lock has been broken.
It shouldn't surprise her since the one that broke it didn't exactly play by the rules.
A simple lock wouldn't keep him out.
What more a lock on love?
"I really hope you find someone you deserve." she says softly, hoping he'll end the call so that she could refrain from saying anything stupid. "I hope you find happiness Lucky."
"You too." his voice thick from unshed tears. "Goodbye Elizabeth."
She wants to say see you soon, but she knows that this time it wouldn't be that.
It was really goodbye.
So with a thick voice from the tears that have fallen, she takes a deep breath and replies.
"Goodbye Lucky." she manages before the dial tone is heard.
Putting one hand over her eyes, her heart aching for the pain she inflicted, Elizabeth hangs up the phone.
She stood like that for a while, until she had regained control over herself.
Knowing that it was time for her to leave, Elizabeth goes to pack her things.
New York City, here she comes.
She couldn't be in a town of people that will undoubtedly push her back to Lucky.
He didn't deserve that.
So she packed her things into a duffel bag.
She didn't have much.
None of her paintings mattered much to her...none except one.
Dropping the duffel bag by the door, Elizabeth sits down on the stool with the painting on her lap.
Knowing she couldn't leave it behind, she secures it under her arm before walking downstairs to her landlord's door.
Putting her key in an envelope, Elizabeth puts a note with it and slips it into the mail slot.
Its time to say goodbye to Port Charles, but before she does, she makes her way down to the bench.
She had to sit there one last time.
Saying goodbye to the man who owned her heart.
He got to say goodbye, but she said she'd see him soon.
She had wanted that to be true, but now she knew she wouldn't.
So now she will say her goodbyes and leave on the first bus out of town.
How long had she been sitting there?
She couldn't begin to guess, but then she heard the loud rumbling sound of a motorcycle engine and it was getting closer.
She wanted to hope, but didn't want to get her hopes up.
Closing her eyes she took a deep breath, putting her hand over the painting.
She thought she was imagining the thumping sound of biker boots walking towards her until he spoke.
His melodious voice that she craved to hear for so long.
"You shouldn't be out here alone." his voice held concern. "Its dangerous."
"I know." she whispers, not wanting to open her eyes in fear that it would all be an illusion.
"You're crying." he comments, walking over to her, concern etched in each word. "Elizabeth...are you okay?"
She dares to open one eye, hoping this was real, and then another.
He was really there.
Standing before her.
Concern etched into his features and she couldn't help but slid the painting to the side and throw herself into his arms.
"You're really here." she breaths, clinging to him until realization dawns and she pulls away slightly. "You're really here...aren't you?"
"Yes." he answers, confusion in his eyes. "I'm here."
"I've missed you so much." she admits, wrapping her arms around him again.
He was really here.
She's really in his arms.
She didn't care that he may not understand what was going on.
She just wanted to be in his arms again. One last time.
"Can we sit?" he asks, but doesn't move his arms from around her.
He has also wanted her in his arms.
He has thought of nothing but her since he left.
His heart brought him back to this place.
He didn't expect for her to be there, but found that he had been searching for her unknowingly.
"Sure." she replies, taking reluctantly releasing her hold on him to sit down with him.
"I heard Lucky is back." he voices when a stretch of silence falls upon them. "I'd think that would make you happy...not cry."
Elizabeth looks at him.
Really looks at him and she can see that he was confused.
Not only because of her tears, but the emotion of which she held tight to him.
"He is." she confirms, letting out a deep shaky breath. "But we're not together...not anymore."
That threw him for a loop.
He had not thought that would be what she would say.
"Why not?" he asks, needing to hear the words.
Needing her to say it.
"Because..." she wonders if the truth would be best, but deciding to give half of it. "Because I don't love him anymore."
"You don't?" he asks, a part him unsure of her words.
"I don't." she says with conviction. "I don't love him anymore."
They sit in silence for a moment.
Her wondering what he's thinking.
Him thinking about how long he had wanted to hear those words.
What it would mean for them now that her heart no longer belonged to another.
"Why have you come back?" she breaks the silence, gaining his attention once again. "You said goodbye...why are you back?"
"For you." he says before he can stop himself.
"For me?" she asks, unsure if she had heard him correctly.
"I wanted to know if you were okay." he explains. "A part of me hoping..."
He doesn't know if he should continue.
"Hoping what?" she coaxes, wishing he'd finally say how he feels. What he wants.
"Hoping you'd say what you have." Jason whispers, taking her hand in his. "That you didn't love Lucky anymore."
"I don't understand." she says, the confusion clear in her eyes. "Why would you want that?"
Jason takes a deep shaky breath, it was now or never, he knew that.
He had to tell her everything.
If only the words would form.
"Jason?" she whispers when he doesn't speak further. "Please tell me."
He's never been good with words.
It wasn't his strong suit, so going on instinct he did something else.
He moves closer to her.
Sliding his hands to grip her neck, keeping her head in place.
He stares into her eyes for a moment, waiting for an objection, but instead her eyes close slightly.
Anticipation clearly etched in her features and he takes it as an okay to kiss her.
Their lips join together. Its soft and slow at first.
Testing the waters, gaining familiarity, simply testing each other.
Then the passion explodes and they deepen it.
She gasps when his tongue runs along her bottom lip and she eagerly gives him access.
He tastes her completely, drinking her in.
As they pull away, breathing becoming impossible not to do, they stare into each other's eyes.
Knowing that a line had been crossed and there was no turning away, no pulling back.
"Come with me." he whispers, pulling her up off the bench. "Nothing's keeping you here. Leave with me."
"Leave?" she looks at him curiously. "You weren't back to stay?"
"No." he admits, brushing a few strands away from her face. "I came for you...to ask you to leave with me. If you didn't...I would have left again."
"You want me to go with you?" she still can't wrap her head around it. "Where?"
"Italy." he answers without hesitation. "Anywhere we want to. Anywhere your heart desires. I don't care as long as we're together."
"Italy sounds perfect." she leans in and kisses him softly, just a simple taste, needing to know this was real. "Yes. I'll leave with you."
He couldn't begin to describe how he felt in that moment.
For her to say yes to him.
It was a variety of emotions all rolled into one.
"I'll help you pack." he offers, but she simply laughs softly.
She steps out of his embrace and walks over to the side of the bench, holding up her duffel bag.
"Way ahead of you." she smirks, picking up the painting from the bench. "I'm ready when you are."
"I've been ready since I left." he concedes, taking the painting and strapping it down, straddling the bike. "This is the make or break moment."
She stares into his eyes, finding the freedom she had been craving.
There was no way she was backing out.
Securing the duffel bag on her back, she takes his hand and straddles the bike behind him.
Wrapping her arms tightly around him, she lets out a breath of content.
She's found her way back to where she belongs.
Right there with him.
Laying her head against his back, she holds on for the ride of her life.
The roar of the engine signalling her fresh start.
The start of her life with Jason.
Its true that its all or nothing and she couldn't wait to pull all she had into this relationship.
Whether they crash or soar...she's ready for it all.
Author's Note: If you love it, if you hate, review and let me know.
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I hope you enjoyed. Thanks!