|A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toon Foru
Author: Detective88 PM
A slave, Earthworm Jim wants to be free, but to earn it, he and Peter have to help his master, Ted woo Audrey, the girl next door before her consort takes her as his bride.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 25,592 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 08-26-12 - Published: 03-03-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7891966
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Sorry it took so long, but here's the chapter with a song from the Broadway musical version as Ted, Peter and Jim make their deal.
Chapter 2: Free
Later, Prudence finished her make up as she said, "It is time we were gone. Duke!" she called as a slave Elionwy helped her put on her jacket. "Pleakley!"
The Duke and Pleakley entered the room and Pleakley was carrying a bust of Prudence.
"Here you are and here I am." said Prudence. "A gift from my mother on the anniversary of her birth."
"104 years old and not a single working condition." the Duke muttered to himself in sarcasm.
"Do you think it will please her?" asked Prudence.
"A craftmanship is so perfect." said Pleakley with a smile.
"And the likeness?" asked Prudence.
"Frightening." said Pleakley.
"We go." said Prudence as she and the Duke prepare to leave, "Pleakley, here are my husband's final instructions. Watch over our son Ted and keep him cheerful, well-fed and far from the opposite gender." The reason why is because Ted is young and he wouldn't know about that experience just yet also, like I said in the first chapter, she hated Moe.
"Oh, my dear, he must learn sometime." the Duke tried to say.
"And when that time comes, you shall teach him. Little you know." Prudence told him before she and the Duke left the room as Prudence told Pleakley, "Above all, DO NOT let his eyes stray at that house next door. I hold you completely responsible."
"If I'd rather let you down, I die." said Pleakley.
"That is what I had in mind." Prudence told him.
"And furthermore-"The Duke said before Prudence cut him off, "We are on our way."
"We are on our way." The Duke repeated.
"Come on, Dukey and carry my bust with pride." Prudence said as she left the room.
"Yes dear. A lesson to remember: Never fall in love during a total eclipse." the Duke whispered to Pleakley who nodded.
"Thank you." Pleakley said.
As they followed Prudence out of the room, Prudence asked, "Where is Ted?"
"He's in his room, studying with Professor Von Drake." answered Pleakley.
Inside the room, being taught by his professor, Ludwig Von Drake was a 13 year old boy with messy brown hair, blue eyes, a white shirt over a orange/red striped shirt, blue pants and sneakers. This was Ted, the son of the Duke and Prudence and he was bored to the max, so he wrote a letter.
He then noticed a girl next door being taught by her tutor Mrs. Puff. She was a 14 year old girl with long orange hair, green eyes and she wore a green Roman Dress. This was Audrey, one of the cortesans.
When his teacher wasn't looking, Ted took a dove from his cages of birds opened it, placed a rock with a message on it, tied it to the bird and stared at Audrey as he whispered, "Take this message to my love to she has captured my heart." The truth was he was in love with Audrey since the day Moe 'bought' her into his harem.
Ted set the bird outside, but due to the weight of the rock, flew to the ground where Peter was freeing the past birds that Ted had sent all with rock messages.
"This is the ninth time I got to free you guys." Peter said as he cut the rope of the recent bird.
Inside, The Duke and Prudence walked down the stairs, Prudence said, "That breeder woman has she thrown a mate yet?"
"Alas, she refuses just any slave." Pleakley said. "She demands to choose."
"Choose? She'll breed and like it like everyone else." the Duke told Pleakley. "Well, almost everyone."
Then Razoul came to the door with Peter standing in front of him and a guard holding Jim captive.
"Citizens," Razoul said as he brought Jim inside and then he kissed Prudence's hand with respect, "We caught your runaway slave. "And how dare he challenge our right to execute him?"
"I am family slave." Jim lied. "What's the good of being in a family if you're executed by strangers."
"He is quite correct. We shall torture him." Prudence assured Razoul.
"You see how they look after their own." Jim said. Prudence slapped her hand away from Jim angrily before she said to Razoul and the guards, "Thank you, officers." Razoul and the guards sighed and left.
"Now what can we devise?" asked Prudence, trying to think of a good punishment for Jim. "Something suitable and legalling."
"Jim, you did it again?" Peter groaned in annoyance.
"Relax little buddy." Jim assured Peter. "As soon as I weasel out of this, we're free." He then said to Prudence, "Madam, may I suggest-"
"No you may not." Prudence cut him off.
"Hang the poor wretch, it's done." said the Duke.
Just then Peter and Jim didn't noticed Pleakley bringing Tilda into the room.
"Hanging is much too good for him." Prudence said.
"Yes much too good." Peter tsks.
"By the feet?" suggsted Pleakley.
Jim and Peter smile nervously as Jim said, "That doesn't hurt much."
"Hanging by the feet upside down while being lashed. They'll hate that." Prudence thought.
"They should hate that." Jim said. "My dear lady, if I suggest we try to find some other method. It's only because I happen to be imperious to physical pain." As he continued, Pleakley took a pin out of Tilda's hair. "And I can't stand the thought of spoiling your pleasure."
Just then, Pleakley poked Jim's butt with the pin making him scream in pain and Peter to cringe.
"I thought you were completely imperious to pain?" Pleakley asked.
"Not my own." said Jim as he lighly punched Pleakley. Just then Tilda appeared to have interest in Jim as she went close to him.
"Ah, you like him?" asked Prudence, noticing this.
"I like him." Tilda answreed.
"You have him." Prudence said as she left. "Congratulations, Jim, your life has been spared. May you be long, healthy and preductive."
Jim noticed the fact that Tilda started to get a crush on him and it made him feel uncomfortable. Peter shuddered at the thought as well.
"Productive, a breeder?" Jim said, then he begged, "Hang me."
Outside, as Prudence got into her cart, the Duke who was carrying the bust was noticing the beautiful women that had just been sold to Moe with lust in him. Moe noticed him and said, "Ah, visit any time, dear neighbor. No obligations to buy, just come in and browse."
"Dukey!" called Prudence. "Come away from that house of shame!"
"I was just standing here saying, "shame, shame, shame."" the Duke lied to his wife as he went to the carriage.
"For you own good, Pleakley, look after Ted." said Prudence. And with that they left.
Later, Ted was outside trying to reach into the window where Audrey was so he can serenate her. However, when he cut the rope, his 'catapult' shot him up into a tree. And to his surprise, Jim and Peter were there. He was about to say something, but Jim shushed him and pointed to Tilda who was looking for him. When she couldn't find him, Tilda left with a sad face.
Jim and Peter sighed in relief and Peter said to Ted, "What brings you out here?"
"I was trying to get in through-" Ted said before Jim cut him off, "In there? You must never know what goes on in that house."
"But I do know." Ted said.
"You do?" Jim and Peter said, confused. "Isn't it amazing?"
"Jim, Peter, I'm in love!" Ted confessed.
"Well that's very-" Jim then heard what he just said, "In love? You?"
"Who is she?" Peter asked.
"Sometimes you can see her in that window." Ted said.
"A common cortesan at the house of Moe Syslak?" Peter realized. "Not good. Your mother and father told you millions of times not to go in there."
"Mom and Dad don't know that I'm a man now!" Ted said. "Is that disgraceful?"
"There's no way to make it sound like an achievement." said Jim.
"I don't care." Ted said. "I would give anything for her. Anything."
Jim then asked, "You love that girl?" Ted nodded. "I like the way you said it. Master Ted, you can't buy her. At your age, you're not allowed to buy her. But suppose someone, someone with tremendous cunning and gile could arrange for her to be yours."
"And that someone could arrange it, what would you give me and Peter?"
"I'd give you everything I own."
"What do you want? 20 minae and a collection of seashells and me and Peter."
"Forget the minae and the seashells. Just give us me."
"Give you and Peter you?" Ted said confused.
"My freedom!" Jim said.
"Jim, people do not go around freeing slaves every day." Ted sighed.
"Me and Peter be the first, star a fashion." Jim said.
Ted then came up with a proposition, "Get me that girl."
"And if we do?" Peter asked.
"You are free." said Ted.
Jim and Peter's eyes widen in shock, "We are what?"
"Free." Ted repeated.
"Free!" Jim said before he fell from the tree and into the pond below. He got out spitting water as he said, "Say it again!"
"Free!" Peter said. Jim then started to sing.
Jim: Oh what a word
Oh what a word
Say it again!
"Free!" Ted said.
Jim: I often thought,
I often dreamed how it would be-
And yet I never thought I'd be-
"Free!" Peter said as he and Ted hop off the tree.
But when you come to think of such things
A man should have the rights that all others-
Can you imagine what it will be like when I am-
Can you see me?
Jim came out of the pond and imagined himself as an emperor as Peter and Ted waved to the crowd as they bowed to them.
Can you see me as a Roman with my head unbowed?
Sing it good and loud!
Then Jim imagined himself as a citizen who is talking to a guard who caught a slave.
Jim: Like a Roman having rights and like a Roman proud?
Can you see me?
Ted and Peter smiled at this.
Ted and Peter: We can see you
Then it shifts to Jim being a reformer voting with the patricians as Ted and Peter are holding chalk in their hands and a blackboard.
Jim: Can you see me?
A reformer fighting graft and vice?
Sing it soft and nice!
Jim: Why, I'll be so conscious that I may voice twice
Can you see me?
Can you see me?
When I'm free to be whatever I want to be
Think what wonders I'll accomplish them!
Then the fantasy tranform to Jim owning a house with slaves and Ted and Peter smiling said.
When the master that I serve is me
And just me-
Can you see me being equal with my countrymen?
Can you see me being Earthworm Jim the citizen?
Can you see me being-give it to me once again-
He took Peter and Ted and spun them around.
Jim: That's it!
Now, everything disappeared back to reality.
Jim shushed him.
Jim: Now, not so fast!
I didn't think-
The way I am,
I'd have a roof, three meals a day
And I don't have to pay a thing
I just a slave and everything's free
If I were free, then nothing would be free!
And if I'm beaten now, and then, what does it matter?
Then it showed a fantasy of Jim as a poet with Peter and Ted helping him out.
Jim:Can you see me?
Can you see me as a poet writing poetry?
All my verse will be-
Then it showed Jim, Ted and Peter posing for a statue carvings as the carver carved their statues.
Jim: A museum will have pickled me for posterity
Can you see me?
Ted: I can see you
Then it showed Jim dressed like Casanova as many women who look like his future girlfriend flirt with him.
Jim: Can you see me as a lover, one of great renown?
Women falling down-
Peter(scratching his head):Free!
But I'll buy the house of Lycus for my house in townspeople
Can you see me?
Can you see me?
Be you anything from king to baker of cakes
You're a vegetable unless you're free
Such a little word, oh, but the difference it makes!
Then it dissolves back to reality as Jim picked up Peter on his shoulder and gave Ted a noogie making him laugh.
It's the necessary essence of democracy
It's the thing that every slave should have the right to be
And I soon will have the right to buy a slave for me
Can you see him?
Well, I'll free him!
When a Jim can move, the universe shakes
But I'll never move until I'm free
Such a little word, but oh, the difference it makes
I'll be Jim, the founder of a family
I'll be Jim, the pillar of society
I'll be Jim, the worm if I can only be-
Jim: Sing it!
Jim: Spell it!
Ted and Peter: F-r-double-
"No, the long way!" Jim said.
Peter and Ted: F-R-E-E
Jim, Peter and Ted: Free!
The three finish the song with a laugh, just before Tilda called, "Where are you, my little man?"
Jim, Peter and Ted screeched, "We don't have all day! Run!" said Jim and they ran offscreen.
End of Chapter 2
The next chapter is where Ted, Peter and Jim enter the house of Moe and successfully bring Audrey out with a little lie. Read and Review.