Author: Mynsii PM
Outwardly Roxas, heir to the Strife dynasty and favourite son, led the perfect life. Inwardly he was trapped in a nightmare, constantly pretending. Then along came Axel, and Roxas' superficial world came crumbling down around him.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Axel & Roxas - Chapters: 15 - Words: 66,370 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 07-24-12 - Published: 02-06-12 - id: 7811531
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Sorry for the delay between chapters – getting work out for Uni has been hectic, and without a computer to type this up on, it's difficult to write/edit this thing. That being said, thank you once again for your encouraging reviews!
Roxas awoke to the sound of light breathing, and unbelievable warmth wrapped around his body. Blinking slowly, Roxas tried to focus, and the softest of smiles stole over his face when he caught sight of the source of both; Axel lay sprawled across the blonde's bed, eyes closed and lips parted just slightly, the bruise on his jaw faded considerably. From his resting place on Axel's chest, Roxas marvelled at the way Axel looked so young like this. One of the red heads arms was wrapped loosely across Roxas' body, and the other curled up next to the red-heads face, like the comforting shadow of a now-kicked thumb sucking habit. It took a moment for Roxas to register that yes, he and Axel had spent the night together (non sexually, of course) and that this wasn't some sappy, romantic dream. An idea struck him, something he'd seen in movies and read about in books. At the time they'd seemed like nonsense, but now it was the one thing Roxas wanted to do more than anything.
Gently pushing himself up, Roxas brought his face level to the red-heads, eyes drinking in the sight of his face for a moment, until Roxas lowered his lips to Axel's, pressing lightly.
Axel stirred; body tensing and eyes scrunching up tight for a moment, before eyelids fluttered open and green eyes regarded Roxas sleepily. A flash of realisation seemed to sweep across Axel's face, and his lips quirked slightly, a hand reaching up to weave itself into Roxas' hair and cradle his skull, the movement still heavy from grogginess. The kiss was gentle and chaste, and Roxas felt awash with sweetness over just how tender Axel was being. His hand went to the side of Axel's face, cupping his cheek as if to keep the red-head in place.
Axel pulled away regardless, let out a little moan before wrinkling his nose, smile still in place. "We both have fucking awful morning breath."
Roxas felt a hot blush rise to his cheeks, and shoved at Axel. "You're an ass. I try to do something romantic and-"
"Romance?" Axel interjected, taking Roxas' hand and bringing it to his mouth, kissing each finger lightly. "From the way you were trying to rush me into bed last night, I didn't think you were one for grand romantic gestures."
The memory of the previous night in its entirety hit Roxas like a ton of bricks, and he groaned. It was true, lust had swept over Roxas like a tide, and he'd been rutting against Axel like a dog in heat. If Axel hadn't had said no, Roxas was sure that they'd had gone further. It was crazy, really, considering the short amount of time they'd known each other, and the shorter still length of time since their clumsy confession. Yet at the same time, last night Roxas had felt sure that it was what he wanted, and if he was honest, he still felt the same.
At Roxas' lack of reply, Axel tugged him closer, pecking lightly at Roxas' lips before sighing, deepening the kiss. Axel's eyes slipped closed, and Roxas stared at dark red eyelashes for a moment before relenting and returning the kiss.
"I thought I had morning breath?" Roxas panted, leaning back slightly.
Axel wet his lips, chuckling a little. "Fuck it, kissing you is worth it."
The red head tugged at Roxas, pulling him so he was sprawled fully on top of Axel. His lips fastened once again to the blondes, and a smirk formed when his hands went to Roxas' bottom, earning a surprised squeak from the boy. Roxas nipped at Axel in retaliation, a feeling of giddy delight coursing through his veins. The kissed like this for a while, lazily yet still with an underlying intensity. With the weak morning sunlight filtering through the window, the whole thing seemed terribly romantic, and Roxas pulled away, eyes glassy.
"Good morning", his voice had taken on an odd drawl, as though drunk.
"Yeah," Axel laughed, ruffling Roxas' hair, "morning."
Roxas rolled off of Axel, propping himself up with his elbows. "Why do I feel like this is a horrible game? Or a dream that I'll wake up from?"
Axel frowned a little, tilting his head to the side. "What?"
"Oh, you know," Roxas waved his hand in a vague circle. "I'm given anything anyone could ask for, no questions asked, and handed to me on a silver platter. But it never made me...happy. It smothered me, and I knew I was living a lie. But right now... Right now I'm deliriously happy. And being here with you feels right. I have this horrible feeling that you'll leave me. Everyone always does."
"Roxas, I can promise you that I will never leave. I said I would walk away if you left, but that's a different story. As long as you're here, as long as you want me, I will never leave you."
To force back the tears budding in his eyes, Roxas pressed his lips to Axel's with all the emotion he could muster. It was a desperate kiss, an attempt both to thank Axel for being there, but also to crush all thoughts of loneliness and abandonment. Axel's hand went to Roxas' hip, hot and heavy, and caused the blonde's skin to break out into goose bumps.
Roxas moaned a little as Axel's hand inched up, the red-heads mouth opening simultaneously to deepen the kiss, using his tongue to prod gently at Roxas' lips. Roxas obliged, deepening the kiss and moving his hand to Axel's strong, flat stomach. He used his forefinger to trace Axel's belly-button for a moment, before leaving it to follow the thin strip of hair down-down-down. The way Axel gasped and shuddered told Roxas it wouldn't be long before the red-head became too worked up, and that they were dangerously close to becoming carried away again.
Roxas wondered vaguely as to how many people Axel had done this with. Axel was older, and so much more experienced than Roxas. How many other people had Axel kissed like this? How many people had he turned on, leaving them salivating for more? How many others had gotten Axel hot and hard, and fighting for self control?
The thought was both pleasant and unpleasant. The shot of jealous that coursed through Roxas' veins was marred by the thrill that right now, it was him who was with Axel, and the red-head had promised that things would stay that way.
Axel rolled, taking Roxas with him, so that the older man had the boy pinned beneath him. One hand reached up to encircle Roxas' throat gently, whilst the other gripped almost desperately tight at Roxas' hip.
"R-Rox," Axel's voice was little more than a breathy moan, and his hips were already beginning to thrust in little, involuntary movements. "We need to st-"
Axel was cut off by the sound of Cloud's voice through the door, accompanied by a light rapping. Both Roxas and Axel froze for a moment, heads snapping to the door which, thank God, Roxas had remembered to lock.
"Roxas? Open up."
"Shit," Roxas hissed, scrambling from his place on the bed, eyes darting between the door, Axel, and the window. There would be no way that Axel could bolt out of the window, and down the wall without making a scene, and he knew that Cloud would find a way to get in eventually. "Into the walk-in closet. Now!"
Axel jumped to his feet, bolting for the closet and shutting the doors behind him. Had the situation been different, Roxas would have laughed at the hilarity of it all, but given the fact that he was not supposed to be gay (though Roxas hadn't even began to label himself yet - he was still Straight Roxas, mentally, albeit with a liking for red-head men) nor was he supposed to be making out with the stable boy on his bed, he failed to see the funny side.
Taking a deep breath to steady himself, and straightening himself out as much as he could, Roxas walked over to the door, unlocking it, and tried to greet his brother with a smile when it opened.
"Hey, Cloud. Sorry I took so long to answer, I didn't hear you."
"Right," Cloud raised an eyebrow, pushing past Roxas to go to the younger blondes bed, sitting down and patting the spot beside him. "Well, Mother and Father rang to inform us that they'd be home tomorrow night, instead of tonight. I've cancelled your appointments for today, so I thought I'd let you know that you're free to do whatever you want."
Roxas smiled, joining his brother and trying not to look at the closet. "Thanks, Cloud."
"It's okay," the older Strife brother raised his hand to ruffle Roxas' hair. "I know how essential free time is, and how nice it can be to just have a few hours of normalcy."
"Have you told Sora?"
"No, I figured that I'd let him have a lie-in. I've instructed the staff not to wake him. Though I assumed that you'd already be up. Anyway," Cloud rose to his feet, taking a couple of steps towards the door before pausing to glance back at Roxas. "Breakfast is downstairs, if you want some."
"Tell Axel that he's free to join us if he wishes, should he choose to exit through the front door. But kindly remind him that we pay him to work, and not to take part in impromptu sleepovers."
Roxas spluttered, earning a small smirk off of Cloud as the older blonde walked away. Roxas was still slack jawed when Axel tumbled out of the closet, clipping his shoulder on the door and rubbing it irritably.
"It's been a long time since I last came out of the closet," the red-head grumbled, hand massaging his shoulder blade. "Last time hurt less too."
"Axel," Roxas voice was hoarse, and he blinked in disbelief. "Did you hear that?"
"Uh, yeah," Axel scratched the back of his head, furrowing his brow. "I think he knows I stayed over last night."
"Oh God," Roxas whined, fisting his hands in his hair. "What if he tells Mother or Father? Shit, what if they fire you? What if-"
"Kid," Axel cut in, moving to stand behind Roxas and wrap his arms loosely around the younger boys waist. "Relax. I don't know the full story, but I know enough about what happened with Cloud and Zack to know that he would never want history to repeat itself with you. Besides, if he was pissed I doubt that he would have let me last this long with fully functioning genitals."
"I suppose you're right," Roxas gnawed on his lip, gaze alternating between Axel and the door. "So what now?"
"Well," Axel purred, nipping gently at Roxas' neck, hold tightening. "We could just hang out? I have the day off, you have the day off. We could go shopping, or go to the fair, or the beach."
"What do you want to do?"
Axel paused, jaw tightening and then relaxing as he mulled over the options. "All of the above. You need some...casual attire if you and I are to make this a regular thing."
"So," Roxas said slowly, dragging the word out. "You want to make this a regular thing?"
"Well I generally don't make a habit of seducing my bosses son unless it's going to be a long term thing."
"Hey!" Roxas made to elbow the older man, but Axel leapt just out of reach, chuckling softly. "Has anyone ever told you that you are a complete and utter ass?"
"Only hot little blondes who ping-pong between hating me and wanting my body."
Cloud reclined on a sun lounger, absently watching Roxas' lame Chocobo prance around, attempting to play with the other, healthy birds. Sora, as far as he was aware, was still asleep, and it had been a couple of hours since Roxas had made his way down the stairs, grinning at Cloud sheepishly and ducking his head. He'd shifted nervously under Cloud's gaze when Axel had followed behind, the red-head uncharacteristically nervous. When Roxas had informed him that he and Axel would be heading out for the day a knot of worry had begun to form in Cloud's stomach.
It was beginning to seem horribly familiar. Of course he'd noticed an almost immediate change in his brother since Axel's arrival. Although initially the red-head seemed to create a tension within Roxas that was almost tangible, of late that had subsided, and was instead replaced with an undeniable chemistry between the pair. It reminded Cloud of his ill-fated friendship-come-relationship with Zack, and the thought that Roxas was destined to suffer the same heart-ache that he'd been forced to endure terrified Cloud.
"Master Cloud," a young maid with large, pretty green eyes interrupted Cloud's thoughts, smiling at him sweetly. "You have guests that wish to see you. Shall I send them away due to your parents absence, or do you wish to see them?"
Deciding that he would talk to Roxas later, Cloud shook his head. "No, don't send them away. Please send the guests through."
The pretty maid turned and left, reappearing moments later accompanied by Squall and Yuffie. They made an odd combination; Squall being so sullen and quiet creating a stark contrast with Yuffie's loud, ostentatious behaviour. Though, from what Cloud had seen during his brief introduction to the Restoration Committee the previous day, the pair had formed an unlikely friendship.
"Cloudster!" Yuffie cried, grin wide on her lovely face. "Me and Squall were hanging out and -"
"Leon," the brunette interrupted, groaning. "It's Leon. Squall is the person my parents are trying to mould me to be."
"Fine, Captain Grumpy. Me and Leon were hanging out and we thought we'd come say hi to our newest companion."
"I hope you don't mind Yuffie and I's intrusion," Leon said quietly. "We heard through the grape-vine that your parents were out of town, so we thought this would be the perfect opportunity to just... hang out."
At Leon's words it suddenly struck Cloud that both he and Yuffie genuinely wanted to just hang out, and for the first time in a long time the realization that people actually wanted his company without gain hit home. It was a painful reminder that at only twenty years old, Cloud had already forgotten and dismissed the notion of sincere friendship, and he wondered vaguely what life would be like if he was a 'normal' guy, and simply hanging out with friends would be the norm.
"No, it's fine," Cloud offered the pair a half-smile, feeling unease thread through his veins.
"Great!" Yuffie wrapped her arms around both Cloud and Leon in an awkward hug, cheeks aglow with excitement. "Both my boys, a parent free mansion and the day to ourselves. Sounds great!"
Then Yuffie released the pair, skipping off in the direction of the stable block, apparently off to hound Riku about something. The young stable boy seemed to jump in alarm, almost dropping the equipment he was carrying, before scurrying off to complete whatever task Yuffie had asked him to do.
Cloud blinked in surprise, before chuckling a little. "Is she always so..."
"Mentally unbalanced?" Leon offered, shaking his head slightly as he stared after the girl. "Pretty much."
"What is she doing?"
"God knows. Yuffie lives impulsively. For the most part she does without thinking, and thinks without doing. It's just who she is." Leon turned to face Cloud, expression sobering. "Look, I came here with a purpose today. I think I owe you an apology."
"An apology?" Cloud asked, frowning. "What for?"
"For using Zack as a method for getting you to join us. I shouldn't have done that. The more I think about it, the more I realise that it was a pretty shitty thing to have done. You lost the love of your life, and I used that. It was awful, and I hope it won't spoil our friendship."
"No," Cloud said, a little taken aback. Leon calling him his friend shocked the blonde, and his words caught in his throat, tripping clumsily from the tongue. "It's fine, I mean. Well, you know, you're right, he - Zack- would have been all for this... organization. I'm not mad at you."
"Good," Leon smiled, and it seemed so genuine and sincere, that it rendered Cloud breathless for a moment. Rarely had he seen someone in their social circle wear such a honest expression, and it almost reminded Cloud of Zack's easy going grin. "I'm glad."
Swallowing in an attempt to make sense of his thoughts, Cloud nodded. "Yeah, me too."
Axel hooked the handle of a bag with his finger, swinging it and its contents as he strolled in the sunlight. By his side, Roxas hummed softly, several bags in hand.
Axel had taken him shopping, and for the first time in his life he'd bought whatever he'd wanted. Using the ridiculous amount of money his parents had pre-paid into his bank account (and which, Roxas was sure, they wouldn't even notice was missing), he'd bought close which he actually felt he could be comfortable in. Without his parents there to force him into purchasing his usual formal attire, Roxas bought comfortable jeans, fitted tee's and simple wife-beaters.
Axel had insisted that Roxas try them all on for him first, the red-head happy enough to help Roxas pick out clothes. Initially Roxas had felt painfully self conscious stepping out from the changing room in front of Axel, but the man seemed hypnotised by every outfit change, drinking in the sight of Roxas like his own personal fashion show.
The pair eventually walked away with several new outfits for Roxas, and after much persuasion from Roxas, Axel had reluctantly accepted a gift of a brand new Oathkeeper t-shirt, apparently one of Axel's favourite bands.
Now they found themselves strolling side by side in the warm afternoon sunshine, talking about nonsense and laughing the day away. Midway through conversation, without so much as a verbal warning, Axel outstretched his hand, taking Roxas' and weaving their fingers together. A small blush rose to Roxas' cheeks, spluttering slightly, but he couldn't suppress the grin that stole over his lips.
"So what's the deal with you and Sora?" Axel asked, swinging his and Roxas' joined hands. "I mean, didn't you say you talked to Namine about this, and Cloud obviously has a clue. But you haven't mentioned Sora."
"He doesn't know," Roxas admitted, fingers squeezing Axel's. "Then again, I wasn't aware that Cloud knew the extent of our...friendship until this morning. I told Namine because, well, I can tell her anything at all."
"But aren't you and Sora supposed to have that super close twin-bond?"
"We are close. It's just... I didn't even know my own feelings for you for a long time, and I didn't want to worry Sora. I don't see Namine a lot, she lives so far away, but I know I don't need to worry about her so much. But with Sora... I know that Cloud's been passed over, so it's down to Sora and I to carry on the 'dynasty'. Realistically speaking, we know it's all down to me. But I know that Sora would take the burden if he was worried about me. And he's far to sweet and happy to cope with that."
"Oh, Roxas," Axel shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You're only eighteen. You're a kid. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit."
"It's better than allowing Sora to deal with it."
"You know," Axel said slowly, squeezing Roxas' fingers gently. "Sora isn't as vulnerable as you think he is. I get that you want to protect your brother, but he's not a naive little child that needs saving. He lives the same life that you do, he just tackles it in a different way."
"Maybe," Roxas bit his lip, pressing a little closer to Axel for comfort. "No, I mean, I know you're right it's just... Let me put it this way; Sora is an optimist. All our lives we've been surrounded by nannies, friends, even parents who never really cared about us properly. I realised it and accepted that fact, and I know that I'm destined to live a life pretending to be something that I'm not. Sora... has this way of seeing the light in the darkness. He doesn't see that people like Hayner, Pence, Olette, Selphie, Tidus - countless others, are just using him. He's too busy seeing their good qualities to notice they're all just out for personal gain. He still thinks that things will get better. So how could I be selfish enough to drop this bombshell on him? To take away his dreams? I can't. So I take the burden, to make him happy. And I know that if Sora suspected something between you and I that he'd abandon it all to protect me. He'd take every single burden. I can't do that to him, Axel. I just can't."
Axel pulled them to a stop, and for a long moment simply stared at Roxas' face, expression painfully sympathetic. His eyes locked with Roxas', and immediately Roxas was struck by their beauty. In Roxas' mind, Axel's eyes reminded him of grass. It was a laughable simile, but to Roxas it made sense. The colour was so striking that it made him think of lush, open meadows in the middle of summer, and their intensity made him think of warm spring days; comforting and reliable. Had Roxas been a poet, perhaps he'd have likened them to emeralds or something equally predictable, but Roxas was content to let the reminder be grass. Because looking into Axel's eyes he saw those beautiful fields, wide, unfenced. Glowing in colour. And freedom.
The freedom to run and jump, and be whoever he wanted to be.
After a long moment, Axel broke the silence, breaking their link hands to tenderly reach up and cup the side of Roxas' face.
"You are the most beautiful human being I have ever met, Roxas. I hate myself for the time when I actually believed you were nothing more than a spoilt, stroppy brat. I ... I didn't know everything you've been through, and I'm sorry. I can't imagine how lonely you must be, how the pressure of protecting your brothers would hurt you... How you're still so good, so pure, is beyond me. If I was in your situation I'd have become nothing more than a heartless monster by now. But you..." Axel trailed off, pausing in his speech to tenderly place a single kiss to Roxas' lips. "You are beautiful. Look, as long as you need me - as long as you want me, I will be by your side. Whether you want me as a lover, a friend or just a servant, I will be by your side. As long as you want me."
"Spend the night with me again, please?" Roxas' voice was thick and choked, but he tried not to crack under the enormity of Axel's words.
Axel smiled a little. "As long as you want me."
"I want you."
"Then how could I refuse?" Axel linked their hands again, thumb stroking along the back of Roxas' hand. "How do you always bring out this side of me, hmm? I was always known as this cocky, smug, arrogant, sarcastic bastard with a shit-eating grin and poor social skills. Yet you seem to bring out this caring nature in me, and I have no idea how or why."
"Oh," Roxas glanced up at Axel and grinned. "I thought that you were still all of those things."
"Oi," Axel said, shoving at Roxas gently. "Maybe you're not the nice guy I thought you were."
"Well, you're still the asshole I always knew you were."
"Well, aren't you just the loveliest little bitch that ever lived?" Axel pouted, face contorted in an attempt to frown, despite the twitching of his lips hinting at the smile he was trying to force back.
"Only for you, Axel," Roxas laughed, bumping the older man gently. When Axel laughed in return, Roxas felt his heart squeeze in a way that was incredibly pleasant, and his veins seemed to throb with some sort of drug, causing a wonderfully giddy feeling to engulf the blonde. "Only for you."
"Meet me upstairs, I'll be there in a minute."
They were stood under Roxas' window, the night already beginning to creep in. They'd walked for hours, not noticing the time until it had already slipped away.
"Okay," Axel pecked gently at Roxas' lips, before hoisting himself up, scrambling towards Roxas' window. The blonde couldn't help but laugh at the sight, and Axel began quietly cussing in retaliation.
Making his way to the front door, Roxas took a deep breath to steady himself and stepped inside bags in tow.
"Hey, Cloud, Sora, I'm home!"
"We're in the lounge!" Sora's cry was accompanied by light chatter, and Roxas was surprised to find that his brothers were not alone when he ducked his head through the door.
All spaced around an antique coffee table, Cloud and Sora were accompanied by two brunettes, who Roxas recognised as Squall Leonhart and Yuffie Kisaragi. All four had cards in hand, and seemed to be in the middle of some sort of game.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware we had company."
"It's okay!" Yuffie chirped, waving her hand a little in Roxas' direction. "We popped over to see Cloudster, but when Sora eventually decided to join the waking world, he came to hang out too. Considering that wanna-be cowboy Irvine is being a pain in the ass about who his sister hangs out with, it's not like we could leave him on his own."
"Oh," it was all Roxas could offer in reply, and he tried to make sense of the situation. He had no idea that Cloud was even on speaking terms with Squall or Yuffie, let alone close enough to warrant random day-time visits. However it wouldn't surprise him if they too, much like Roxas' own 'friends', were using Cloud. Guilt gnawed at Roxas' inside at the last comment, and he felt awful for leaving Sora. Roxas was all too aware that Sora had developed a strong attachment to Kairi over recent weeks, and the fact that her brother was trying to separate them was leaving Sora in a bit of a slump. The realisation that he'd left his twin to spend the day with Axel, leaving virtual strangers to keep him company, made Roxas feel awful.
"Excuse her," Squall's cool voice cut in, the brunette shuffling the cards in his hand. "She forgets her manners sometimes, don't you, Yuffie? Would you like to join us? This games just about to finish, and the next one should be starting in a moment."
"Yeah," Sora added, grinning. "I'm losing horribly. I think these cards are jinxed. Are you sure Riku didn't give you this deck because they're curse and he didn't want 'em anymore?"
"I'm sure!" Yuffie said, chuckling.
"Hmm, I don't believe you," Sora smirked, before turning his attention back to Roxas. "So, you in?"
"Uh, no," Roxas glanced quickly at the stairs, before offering them all an apologetic smile. "I'm really tired, so I'll probably just go to bed."
"Oh, okay." Sora seemed to deflate a little. "Good night."
Squall gave a little nod, and Yuffie waved. "Night, Roxas. Nice meeting you!"
Roxas made to turn, but Cloud's strong hand fastened around his forearm. Up until now the older blonde had remained silent, but he faced Roxas for the first time. "Hang on a moment," turning back to the others, Cloud rose to his feet. "I need to talk to Roxas for a moment."
Leaving the room and shutting the door behind him, Cloud released his grip on Roxas' arm.
"So, care to tell me what's going on?"
Roxas paled, coughing slightly. "Going on? What do you mean?"
"Don't try and kid me, Roxas," Cloud sighed. "What the hell are you doing with Axel?"
"You know that I am fully aware he spent the night with you. Now, I don't know if this is romantic or strictly platonic, but I have eyes. I can see that you two have been growing closer over the last few weeks, and considerably so over the last few days."
"We're just hanging out. I like him, he doesn't judge me. Nor does he use me for societal gain or wealth. He's just Axel and I'm just Roxas as far as he's concerned."
"Alright," Cloud said, features softening as he gazed at Roxas tenderly. "Just be careful, Roxas. I worry about you."
"I know the feeling."
"Well," Cloud groped for the door, pushing it open. "Goodnight, Roxas."
As Cloud turned and entered the room, Roxas bolted for the stairway, taking the stairs two at a time. He reached the landing out of breath, and anticipation prickled under his skin. Using his shoulder, Roxas pushed the door open, and his breath plugged in his throat at the glorious sight before him.
Axel was sat on the floor, the lights still switched off, but the window open, bathing the red-head in the moonlight. He looked hauntingly beautiful like this, and Roxas abandoned his bags, stopping only lock his door, and strolled over to the man. Neither of them spoke, but at Roxas' approach Axel widened his legs, allowing the blonde to sit between them. Taking the hint, Roxas lowered himself into place, but instead of having his back to Axel like the red head expected, he sat facing Axel, hooking his legs awkwardly around Axel's body. Wrapping his arms around Axel's neck, Roxas brought their mouths together, relaxing a little when he saw Axel's eye's close.
Axel parted his lips slightly, but made no further move to deepen the kiss. Instead he left that up to Roxas, allowing the blonde to take control. Cautiously, Roxas slipped his tongue into Axel's mouth, brushing Axel's experimentally to coax it into action. Obliging, Axel gently mirrored the movement as his hands went to the small of Roxas' back, pressing the teen closer. Responding to the movement, Roxas used his weight to push Axel onto his back, breaking the kiss only to shift out of his awkward position. As soon as they had both gotten more comfortable, Roxas returned to the kiss, sighing in content. Axel eventually broke the kiss, pushing Roxas at arm's length before settling them both down, flat on their backs and facing the nights sky.
They lay like that; Roxas tucked under Axel's arm, window opened wide so that they were staring at the nights sky, the moon and glittering stars the only source of light. Roxas could almost imagine that they were lying on the grass, and not his bedroom floor, and it felt beautifully surreal and dreamy.
"Did you know that there are certain parts of the worlds that believe different things about the stars?" Axel raised his arm, pointing to a cluster of blinking lights that resembled two lions reared up on their hind legs. "Some worlds say that the great king's of the past watch over us from the stars, serving to guide and protect us when we need it most." His hand moved to another group of stars, this time in the shape of a man flexing his muscles. "Others say that once you've become a hero, not by the size of your strength, but by the strength of your heart, you can earn your place in the stars amongst the God's"
"And then there's Kingdom Hearts," Axel's voice dropped., becoming low and sad as his hand drifted to what looked like an incomplete heart in the stars. "Some believe that we've lost our hearts, and we must struggle to get them back before we can experience true emotion. That we're all incomplete beings. Nobodies. They believe that Kingdom Hearts will allow us all to gain our hearts once it's completed. But until then we're all just heartless shells, never able to experience true joy. The problem is the stars never make a complete heart, and so Kingdom Hearts will never be finished."
Roxas gazed at the stars, hand pressed against Axel's chest and taking comfort from the strong, steady beat he found there. "What do you believe?"
"I believe that the stars are stars," Axel pulled Roxas closer, eyes still fixated on the flickering lights. "I think that they can be anything you want them to be. A way of remembering lost loved ones and seeking guidance when needed most. Or a way of trying to better yourself to become who you were destined to be. Or a beacon of hope that maybe one day you can finally become whole, and find exactly what you've been searching for."
"Make love to me, Axel."
"What?" Axel sat up, staring at Roxas' face in the moonlight.
"Make love to me," Roxas said again. "I know yesterday you said things were going too fast, but it feels right. I want to. Please. I know it's fast, but please."
"This is insane," Axel rose to his feet, taking Roxas' wrist gently to tug the blonde with him. "It's only been days since... Well, you know. If I was someone else, if the situation was different, you wouldn't be saying this."
"Because I don't want anyone else, I want you. Which is why it feels right. So can we? Please?"
"Okay" Axel muttered finally, running a finger along Roxas' wrist. "Okay, it's crazy, but come on."
"Really?" Roxas asked, grinning. "We can do this?"
"Yeah," Axel said softly, hoisting Roxas up and planting a single, simple kiss against the blondes lips. "Do you have any lube?"
"No," Roxas averted his gaze, thankful for the dim light so that he could conceal his blush. "I have a few lotions and such for skin, though."
"That'll have to do," Axel let out a little chuckle, hands moving to squeeze Roxas' bottom. Roxas groaned a little, lifting his hips to grind them against Axel's. He could already feel his own arousal building - being around Roxas seemed to have this effect, rendering him hot and bothered for the teen. Yet at the same time he wanted to make sure that this was right for Roxas too. "Are you one hundred percent sure about this?"
"Yes," Roxas kissed Axel's neck in affirmation, nipping gently at the skin as he rotated his hips against Axel's. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
Time passed strangely for Roxas. Every touch was entirely unfamiliar, and yet it felt completely and utterly right. He was vaguely aware of Axel undressing him, of him undressing Axel in return. He could hazily recall the embarrassment mixed with lust at the sight and realisation that they were both very naked. Somewhere in the fog of his memory he could recall Axel whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he tried to prepare Roxas, telling him over and over just to relax.
But what Roxas remembered with perfect clarity was the one-ness. The yelp of pain, Axel's patient attempts at staying perfectly still to allow Roxas to grow accustomed to the new sensation. Until what had been painful suddenly felt okay. And then what had felt okay suddenly felt wonderful, causing every nerve in Roxas' body to become hypersensitive as he choked out mangled attempts at Axel's name.
It was real, it was awkward and it was beautiful. Nothing existed besides Axel and Roxas, and the passionate embrace they shared.