|Tone Deaf Beauty and the Magical Furry
Author: The Black Flamingo101 PM
An extremely insane, anachronistic, crack conglomerate of Beauty and the Beast and Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi. What will a lost Ritsu do when he stumbles upon an enchanted castle filled with a bunch of insane people and a beast that wants to eat him? COMPLETE!Rated: Fiction M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 32,285 - Reviews: 319 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 04-23-13 - Published: 02-15-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7838830
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.
But then, one winter's night, an old beggar-woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.
And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful Enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart; and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous Beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.
Ashamed of his monstrous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a Beast?"-
The Rose Curse, taken from the original Beauty and the Beast.
The black painted woods were dark and ominous, as if the souls of the skeleton trees contained a measure of evil itself. There were no leaves on sharp, bare branches, only dead vines that twisted up and reached out like the fingers of an old witch. The hollow wind sang mournfully as it swept through these desolate woods, as if lamenting the life that had been taken from the forest by the cannibalistic season of winter.
Quiet footsteps warily crunched down on piles of dead leaves as a lone person wandered fearfully through the woods, his eyes darting around as the wind's cold fingers laced about his thinly clothed body. The young man grimaced as a particularly strong gust whipped up and blew the hood of his cloak off his head, swishing short locks of his chestnut hair into his green eyes.
The boy gasped and jerked his head as he heard a branch snap. Trying to control his shaking shoulders, he called out.
"Hello?…Is someone there?"
But only the howling of the wind answered his plea.
He continued to step further along the dark path, hugging his cloak closer to his body. The young man knew he was inexplicably lost, but having lost his horse and all his provisions with it, he had no choice but try to find his way out of the frightening maze.
He heard yet another branch snap, and thinking it was a wolf, the boy jerked around, his eyes darting fearfully in all directions. Another unexplainable sound came from behind him, and in fright he tripped and fell over a protruding tree root, landing face first on the cold ground.
He groaned and pushed his fallen hood off of his head, but when he did…he saw it.
His eyes widened in horror and awe as he saw the incredible castle before him, stretching up to pierce the sky like a black dragon. He slowly got to his feet and tried to back away, but just the enchanting monstrosity of the building seemed to pull him towards it. The young man started to walk warily to the intricate front gate, his eyes still wide as he reached out a pale hand to the cold iron—
"Um, excuse me? Sir?"
Having been interrupted from his riveting description, the narrator took a moment to adjust his glasses before looking at the young upstart heroine who was addressing him directly.
"What are you doing?" He hissed.
The brunette regarded him warily.
"I uh, just have a question."
"I know that!" The narrator yelled back. "But what the hell do you think you're doing talking to me!"
"Well, you're the narrator…so I figured you'd know…"
"You idiot! You can't just TALK TO THE NARRATOR like that! It's against the rules! You're a character! You're not even supposed to know I'm here!"
"But…you're sitting right there in that tree. I can hear you narrating everything I do." The young man said slowly, growing more confused by the minute.
"That's not what I'm fucking talking about!" The narrator screamed back, nearly ripping his script apart. "For God's sake will you please go back to doing what you're supposed to be doing!"
"Yeah, but will you answer my question first?"
The narrator nearly imploded from rage, but nodded.
"Okay, so if I'm lost in the woods and I lost my horse, and I'm wearing this cloak," The boy gestured. "Then that means that this story takes place in old times right?"
"Yeeees." The narrator answered between clenched teeth.
"Oh bloody hell!" The narrator screamed. "WILL YOU JUST TELL ME YOUR GODDAMNED QUESTION ALREADY SO WE CAN GET PAST THE PRELUDE?"
The brunette blinked a couple of times, then lifted a finger to point at the building.
"Well, if this is olden times…why does that castle have a satellite dish?"
The narrator, at a complete loss for words, quickly cut to the opening title.