|The Coin's Other Side
Author: Nature9000 PM
Newfound struggles, old pressures, troubles, Freddie has them all. In an effort to find stability and purpose in his life, he finds support through unexpected persons. As he searches for identity, he knows life has never easy enough for such a hard task.Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Friendship - Freddie B. - Chapters: 44 - Words: 134,138 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 01-21-13 - Published: 02-07-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7816286
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The Coin's Other Side
Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.
A/N: So I've decided to flesh out, rebuff, and make this into a story. It was inspired by so many things, please read and enjoy. Have an open mind about the pairing, I am confident you will enjoy this.
Chapter 1 (Pressure Buildup)
Freddie tapped his pen against his lip while staring down at the journal in his lap. He was seated upon his brown bed with an oak headboard pressed up against the brown wall. It was late at night and he was busy scribbling away at his thoughts for the day, something he did every night. It wasn't a diary, per se, but something the school counselor told him would be a good thing to do as for writing down his innermost feelings and letting them all out. It all began with his mother and confusion on where he was going in life years ago, the school counselor gave him the idea, so he tried it, and found that it worked out great. As he let everything out just before bed, it relieved him of his stressors and let him go to rest with a clear mind.
Honestly, he could use his laptop, but his mother had it set up outside in the living room on a desk. He didn't really care to move it, and writing his thoughts down just before bed gave him a bit of comfort that he didn't get very often. A relief that his counselor said worked better than the typing of a computer. He wasn't sure why, or how, but the counselor was right. He sighed and rubbed the tuft of hair gracing his neck before beginning his writing.
Tonight was not so different from any other nights, he pressed his pen down against the paper and narrowed his eyes as he followed the words. His heart pounded in his chest as the pounding in his head continued once more. This terrible headache I have will not go away, given to me so graciously by the fans of our webshow. God help that 'Seddie Guy' get out of his damned basement, and help the Creddie people not kill the next guy that wants to date Carly. She still hasn't heard from Adam! He lifted his pen up as the words became his anger and frustration. The webshow today made him sick, for some reason the fans started acting up today, of all days. They'd moved iCarly to Saturdays, it was starting to run into school, so they opted to fix the problem by moving the problem.
It's the anniversary of when I started dating that one girl about five years back. They use it as 'proof' for their points, and I hate it. Valerie Williams, he remembered her well. There wasn't much he could say about her, other than what happened between them hurt, but he ended the relationship with his feelings still present. It was strange, but when he left her, she didn't say much. On the inside, it seemed like she liked him, but on the outside, it looked like she was just using him for personal gain, and he couldn't deal with the confusion. Now, his fans constantly brought her, and other girls he dated, before him to say that he couldn't possibly date anyone else besides Sam or Carly. They just wouldn't let him forget about her. It was hard enough ending that relationship. When she asked if I was sure, the look in her eyes suggested there was something more, but I didn't want to be used.
He lifted his hand and started scratching his hair once again, moaning softly. He really wanted a haircut, but just hadn't gotten up to get one. It was getting a little longer than usual and was beginning to cover up his ears, he did not need it getting long and shaggy. Besides, it itched like hell. He shrugged the thought and continued writing his thoughts, sticking his tongue out slightly and suppressing the frustration inside of him. Nothing could contain my embarrassment over what happened earlier, or the girls' embarrassment either. Those infernal fans again, they can't keep quiet, and it's damn frustrating! Don't they understand I have dated them? Both of them! It didn't work out! Get over it, please! He set the journal on his lap and rubbed his eyes with his wrist, they were growing heavy and he was starting to fall asleep, but he had to finish his journal entry. He fought through the exhaustion, after a loud yawn, he continued writing his account of the events that transpired. The memory filled his mind like a disease waiting to leave his body. "Started out well, but who was to know how wrong it could become…" When he thought about thoughts like these, he was glad they weren't on his computer, what if his computer crashed or someone hacked in and saw all his innermost thoughts and desires?
Freddie pointed at the girls as he started the recording. Sam's lips lit up and Carly yelled out her usual, perky intro. They were fully prepared for this week's show. Usually they weren't one hundred percent ready or sure what they wanted to do until the show was minutes from starting, but this time, they'd finished all preparations a day ago.
Gibby was backstage in a vampire costume, ready to perform a skit about a vampire's attempt to drain two teenage girls of their blood, but failing when he soon realizes they've seen way too much Twilight, thus scaring him away. Sam and Carly were dressed up as two teenage schoolgirls, ready for the skit. "Okay!" Carly proclaimed. "Today we have a fun skit for you, we call it 'The End of Vampires!'" Freddie clicked the title button and brought down the green screen. The girls began walking in place as the image on the screen showed them walking down a street. "Oh Sammy, it's a beautiful night! The moon's high in the sky and the birds are singing."
"I know! Isn't it great?" Suddenly Gibby stepped into view behind them, wiggling his eyebrows. As he let out a dark hiss, the girls turned to him and gasped, their eyes beckoning him with fear and delight. "Oh my god!"
"A vampire! I always wanted a vampire!" Gibby froze and raised an eyebrow suspiciously, staring at Carly as though she had two heads.
"What did you say? Vampires aren't pets, vampires are kill-"
"Vampires are so romantic!" Sam enthused while moving behind Gibby and wrapping her arms around him. Gibby froze and his jaw fell to the floor. "Oh bite me first! Please! I want to feel what Bella felt when Edward turned her."
"You silly vampire," Carly laughed. "You've seen Twilight. Now bite us and turn us, so we can sparkle with you forever!"
"What? No! I want to drain your blood, I don't care about turning you and I'm not trying to be romantic!"
"Please! Please, please, please!" The girls started pouting and Gibby backed up, shaking his hands with fear and concern. "We just want to know what it's like!"
"You're crazy. Twilight isn't that bad, but god…No, I'm out of here!" He started running and the girls continued to chase after him. He turned his head over his shoulder and screamed. "Stay away! Please!"
"Turn us!" They cried, begging him to make them the next Bella. After a few minutes, the scene ended and the girls turned to the camera. Sam laughed as Carly brushed her hair from her face. "I want to apologize if we offended anyone, we've seen a Twilight and we've seen the crazed fans. If you're not a crazed fan, don't worry, this was only a satire."
"Anyway, we're going to do something new today. We've decided to use the webcam to let you talk one on one about the skit, among other things!" Sam pressed the cheer button on the remote as Freddie brought down the webcam screen. As his eyes drifted over to the computer, he started noticing something odd, a conversation going on among the comment page. A sudden pit began forming in his stomach, one he could not safely explain.
As he clicked the first user, they saw it was a girl with brown curls brushing her tanned face. She had sparkling blue eyes and a childlike face, but appeared to be at least fifteen. "Hi guys! I just want to say how awesome that skit of yours was, and don't worry, I got the satire. I'm a huge twilight fan, but I agree, there are a few fans that take it a bit too far."
"I'm glad someone gets it," Sam said with a slight bow. "And here I was afraid we'd piss off a bunch of our fans just by doing that little skit."
"Oh I wouldn't worry about that, besides, nobody really cares. I mean check out your comment page!" The girls raised their eyebrows and Freddie's computer began beeping erratically with users wanting to be on the screen. "Have you forgotten what week it is? Well, granted it's not till next week, but everyone's just going on about how it's time for Freddie to decide between you two…" Freddie's eyes widened and Sam clicked her tongue, narrowing her eyes while Carly froze. Sam shook her head and crossed her arms. Not this again. It wasn't just next week, the fans did this on purpose, every time a date came that he dated some girl, they came on and used that failed relationship as cannon fodder.
"And what does anyone care?"
"Well think about it, he obviously can only be with one of you two. The Seddie fans want him to choose you, but Creddie fans want him to choose Carly, so-" He rolled his eyes and bit his lip as he subdued his irritation. He watched Carly smack her forehead and turned his attention to Sam. The two girls never seemed to worry about this whole relationship crap, they didn't even act like they were affected by the times they dated him. Not that it was bad or anything, he was kind of glad. The two of them were like sisters to him now, he'd just grown too close to them, so much so that it was awkward seeing them in a romantic light. That's what happened with Sam, it felt weird to date her after all these years.
"Yeah, yeah, I got all that." She waved her hand dismissively and leaned to the side, posturing herself in a defensive stance. "Or did you forget the little war between our fans a couple years back. Seriously? Why bring this up?"
"Well just because we're getting tired of seeing him single! Remember five years ago when he dated that girl, Valerie?" Freddie paled and his stomach knotted up. He bowed his head as the girls looked over to him for a split second, then back. It hurt him, he actually liked Valerie, even after what happened. He would have liked to give her another shot, or talked to her after everything, but he never did. He remembered receiving a message from her afterwards, where she was apologizing, but he disregarded it. After all this time, he did feel guilty about it, he secretly hoped what happened with her was just her wanting attention, but never followed through with that thought. It angered him whenever a fan brought her up, because they also reminded him of her family and how close he had been with them when he dated her. The guilt over just walking away from them, from her sisters, was tremendous. He never explained himself to them, was sure Valerie could do that herself, but that was before receiving an angry email from her sister Veronica over how the youngest two were too young to understand abandonment from a friend. So why the reminder? He turned his eyes towards the girl on the screen, praying she'd shut up. "Well that didn't work out, right? Neither did any other girl he's been with, you two are the only ones that he's been around for long term! Now your fans want him to decide!" He started to pale as the girl stared at him, what was he supposed to say here? He'd already decided, he didn't want to date either of the girls!
Seeing the distress on his friend's face, Gibby stepped up and sliced his arm through the air. "Since when is it your place to say whether or not, or who, Freddie should be with? He's perfectly capable of making his own decisions."
"I know, but your fans just want you to hurry up."
"It's really none of your business," Carly spouted. "He's a man, he can decide for himself. He doesn't want to be with us-"
"But how do you know that? I mean think about it!" Freddie looked to the computer and scanned the comments scrolling down the page with each new comment being made. Fans everywhere were agreeing with the girl, all the while fighting amongst themselves over who was better. His hands were beginning to sweat and his heart was pounding up a storm. He was all for leaving and never coming back."We're only trying to help move things along." Help? How was this helping! Panic spread to his fingers and his body started trembling, surely the fans could tell the camera was shaking.
"More like tearing off a bandaid," Sam muttered. What did she mean by that? Then again, she knew how much all this affected him, the fans brought it up enough that she knew he could never truly forget this nonsense. "Every time it comes close to the time he dated some random girl, you people pull this stuff! Why? Especially when it comes to Valerie." Carly and Sam knew that of all the girls he dated, Valerie was the one that affected him the most. Maybe she hadn't meant to, but she certainly left her mark. She made him think there was something there to be felt, and maybe there was, he never asked, nor would he ever know. How many times had he spent mulling over the 'what ifs' after that breakup? He was young, so it shouldn't have mattered, that was what everyone told him. Just, why did he feel so bad about ending it, about not visiting her family? Dare he say he missed her? Some things about her were real, like the real fear she had of her mom being shipped overseas, or the concern she had over having no other friends. These were real things, real feelings, reasons that he wanted to be with her, to be there for her. When he broke up, it was the look in her eyes, the way she asked if they could at least be friends, and his walking away with no turning back. He felt like an ass. The girls knew this, and they spent so long trying to tell him he wasn't a prick and how Valerie was just a cold bitch. She wasn't, though. That was the thing. No one saw anything about her, just the surface. Just like him. "Stop pouring salt in the wound. We're not even opening the lines to talk about this sort of stuff!"
"But this is important!" Sam growled and clenched her fists tightly, stomping her foot on the ground and glaring vehemently at the girl.
"Really? Since when!" Freddie knew it was getting to Sam, even though she'd stated a million times that she was over him, and even started dating other guys, she was still sore over the breakup. He was the one that felt awkward over the relationship. Even Carly didn't like talking about when they dated, and he couldn't date her because of the same exact reason he couldn't date Sam. It was just downright awkward. "Cause last I checked, Benson didn't want to be with either one of us!"
"That may not be true! Let him talk for himself!"
"Ugh…" He paled further and slowly set the camera next to the computer, wanting more to do with this. Sam and Carly looked back at him, then to the girl, anger rising in their throats. "Look, you're making us uncomfortable, so if you don't stop, we're pulling the plug. Simple as that. You don't want us to do that, right?"
"If you do, you'll never know, or at least the fans won't know who he chooses."
Freddie lifted his pen from the journal and sighed deeply as he stared down at the crisp paper. He had nothing more to say, the emotion left his body just as the webshow left a void in him. He actually had left the room during the middle of the whole thing, leaving Gibby to finish recording. The girls came down after it was all over to try and talk to him, but he had no desire to talk, and left the apartment without any further word.
He placed his journal and pen on the end table beside his bed and slowly moved to rest beneath the covers. He brought his hand to his forehead and sighed as he stared up at the ceiling fan above him. The pressure was eating away at him and he was just about ready to go ahead and date one of the girls just for the hell of it. He'd even overheard the girls talking at one point about how they may as well date him if it would shut up the fans, but by that same respect, only one side would be pleased. Whether he dated Carly or Sam, they'd still never hear the end of it! There had to be a way to shut them up. It was too late to think on it though, and there was too much at stake. He didn't want to date someone just to satisfy a group of people, he wanted to date someone for an actual reason.
Did he want a girlfriend? Yeah, of course he did, but did he see it happening anytime soon? No. It wasn't that he wasn't ready for one, it was just this nonsense that the fans pulled. It brought back old emotions, old feelings, old wounds and pleasures, and it made him vulnerable. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes drifted to the picture next to the lamp, it was of his dad holding onto a young boy, him, who was carrying a balloon at the state fair. It would be nice to have a father to iron out all the details regarding women. If only his father hadn't died ten years ago. Everything went to hell then, but he never liked to talk about it. In truth, there was only one girl that he'd ever even brought up his father with, and it wasn't either Carly or Sam.
Carly was a great woman, Sam had her moments as well, he respected both of them, but he just wasn't into them like that anymore. They were friends, best friends, and that was all they would ever be. He grabbed his blanket and pulled it up to his neck, then turned onto his side and closed his eyes. No more did he dream about those two, they'd grown way too close over the years and thinking about them in a romantic light was a bit nauseating.
As the thoughts and pressure weighed down upon his mind, he sought distraction by forcing himself to think of anything else. After a few minutes, it worked and his mind flowed to thoughts of the open field down at the park and his childhood pet, barking happily as it gnawed on a bone. These were his happy thoughts, ones that his counselor often told him to think about when he was troubled by something. The thoughts relaxed him and allowed him to drift off into slumber, hoping only to awake the next day feeling new and refreshed.
So the rest of what you may have read when I tested it out has not been fixed or rebuffed yet, still working on that and waiting for a friend of mine to get back to me on that. So I hope you're enjoying the start. This is guaranteed to have a lot of stuff going on, and involving something I've never really done before.