Author: BellaFlan PM
Salvation comes in many forms. Bella tries to piece together the rubble of her life - a difficult task for a woman who can't recognize her own reflection. AH/AU. Angst with a shot of dark comedy. Self indulgent.Rated: Fiction M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 21 - Words: 12,218 - Reviews: 458 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 276 - Updated: 10-23-12 - Published: 03-07-12 - id: 7903562
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N Hi *waves*
No Children after all! It was weird, the monsters a little time and imagination created. All of these years I pictured a perfect, happy family: Edward, Tanya, and a strawberry blonde little girl or sometimes, if my imagination was particularly cruel, a look-alike son.
Edward honked out a sob, his tears soaking my shirt. God, he was just as miserable as me...no kids and a loveless marriage. I almost smiled.
"It's okay," I whispered, nearly trembling at his proximity. It felt like the nervous butterflies in my stomach had risen out of my chest and were now crawling all over my skin...only the sensation was actually pleasant even if the visual of being tickled by bug legs was disgusting. "Edward?"
His eyes were nearly as red as his hair when he finally lifted his head from my shoulder. I pushed his hair out of his eyes, biting my lip to keep from kissing him. His mouth with its pouting lower lip taunted me.
"I should be embarrassed." He laughed, an awkward chuckle, and wiped away a stray tear from his cheek.
"Don't be embarrassed. I mean, I pretty much flew across the country and threw myself at you only to be rejected so..."
"I never rejected you." His hand squeezed mine, pulling me with him as he sat down. I wondered if he wanted me in his lap. "I demanded an explanation, but I never rejected you. How could I?"
"Is that a rhetorical question?"
"Yes. I can't reject you, Bella."
"Then why won't you give me what I want?" I frowned, feeling particularly cruel in this moment.
"I will. Anything. Just...tell me first why you left without giving me a chance to explain?"
I shook my head, allowing him to draw me into his lap. "I couldn't take it. I knew you what you were gonna say. Just...it hurt too much, Edward."
"How do you think I felt? You left."
"Tanya was pregnant. You had responsibilities..."
His jaw flexed, his eyes flashing. "I know that! And I would have take care of...things. But you didn't even give me a chance to explain-"
"What could you possibly have explained? That you fucked her because I wouldn't put out? That you needed to man up and marry her? Do you really think I wanted to hear all that?" I struggled in his arms, but he held me tighter.
"Let go of me," I said, my voice calm despite the tempest brewing in my gut.
"There was never any choice, Bella. If you'd stayed, given me a chance, you'd have found that out."
I sobbed, my eyes burning.
"Please, Bella, look at me?"
"Why wasn't I good enough?"
"You were. You are. I'm a shit, but I never meant to hurt you."
"Sometimes I want you to hurt," I admitted, rubbing my eyes. "I'd fantasize about it - your suffering."
Finally, he let me go, his arms falling to his sides, yet I sat firmly rooted to his lap. "Well, love, I hope you find some comfort in the knowledge of my misery, because I'm fucking wrecked. Does that make you feel better?"
"A little." My lips contorted into a half-grin, half-grimace. In truth, I was stifling laughter.
Edward's eyes widened with apparent surprise and his mouth quivered. I couldn't decipher his expression.
"You're a little evil aren't you?" he said, his emotions completely unreadable. Usually his mouth and jaw held tension when he was irritated or upset, but this poker face thing he had going on was infuriating.
"A bit," I agreed.
He shook his head. "Were you always this conflicted?"
"I'm an enigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a puzzle...kind of like that turkey/duck/chicken thing...uh, turd-something."
"Turducken!" he shouted, his entire body shaking with laughter. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here!"
"I know. Just...I think you needed a little comic relief. We're starting to sound like a pair of emo-douchebags."