|The President of the MOther Fuckin' Cheese
Author: Jaytheunseen1 PM
You may ask yourself what a dwarf and a fox offspring looks like. Imagine a foxes body with a dwarfs head.Rated: Fiction T - English - Poetry/Mystery - Renamon & Gimli - Words: 3,086 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 02-20-12 - id: 7856964
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Sorry for the bad writing this is my first sory I ever wrote. ^^; Gomen... Also I have Gimli x Renamon so haters... f-…. FUCK OFF!
Thank you. ^_^
THE PRESIDENT OF THE MOTHER FUCKIN' CHEESE
Three mother fuckin' cheeses for the Elven-gangsters under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-presidents in their halls of porn,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to kool-aid man rage,
One for the dark president on his dark throne
In the Land of wisconsin where the Shadows lie.
One mother fuckin' cheese to rule them all, One mother fuckin' cheese to find them,
One mother fuckin' cheese to mother fuckin' cheese them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of wisconsin where the Shadows lie.
Frodo and Sam were chillin'. They were chillin' out like dudes. Every Tuesday on their journey to destroy the motha fuckin' cheese the took off for chillin' time. It was a Tuesday. Suddenly, Frodo saw something rustling in the bush. "Whose there?" Said Frodo. Beelzemon and Agumon walked out.
"Sug mah niggas?" Agumon said to them.
"Jeepers!" Said Sam "You scared the shit out of me." Frodo stared at him. "Sam, it's just Gollum. Chill out."
The Digimon were sad and confused. But that's okay, they were there to do their duty. THey were there to be partners with these guys... forever. "Hello. I am Augmon. Nice to meet you."
Legolas was driving his Mercedes through the fairy forest. He had to be cautious. There were some ficious centaurs ready to feast on his beautiful, magical, salty elven pretty boy skin. He stuck his bow out the window as he was driving.
Suddenly outta fuckin' nowhere, Gimli falls from a tree and starts fucking shit up. Like berserk crazy man. Like he cut off one of them centaur heads and started using it as a wrecking ball. Shit was so cash yo. Before Legolas could fire an arrow Gimli was done.
"Gimli! Where have you been?" Said Legolas. Legolas had been cruising around looking for Gimli who got lost when he ran off to poop in the forest.
"I made a new fwiend." Gimli said as he shoved his axe up his butt where he let out a pleasurable sigh. Renamon walked out, she was tall, taller than Legolas, this made him mad cause he was always the tall one, so he did not like Renamon.
REnamon's eyes were fiery like a beast. They were filled with crazy exploding bomb rage and sexiness. She was also the sexy one now, not Legolas. Legolas was getting really annoyed. He was so annoyed he just drove off in his mercedes hyperventilating.
Legolas smashed through a tree and landed in a canyon never to be seen again, until maybe later in the story or something but I'm not going to spoil it for you.
Gimli didn't give a shit. He had his new hot ass bitchin' friend with a hot as bitchin' fox ass.
Sam and Frodo had already made friends with their digimon. Except Sam, he hated Beelzemon. He wanted Agumon. EVERYONE wanted agumon. Sam just started writing shitty poetry in his diary about how upset he was. Frodo got all the good shit.
Frodo jolted up.
"Well Sam, get off your fat ass and lets get going. We've got a motha fuckin' cheese to destroy." Sam grunted and started following Frodo.
The Digimon offered to let them ride on their backs. Frodo jumped on top of Agumon, but Sam was too tsundere to take Beelzemon up on his offer. Beelzemon wouldn't have it though, and picked up Sam and started giving him a spanking for being a bad boy. Then Agumon saw the motha fuckin' cheese and wanted to wear it, but Frodo said no. So Agumon bit Frodo's pinky off and took the motha fuckin' cheese for himself.
"Oh no!" Said Frodo, "Mah pinky! Dat Pokemon's got mah motha fuckin' cheese!" At this Sam and Beelzemon were pretty pissed off. So they started chasing after Agumon, but tripped over each others feet so he got away.
"That's okay" Sam said "He'll probably die" Frodo grabbed Sam's face and mooshed his cheeks around until his lips were puckered rubbing fresh blood all over his smooth cheeks."Nonononono Sam! We need to have that motha fuckin' cheese! We have to destroy it!" Sam pushed Frodo away ."NO. YOu just want that motha fuckin' cheese because you are OBSESSED. I fucking hate you Frodo. I FUCKING HATE YOU."
So the two best friends went their separate ways... Gandalfmon, the digimon lord and a powerful wizard was not pleased, but he had some servers to hack.
2 year time skip.
"Honey! I'm hooome!" Said Gimli. He just got home from working at the car wash, he was one of the popel that would wear bikini's and wash your windshield. You know what I'm talking about. Yeaaaaaaaahhhhh... Renamon was in the kitchen making spaghetti and potatoes for dinner. Their 2 children, ages 5 and 8 came up to greet him. You may ask yourself what a dwarf and a fox offspring looks like. Imagine a foxes body with a dwarfs head. the males had beard so you could differentiate. You may wonder how they had sex too... Gimli used a ladder.
"Welcome home, shnooky, I made you spaghetti and potatoes. Gimli liked Spaghetti and potatoes,. but this left him feeling suspicious. Normally his wife only made spaghetti when she did something bad.
"Sweety, what happened today?" Asked Gimli.
"Well, Frodo fucked up your garden earlier." Said Renamon
"HE DID WHAT!" Said Gimli. Gimli liked his garden. He grew daisies in it, he had a flower fetish so it was the only thing that kept sane while his wife wouldn't put out. That bitch. "I'll kill him!" Said Gimli who went to go get his ass. He didn't have an ass because when one of his kids were born they needed an emergency ass implant and Gimli was the only match. So now he has a fake ass. He hoisted that sucker onto him and went trawling out dat dorrway like a boss.
Renamon sighed and let her kids drink from her nipples.
Outside in the garden...
Gimli was ripping his hair out staring at his garden. "Nooooooo!" There was onedaisy left standing. "Opjhew. I'll keep you safe forever." Just then a big dinosaur foot stepped all over it.
"WHAT THE FUCK." He screamed and was ready to cut this mother up. When he looked up he realized it was a GIANT AGUMON. Who was also crazed.
"the motha fuckin' cheese... my precious..." he said holding something closely in his arms. Gimli didn't give two fucks, he was ready to cut a bitch.
"nah uh matha fucka you goin' down." Gimlie went to the shed and took out his new axe that was also a chainsaw and a gun that shot grenades. It was time.
Gimli let out a fierce scream and ripped off his shirt, revealing his painted on10-pack abs because he worked out at the paint shop. Gimli let out a roar and charged at Agumon and cut off one of his toes.
This displeased Agumon so he stepped on Gimli, but Gimli blocked it with his fake ass. Gimli then used the built-in jet pack applied to his ass to get up to Agumons face.
"HEY YOU FAT COCKSUCKER!" he said, then fired a fucking grenade in Agumons eye and it made him angry. Agumon grabbed Gimli and made way to eat him but just then... Out of nowhere... A Mercedes hits Agumon in the head. It was Legolas' Mercedes, he had been falling this whole time and now ran into Agumons head saving Gimli's life. Gimli fell bad down to the ground and so did Agumon.
"The motha fuckin' cheese..." Said Agumon. "Must not let you have the motha fuckin' cheese..." Gimli turned to Legolas to see if he was alright, however Legolas had not eaten in 2 years so he was just a skeleton, but since he was an elf he couldn't die. So he was a living skeleton.
Legolas burst out of the Mercedes. "Will you shut the fuck up Agymon!" he said some magic words and a beam sword appeared in his hand. He chopped off the agumon's head in one fierce swipe. Gimli loled and took the head into house where him and his family ate it for dinner. Legolas was invited of course. But now what to do with the motha fuckin' cheese...
I should mention that at dinner, everything Legolas ate just fell to the floor since he was a skeleton. Crazy shit.
2 years earlier...
Beelzemon was really sad that all his friends left him. It made him lonely and depressed. So he went to see his friends over in Minas Tirith. He went to see Aragorn.
"BOOHOOHOOHOO! ALL MY FRIENDS HATE ME! I'M SO ALONE IN THIS WORLD!" Said Beelzemon. Aragorn however was too busy giving zero fucks about him since he was the king. So he decided to take Beelzemon with him to see a movie. They saw Avatar, they both hated it. So they went on a quest together to find the producers of avatar and bring them to justice.
They rode out and on the way ran into Sam who was being a mopey bitch as always, so they showed him Avatar and he got pissed as well and went with them.
2 years later at Gimli's place after dinner...
Gimli heard a knock on the door. "I wonder who that is?" Said Gimli, so he went to answer it and it was Aragorn, Sam, and Beelzemon. "Hey guys!" Said Gimli, "What's shakin' mah niggas?"
Aragorn stepped in. He was being rude, there was no time to be polite in this situation. "Avatar..." He stood tall, puffing out his chest. His pointy gentleman shoes pointing to Renamon's SOUL who was in the other room knitting. He could smell her non-creativity. It was just non-creative enough to have produced avatar. He pushed Gimli out of the way and walke din. Gimli staggered and hobbled around. He had just ate that gigantic agumon head so his belly was stuffed. He started throwing up. Beelzemon saw this and started throwing up too.
There was a lot of screaming in the house being heard from Renamon being stolen from Aragorn. But behind all the screams and madness Sam heard a motha fuckin' cheeseing sound. He saw this unusual shine stuck in Gimli's beard. He took a closer look and was horrified. It was the motha fuckin' cheese. The one motha fuckin' cheese to rule them all...
Without hesitating or realising what he was doing, he snatched the motha fuckin' cheese from his beard. His eyes were crazed and his teeth looked like chicklets. http:/i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z409/Jaytheunseen/crazed.png What would Frodo say if he were here?... but Frodo didn't have to know...
Just then Frodo, the town drunk came up. "Sam!" Said Frodo, "I haven't seen you in forever!" Same hid the motha fuckin' cheese in his pocket.
"What have you been doing, Sam? I just recently produced a movie! 8D"
"Uh,what movie Frodo?" Asked Sam.
At the realization of this Sam freaked out, Aragorn was already miles away because he used to run track and shit. So Sam grabbed Frodo and ran out. Gimli and Legolas followed alongside him. They chased after Aragorn in an epic fashion, like this: http:/www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTp9jimK3bc
They arrived at Mount Mordor, Aragorn was about to throw Renamon into the fire.
"No Aragorn" Said Sam, "She didn't do it! Frodo did!"
"Lies!" said Aragorn, "Come and take her from me!"
So Sam pulled out his awesome enchanted sword that we'll never explain how he got. Gimli pull out his awesome Chainsaw-Grenade Launcher Axe and since Legolas didn't have shit. He took his skull and was gonna use it as a club that bit him and shit.
Aragorn wasn't going to play dumb. He saw Gimli, renamon's husband. It was clear that they were working for him.
This was the final battle. Aragorn started growing INTENSE muscles. SO inense that his clothes were ripping off. He grew tiny angel wings on his back like, 11 of them. His teeth came out of his face like a sabertooth tiger. And his arms turned into machine guns with barbed wire whips as a tongue.
With his newly acquired demonic voice changer that he bought on ebay a few weeks ago, he said in a demonic voice. "Come get me little Hobbit." He pounded his fist into the ground and cracks went all over mordor with lava dripping in places they didn't know existed. In Mordor.
Sam cracked his knuckles, it was time for a smackdown. "I considered you as my friend!" With tears gushing out of his eyes he started running at Aragorn, but Aragorn opened his mouth and fired goo at the ground that got Sam stuck in it.
"Saam!" Beelzemon tried all he could to get rid of the goo. Aragorn just laughed at the sight. There was only one thing they could do. They had to eat the goo. And since Gimli had eaten that agumon earlier he was too stuffed and legolas was a skeleton body so beelzemon had to do it. It tasted like poisonous bird shit but he kept eating it anyway, crying all the way through. Gimli started the chainsaw.
Sadly, Beelzemon would not live to survive this as he died immediately when he finished, but no one gave a shit so they just kicked him off and sent him into the fire. Aragorn was not pleased so het fire teh rockets at our heroes, but they dodged the rockets with great ease because they were all trained by ninjas.
2 years earlier...
Gimli and Renamon had just gotten married, they were about to leave when the man who just married them whispered, "Pssst, hey. You two wanna be ninjas?" Gimli liked ninjas and thought they were cool so he took a unicorn horn and held it against his head, "I wish me and my friends were all awesome ninjas in case one day we needed to be ninjas." and suddenly the man in front of them deflated and turned into jell-o. Gimli liked jell-o, so he ate it. It was yummy.
Now, during the present...
What Aragorn forgot was yes, they are all ninjas, but since he was fat with muscular power now he was slower than ever. He roared in sadness, but since the voice changer ran out of batteries it wasn't as threatening as it could of been. Oh well.
Using Aragorn's slowness to their advantage, they all started running circles around him. But since all of them were bad at multi-tasking they couldn't attack. "WE NEED A FIERCE ATTACK DONATION." Gimli called the hospital where he got his fake butt.
"Hello? Hi. I need a fierce attack implant."
"Oh, phew, I thought you were going to say fierce LIVER implant. We're all out of those. ANyway, your closest match is Gandalfmon."
Suddenly, Gandalfmon crashed thought the wall, lava was splashing everywhere and there's like angels in the background going all, "HE'S THE MOTHER FUCKING GANDALFMON!" and shit was so cash that Legolas regrew his skin and Gimli's ass grew back. And Beelzemon came back to life and Sam Rowett from far away jizzed in his pants and was like, "DAMN NIGGA DIS IS SOME GOOD CHICKEN!"
Aragorn knew how fucked he was so he tried to run, but you don't run from Gandalfmon. Gandalfmon reached into his armpits and pulled out the sword of divine pit sweat, formed from only the purest, hardworking manliest man sweat in all the land he cut Aragorn in two and was like, "Dis nigga's dead." and he flew off like he didn't give a fuck.
Renamon was saved! There was no time to rejoice though since Frodo was the real producer of Avatar. Sam stared him down but Frodo was ready for a fight. Sam was ready to destroy him but first... "You see this Frodo... you'll never win cause..." He pulled out the motha fuckin' cheese "I have the ultimate power. The One mother fuckin' cheese to rule them all, One mother fuckin' cheese to find them,
One mother fuckin' cheese to mother fuckin' cheese them all and in the darkness bind them
Sam pushed the fuck out of Frodo until Frodo was at the edge. He looked down sweating. "No Sam, no! Remember the whipped cream back at our village, and the strawberries? We had such good times together!"
Sam's rage began to settle... but it was a trap!
Frodo pulled out a pistol from his belt and held it up to Sams face. Frodo was gonna shoot Sam in the face, but the writer likes Sam too much so Frodo took the motha fuckin' cheese and jumped into the lava.
THey had lost many friends on this quest. Agumon... Frodo... Beelzemon once... They were all tired though so they just shimmied on back home. Since they were in Mordor though it kind of took a while. Legolas had an advantage with his mercedes and he was too much of a jerk to give anyone a ride.
1 year later.
Gimli and REnamon finally returned home. They were going to celebrate their 5th honey moon together. But as they arrived home, Gimli saw that his house was gone.
"Mah house!" Said Gimli, "What the fuck, Renamon! Our house and our children are gone! Where'd they go?" Just then a souped up Dolorian flashed in from the street and skidded to a halt, Doc Brown came busting out.
"Gimli!" Said Doc Brown, "You gotta come with me! Back to the future!"
"But Doc, I'm with Renamon now!" Said gimli
"This concerns her too, Gimli!" Said Doc, "It's your kids Gimli, something's got to be done about your kids!"
"Guess we're in for another wacky adventure!" Said Gimli shrugging as he, Renamon, and The Doc piled into the dolorian.