You Will Never Know

"Don't you feel sad there was never a story

Obviously... There'll never be"

Imany – You Will Never Know

January:

She had never believed in love at first sight. It didn't suit her mind; even less her temper and these aspirations she might have had. Life owned that dark shades that prevented people from falling in love like that, within a few seconds. Reality was bare, and abrupt. Feelings required time to settle in. And a lot of pain too.

Yet she had always watched romantic comedies with a silent envy. There was something beautiful in these scenarios; something pure and honest. But it was fiction and once the screen of her television set went dark, she was back in a nuanced tone existence.

And then it happened, on a Thursday morning. It came from nowhere unless you believe in fate and a confusing idea that everything is written since the very beginning. Yet what a bitter one, then.

As she looked up and locked her eyes with his brown ones, she knew it. Just like that. Instantly. Her heartbeats sped up their pace – pounding loud in her chest – and within a second her life tipped over. Except in movies, everything gets better after a while. Protagonists go through a whole series of events but eventually end up in each other's arms.

It wouldn't happen with Will.

He barely shook her hand as Grace introduced him to her then turned around to his friend and all of a sudden, she was forgotten.

Love at first sight wasn't a roller coaster but a spiral that took you down until you hit the ground at major speed and your heart shattered in a thousand pieces. She hated it right away but found out soon there wasn't a lot that she could do about it. As a matter of fact, she understood that immediately. She had fallen in a trap and the game was over now.

Incentives. She would be harsh with Will for hating being in love with him; knowing there wasn't even a single possibility. To what? Since he didn't love her. That was the problem. Love at first sight wasn't a mutual concept.

"Not tonight, I'm working."

Stanley had used these words for years, now. An excuse that had led her down that untold whirl from which her new job was supposed to save her from. Too much alcohol, too many pills; cigarettes. If she kept on this way, she wouldn't celebrate her fortieth birthday. Which she couldn't care less about if she had to be honest.

Without saying a word, she left her husband's office and wandered through the endless corridors of the penthouse they lived in. She stopped by her bathroom and without the slightest ounce of enthusiasm, decided to take a bath. Not that it would make her forget that one more time, Stanley didn't want to touch her. Could he be having an affair? She had thought about such eventuality a couple of times – even considered hiring a private detective – but then she had realized that it wouldn't change a lot of things. Men had always cheated on her. There must have been a reason to it.

As the hot water wrapped her cold body, she relaxed and closed her eyes; leaned her head backwards. The quietness of the mansion was dragging her down. It seemed lifeless. Bitter reflection of her failed marriage, actually.

But as soon as she began to forget all this, her mind focused on Will. He had barely stayed at Grace's office for ten minutes but she remembered him as if she had seen him every single day since she was born. The features of his face, the tone of his voice. His perfume.

She swallowed hard; something warm boiling in her stomach. As she bit her lower lip and held back a moan, she realized that her hand had slid down her body to settle in between her legs. If Stanley was too busy to touch her then she would do it herself.

Except the man she imagined making love with turned out to be Will. A complete stranger she had seen for a few minutes earlier in the day. She ignored everything about him; from his family name to his job. Nothing made sense anymore.

As she increased the pressure and the pace, she arched her back; took a deep breath. It was his hands that were caressing her shivering body, now. His lips tracing endless paths of kisses down her flesh. And the heat of his legs against hers; his sighs getting lost in her neck. Her heartbeats sped up again – just like when she had met him – and she began to feel the whirl of her orgasm build in her lower stomach.

"Karen?"

She jolted at her husband's voice calling her name on the other side of the door. Eyes wide open, she looked in the direction of the door and swallowed hard. She was breathless. Had he changed his mind?

"Yes?"

Her voice was hoarse. Shaking her head as if it would change the slightest thing, she focused on what was happening. Whatever it was, actually.

"Get a red cocktail dress for tomorrow evening."

After long seconds of silence, she knew that he had left. Waiting for her answer? But it hadn't been a question in itself. Just a statement. An order. As usual.

Slowly, she settled back in the tub except the water was cold now and she felt lonely. A tear ran down her cheek before others followed in silence. There hadn't been a day she had spent without crying for the past few weeks.