|My Vampire Balls!
Author: SpicyItalianRomano PM
He was chosen by God to help win a bet with the Devil.Now forced into not being able to ejaculate for the rest of the year or worlds end,Aleksander must deal with demans from the depths of hell trying to seduce him!And then theres that one vampire...Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Bulgaria & Romania - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,894 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 03-25-12 - Published: 02-20-12 - id: 7856945
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to my second story! This is based off of an extremely funny manga called 'My Balls'. I suggest you read it! My story will be slightly different from the original manga. I got the idea for this story while reading said manga and couldn't help but think of Romania and Bulgaria. I love those two!
Aleksander Christova= Bulgaria Vladmir Popescu= Romania
I don't own Hetalia and if I did OH MAN!
Hello my name is Aleksander Christova. I am 21 years old…..…and still a virgin. Now you may be wondering what my sex life has to do with this story but you will soon see. It started with a bet. But this was no ordinary bet! It was a bet between God and the devil. Of all the people they chose to be in the center of this bet, I have no idea why they chose me. I didn't ever believe in gods before this! But they somehow picked me! Well, now I'm stuck in the center…
Aleksander stumbled down the road, tripping over his own feet. The cold January wind whipped at his face. Today had been hell for him. It started with waking up late which led to his professor yelling at him. His professor yelling at him led to him being held after class. Being held after class led to him being late for his job and his boss yelling at him. But worse of all, he was yelled at…in front of the girl he likes.
Elizabeta Hedervary was a strong beautiful Hungarian girl and a co-worker of Aleksander's. They both worked at a corner convenience store. She had been working there longer than him but even from the beginning she was kind to him. And word had it she was single!
Elizabeta had beautiful long brown hair that cascaded down to her back and over her plump chest. Her eyes were a lively dark forest green and her smile…..it was so cute! Aleksander wouldn't admit it but he never had a girlfriend before, but if he had, that girl would be somewhat like Eliza.
He stumbled again almost falling flat on his face. 'Why am I being so clumsy?' He though as he recalled what happened after work. He had been stressed and decided to go to the local bar. BAD IDEA! Aleksander was a terrible drunk often doing things he would later regret. He sighed as he tried to navigate to his house.
"Man, I have to pee…." He whined, his drunken brain not fully functional. Aleksander then noticed a mass of trees perfect for his predicament. He stumbled over, getting his balance again, dropped his pants and the rest we know. Satisfied he happily sighed and rebuckled his pants and turned around to see….that he was lost.
Aleksander sobered a little at that very moment, enough to notice how it seemed the trees had surrounded him. He knew he hadn't traveled that far into the trees but now it seemed he had stumbled into a forest. Freaking out a little inside he tried to find an exit but the trees seemed to form a wall.
"This doesn't make any sense!" Aleksander was getting frustrated patting the hard bark and looking for an exit. "Of course it doesn't make sense!" he heard a slightly angry voice behind him. Aleksander turned and faced the biggest eyebrows he had ever seen. Of course a man was attached to the eyebrows but they were just so big his slightly intoxicated mind couldn't stop staring at them.
The man cleared his throat, wanting attention. "You are Aleksander Christova, right" he had an English accent. Aleksander slowly nodded. "Good. I am Arthur Kirkland, archangel of heaven. Now listen and pay close attention. God has made a bet with the devil saying that if you don't do one of the seven deadly sins for the rest of the year, earth will not be destroyed." He said as if everyday conversation.
Aleksander stayed silent for a minute before saying "You expect me to believe that! Man, I'm drunk but not that drunk" he laughed. Arthur raised one of his huge eyebrows. "You don't believe me? Then I guess you don't believe in God. Great, just great! You had to be an atheist. Listen to me Aleksander and listen well! God has been generous by only choosing one of the seven deadly sins of which you cannot do! And if you do, the earth will be destroyed! Do you understand that!" He was obviously getting irritated but quickly composed himself.
"Okay okay, I'll humor you. Now which of these deadly sins am I not allowed to do" Aleksander said with a sarcastic tone. Curse him and his dumb ass of a drunk self. He never acted like this sober. Arthur face-palmed. "Lust, that is the sin you are not allowed to commit. No ejaculating! For the rest of the year!" He heavily sighed.
"Sure sure! Can I go home now?" Aleksander was getting tired of this. "Yes yes, go back to your bloody home! But be careful and look out for servants of the devil." Arthur waved his hand and the trees split making and exit Aleksander was very happy to see. He quickly stumbled out, not because of drunkenness but because of all the damn tree roots. He softly curse the 'angel' under his breath, obviously Arthur had put them there to make a fool of him.
After finally making it home, despite getting stopped by a police man checking if he was okay and later getting chased by the German Sheppard that lived down the street, Aleksander was ready to collapse. He was happy he had no classes tomorrow and work was later in the afternoon. He was going to sleep in so late!
Aleksander really just wanted to eat a little snack, take a shower and pass out. He was so exhausted and couldn't get what that weird eyebrow man had said out of his head. It bothered him as he ate. It bothered him as he showered. It bothered him as he got on his pajamas and by the time he was ready to lay down, he was absolutely fuming.
"What's with that guy! Who tells people they could destroy the world just by ejaculating! He was probably just some pervert or something" Aleksander walked over to the somehow open window about to close it when he realized, had he opened it? He never really opened windows due to the fact it was the 21st century and there was such thing as air conditioning.
"When did I open this?" he voiced hoping he would somehow get an answer. "You didn't. I did" Again with the voices popping up behind him! Aleksander turned to face not an irritating huge brows Englishman, but a boy his age.
The boy, eh hem, MAN was basically the same height as Aleksander. He stood smiling, an odd set of fang like teeth showing. His eyes were a dark, almost blood red. On his shaggy strawberry blonde hair sat a strange little hat of some sort. In all honesty, he was weird looking. That's the only way Aleksander's brain could describe him.
"Wait, why are you in my house! Get out!" Aleksander was really slow today, wasn't he? The man seemed to frown a little before smiling again. "Can't do that!" he sounded almost happy to be breaking and entering. Well. Most psychotics are!
The air seemed to grow chilly as the lights darkened. Aleksander gulped, still able to see pretty well. The other boy's eyes glowed in the dark. He smirked "I'm Vladmir Popescu! I was sent from hell to seduce you!" He said, his voice extremely creepy. Slowly, he stepped toward Aleksander, in a sort of predatory way. This was getting to creepy for Aleksander.
SMACK! CRASH! BANG!
Aleksander turned the lights in the room back on. Vladmir laid on the floor clutching the forming bump on his head. "Ow! Why'd you hit me!" he whined. Aleksander picked up the phone "I'm calling the police" He said rather nonchalantly.
"N-no! You can do that!" Vladmir looked scared. "And why not?" Aleksander was already dialing. Within a second, Vladmir had Aleksander's wrist in his grasp, taking the phone from his fingers.
Once again, Vladmir was on the floor clutching another forming bump. "Y-you really need to stop doing that!" he whined.
"Whatever. Just get the hell out of my house." Aleksander crawled into his bed. He was too tired to give a damn right now. Vladmir huffed. "Hey! Listen to me! H-hey! Don't fall asleep! Think about my feelings!" he pouted. It was too late. Aleksander was fast asleep.
Guess all Vladmir could do was wait…..
"I was sent from hell to seduce you!" perfect line in my opinion! And why did they send Vlad instead of some girl? Guess we'll find out later~
Please review if you want me to continue~!