The Most Ominous Threat: Osama bin Laden
Chapter Eleven: A New Hope and a New Life
Destined-Warrior: Huhuhu... Now we're back to the fight against Osama bin Laden.
Brad: Huhuhu... We think that bin Laden may have won the battle. A sad ending for all FF fans
bin Laden: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Now I reign supreme! ALLAHU AKBAR!!!! [God is great!]
Chrischi: And now we pray for the souls of Cloud Strife, Squall Leonhart, Zidane Tribal,
Tidus (insert surname here), and their companions. They fought hard to eliminate a big
threat to our struggling world. But, in an unexpected twist of fate, they were eliminated
by that fiend's most powerful attack. Now for a moment of silence.
Everything is in silence for the next 58 seconds, until...
????: Everyone, don't lose hope.
Brad, Chrischi, Destined-Warrior: W-Who are you?
????: I am Leknaat, a seer in isolation. Remember the 216 Stars of Destiny in the previous
two major wars? Well, to revive the thirty-seven fallen heroes, we need to gather seventy-
one more people who are destined to help them.
Destined-Warrior: But those people who helped them are kicked out, too.
Leknaat: Do not worry. With your continuing preserverance in the God Almighty, they will come
back and form the set of the 108 Stars of Destiny. So, go on and pray.
Brad and Chrischi: Understood.
Brad, Chrischi, Destined-Warrior: And now we pray... Our Father, thou art in heaven...
give brand new lives to 108 people who are destined to help this suffering world...
I. M. Weasel and I. R. Baboon appear in the battlefield.
I. M. Weasel: Is this Afghanistan?
I. R. Baboon: Ah, I are do no know.
Brad: Those people who have varying talents...
The Backstreet Boys and N'Sync appear in the battlefield.
A. J.: Where on earth did we appear?
Justin: The water's gone?!
Nick: Guys, we're not in blitzball!
Lance: Is this outer space?
Chrischi: ...but have the same heart...
Hiro, The Red Guy, The Rock, and Mills Lane appear in the battlefield.
Hiro: Luuuuucciiiiiiaaaaaa....... Where are yyyyoooooouuuuuuu......
The Red Guy: Oohhhh! I'm restored! Now bin Laden's dead meat!
The Rock: As I promised, bin Laden, you'll smelelelelelelelelelell what The Rock is cooking!
Mills Lane: Yeah! Total recovery! Let's get it on!
Destined-Warrior: ...the heart which is unselfish and is always ready to help...
Scooby-Doo, his buddies, and Mr. T appear in the battlefield.
Daphne: Are our souls erased?
Thelma: ...I think not...
Shaggy: What's the reason, you say?
Fred: With the power of prayer, our souls went back to where they belong. That's great! Thank
Mr. T: I'll make bin Laden pay fo' what that damn Muller did ta me friends!
Brad, Chrischi, Destined-Warrior: ...to fight against a threat to love, peace and justice.
Team Hana [from Sakura Wars, with their Kobu, of course], the Shohoku team (with Haruko), and
Stone Cold appear in the battlefield.
Sakura S.: We defeated a bearded guy, and we'll eliminate another!
Rest of Team Hana: Right on!
T. Akagi/Mojo Jojo: Bin Laden, we'll show you why our basketball is still the best! Shohoku,
Rest of Shohoku: FIGHT!
Stone Cold: Stone Cold's real mission is to beat bin Laden, and that's the bottom line.
bin Laden: Huh?! What's the meaning of this? Those vermin multiply and multiply!
Brad, Chrischi, Destined-Warrior: Through Your Son, Jesus Christ, we pray...
The Powerpuff Girls, Belldandy, Urd, Skuld, Dexter, Dee Dee, Son Goku, Gohan, Goten,
Vegeta, Piccolo, Sakura Kinomoto, Li Syaoran, Tomoyo Daidouji, Miaka and the Seven Star
Warriors of Suzaku, Philippine president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Joseph "Erap" Estrada
(Arroyo's predecessor), Johnny Bravo, the Hunter X Hunter team, and Harry Potter appear
in the battlefield.
Blossom: What's the matter?
Bubbles: Did Prof. Utonium teleport us to what place...?
Buttercup: It's Afghanistan!
Blossom: We always save Townsville, and now we'll save the rest of the world!
Buttercup: Osama bin Laden, we'll kick your butt!
Bubbles: We'll make the world more colorful!
Blossom: Wait a second... Hey! Mojo Jojo's also here?
T. Akagi/Mojo Jojo: Hey, Powerpuff Girls, listen to me! I have an alter ego in the form of
Takenori Akagi, a basketball player. That means I'm not 100% bad. So please, I beg of you,
Blossom: ...... All right, together we can do anything to kick bin Laden's butt.
T. Akagi/Mojo Jojo: Oh, thank you. I promise I'll be good.
Bubbles and Buttercup: Don't treat a promise like an egg, huh?
Belldandy: Did God transport us to Afghanistan?
Urd: Uh... I think so.
Skuld: According to my sensor, it looks like that terrorist Osama bin Laden is near.
Belldandy: Bin Laden, eh? So we must use our God-given powers...
Belldandy, Urd, Skuld: ...TO RESTORE PEACE!
Dexter: Weird... Did some other genius transport me to this country called Afghanistan?
But no matter. I know that the terrorist Osama bin Laden is here! We must eliminate him
for restoration of solidarity!
Dee Dee: What's that again, Dexter?
Dexter: Grrr... Stupid sister! Do I have to explain this again?!
Dee Dee: Mmmm... Whatever.
Son Goku: This is strange... Looks like we're on a new world.
Gohan: Dad, what do you call this planet again?
Goten: It's Earth, you know.
Piccolo: Earth?! Do you mean our Earth has a clone?!
Vegeta: Yeah. And the clone you're talking about is right here! We'll have to destroy it to
Son Goku: Please, don't go on a planet-plundering spree. Remember we're supposed to kill
Osama bin Laden.
Piccolo: You're right! He's here! Battle Power: 10,000,000! It's so great!
Gohan: Everyone, en garde!
The five then unleash their ultimate powers. Want Fusion? Sorry. It's too much. (--Author)
Sakura K.: Huh? Kero, come back! (cries) Huhuhu... I'm lost!
Syaoran: Sakura, don't worry, I'll always be with you.
Tomoyo: Hey, enough of mushy love scenes! We must first eliminate Osama bin Laden!
Sakura K. and Syaoran: All right!
Miaka: Is this China, huh?
Tamahome: No, it's not. It's... whatchamacallit?
Hotohori: It's Afghanistan, you screwball.
Tamahome: Don't call me a screwball! (The mark on his forehead starts to glow) Now taste this!
Tamahome and Hotohori begin to fight.
Chichiri: Stop it, no da!
Tasuki: Those two'll never learn.
Nuriko: Hey! I came back!
Miaka: Nuriko? You're alive?
Nuriko: Yeah! In the flesh! Uh, Mitsukake, Chiriko, who's the name of our ultimate enemy?
Mitsukake: I dunno.
Chiriko: I know. The real enemy is a terrorist named Osama bin Laden!
Tamahome: Bin Laden?
Hotohori: Not the god Seiryuu?
The two stop fighting.
Chiriko: Yes. That's right. Now gather round. We must defeat bin Laden with the help of
our unknown friends. The 108 stars... they are us! So go now!
Miaka et al.: Yeah!
Pres. Arroyo: Oh no! This is Afghanistan?! I'm alone, and I'll be butchered by terrorists!
Erap Estrada: Not in this case.
Pres. Arroyo: Erap?! Why in the world are you here?
Erap Estrada: We are not supposed to fight each other. We must unite to pulverize Osama bin
Pres. Arroyo: Oh yes, that's great! Let's go beat that terrorist!
Johnny Bravo: Yeah, lots of hot mamas. I must kill bin Laden so that I'll save those hot mamas.
Gon, Leorio, Kurapika, Killua, Hisoka: We're hunters, and we'll beat you down, bin Laden!
Leorio: That's a nice line.
Killua: Shut up. We're serious.
Harry Potter: This is a new planet?! Oh, whoever the monster is, I'll roast it with my magic!
Brad, Chrischi, Destined-Warrior: Grant the 108 Stars of Destiny the ultimate sacred power!
A big globe of bright light appears in the arena. It grows bigger and bigger until it reaches
a 7-km radius.
bin Laden: What the?! Those people I've kicked out... they've come back?! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!
(He gets blown away by the bright light.)
The bright light then disappears. And now, the FF characters come back to life!
Cloud: Ohhhhh..... My head.... it hurts....
Squall: Did Ellone revive me?
Zidane: Yeah! Payback time!
Tidus: Bin Laden, you're toast!
bin Laden: NO! This can't be! I killed you with my ultimate attack, but now...(shrivels in fear)
Aeris: We're born again to bring back faith in God.
Other male FF characters: So we'll tear you to shreds!
Other female FF characters: You're no human! You're an ally of Satan!
The rest of the 108 Stars of Destiny: You're not worthy to live anymore! And also, your soul
musn't exist either!
Brad: This is great! They're back!
Chrischi: Like phoenixes, they strive to rise when they fall.
Destined-Warrior: Now it's game over for bin Laden and the believers in Islamic fundamentalism!
The audience cheers with great enthusiasm. You can feel the capacity crowd here.
The US marines sing "The Taliban Song".
The Northern Alliance fighters chant "BIN LADEN OUT! BIN LADEN OUT!"
The rest of the audience chant whatever they please.
"Bin Laden sucks!"
"Final Fantasy rules!"
"Cloud, marry me!"
Cloud: Now, bin Laden! Be exterminated with our ultimate combined power!
Squall, Zidane, Tidus: We call it...
The rest of the 108 Stars of Destiny: THE ULTIMATE FIST OF THE HEAVENS!!!!
And the 108 pray. Soon, trickles of light appear within themselves as they pray harder.
The 108 trickles of light then combine into a giant white beam, surging up into the sky.
The beam disappears, and a giant silver airship takes its place. What's the airship, you
It's the Silver Noah! And the cast from Arc the Lad and Grandia II are inside it.
Elc: Are you sure this big bomb you invented will work?
Arc: How many times are you sure?
Shu: Two times!
Shu: Three times!
Shu: Four times!
Shu: Five times!
Shu: Six times!
Shu: Seven times!
Shu: That's it! Enough of that "The Price is Right" rip-off!
Elena: I think the answer is seventy times seven times (I forgot which Bible verse did it
came from. But the meaning of that is "unlimited". --Author).
Ryudo: How'd ya learn that, princess?
Elena: Probably from a lost book of Lord Granas's teachings.
Mareg: Hmmm. Reading sacred books does not always assure ourselves holiness. We must do good
in the eyes of Granas everyday.
Roan: Yeah, but no matter. We're all being placed special roles for the 108... what?
Tio: 108 Stars of Destiny.
Roan: Thanks, Tio. Again, our roles are special.
(Elena changes into Millenia)
Millenia: Yeah, soooo special that my Ryudo will enjoy!
Ryudo: M-Millenia?! Not you again?
Millenia: Now that wretched priestess is gone, let's enjoy our moments together!
The others make mixed reactions.
The two chase each other within the Silver Noah. In their commotion, all of the safety holders
of the bomb are loosened, thus sending the bomb accidentally out of the airship. The others
fail to avert the disaster.
Now back to the Afghan ground.
Bin Laden notices the big bomb falling over him. Our heroes take this opportunity to stun him.
Team Hana: Taste our spiritual power! Lightning Shock!
The Kobu unleash a thunder-type stun attack. It is like bin Laden's, but this attack's much
better. Bin Laden then gets 100% stunned.
bin Laden: They retaliated with my own stun gun attack? I-I-It's impossible.
And in seconds, the bomb falls flat on top of bin Laden. 7000 damage is taken in this process.
Bin Laden's current HP: 5132629.
Dexter: Eureka! Eureka! That terrorist's as flat as a church wafer!
But... bin Laden struggles to get out of the gigantic bomb.
I. M. Weasel: That is because we don't have anything that can generate fire to light the wick
and explode the bomb.
Vivi: Not that we're supposed to play with fire... But we will!
Some of the allies try to cast fire speels on the wick. And it's a success. The wick is lighted,
and the bomb has a minute to detonation.
Tidus: Everybody, hide!
The Red Guy: Hey, but we don't have any decent hiding spot!
H. Sakuragi: Hey, Haruko, you created a barrier to protect us! Now do it again!
H. Akagi: No... bin Laden just merely cut it out with a chain saw...
H. Sakuragi: We'll just amplify your barrier with white magic. (Faces the rest of the allies)
Hey, anyone who has white magic, assist this girl!
(50 seconds left)
And those with white magic assist Haruko. The amplification takes around 30 seconds.
(20 seconds left)
H. Sakuragi: Now! Put the barrier on!
H. Akagi: Yes!
A much bigger and better barrier then envelops the 108 allies.
(12 seconds left)
I. R. Baboon notices a weak point of the barrier.
I. R. Baboon: OOOhhh... What are this?
Dee Dee soon joins him. Together the two release a secret switch which turns the barrier off.
Cloud: No! Not that damn baboon...
(5 seconds left)
The other girls shout in fear.
Dee Dee: Yeah!
I. R. Baboon: This are working...
The barrier's upper half is gone.
The Rock: The bomb's gonna blow!
And the bomb explodes. A mushroom cloud is created, then disappears. In its place a giant
structure rises. What is that structure? The new World Trade Center, shaped like a hand in
"dirty finger" position! Bin Laden is caught up in the explosion, of course, and takes
482378472858345623896749568 hits and 34923478253489634968934590834958290345801249058315134-
But, it's not the end of this attack. There's more!
After the new WTC rises, bin Laden is flown to the distant part of the solar system (between
Pluto and the 10th planet, to be exact).
bin Laden: Curse those damn American and Israeli allies! Curse them! Curse them! Ahhhh! I
can't breathe! Ahhhhh!!!
An alien spaceship notices bin Laden.
Alien A: Hey, look at that UFO!
Alien B: It's no UFO! It's Osama bin Laden, the most wanted terrorist on planet Earth!
Alien A: Let's blast him out so that he won't terrorize other planets!
Alien B: Yes, sir!
Then the two aliens push a big button that says "ULTIMATE HOLY-BASED ATTACK". A big cannon
appears at the bottom of the ship. The cannon draws out the following powers in the universe:
Valor (Shadow), Glory (Holy), Brawn (Physical), Genesis (Nature), and Wonder (Wind). The
powers then coalesced into a big, white fist. The white fist then strikes bin Laden back to
Afghanistan with a gigantic, explosive punch. In the process, bin Laden takes 3852845832459-
bin Laden: N...no.... May.... Al...lah.... bless.... my.... soul....
And bin Laden dies.
Pres. Arroyo: At last, the great terrorist has paid the ultimate price.
????: Not so fast. Hehehehehehe.
The Powerpuff Girls: Not that ultimate evil, Him!
Him: Tsk tsk tsk. You think you can kill me by killing bin Laden, huh? And you, you no-good
extras! You really contributed nothing in defeating bin Laden!
Gon: Not so fast! We prayed to beat him, that's all!
Him: Ah, never mind. Since I'm invincible, I can possess any most wanted criminal I like!
And you won't stop me!
Squall: I'll stop you! (Brings out his gunblade and performs Lion Heart on Him. However,
Him receives no damage.)
Him: How futile. I won't deal any useless business with you, 108 freaks! Well, gotta go!
Hasta la vista! Hehehehehehe! (Disappears)
Brad: But no matter... The cards are laid down.
Chrischi: The ultimate survivors and winners are...
The capacity crowd rages on.
Destined-Warrior: THE FINAL FANTASY CHARACTERS AND THE 71 OTHER STARS OF DESTINY!
The capacity crowd bursts with happiness. While the FF battle victory theme plays, the 108
allies perform their respective victory poses.
Brad: This is indeed a great victory for all of humanity.
Chrischi: People of the world, this program's broadcast on all countries.
Destined-Warrior: And all of those who are watching will feel the brand new hope in life now
that the most ominous threat is gone for good.
Brad, Chrischi, Destined-Warrior: So, please give yourselves A THUNDEROUS APPAUSE!!!
And the rejoices continue.
One week later...
The 108 allies are granted "The Greatest Bravery Awards" by the combined forces of the United
Nations, US Pres. George W. Bush, and Afghan Pres. Hamid Karzai. But, something feels inside
them that the awards they receive are not enough.
One week later, at Smackdown Hotel...
Aeris: Cloud, are you forgetting that promise?
Aeris: That's OK. What's important is bin Laden's gone.
Cloud: Yeah, but will I marry you? (holds Aeris's hands)
Aeris: Now you're talking. C'mon, let's have that kiss.
And the two kiss in the night, savoring their true, faith-driven love for each other.
Four months later...
Squall: A letter? What's this piece of junk?
Rinoa: A letter's not a letter when you don't read it yet. C'mon.
Zidane: Whoa, a richly-decorated letter! I'll appraise it!
Garnet: Don't mess with it, Zidane. Eiko might find it and do that mistake again.
Eiko: Hey, Zidane! What's that letter?
Garnet: Don't you know that it's rude to read someone else's letter?
Eiko: Lemme see it, please! (Opens the envelope and reads) Whoa, yeah!
Zidane and Garnet: What's the content?
Eiko: It's... a...
Tidus: (While practicing blitzball) Score!
Postman: Hey, Mr. Tidus. A letter for you.
Tidus: (Opens the envelope) Yeah! Yeah! Yuna, good news!
The other Stars of Destiny receive the same letter. What's the content anyway?
Two lives, two hearts,
joined together in friendship
United forever in love
It is with joy, together with our friends,
Nanaki a. k. a. Red XIII,
and Vincent Valentine,
Cloud Strife and Aeris Gainsborough,
invite you to share with us the happiness
of beginning a new life together with the Lord as
we place our love and future in His Hand
on Saturday, the tenth day of August,
in the two thousand second year of our Lord
at seven o' clock in the morning
at the Church of the Nativity,
Reception will follow at The White House,
Washington, DC, USA
(Author's note: Bah, I won't spoil it for you. What's important is that the maid-
of-honor is Tifa and the best man is... (drum roll)... I. R. Baboon!)
(A/N: Again, I won't spoil it.)
And at the wedding day...
The wedding is really star-studded. Aside from the 108 Stars of Destiny, other famous
personalities join the wedding like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera (and many other
pop stars), various world leaders, anime characters (excluding hentai ones, hehehe),
cartoon characters, video game characters, and much much more. And would I miss the
original guys behind the FF series? For example, composer Nobuo Uematsu plays the
church organ over there! Spotted him? Good. Now on to the most exciting part.
Archbishop Jaime Cardinal Sin (a close ally of Pres. Arroyo): Miss Gainsborough,
do you take this man as your lawfully-wedded husband?
Aeris: I do.
Tidus: They selected the wrong priest! His name's Sin!
Auron: That Sin is not an alien. He's 100% human.
Tidus: But... but...
Auron: Shut up, or I'll slash your pork trap.
Back to the best part.
Cardinal Sin: Mister Strife, do you take this woman as your lawfully-wedded wife?
Cloud: I do.
Cardinal Sin: Therefore, by the power vested in the Father, the Son, and the Holy
Spirit, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Thw newlywed couple kiss, and in the background Mr. Uematsu plays a heart-warming
rendition of "Someday We'll Know", which is intended for the two to sing.
Cloud and Aeris: Someday we'll know
Aeris: That love can move a mountain
Cloud and Aeris: Someday we'll know
Cloud: Why the sky is blue
Cloud and Aeris: Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you....
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Cloud and Aeris: Someday we'll know
Cloud: Why Samson loved Delilah
Cloud and Aeris: One day I'll go
Aeris: Dancing on the moon
Cloud and Aeris: Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you....
And the two kiss again, only much deeper and more passionate. The entire staff,
including the entourage and the audience, gives a warm round of applause to the
Tifa: Cloud, oh you wait a sec. Why did you select the worst baboon for the best
I. M. Weasel and Dexter: Ahem, we can explain the reason why.
Dexter: We conducted numerous tests performed by us in the past four months.
I. M. Weasel: According to those tests, it was proven that Tifa and Baboon have a
high compatibility rate because of the (blah, blah, whatever technical word you use).
The Red Guy: Oh yeah? Then I'll prove to you that those tests made are hoaxes!
The Red Guy: Weasel and Baboon aren't real! They're really Sephiroth and Kuja! And
the Sephiroth and Kuja that fought bin Laden are just robot clones! Hahahahahahaha!!!
All except Weasel/Sephiroth, Baboon/Kuja, Cloud and Aeris: Why you!!!!! (They start to pummel
the Red Guy)
Sephiroth: I've had enough of being a genius.
Kuja: I've had enough of being an idiot.
Sephiroth and Kuja: Now let's party!!! (They approach Cloud and Aeris)
Sephiroth: Aeris, I thought you're dead.
Aeris: MY Cloud revived me! Is that reason enough?
Kuja: And look at that blond clone of the wayward Genome! Your hair's a mess too!
Cloud: Don't call my salon hairstyle UGLY!
Sephiroth and Kuja: Hee hee hee. Then we'll chase you down.
Cloud and Aeris: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
And the two chased the two mindlessly around the church.
The screen fades to black.
Moonlight Bomber comes out.
Moonlight Bomber: Thank you for reading this fanfic. And here are the following
stuff I involved into this mess, minor or major:
1. Final Fantasy 7-10
2. Cow and Chicken
3. I am Weasel
4. Backstreet Boys
6. Lunar 2
7. The WWE (yeah, get the F out)
8. MTV Celebrity Deathmatch (yeah, Mills Lane's there)
9. Suikoden 1 and 2
11. Mr. T
12. Sakura Wars
13. Slam Dunk
14. Powerpuff Girls
15. Ah! My Goddess
16. Dexter's Laboratory
17. Dragon Ball Z
18. Card Captor Sakura
19. Fushigi Yuugi
20. Johnny Bravo
21. Hunter X Hunter
22. Harry Potter
23. Arc the Lad
24. Grandia II
Moonlight Bomber: Tee hee. Whatta long list, eh? I'm starting to...
oh no! Not that diarrhea! I'm going to the CR!
Moonlight Bomber: Hey, no invasion of privacy, you paparazzis!
(Lights are turned off)
Moonlight Bomber: Whew, thanks. END!!!!!!