Author: Maxi-Luca PM
Two friends, the people around them, and the horrible circumstance they're in. Let no love fall victim to circumstance... Spemily.Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Romance - Emily F. & Spencer H. - Chapters: 14 - Words: 46,194 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 08-04-12 - Published: 02-29-12 - id: 7884978
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: Okay so, I had another story started, it had no plan, but it was going to be a Spemily AND I had randomly, unintentionally went toward a love-triangle but… My stupid ass got my three finished chapters deleted, along with other stuff. But, I'm trying this Spemily out again, only because I need the distraction (And because it's leap year! Woot!) Warning, this is extremely light on the dialogue and HEAVY on emotions and thoughts of Spencer. Also, I totally stole the idea of tweaking the ending of "The Naked Truth" in way of a Spemily friendship from Spinoza-off's one shot "Without A Home." Which is amazing, by the way. Their whole Spemily saga is fucking amazing. You read that now!
Let no love fall victim to circumstance…
"If I had known before, then I'd have made a different decision and you wouldn't be here," Veronica Hastings said in a desperate attempt to make her youngest daughter understand how she could have forgiven her husband so easily, well not exactly easily, for his affair so many years ago. "Let's go home, you can talk to your father."
"No," Spencer said sharply, "I don't want to talk to him. I don't want even to look at him!" Spencer was on the verge of tears, her whole body shook, her whole body ached. Her head felt a little fuzzy, like it was all a bad dream after eating something that was slightly spoiled, not enough to realize it while eating it, but knowing now that something was wrong. All Spencer could do to keep herself composed was to hold herself, gripping herself tightly with her crossed arms.
Veronica looked at her daughter, and a part of her looked at her with pride. Though Spencer was visibly upset, and who could blame her, she hadn't broke down, she hadn't screamed wildly or bawled her eyes out. She handled the sudden news of a half brother, a boy she grew up knowing as Jason DiLaurentis, Alison's older brother who was always drinking and getting high, this boy, now a young man, was her half brother. But still, all relationships with all parties didn't have to change. "Spencer, this doesn't change anything-"
"No, this changes everything!" Spencer shouted, her arms no longer crossing her chest in a subtle sign showing she was no longer scared. She was angry and she would not show vulnerability.
"Honey, please, let's go home," Veronica pleaded.
Spencer looked at her mother in disbelief, "What is home?" she said almost cynically, "That's a joke." Taking her first few steps back down the hallway, Spencer kept eye contact with her mother, turning her head to keep that contact and she walked, signaling to her that she was done with this conversation. There was nothing left that could be said.
The damage, no matter how old it was, was done and now there was something astronomical to deal with. Spencer had a half brother. A half brother who was also a half brother to Alison. Walking down the hallway, her bravado finally dissipating, Spencer hugged herself, trying to keep her composure. She wouldn't lose it, she couldn't lose it. She needed to hang on, just for a few more steps until she got to the restroom.
Finally, she had made it. Without hesitation she pushed the door open with such force that it hit the wall behind it. Spencer grabbed the handle and forced it closed right away then walked further into the restroom and bent down, checking the stalls, making sure no one was in them. When she saw the coast was clear, she slowly turned toward the mirror and took slow steps forward until she reached the sink, never once breaking eye contact with herself.
She looked so much like her father. So much like her mother. The same shade of brown of their hair, same shade for her eyes. She looked like a perfect, genetic mix of both of them. Just like her sister. But Jason, he had his mother's colors, he looked so far removed from Melissa and herself that Spencer never even had an inkling. But as she continued to stare at herself, she began to notice it, she saw what was her father in her face. She saw Jason.
It was then, with those small realizations, she felt the pain in her chest. Her eyes stung and her vision blurred and she couldn't hold back the sob that came out. The sob was so powerful it heeled her over and she had to grab onto the sink so she wouldn't fall. Soon enough another sob followed, and another as the tears fell from her eyes.
Her whole life had been a lie. At least a majority of it. Always assuming they were this family with the need to excel, to be perfect. Her parents, particularly her father, almost demanding perfection of her, demanding her to be like her sister. His illusion that it was all about them, about her and Melissa. Her, Melissa, and their mother. They were his world. But that wasn't true anymore. Was it ever true?
The tears and the sobs stopped and Spencer's head came up and she looked at herself again. She wouldn't be some perfect specimen. She wouldn't be his pet project anymore. Her father lost that right to claim anything on her. Turning on the faucet, Spencer splashed her face with cold water, letting the liquid drip down her face, taking her tears with it down the drain, forever to be banished from her being. But how would she live now? Knowing her father cheated, and a child was produced by that affair. But not just any child. Jason.
He lied, she thought to herself, He lied to all of us this whole time. "I can never trust him again," she said out loud. And then another thought: her mother. She had lied too. Albeit, not as horribly as her father, but still, her mother had never told them, had just thrown it on the back burner. "I can't trust either of them." Who can I trust?
Almost like a zombie, Spencer grabbed a few towels and dried her face before making her way back out. She didn't even pick up her feet off the floor and let them almost drag. Her normal walk, back straight and chin up, was gone. She was defeated. It was as if the world went grey, everything she knew was a lie, everything was turned upside down, and nothing would ever be the same again. Indeed, everything has been changed, the players were all the same but the roles had changed. What game was it now?
Suddenly she remembered an old episode of "Veronica Mars" where Veronica found out there was a chance she might have been another man's daughter and therefore had inadvertently dated her half brother. Of course that turned out to be untrue, she was a true Mars, but still, the shock was there and the shock was the same. But was it Jason who was Veronica or was she? It didn't matter. All that mattered was that the her whole world stopped. Right now, she didn't give a damn about A, she didn't give a damn about the phone number in Vivian Darkbloom's coat, she didn't give a damn about anything.
An hour or so, she couldn't tell, had past and it was time for "lights out" as the faculty said, as if they were at some godforsaken camp. That was unfair. Now she was just angry and lashing out, mentally anyways, at every little thing.
Her friends gathered around where she was at near a window. Her sleeping bag was already set, she was laying in it with her back turned away from everyone else. She tuned out their chatter, really not wanting to be involved and pretended to be asleep. Though her eyes were closed, the images didn't stop appearing. So many memories flashed before her closed eyes, some fast, some slow. Images of Jason as a boy, as a teen, and finally as an adult. She watched him grow up just as he watched her grow. Neither one knowing that they were related. So many times she'd slept over at Alison's, so many arguments with him, always bumping heads. There was even a time she believed he killed Ali. Had she believed it was on purpose? By accident? Some drug induced fit of rage? She couldn't even remember anymore. Would she still believe it now that she found out she was related to him?
Spencer's eyes flew open as she exhaled. Her chest was tight and she felt like she was having difficulty breathing. She threw the top of the sleeping bag off of her upper body and sat up bringing her knees to her chest hugging them tightly. What's going on? she thought to herself. Her heart pounded in her chest and she could feel the blood pumping in her ears. It was almost painful as she brought up her hands to cover her ears. Her eyes shut tight and she clenched her jaw as more images of her past, memories of lies flashed. Then she saw her father. All his fake smiles and condescending looks.
The pounding stopped and Spencer opened her eyes and slowly brought her hands down away from her ears. Her breathing grew more shallow and steady. What was she to do? She was all alone in this Hastings World. No one to trust. No father, no mother, no sister, no anyone. Could she trust Jason? Why would she? She snorted at the idea. She had never trusted him before and just because they now shared DNA, there was no reason to trust him now. He had never given her any reason to trust him, especially how shady he was and his involvement with Ian and Garret and their N.A.T. club of freaks.
What to do?
With a sigh, Spencer looked around and saw everyone sound asleep so she glanced at Emily's phone which laid in between them. It read 2:05AM. Everyone had been asleep for four hours and she'd been haunted by memories. Had she slept and just dreamt those? She didn't know but she decided she didn't want to lay down anymore and rose up, letting the cover of the sleeping bag fall haphazardly to the floor and walked to the window. There were chairs piled on top of each other and she leaned on them and just stared outside, stared at a big open world. A world filled with lies. Lies parents told their children, lies children told their parents. The world was nothing but lies.
After a while, Spencer sat on the higher pile of chairs and brought up her feet and placed them on the smaller pile and leaned against the window, still staring out, but not really staring at anything in particular. That's when she heard someone stirring, but she didn't turn around.
Nearby, Emily Fields turned and woke. Her eyes were blurry and she closed them only to reopen them in an attempt to get them to focus better in the extremely dim light of the cafeteria. With an exhale, she slightly stretched her back and picked up her head, opening her eyes wider. Spencer was no longer next to her. For a moment, Emily's heart skipped a beat and she felt the panic tickling her at the edge of her mind. But it was held at bay when she turned her head and saw her friend sitting by the window.
"Spencer?" she whispered, her voice riddled with sleep, "What time is it?" No exactly what she had wanted to say but it was what came out.
Spencer turned and stared at Emily then shrugged with annoyance. Why did Emily have to wake up? Why did anyone have to wake up? Spencer wanted nothing more than to be left alone. But she wasn't that lucky, she knew. Hearing Emily move around, Spencer knew her friend was pushing back her own sleeping bag and wobbly got to her feet. Spencer couldn't help but roll her eyes. As much as she loved Emily, she really did not want to talk to anyone or to deal with anything. She really didn't want company.
Emily made her way and stood in front of Spencer, who did not even glance in her direction, and held up her phone, "Spence," she said, "I got, like, six missed calls from that number." She brought up her cell phone to show Spencer.
Suddenly, Spencer snatched the phone from Emily's hands and she stared at it. For a long few, intense seconds, Spencer was completely frozen and Emily thought she looked like stone. "Why didn't you answer?" she asked Emily, her voice sharp. She almost sounded as if she was chastising Emily.
Taken back at Spencer's sudden sharpness, Emily said, defending herself, "Because I was asleep? And it was on silent," she added as an after thought.
"Damnit," Spencer said, clearly annoyed and upset at the situation.
All Emily could do was stare. Was Spencer blaming her for missing the calls? "What's the matter with you? It's not like I missed the calls on purpose," she whispered harshly.
"We have to call back, now," Spencer said without looking up. She opened the options on the phone and was about to hit the call back button when Emily's hand grabbed her wrist. Finally, Spencer looked up and found Emily's eyes, her pleading eyes, eyes that always said she had a shoulder to cry on. But not tonight. "What?" Spencer couldn't understand why Emily had stopped her.
"What's wrong?" Emily asked again, almost desperately.
"Nothing," Spencer replied, only this time, it wasn't as strong as before. Finally she was beginning to break. Damn Emily and her doe-like eyes that were so safe and so inviting. Spencer quickly turned away, breaking eye contact, not wanting to get stuck and sucked into the safe zone.
"Spencer," Emily pleaded again, this time, she gently grabbed onto Spencer's forearm. "Talk to me. What's going on?" Her voice was gentle. It was warm. It was inviting.
Spencer's wall was cracking and her guard was dropping. She couldn't allow anyone in, not yet, not until everything blew over. And even then, would it be okay? "I can't talk about it."
"What did A do?" Emily asked protectively.
Spencer shook her head, almost dejectedly, "A didn't do anything. They knew what was going on, but for once, A didn't do it." Spencer wasn't even looking at Emily anymore, she was looking right off to her side, down the hallway, but not really looking at anything.
"I don't understand," Emily said, tilting her head to try to make eye contact with Spencer.
Finally Spencer looked at Emily, "I can't," she whispered, her sound cracking. It was happening, Spencer couldn't hold herself together anymore as the sting in her eyes increased and her vision blurred. The sobs came out and she hung her head. Emily wasted no time and wrapped her arms around her friend and said nothing. No words could be said right now. She knew exactly what Spencer needed and it wasn't words of encouragement or anything of the like, she needed comfort. Pure comfort that could only be given through a loving hug and Spencer accepted it without hesitation. Spencer buried her face in Emily's shoulder and cried, gripping onto Emily's shirt tighter. She felt Emily's arms tighten around her. Of all the crap that happened tonight, Spencer only felt safe in Emily's hug. She knew she could no longer seek comfort or safety in her parents or her family, but in so many aspects, her friends were her family. They were the only people she could truly be herself with. Confide her fears, her true ambitions, everything, only with them. Especially Emily.
After a good cry, Spencer composed herself and wiped at her face, "Sorry," she sheepishly said.
"It's okay," Emily replied.
"Look," she paused and breathed in, "I can't talk about it. Not yet, but I promise I will. Later."
Emily nodded, "Just promise me you'll take care of yourself?"
"Spencer, you know I'm always here if you need me, right?"
"Even if it's just a hug."
Spencer smiled, "I know."
For a moment they stared at each other, Spencer thinking how lucky she was having a friend like Emily. Then suddenly she remembered the missed calls. "Hey, what time was the last missed call at?"
"Uh," Emily stammered, looking at her phone, "About 12:15. It's already 3AM, this person is probably asleep."
Spencer nodded in agreement, "We'll call first thing in the morning."
"Okay," Emily agreed. She suddenly became very tired again, "You want to try and get some sleep?"
With a weak smile Spencer replied, "I'll try.
To Be Continued…
Author's Note: So obviously this will be slightly AU in the sense it's heading toward a Spemily. Originally I was going toward a love triangle, we'll see if I go that route again.