|101 Ways to Annoy the Dark Council
Author: Eldest Tempest PM
The aftermath of the story in The Old Republic takes a humorous turn, as the Emperor issues forth punishment for The Dark Council. Unfortunately, Marr is saddled with much worse. Major spoilers from Act III of the class stories.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,493 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 06-20-12 - Published: 02-19-12 - id: 7853102
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
1.) Declare your newfound allegiance to the Galactic Republic.
Darth Marr strolled about the halls of the Korriban Sith Academy, as he listened to the delightful screams of acolytes who had failed their trials. Any Sith worth his ability to use the Force took a perverse joy in misery, much to the disgust of the Imperial Army, and Marr was certainly no exception to this rule. Strolling past the portion of the academy where many unfortunate beings were taken and tortured, an apprentice scurried in front of his path, thus blocking his way. Growling to himself, he halted and glared at the apprentice before speaking in his usual cold tone, amplifed by his mask.
"Why do you stand in the path of a member of the Dark Council, apprentice?" Marr idly asked, his patience running thin, after a nervous silence from the apprentice. Ah, how he was planning to fry the fool.
The apprentice mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath, then repeated himself in a louder voice. "Message for you, Lord Marr."
Darth Marr's nostrils flared at this, first with the fact that somebody was arrogant enough to think a Dark Council member would deign to look at something so pathetic, and secondly, because he was incorrectly addressed. Marr's fantasizing of the apprentice's demise were interrupted by him speaking yet again.
"It's from the Emperor, my lord."
Marr halted whatever sadistic thoughts were running through his mind at the moment. A package from the Emperor? Surely, this had to be a cruel trick, as the Emperor isn't one to send out delivery boys. Come to think of it, it sounded much like another of Ravage's old tricks. Marr snorted at this, mentally outlining the punishment that would be dished out to his fellow Dark Council member. How quickly the mental images of sadism change.
"Give me the package then, apprentice."
The apprentice timidly handed Marr the package, sticking around for a moment. The cold glare from behind his mask was enough to give him proper motivation to leave. Muttering under his breath, he tore at the brown packaging, only to find a simple envelope inside. Such a waste of packaging. Sliding a finger in the top of the letter, he slit it open, taking the actual paper out, and scanning it over with his eyes.
Dear Darth Marr,
It has come to my attention that one of the primary reasons for Darth Malgus' issues were because of the in-fighting of the Council. I am not pleased. As such, I have deemed it fit to give you proper motivation for this to resolve. I have sent similar letters to your fellow council members, you need not worry. Expect the return of some of your-...less than likeable compatriots.
His Imperial Majesty and Glorious Collector of Doom, Death, Despair, and Other Charming Things, The Emperor.
Darth Marr stood trembling as he finished reading the letter, filled with utmost dread as there were two particular Darth's that he had loathed and was quite happy to find their demise. Alas, according to the almighty Emperor, this was not to be. Scowling, he paced away from the massive entry hall to his personal quarters.
When Darth Marr arrived at his quarters, the thing he was not expecting was bloody Darth Thanaton rummaging through his things. Mouth agape at seeing this, he noticed another note pinned to a wall. Whilst Thanaton was distracted, he snatched it and once again read it, hoping this was not the apocolypse.
Dear Darth Marr,
As you may have noticed, I was entirely serious when I stated that I was sending you the equivalent of a living nightmare. You will find that there will be quite the amount of thorns pricking at your side. I trust you can keep calm and survive, yes? Otherwise, you wouldn't be on the Council, would you not?
His Imperial Majesty, Glorious Collector of Doom, Death, Despair, and Other Charming Things, and the Grand Master of the Order of the Prat, the Emperor.
Groaning at this new addition to the now-definite apocolypse, Marr turned to Thanaton. He was not expecting Thanaton having his things. In a sack.
" Thanaton. What in the Force are you doing with my belongings? "
Thanaton grinned like an utter moron, and chirped in reply, "Oh! Yes, these. Well, you see, Marr, after that spat with Zash's apprentice, I've decided the Empire isn't for the likes of me! So, I'm moving to the Republic, where they shall bow down in worship to my pure awesomeness."
Thanaton, after a few moments, noticed the silence of Marr. "Are you alright, Marr? Shall I get you a cookie?"
The resulting blast of Force Lightning stated Darth Marr was not amused.
Hello there! As you can see, this is in the "101 Ways..." style, so the chapters might be shortish, like the above, though it's the content that counts, right? ;D.