|iCan't Fight the Pounding in My Chest
Author: Angelic Guardian PM
On a late night drive home from the airport, Sam makes an unexpected confession to Freddie. Oneshot. Post-'iToe Fat Cakes.'Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Sam P. & Freddie B. - Words: 2,160 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 4 - Published: 02-18-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7849575
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: A little late, but I actually came up with the idea for this fic after watching 'iToe Fat Cakes.' I really liked that episode. It even made me laugh a few times. :) Anyway, this fic is a bit more dramatic than I originally intended it to be, but I still think you'll like it. It includes a reference to 'iStill Psycho' as well. Also, the whole thing takes place in a car. That's all. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: iCarly © Dan Schneider
Sam Puckett was pissed.
"Okay, remind me again, Benson, because I'd just love to know…at what point exactly did your stupid brain finally stop to think, 'Gee…maybe we should check to make sure Sam's okay, since it's been a pretty long time since she's said anything at all,'" Sam raved, her tone full of exasperation, and she barely even stopped to take a breath before she continued, "I just, I really don't understand how you can be the biggest nerd in the whole universe, yet you're still stupid enough to not even notice that your friend had somehow been accidentally shipped away to Malaysia."
Freddie said nothing. He was driving down the highway at about sixty miles per hour, his fingers curled tightly around the steering wheel, his jaw tight. Sam stared at him, waiting for a response, but he was concentrating on the road, and the fact that he was ignoring her was only pissing her off that much more.
"Oh, what, so now you're gonna be all quiet?" Sam asked, hoping to provoke some sort of reaction from him. She knew he was on the brink of exploding; she could see it in his eyes, in the harsh lines of his eyebrows knitted together and his pursed lips, and so, in trying to push him over the edge, she kicked up her feet and slammed them onto the dashboard. "All right, fine, if you're gonna act like a girl and not talk to me, then I'm just gonna go to sleep. Wake me up when we're back in Seattle."
And then, as she leaned back in her seat and began to close her eyes, she heard him mutter something under his breath, a single word, something that sounded kind of like, "Good." Her eyes snapped back open as she looked at him again.
"What?" she asked.
"I said good," Freddie spoke at last, and for a second, Sam wasn't sure if she was more surprised over the fact that she was actually right about what he'd said, or that she finally got him to crack down and actually speak. Either way, though, she didn't really care; she was just glad that he actually said something, because now, the arguing could be begin.
"Good?" Sam repeated. "Good? Okay, seriously, dude, for your sake, I honestly hope you're kidding or something, because I swear, you do not want to get me angrier than I already am. Okay? You're the one who forgot all about me and had me shipped away to freakin' Asiantown, where I literally couldn't understand a single person, so I had to act out everything like an idiot the same way me and Carly did when we got screwed over that time in Japan. I mean, seriously, Freddie, sometimes I think you don't even give a chiz about me!"
The second she said that last part, Sam's mood suddenly shifted, and her heart momentarily stopped. Her eyes went wide, and she stiffened, her mouth falling open. She couldn't believe she'd just said that, or what could've possibly triggered her to say that. She awkwardly lowered her feet from the dashboard as she tried to compose herself.
"I—uh, that is—I didn't mean…y'know…whatever," she said stupidly, and at that point she wanted to take off her own dirt-covered sneaker and literally stuff into her mouth just to shut herself up. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant…"
She trailed off, because really, what did it even matter now? She didn't know what she could possibly say to cover that up, and so now, she decided that she was going to finally listen to her instincts and not open her big stupid mouth. She closed her eyes again, hoping Freddie wouldn't say anything, because that way, she could pretend to slowly doze off, and then, she'd wait until the next day to blame that accidental confession on the fact that she hadn't slept for hours, or that she hadn't eaten anything since she'd stolen an egg roll off of a random Asian man's plate just before she boarded the plane back to America.
"You really think I don't care about you, Sam?" she heard Freddie ask, his voice sounding calm, quiet, and hearing him ask that caused Sam's heart to skip a beat and her cheeks to suddenly burn up.
She kept her eyes closed, and now she just wished that they weren't in this car, because then she could run away from him, like when she did after she kissed him at the lock-in, or about a month or so later, after they'd broken up in the elevator and ended up spending that final hour and a half together heatedly making-out and doing plenty of other stuff that she still found herself fantasizing about more often than she'd ever admit to herself.
"Do you really think I don't care about you?" she countered, her voice just as calm as his, but as much as she tried to fight it, she still couldn't mask the sudden spike of hurt that rose within her, and so she added bitterly, "After all, you sure made it loud and clear that Carly cares about you."
"Because Carly shows me she cares about me," Freddie said, now raising his voice a little. "You've never done that, Sam. You didn't even appreciate all the stuff I did for you while we were dating. Or even afterward, for that matter."
Now, Sam could feel her pounding heartbeat ringing in her ears. She swallowed, at last taking a chance and turning her head to look at Freddie. She watched as the highway lights reflected against his face, lighting up his skin in a momentary flash as he drove past each one, shadows moving along with them. She just stared at him, shocked that she could've felt so angry just moments ago, when now, she felt like she was going to explode from the pain inside her chest.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, barely recognizing this meek tone in her voice.
Finally, Freddie looked at her, a quick flicker of his eyes in her direction, and that brief look alone somehow managed to just flat-out take all the breath right out of her.
"Who do you think set up this whole thing for you to tour the Fat Cake Factory, Sam?" he asked her. "Who do you think helped not only book, but pay for the flight out to Canada? Huh? Who do you think did it, Sam? Gibby?"
Sam said nothing for a while, just kept staring out at Freddie, her eyes wide like saucers. She felt like an idiot. The only thing was, she wasn't going to let him know that.
"Don't try to guilt trip me, Benson," she said in the most threatening tone she could muster at a time like this. "I'm not stupid. Of course I know you helped plan out this whole thing."
"No, no, I didn't help, Sam. It was my idea," Freddie made sure to specify, and then his voice lost its rancor entirely as he added, "I did it because I just wanted to make you happy."
Sam blinked. She didn't even know what she felt now. She felt numb. She still felt kind of stupid. Was this conversation even really happening right now?
"Why?" she asked quietly. "'Cause you feel bad for me or something? 'Cause you feel guilty about our break-up? I mean, I really don't get it; that was already over five months ago. I thought you'd be over me by now, Freddie."
She realized that that could've been a perfect opportunity to throw a dumb nickname at him, like maybe Fredwich or Fredburger — yeah, so she still had food on her mind right now — but she didn't, because it just didn't feel right to her to do that anymore.
She'd never, ever admit this to anyone, but truthfully, the real reason was because she was trying to slowly earn some respect from him. She wasn't good at openly showing people she cared; she was hoping that he of all people would've understood that by now, but now, she felt like ever since their break-up, they were quickly falling back into their same old pattern, the arguing back and forth, the occasional insult about his mother.
She only did it, though, because she didn't know anything else. She did it as a way to attempt to get over him, because she didn't want to face the fact that she — kinda sorta maybe just a little bit okay maybe very much — still loved him.
"Obviously I'm not over you, Sam."
Sam found herself drawing in a sharp breath then, feeling her pounding heartbeat accelerate even more. Was she just delusional now? After all, she hadn't slept in over eighteen hours, so maybe she really was dreaming or something right now.
"I'm not over you, either, Freddie."
Now she knew she had to be dreaming, because she'd never openly admit something like that out of the blue like that, not unless she was a hundred percent sure about his feelings first, so that she could just grab him and kiss him with all the love she had in that screwed up, twisted heart of hers and not have to face the devastating heartbreak of him gently breaking the kiss and whispering to her, "No, Sam. You know this isn't right. We're not ready to be in a relationship again. Not yet."
Suddenly, Sam heard the clicking noise of the turning signal, and she furrowed her eyebrows and turned her head to see Freddie veering off into the exit lane.
"Wha…what are you doing?" she asked as he slowly turned the curve that the exit was taking him. "This isn't the right exit. What, you gotta pee or something? You want me to drive? Freddie?"
Freddie said nothing, which both annoyed and started to worry Sam a little bit, but she looked back out towards the road as Freddie drove through a green traffic light, making a left turn, where he pulled into the parking lot of some random fast food place with a bright neon blue sign, and Sam's eyes suddenly lit up as Freddie pulled into a parking spot and put his car into park.
"Aw, sweet, we're getting food! Okay, well, I guess I can forgive you for confusing the crap out of me just now. You could've at least said something, though, Freddie. You almost gave me a—"
She was cut off as Freddie leaned over and crushed his lips right to hers, and they'd done this so many times before that Sam didn't hesitate at all in closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around Freddie's neck. She felt his warm, slightly moist palm enclose against her cheek, and her lips quivered upward as her heart turned over inside her chest. She moved her lips in time with his own, matching his rhythm perfectly, and this was all so crazy and happening so fast, but it was also amazing and exhilarating and she forgot how much of a good kisser he was. She could feel blood surging through her veins as she began to lose her breath, so she was the one to finally pull away from him with a smack of their lips.
"Heart attack," she finished in a breathy voice, and then she smiled, and Freddie did the same. She started to shake her head then, her smile widening. "Did we just get back together?"
"Feels like it," Freddie said.
They kissed again, and just like that, Sam's empty stomach was completely forgotten as she found her way into Freddie's lap, and then they moved into his backseat, and their breaths mingled together as they exchanged kisses and removed clothing.
It didn't take long for the windows of Freddie's car to completely fog up.
Author's Note: Yeah. It had to happen. ;) What'd you think?