Author: shutterisland PM
Severus manages to save Lily and her son, only to disappear from her life.Just a little experiment in progress.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Severus S. & Lily Evans P. - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,408 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 03-26-12 - Published: 02-21-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7859936
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Severus opened his eyes in the Infirmary of Hogwarts. He had been here so many times, he could tell where he was by the smell alone. He was here when he was a student and then as a Professor, although at least as a Professor, Poppy gave him some illusion of privacy, screaming at him nonetheless. His neck was in a bandage and hurt like hell. He had cuts, bruises and bandages all over and as if that was not enough, someone had the audacity to dress him in white pajamas bottoms and a white t-shirt. Just great, now he was alive, his Dark Mark's scar was visible to the whole wide world and his wand was nowhere to be seen. Please, come kill me now! That's what Poppy was trying to get, was that it? He looked around. He was still in the private room of Infirmary, with just another bed next to him.
He got up despite his dizziness and was by her bed in no time. He sat right on the floor by the bed and looked at her. She can't be that bad, right? She was in Infirmary, not at St. Mungo's, so she had to be alright. She was in bandages and in the same awful clothing as himself. How did she get hurt? Why did she get hurt? Does Potter know? He had to have seen those memories, if they left her with him alone. But it can't be. They left her, this fiery angel, with a known Death Eater? He decided if he is very careful, he can touch her hand, and maybe she would not know. Just to make sure she is real. He gently put his hand on hers. No, it was real.
"Sev, dear, get back to your bed. Poppy told me you can't get up."
She was awake now! He just looked at her, trying to memorize how she looked, half awake, in the early morning. Red hair in messy waves in sharp contrast to the white oversized t-shirt she was wearing, falling on shoulders, sleepy emerald eyes, trying to adjust to the sunlight pouring in from the big window next to her bed.
"Sev, stop staring, and get back to bed. Here, let me help you, you have lost too much blood. Don't talk, it cannot possibly be beneficial for that wound that snake left on you, before our Neville killed it."
"Did we win?"
"Yes, we did. Harry is alright, Voldemort is gone."
She got up and helped him up from floor and walked him back to his bed and even tucked him in. She was right, he couldn't walk properly, as the Infirmary room started spinning around faster and faster.
"You are too weak, dear, you can't just get up and go. Do you need anything?"
He shook his head. No, nothing. What could he possibly want, if he had Lily Evans as his fellow Infirmary patient? Well, maybe some water. He pointed towards the jug on the table. Lily helped him with the glass even, as his hand was just a little shaky, from the previous getting up from the bed.
"Lily.." The hell with the precautions of not talking, this was Lily in front of him!
"Doesn't it hurt when you talk?"
"The throat or the wound only?"
"I don't know. Everything."
"You are so pale, Sev! Listen, Poppy instructed me to give you this, when you wake 's some potions that will help you with recovery."
Before even Severus could think about asking what potions were in the mix, Lily was holding the glass and making him drink some awful mix that tasted worse than it smelled and that was to say a lot. Next thing he knew, the room started spinning around, Lily's voice went away and he could only recognize her blurry contour in the morning light. He was seeing a dream. He was in a long corridor with numerous doors and he was looking for Lily and she was not anywhere to be found. Just numerous doors, none of them open.
"Sev? Sev, it's just a dream, you know. Sev, I have got to change your clothes. They are drenched in sweat. You are going to catch a cold. "
"Don't.. Lily.. Don't touch me. Lil! Get back to your bed."
"Severus Snape, stop resisting at this moment! I made a promise to that woman and I am not about to break it. I am changing your clothes!"
"I can't even stop you. Too bloody weak!"
"Then stop trying, you stubborn man!"
He tried to catch her hands that were quickly pulling his shirt off him, but she only spanked his hand and proceeded to removing his pajama bottoms. At this point Severus was too embarrassed to look at anything but the ceiling. Luckily, he was quickly losing any coherent thought process and the room started spinning again, and he was unconscious soon. He was in another dream. He was sitting on a swing, his adult version, and waiting for Lily. She was not going to come, of that he was sure, but he kept waiting.
"Sev? Are you awake?"
Lily was in her bed, looking at him.
"I just woke up. How are you, Lil?"
"I am much better, thanks. Your Healing Potions came to help. Which reminds me.. Your next dose of Potions is long overdue. You were asleep, I didn't want to disturb you."
"What time is it?"
"It's seven in the evening, you slept all day. This is what we want. How's throat?"
"Better. I think."
"That's excellent, Severus! C'mon, drink up! These are some nutritional potions as well, you can't starve while recovering. Water?"
"Yes, please. Thank you."
She again, helped him with all the glasses.
"Did this dose have Sleeping Draught in it too?"
"Yes, it did. And as soon as you start feeling sleepy, I am changing your clothes again. I cast cleaning charms when you sleep, but I don't want to move you around too much while you are asleep. So I have to do it between sleep and wakefulness."
"Do you have to? I'd rather not have you.."
"Severus, name one other person that you would be comfortable with changing your clothes and I will get that person here."
Severus decided that it was a shame that Lily knew him so well. He closed his eyes and felt Lily lift him up from his pillow and take his shirt off. Even in Infirmary, this girl smelled like Spring. He was seeing yet another dream. He was teaching Potions, but his students were his old classmates, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, himself. Lily again was nowhere to be seen. This time when he opened his eyes, he saw that Lily has moved her bed right next to his and thus was now sleeping next to him. She had her hand on his chest, so the moment he moved, she was half-awake.
"Sev? Are you feeling better?"
"Lil, go to sleep. It's late at night."
"Your potions.. I have got to.. I even moved my bed close to you, so I will know.."
"Lil, I will take them. Sleep, you need some rest."
She was half-asleep, murmuring. What about your clothes? I don't know if it is the anti-venom, or the snake-venom itself, I just need to change your clothes."
"It's alright, Lil. You can do it in the morning. I promise, I won't protest much. Sleep."
He took his potions, covered Lily with a blanket, and closed his eyes, falling back on his pillow. If he tried very hard, he could even convince his imagination that this is what it would feel like to be married to Lily. If she was his wife, she would sleep next to him every night, not just when they were in Infirmary. He woke up from Lily putting a new shirt on him. The pajamas were already changed.
"Severus, I am so sorry. I didn't change your shirt at night. You are going to get pneumonia because of me."
"Lily, I am not going to die because of an unchanged shirt."
"You can't die. From anything! You hear me?"
Lily's emerald eyes were burning with mysterious fire. Severus could not help but smile. Bossy as ever.
"I do. I have got to ask you something."
"Please, don't give me more Sleeping Potions. I need to ask you questions, Lily. Please. I need to know what happened and whom did we lose. You just put me to sleep the moment I am awake. Please, let me stay awake for an hour."
"Alright, Sev. I won't."
"Lily, what happened?"
"Sev, so many things happened! First, my son is alive and well, and I cannot believe you knew about Dumbledore's plan and didn't tell me."
"You were against it?"
"Lily, he is a child."
"That's what I said! Siri is alive, Remus and Tonks as well, although they were wounded, but recovering. The children are fine. Your colleagues are well, Malfoys are too. Alright where do I start?"
"Lily get back to bed and start from the part when you got wounded."
Lily fell in her bed, breathing heavily from exhaustion.
"I guess Poppy was right, I am still weak. I hate this."
Severus just covered her with a blanket, saying nothing.
"Whoever got you here, forgot your wand, Severus, so we don't know what happened to your wand."
"How can they forget a wizard's wand behind? And who thought of me enough to try and save me? Was your son trying to be brave again or was it that know-it-all?"
"It wasn't them, although you not being in Azkaban is their doing."
"What did they do? Lily, please tell me, he didn't make a laughing stock out of me! I don't have my wand, I am in this awful clothing and the entire world knows about my pathetic excuse for a life."
Severus's eyes were burning with anger and humiliation. Lily knew only one trick that always calmed him down. She took his hand in hers, like she used to do in old days.
He didn't move away, which was definitely a good sign.
"Severus, hear me out please."
"He told everyone? Oh, Lily, he told you, didn't he?"
He buried his face in his pillow. He was like a teenager, no different, Lily thought to herself.
"Severus, I did not get to see my son defeating Voldemort, you owe me at least an explanation for it!"
"Where were you?"
"Dragging a stupid and overly dramatic Slytherin from Shrieking Shack to Infirmary!"
"Lily.. You?" He looked at her in complete awe.
"Sev, who else? You managed to alienate everyone in Britain with listening to Albus's plan. " She said softly.
"You can hide it from everyone else, but you loved that man like a father.
"Your own son saw me shoot the curse."
"And I myself saw you as a spy for seventeen years. Spy or not, you did not deserve to die in that awful place. I wasn't even hoping that you would survive, but Sirius managed to get these Phoenix tears, and I don't know, I guess if you pour every known healing Potion into one body, it will work eventually."
"When were you wounded?"
"People were wondering if I was myself, when I was dragging you back here, so they shot couple of curses at me, using the opportunity that I was busy. That's how I lost my wand."
"Who? Names or descriptions, Lily."
Severus's lips were a thin line and his eyes were murderous.
"Calm down, you crazy person! Do you think I would tell you, even if I knew? Anyway, noone is laughing at you, but they are agreeing that you should not got to Azkaban."
"I don't have a problem with going to Azkaban."
"Well, I do!"
"Why do you even care, Lily? Why are you so nice to me? It feels like you actually care about me and you have to stop making me believe in things that cannot exist!" He really wanted to know. Why did she risk her life to save him? Why did she care what happens to him? Why does she even talk to him right now?
"Sev, is it true?"
"What is true?"
"The things you told Dumbledore."
He looked at her with strange expression. He was curious and it looked like he is trying to solve a puzzle.
Lily was blushing furiously.
"The thing about your motives, when he asked if you care about Harry, do you remember?"
"Well, is it?"
"Yes. I did not lie to Albus Dumbledore, if that's what you are worried about."
"Is it still true, Sev?" She bit her lip, not finding any of the Gryffindor courage to look up and see his eyes.
"It will always be true Lily."
'Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I could not hear your rejection, Lily." She finally met his eyes. Both of them had tears in her eyes at this point. If Death Eaters could see me now, Severus thought to himself.
"Who told you, it was going to be a rejection?"
Tears openly were running down his cheeks. He could feel them, burning little rivers in his face. The world was not making sense anymore. It wasn't going to be rejection? How could that be?
"What do you mean? You left me!"
"We will discuss this one day, when we are comfortable with one another enough to not run away after every argument. And I do have very valid argument against joining Death Eaters and Dark Arts. However, for now..."
She got up and sat up on the bed.
"You are going to keep an eye on the door and let me know if any impressionable child opens the door. Also, you promise to tell me, if I am hurting you, Since you are all in bruises."
What was she going to do that it mattered if he had bruises or not? Severus looked so confused, Lily started laughing.
"Sev, I am still not very comfortable with all this, and us being friends before, you know... But I think I can deal with a kiss."
" A what?"
She sat on top of him, which was, admittedly, hurting like hell, and started kissing him on the lips, like girlfriends and wives did! He was panicking, he didn't know how to kiss properly, he had to keep an eye on a door, and it felt like his head was full of hot air and not much hands were in his hair for some reason, and it felt amazing, and he was breathless, when she finally finished that kiss, that was not nearly long enough, and fell back on her pillow, panting. Severus closed his eyes, analyzing what just happened. He was lying on his back in a bed, Lily straddled him and kissed him for so long, he was gasping for air. But why? With what she was not yet comfortable, if she was comfortable with that kiss? Oh... Nothing he did for Dumbledore, Potter and the Order was enough to get him this moment. Better not think if this was going to happen again or not. It happened once and that was quite enough for a lifetime.
"It felt just like I imagined."
"You imagined this?" Severus started doubting the reality.
"Didn't I tell you, you should have told this earlier,Sev?"
"You can't be real, Lily. These things cannot be happening."
"Sev, get up, let's look at the yard. They are all cleaning up there."
"Sure, Lily." He tried to get up, but still was dizzy. Good thing, Lily could understand every one of his gestures and guess what he will need before he even realized. She helped to steady him up and held his hand as they walked to the balcony. Underneath, wizards and witches were rebuilding Hogwarts.
"Sev, life goes on. You need to start living again."
"I am not exactly dead, Lil."
"Don't be cheeky. You know what I mean."
"I don't think I know how at this point." He said honestly.
"Sev, I have couple of confessions to make."
She was going to tell him that she is married. That she is in love with Lupin or worse, with Black. That she was just joking with that kiss.
"Sev, the Ministry feels that before they fully exonerate you, you will need to have a chaperon-like person that will keep an eye on you."
"Of course. I will start killing people." He said bitterly.
"That's not what they said, but I am sure they meant something-like that."
"I am surprised they didn't have couple of Aurors sitting over me when I was unconscious."
"Um.. actually Sev... Please don't get mad, alright? Promise me, you won't storm out. Please?"
"I won't storm out. I promise."
"Harry thought he is doing me a favor. He asked them, if I can look after you instead of Aurors. He said I will be much more effective, because he thinks I can convince you to behave much better than all the Aurors together. He did this on his own and I didn't know about it. I would have stopped him. I know you value your privacy and I hate to impose. It will be temporary and I will be very discreet, alright? The alternative is Azkaban, Sev. This is only before they fully exonerate you as they promised Harry. He is like a grown up, Sev. But sometimes he does these stupid things as making you to have my company until Ministry decides to free you completely."
"Lil. Lily relax. You are having one your babbling episodes, when you are nervous. What is the matter, Lil?"
Not a lot of people knew this, but when Lily Evans was very nervous about something, she would talk non-stop. Severus knew this of course, as they were inseparable for most of their childhood. He did what he usually did in these instances, especially when they were alone. He put his arms around her, like he always did, when they were in Hogwarts. He hugged her very tightly, as if he was shielding her from the world and whispered.
"Tell me what's really bothering you, Lil. We both know it's not the Ministry and the Aurors."
Lily looked up, green eyes in tears.
"I am scared, Sev. "
"Gryffindor Head Girl is scared. Scared of what? You are not scared of me, are you?"
"No, of course not. It's just.. This is going way too fast. They want us to live together already and we have not been around each other for longer than an hour for years!"
She was hugging him, so obviously she was not scared of him and didn't detest him. This was good news. But she looked sad and conflicted.
"Lil, it's just me. We have known each other since we were nine. I think we can manage, don't you? We don't have to rush things just because Ministry makes you live with me. I have waited for you for a long time. I can wait a bit longer. I will buy a big house near Black's. Any house will be fine, price or style is not an issue. You can have half of it and I can have the other half."
"Sev, you make it sound like you actually like the idea of being watched by someone all day."
"Someone? No. You? Absolutely yes."
"Maybe Harry's idea is not as terrible as I originally thought. So you like the idea of me following you everywhere?"
"You are joking, surely?"
"Sev, you are being an absolute angel about this."
"I dare you to go down to the yard and announce to everyone that Severus Snape is an angel. See what happens next."
Lily started laughing.
"Oh who cares what they think? C'mon, Sev. You walked around enough. Let's get you to bed, before Poppy has had my head for exhausting you. Also, people want to visit you. I told them you are too weak, and they cannot stay for long. Promise me you will be nice, Sev. For me? Poor Neville is scared to say your name. That's not normal, Severus."
"I will be nice to Neville."
"And to others?"
"And to others."
Later that night, Severus woke up from Potion-induced sleep, and Lily changed his clothing again and tended to his wound that the snake left on his neck. He ran couple of diagnostic spells on her to ensure she was healing properly, and now they were lying in complete darkness.
"Sev? I will not be able to sleep if I don't say this. I love you, Sev."
"I love you too, Lil."
"Good Night, Sev."
"Good Night, Lil. Thank you for saying it first."
"I am a Gryffindor, afterall."
Thank you for reading this long one. It didn't feel right to cut it. I wanted to create the impression of these two people being left to themselves for awhile, away from the crowd. Snakebites- complicated and long, decided not to go into it. Light and fluffy. That's the motto. Hope I didn't waste your time. :) And I hope it might inspire you to write your own, better stories, so I can read them.