|Games of Virtue
Author: Alex Prosper PM
L/Light. Light's plan to destroy L crumbles when his new underclassman causes him to commit the worst mistake of his life.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Light Y. & L - Chapters: 2 - Words: 14,823 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 07-26-12 - Published: 03-13-12 - id: 7923130
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Characters and affiliated material belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I do not own the image. No profit is made off any of this.
It should have been a regular day. The last bell rang with the afternoon sun reflected dully off old nicked desks. The teacher lingered for a bit, conversing with students, but soon he was parting with them. Students hung around, gossiping, joking, taking it easy. Some did not want to go straight home and planned a leisurely afternoon.
Light made his exit as soon as he was free, followed by inquiring shouts from Kaito and Aya. His friends wondered why he was not hanging out with them anymore. He had big plans which took up every second of his time after school. His classmates would one day benefit from his work. Bypassing familiar halls, crowded as always, his mind wandered, trusting his legs to know the programed way home. He had long stopped noticing the same stairway down to the first floor, the white facade of the building and perfectly mowed grass. Faces he saw everyday walked by as he made his way down the well-known path to the street. The one place that never failed to grab his attention was the shaded area where he had first discovered the deathnote.
It should have been a regular day, but suddenly a strong hand grabbed his shoulder and Light turned around to glare at the nuisance. Even though the hand's owner wore their school's uniform, Light had never seen the underclassman before. He was shorter than Light, the top of his head coming up to Light's eyes, with naturally tan skin and jet-black spiky hair. His uniform was opened, tie undone, and there was a calm but dangerous arrogance to his slouch.
Light curbed his initial surprise and stared back quietly until a youthful tenor said, "Let me buy you a drink."
The adult pick up line sounded absurd coming from a kid no older than fifteen, despite the mature depth in the boy's eyes that hinted at experiences beyond his age. Light could not help the look of scorn he felt come on his face. "No, thank you." Not so long ago he would have added sarcastically, "But I'm sure there are plenty of hungry girls out there that would like a burger." At that point in time, with things of far greater importance that demanded urgency, Light decided not to speak unnecessarily.
"Don't sweat the small stuff. I know a place they won't care about our age."
"That was never a concern." Looking at the grip on his arm, Light pursed his lips and said through gritted teeth, "Let go. I have more important things to do than waste them on you."
"That right?" The underclassman grinned, eyes gleaming like he had heard the best joke in his life. Light found out why when his head was shoved forward, lips smashed into his clumsily. Just as suddenly, the underclassman released him and caught Light's swing. It had been a reflex.
"Alright, I can take an initial rejection. But I'll have that drink eventually."
Letting go of Light's fist, he shoved his hands in his pant pockets, turned on his heels and walked off languidly. An "initial rejection" the little fuck had said. Clearly he did not know who he was dealing with.
On Friday, Light had avoided the stares all day. It had been years since he was subject to students' judgmental scrutiny; not since he had changed middle schools after receiving death threats. It was not long after that, when Light reached his growth spurt that with new good looks he developed confidence and charm, athletic pursuits and doting followers. Light grew used to that pretty quickly and buried his childhood bullies from memory.
Five years was a long time. Light had forgotten how it felt to be at the center of scornful looks. The few who were bold enough to blatantly stare when he caught them were rewarded with his cold glare. At lunch time he headed for the second floor balcony accessed through the library. It was the only place he knew to be empty of people. Classrooms and fields were always filled; rooftop was for smokers. Even the library grew a little too crowded during lunch time and that particular day Light did not want to be around anyone. The balcony overlooked the streets just beyond campus and tall buildings towering over treetops. It was a pleasant view. Under normal circumstances, Light enjoyed it.
He knew rumor got around fast, evolving from having been kissed by a boy, to kissing a boy, to making out with a boy; a boy whom Light discovered through all the information flying around was a transfer student from Shinjuku. Word was Yujirou was kicked out for instigating too many fights. There were even rumors the kid had been in a gang. Light did not doubt it. Faculty was tight-lipped about it. A guy like that already would be the focus of attention; now the bloody bastard had to openly kiss Light Yagami, the most popular boy in school. It was all the rage in Daikoku Private Academy.
What was worse, word must have reached L and his father.
Light felt sickness worming its way past the stern defenses of his moral convictions, compelling him to write the deaths of criminals on a slip of death note paper, which he kept in a hidden pocket he sowed into his backpack, as means to vent. If his work was to be pure of faulty human judgment he should not act out of emotion, yet he did not stop himself from writing name after name stocked in memory, cursing them all in his head and wishing he could write Yujirou among the list of condemned.
When it was time to return to class, Light chastised himself. What a common fool he would be if he let Yujirou corrupt his mind and soul over a stupid kiss. Furthermore, he had not seen the newly arrived freshman all day. First years were on the first floor of the main building; it would be impossible to cross paths. All Light had to do was take a different route home.
Light succeeded getting home uneventfully. It was when he stepped inside his front door that shit hit the fan. His mother called to him from the dining room and there she was sitting with his father. Immediately Light knew something was wrong if his father was not working on the Kira Case at three-thirty in the afternoon.
"Come sit with us, Light," his mother said gently.
"We need to talk," Soichiro added a little more firmly.
Light obeyed silently, angry, frustrated, and humiliated.
"We heard what happened in school yesterday," Sachiko began, eyes full of concern. She laid her hand over Light's softly on top of the table.
His father had a brooding look in his eyes and began to speak. "Light, I want you to steer clear of this Masao Yujirou. He's the son of a bigshot yakuza from Shinjuku. Paid the private school good money to keep his son, however with the condition the boy committed no offense against any student from that school...but after what I heard..." Soichiro trailed off. His frown made him appear every bit the fifty years he had. The sight made Light worry for him.
"Steer clear of this boy," his father repeated.
The shame stung like a slap to his face. His mother's hand was sweaty over his own. L was watching everything.
"Yes, dad. I know."
Roughly a week went by undisturbed with Light taking the longer way home, until Yujirou followed him. He had barely slipped off his shoes over the genkan when the doorbell rang. At seeing who it was Light went to slam the door on the cheeky mug but a foot jammed it.
Sayu was in the Student Body Committee and did not arrive until later; Light's father always came home late, and his mother, while usually out early in the afternoon, he could hear her voice as she spoke over he phone in the kitchen. After the talk he had with his parents last week, the last thing he wanted was for his mother to come face to face with her feared "yakuza boy".
Picking up his school shoes, Light stepped outside and called out to his mother that he was going to the bookstore. He shot a glare at the shorter boy as he slipped back into his shoes and walked off. At the gate to his house, about to make a turn, Yujirou's voice cried from behind, "We're going to Shinjuku. The drink I promised is overdue, yeah?"
Light curbed his initial urge to rip his underclassman's throat and his overwhelming desire to write his name in the deathnote. Instead, he answered calmly, "One drink. I have way too much on my hands to be wasting time with you."
"And don't pull another stunt like you did last week. You almost got me into trouble with my parents."
"Aw. They homophobes?"
"They're a respectable family."
Light heard a rather loud, dry snort. "Don't fuckin' kid yourself, kid. Or you'll come across some nasty surprises in life."
He could have replied, defended his own argument. Light knew his family was not perfect, and the fact that he felt the need to put up an act in front of them proved it. There was something fundamentally wrong there; the same reverent conditioning that made society an oppressive force to be reckoned with. Honesty was only a claimed virtue on an acting stage. Perfect or not there was no point in defending his family when Yujirou believed whatever he pleased whether true or not.
It was Light's first time on a motorcycle, and in spite the dire circumstances in which had mounted him on one he rather enjoyed the liberating feel of speeding way past the legal limit in an unsecured vehicle that could throw him off with ease. An adrenaline rush very similar to the first time he wrote on the deathnote, conscious of what he was doing. Or his first game of Federal chess with L. Freedom was an ephemeral dream, but it could be found in the strangest places. More often than not, or so Light had come to know in his eighteenth year, freedom was found in enemies. Family, the most cherished and beloved of people, were the ones who chained him down and crushed any honesty in him.
The delicious fear of being thrown off the bike made Light cling tightly to Yujirou.
The pub, owned by Yujirou's older brother, was nicely hidden in a back street. A passerby would not spare a second glance at it. Inside was quiet and nearly empty, small, narrow, and very dim except for the bar itself. Light surprised himself when he thought he might enjoy a place like this if he had not known it belonged to criminals. The pub had one narrow passage between the booths lined on one wall and the bar. It had an old European style mixed with Japanese which made Light think it might have been built in the early nineteen hundreds. Yujirou took him to one of the cushioned booths by the end, made entirely of polished wood, farthest from the door.
"Gramps, get us two beers," the younger boy shouted to the bartender behind Light, then leaned back and smirked victoriously from across the wooden table.
"If you think you've won," Light began before he was cut off.
"I did win. I wanted a drink with you and I got it. Pops always said a man only gets what's worth his perseverance."
"That's what you call perseverance? You mean force. There's a difference."
Yujirou leaned over the table and winked. "A slight one."
"To the likes of you." Light sneered. "It would seem that way."
"You gotta cute face...but need to be taken off your high horse. I think mommy and daddy gave you too much and failed to teach you how to think like a man."
Light's scoffed. "Think like a man? What's that to you? Forcing your way through without a thought about anyone else but yourself? At least my parents taught me how to be a decent human being. What did your father teach you? How to break laws to get what you want? How to buy and sell people?"
His happy grin wiped off, Yujirou sat straight and growled, "Who the fuck told you that?"
"My father's chief investigator of the NPA. He has his resources. And the stunt you pulled in public last week came to his attention."
Something dawned on the younger boy's face, seeming to calm him and sat back. Putting a hand on his forehead, Yujirou muttered with a dry laugh, "I can be an idiot sometimes."
Light did not answer what he really thought of the little bastard as their drinks were placed in front of them on cup mats.
"How the fuck was I supposed to know you were the son of a high-rankin' cop?"
"One of the reasons you shouldn't mess with people on the streets."
"Don't tell me what I should or should not do, kid."
"Don't call me 'kid'," Light quipped. "I'm your sempai. Show some respect."
"There you go again telling others what to do. I suppose to your kind that ain't called force?"
"It's called manners."
Yujirou snorted. "Hypocrite. See if I don't break that ridiculous goody-two-shoes front. You're the perfect student and maybe that's enough for fucktards to think you're a good person. But I've been watching you this week. You have no real friends even though a lot of people claim your friendship in their stupid popularity contests. Know what that says about you? Says you don't give a shit about anyone but yourself.
"Manners," Yujirou scoffed. "You use them as a means to an end, not because you care about others' feelings. All that talk 'bout bein' considerate is bullshit. Sure, there are people out there who genuinely care about the world. But you ain't one of them."
"And you're a damn expert," Light snapped angrily.
Yujirou laughed. "Yeah, I'm an expert, sweetheart! I ain't a pampered babe who thinks he knows what the world 'should' be. Tell me," he continued after a short pause, "Are the games you play that fun? Light Yagami," he mocked in proper Japanese, "Paragon of virtue!"
At this point, Light was gritting his teeth. "You don't even know me."
"I know that the only honesty you showed me was when you took a swing at me. But I bet that was a momentary lapse of control."
"Is this why you asked me out to drink? To say all that? It's none of your business how I live my life."
"Well, I'm makin' it my business. I like you. Now drink your beer."
Light sighed in frustration and took large gulps of his ice-cold drink. The taste was bitter and he was unused to it but it was bearable enough and he wanted to finish it quickly.
"After this, don't bother me."
"That ain't gonna happen."
Light slammed the glass tankard over the cup mat, not minding the small splash, and glared at it in the darkest frustration he had ever endured. He wanted nothing more than to throw the beer in Yujirou's face, but not even the stupidest slum rat would do that to a yakuza in yakuza territory.
"I said I like you," Yujirou repeated as if he wanted a proper answer to that.
Even though it was the second time his underclassman confessed, Light was sick of hearing it. It made him nauseous. "So what?"
"So I wanna fuck you."
Light slid off his booth and stood. "I'm out of here. It was one drink and I didn't promise to finish it."
"Spoken like a true man of the law."
Without bothering to answer, Light walked out to find the nearest bus stop. Thank goodness it's Friday, he thought.
(six years earlier)
Light desired independence, but he was no fool. He would need to be received favorably by society to progress in life without difficulties. How ridiculous a truth: that independence itself relied on other people's acceptance. Freedom was bought with hypocrisy. Light had to act in a written play with his real character draped in costume; an alien from contemporary conceptions of what a man "naturally" should be. When people's fragile comprehension was challenged roused them to contempt, persistent acts of oppression and even violence. The greatly celebrated virtues of compassion and understanding were stagnant mentalities in the common majority, reserved for speech.
I hate this world, thought the twelve year-old boy as he washed the blood from his torn upper lip. He was in the boy's bathroom adjacent the boy's lockers during gym class, looking at his pathetic reflection in the mirror. In a split-second of weakness, Light felt the desire to run away from home, leave Tokyo far behind and live peacefully in a remote town by the beautiful foothills of Japan's mountains. It was a sweet split-second before his anger roiled in his gut again, and his desire for revenge returned strong. He would not run away. It was cowardly.
I hate people. I hate this city. I hate this world, he repeated to himself vehemently.
Light did not want to work so much for people's acceptance; to put up an act and be who he was not. In a remote, beautiful place he would not need to. But he would not run away. Neither would he seek revenge. He would pretend there was nothing wrong with society. After all, he did not want another thankless, fruitless mission to do the right thing and be stoned for it.
It was his first year in junior high when Light learned to never speak his own thoughts out loud and to pick his friends carefully. Recent past events drilled that lesson into him securely. He allowed one wretched sob through his teeth before he dried his face. It's Friday, he comforted himself.
Only four days ago, Light had defended a boy from bullies. Afterschool, the boy, small and slightly plump with very pale skin and bright cheeks, stepped up beside him, out of breath. "Hey," he gasped. "I just wanted to say thank you...for what you did today. Defending my beliefs, I mean."
The rueful anger that had been burning ugly in Light's gut all day at being given detention for fighting suddenly vanished. He felt guilty for regretting his actions. His father would have a nasty reprimand waiting for him at home, but the boy's beaming face relaxed him. At the very least, Light knew now that his own compassion was genuine, even if it had been momentarily tested.
"It's alright. Your name is Shou, right?"
"Yeah! Umm, I'm afraid I forgot yours."
"Yagami. Light Yagami. Are you okay?"
"I should be asking you that," Shou replied with a sheepish grin.
"It's nothing. I've had worse."
"Yeah, but those guys were tough."
Only on the outside, Light thought. Shou would not understand and he had no desire to explain why bullies only messed with the weak, nor that it was not Shou's religion which had been attacked but his open tenderness.
They walked side by side for a good fifteen minutes before they reached Shou's block. The boy looked up at Light hopefully. "Um...mom usually has bible study at this hour? You wanna join us?"
"I'm..." ...atheist. That would be a stupid thing to say.
"It's okay," Shou added, "You don't have to be Christian. But sometimes you can find some wisdom in all faiths, you know."
Shou's naiveté about people was clear in his assumption that Light had a faith in the first place. Despite religions arguing about which one of them was the true religion, some followers could be open-minded as long as a person had a god. Atheists were the worst and Light had to wonder very deeply why that was. Any god was better than no god at all. Were people that afraid ? Of what? Did they think that if there was no omnipotent entity controlling their lives that the responsibility of such power would fall on them? Or were they afraid of losing the only source for answers to the mysteries that house their lives and existence?
"That's very open-minded of you," Light chose to say. "But I was going to say I need to pick up my little sister from school and take her to her friend's house, then bring her back home. I'm afraid I can't today."
In his pretense of not being atheist, Light could have indulged Shou out of kindness. He would not have minded experiencing one bible study or listening to the thoughts and beliefs of other people. However, Shou's assumption that Light could not be atheist drove him to defiance.
The plump boy's spirit deflated. "Oh. Kay, see you tomorrow, then."
Next morning, Light had barely stepped onto school grounds when Shou ran towards him, beaming. "Morning!"
Light smiled gently in return. He liked the plumb Christian boy, his free spirit and kindness, but he knew that one day Shou's ignorance would irritate him and push him away. It always happened with everyone he met, which resulted in Light having not a single close friend.
Grin splitting his face, Shou seemed about to speak, when they heard a familiar voice shout at them from behind the plump boy. Light looked up and saw the bullies from yesterday walking over to them.
"Well, if it isn't the God-fearing fatso and his gay bodyguard. Guess they're dating now," said the ringleader, a tall handsome boy with an ugly leer.
The one beside him with braces laughed. "Which one's the girl?"
"Fat one," said the third.
"But the tall one looks like a girl," replied the ringleader. "He's actually prettier than your girlfriend, Rei."
"Shut up, Eiji," cried the boy with the braces, and the other two laughed.
Adrenaline started heating up Light's blood, anger and hate pumping his heart faster. If only he had the strength to hurt all of them easily, make them cry out in pain and regret. Light shook his head from such thoughts. They were ugly and he felt uncomfortable with them. He knew emotions were dictating his thoughts, and emotions as dark as those were a set-back, the bane of logic and progress. They should be repressed.
"Come on, Shou." Light grabbed the other boy by the arm and pulled him towards the front door of the school. Cat calls and whistles followed.
Repressing his anger and hate was the most difficult task in school that morning, and he had not even been physically attacked. It dawned on him that his pride was more precious to him than his body. In spite all this, Light refused to take back his actions, or he would be no better than anyone else. And, though he did not realize it, he feared being like everyone else just as much as he feared being seen as too different from them.
Before the bell for the last class, Shou had stopped by Light's classroom to inform him that Eiji and his friends were going to hurt him after school. Light promised to walk him home after tennis practice and that they would take a different route. Shou was grateful and left before his own class started without him. This worked for the next two days before Eiji figured out where to meet them.
There was a vast construction site half way to Shou's house where a foundation was being leveled for a future condominium. A large new parking lot stretched next to it, and all the rest were apartment buildings lined on both sides of the street. Eiji waited behind the corner of the wire fence, which was draped with a green cover so Light and Shou never saw him. Before Light knew it, he and Shou were surrounded by the three junior thugs.
"Look at the love birds," laughed the one whose name Light did not catch. "I told you the fat one was the girl. Needs his boyfriend to walk him home!"
Light was sick of the entire ordeal and throwing caution to the wind shoved Eiji on the chest. Perhaps anger made him stronger, perhaps Eiji had been unprepared, or both, but the bully did not even have time to catch himself as he fell on his head which cracked when it hit the pavement. His friends were immediately at his side, not daring to touch the dazed boy.
"Oh shit, Eiji! You alright, man?"
"Fuck!" Rei, the one with the braces, stood up again and pointed at Light. "You're gonna get it, bastard. And you," he added, nodding towards Shou, "You gonna burn in hell you little good for nothing piece of shit. You love God so much but hide behind a godless atheist for protection. You make me laugh, you sad fuck!"
Shou looked at Light as if he had discovered the devil himself was standing in front of him. Light did not bother to defend himself. There was nothing to defend.
His friend opened his mouth to say something but seemed to rethink his words several times before he finally asked, "Are you, um, making fun of me or something?"
"No! Why would you think that? I never minded your beliefs, Shou. Not all atheists feel contempt for religious people. You're a good person and I..."
I did not defend you and your faith to make fun of you, he wanted to say, but it sounded patronizing and arrogant even in his head. Light was too proud to throw his goodwill into people's faces.
When Shou remained silent, Light sighed. His friend was contemplating his words and maybe, hopefully, would find some truth in them. He spared one glance at Eiji who was sitting up with the help of his friends, then turned to Shou. "Come on. Let's get you home."
Shou followed without a word and Light thought the boy was just a little shaken, but he went inside his house without a goodbye or a single glance back at Light. On Friday morning, Shou did not look for Light or greet him in the halls.
During gym, Eiji, having gathered a few more friends, jumped Light in the locker rooms. When they were done, Eiji knelt down with a sneer so ugly he could have been looking down at rat piss and said, "Looks like your girlfriend dumped you. So much for atheist saviors. Don't you know there's no such thing to people like fat boy? Maybe this'll teach you not to go around playing the hero!" And with one final kick to Light's crying ribs, they were gone.
He suppressed the urge to sob but allowed his tears of anger to flow, stinging his swollen, bruised face. He was beaten into a broken, pathetic mess in less than five minutes, lost a friend in less than a quarter of that time, all due to one thing. He had never lied to Shou, but had omitted a truth he knew the boy would not accept. Many of the students who knew Light, however, were aware of his views. Having full confidence and pride in them Light had been very open about them – Shou would have inevitably discovered his disbelief in God.
Around noon the next day, Light went to visit Shou to see how he fared. He was concerned that Eiji and the others might have gotten to him as well. Back in grammar school Light would get into a lot of fights due to the conviction of his righteousness, so he was no stranger to physical pain, nor did he mind it as much as the humiliation of defeat, however he worried that Shou was too sensitive to overcome such violence. He rang the doorbell and waited until the door opened to reveal a rotund woman with a stern line set on her lips, her gaze sharp. He noticed she inspected his bruises with a critical eye.
"Hi, I'm Light Yagami, Shou's friend. Is he home?"
"He's feeling unwell. I don't suppose you had something to do with it?"
Just as I suspected, he thought. Shaking his head he tried to explain that bullies had tormented Shou the past week and Light had tried to help him.
"Yes. Shou's been singing your praises all week." She looked rather reluctant but her face softened a little. "Well then, come in." She stepped aside for him to enter and remove his shoes. Mrs. Shou watched him closely as he neatly placed his loafers facing the door. When he straightened, she motioned the staircase near the genkan. "His room is the first door to the right."
Thanking her, he took his time going up, trying to think of what would be the correct thing to say to amend their friendship. He knocked on the door to Shou's room and when no answer came, he knocked again a little louder, a little more persistently. When it opened, Light winced at the sight of Shou's swollen eye. It was but a narrow, teary slit. The other one had an unmistakable glare set on him.
Nothing was spoken between them, the tension difficult to stand until Shou allowed him in. Light went to stand in the middle of the room, not intending to sit until Shou permitted it.
"They came after you too," his friend asked.
"Yeah," Light replied. "That's why I came. To see if you were okay. I'm sorry."
Light asked himself the same question. He tried to search for an answer and came up with bullshit, but bullshit that might assuage Shou's wounded feelings. "For not telling you I'm atheist, I guess. It's just...you were always speaking your mind, I thought telling you would dampen the mood. There would have been no point to that."
"So you weren't making fun of me?"
Sighing, his friend went to sit on the bed. Light twisted the desk chair around and sunk in it. "Is it really such a big problem that I don't believe in a god?"
Shou looked up at him studiously and said, "Tell you the truth I don't understand why you don't. How can people just live without realizing that this perfect system of life could not have happened by something so ridiculously random as natural selection and evolution? It's like chucking up an unanswerable mystery to 'it just happened like that'."
Light smiled. "Well technically bacteria function with a similar basic intelligent network a more sophisticated brain has. Intelligent life evolves because it is intelligent; so it must adapt and develop. That's what scientist say anyway."
"Yeah but intelligence itself isn't random!"
"Well, Shou, I don't believe that either if that's what you think?"
"Then what do you believe in?"
Must it all be black and white, Light asked himself. "Nothing. Look just because our existence is a mystery doesn't mean we should be in such a hurry to answer it. I don't really believe in one thing or the other yet. It's too early in my life to come to a conclusion."
Shou seemed to brighten at that. Even though he had a nasty bruise around his left eye, his injuries were not as many as Light's, so he did not appear to be in too much pain when he smiled as Light would have been. "So, that means you're not atheist because you do not believe in God, just that you are not ready to believe. I'm sure if you came to – "
Light had to interrupt before the boy's hopes shot up. "No, Shou. I don't believe in God because a single entity that creates everything and decides what we should do with our lives or punish us is as ridiculous and infant an answer as chucking evolution to natural selection. There is more to our origins and either we haven't discovered a great deal of it yet, or our researchers are tight lipped about it for more than adequate reasons." When he saw his friend's expression harden at his words he cursed his own honesty. "Shou, what's all this got to do with our friendship? Does it rely on our beliefs to survive?"
Shou looked down in thought. "I don't know."
"Not once have I judged you for your beliefs. I accepted you and everything you spoke to me about. If it brings you answers and comfort, there's nothing wrong with believing in God." Just don't expect me to find answers and comfort in the same place, he thought, but kept wisely closed-mouthed after seeing how much differing beliefs affected Shou.
"That's funny," his friend answered with a sarcastic snort. "You say that, but just now you called my faith "ridiculous" and "infant"."
I did say that, Light thought, wincing. "Sorry. I just meant I don't see reason in it. Doesn't mean there is none," he amended diplomatically. "Look who knows who's right or wrong. Time will tell, and whether we live to see such a time or not is irrelevant. Let's just accept who we are – "
"I can't," Shou cut in.
"I..." Shou glanced at him hesitantly and looked down at his lap with an upset frown. "I can't be friends with someone who's going to hell."
Those words pierced through Light like a bullet. He stared wide eyed at Shou, not believing he heard correctly. "Going...to hell?"
Shou nodded, not daring to look at him. "Maybe if you come with me to – "
"I am not going to church or to your mom's bible studies with you," Light said firmly and loudly as he stood up. "And if your god finds that my rightful practice to free will, the free will 'He' supposedly not just gave me but defined me with, is to be punished with eternal suffering than 'He' can go to hell!"
The gasp Shou let in and the look of absolute horror on his face made Light want to laugh even though he found nothing funny at all. When Light opened the door to leave Shou's room, he came face to face with his former friend's mother. She glared at him as if he were the spawn of Satan himself.
"Get out," she hissed. She shouted at him a few other things he ignored as he quickly went down and grabbed his shoes, putting them on once he was outside.
So much for being an open-minded Christian, Light thought vehemently, recalling Shou's words. I can't be friends with someone who's going to hell.
In the world there were bullies, and then there were simply cruel people.
As the years progressed and Light gradually mastered the ability to manipulate people and situations to favorable outcomes, he forgot that genuine saviors never profited from favorable outcomes. But what else was to be expected of even from the exceptional when no one profited from honesty?
The rest of Friday evening went by uneventfully. His mother had asked what he had gotten at the bookstore, and Light answered with a lie that would satisfy both her and L. "I bought a biography a friend needed for class."
"That was nice of you," Sachiko responded proudly. Light had long forgotten how to feel guilty over such petty lies.
Father was home late. Light had been picking up the table after dinner when the man entered the house with a wearied sigh. Soichirou smiled at him tiredly and put a hand on his shoulder. "How was school, son?"
"Alright. How was work dad? Any progress?"
Soichiro looked away for a moment and though his father hid it well, Light knew he was ashamed about spying on his own family. Still, Light had to make the proper response even if it hurt his father.
"It's...a difficult case. But we're getting closer," Soichiro lied. "Did you have any problems with that boy?"
"No. I've been taking different routes home so I haven't seen him."
After helping his mother with dishes, Light went upstairs to help Sayu who was having a hard time with homework before working on his own. It was midnight when he finished and everyone was asleep, so he moved carefully with a towel towards the bathroom for a shower.
I hate criminals, he thought as he stepped in the tub. I hate bullies and I hate hypocrites.
Steaming hot water flushed skin red and hate roiled in his gut. His muscles were tense, emotions which stirred in him all night only grew stronger, more evident now that everything was quiet and still. In all this, he had grown hard and the steaming hot spray heating his skin made him hornier. His hand traveled down between his legs against the tension coiled there. For once he did not care that L was watching - even welcomed it. It was normal for a young man just turned eighteen to jack off. If it did not make Light seem like he was unaware of the secret attention on him, it would at least poke a little fun a L. Sighing into the spray, Light pressed a hand to the tiled wall in front of him to support himself. He pulled, pressed and caressed, taking his time playing with himself. He had not masturbated so leisurely in a long time and he rarely did so.
He forgot Yujirou and the bullies in junior high, Shou, and humanity. Yet, when he did not reach climax after a while, he grew frustrated and pumped harder. He laid down on the bath tub, the hot, pressured spray crashing down between his legs. The feeling was exquisite and he let his mind roam wherever it pleased, whatever dark places it wished to wander, if it meant he could cum.
Yujirou's kiss popped into his mind, the feel of his rough, possessive lips fresh as if he had just been kissed.
"So I wanna fuck you."
Light finally came with a long, slow, controlled exhale. A single soft whine escaped him. Though he was certain it had been muffled by the shower spray, L probably heard it. For a few moments, he remained lying there unsatisfied with his soft, short orgasm, cursing himself while the running water washed away his fluids. He stood up and cleansed himself raw with soap and steaming hot water a second time.
And out of all things, he remembered, I hate L the most.
He looked at himself in the mirror and waited for the red blush in his pale skin to subside. He remembered a time when he stood in front of his reflection much like this, red with a different kind of blush on his face, thinking of all the people he hated, people that made the world so harsh when it should not be. When it did not have to be. Memories were blueprints. Often times one needed to return to them to find where one's foundations lied; where one's strength could be found.
With a calming breath, he made a quiet decision about his situation with Yujirou and went back to his room. Ryuk did not stay around much just so he could be ignored, so Light had not seen him in days. He did not care what the shinigami did—one pair of eyes less to pry on his private moments. He donned his pajamas and went to surf the internet like any normal teenager might do late on Friday night.
He read a bit of news online but was still a little uncomfortable that he might overdo it with L watching, so he spent an hour sending a few emails to catch up with neglected friends, watched videos, listened to music and even visited a few porn sites just to tease his annoying little spy.
Around two in the morning when Light had just shut down his PC, a sudden, sharp knocking on his balcony window made him jump, his heart practically leaping from his chest. Cautiously, he made his way towards the curtains covering the sliding glass door and peaked warily to see Yujirou's mischievous face as he drummed his fingers against the pane.
I can't believe this! Light opened the door and motioned the shorter boy to be quiet.
Yujirou folded his hands in the shape of a gun and made a firing motion at Light, whispering, "Bam, bam," and laughed. "Did you think I was a thief or a serial killer?"
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Light could not contain his exasperation from his voice. "Are you fucking kidding?"
"Slow down with the profanity. You're a good boy, remember?"
Rubbing his face tiredly, Light whispered, "Yeah but you just..." He trailed off, not wanting to give the other boy any more ammunition but it was too late.
"But I make you want to be bad," Yujirou finished with a wicked grin and stepped closer. "C'mon, Light, let's be bad tonight. Put on some jeans. Got my bike parked round the corner."
This is the last thing I need L to see, Light thought, about to reject him when it dawned on him that this may actually work to his advantage. Perhaps too clean an image was just what L was looking for in Kira. Kira would never associate with criminals or partake in delinquency. For the sake of keeping to his own character, and half because he enjoyed making Yujirou work for what he wanted, Light pretended to be against the idea. "I can't. I have chores tomorrow. Unlike some people, I wake up early on weekends."
"Even if it was bullshit, I don't want to go with you."
"Of course you do! You tell yourself you don't so you can convince yourself you're a good boy." Yujirou stepped closer and whispered in Light's ear, "I'll molest you if you don't come. And you'll come either way."
Light shoved him off. "You're sick you know that?"
Sighing, he looked around with an false expression of contemplation and worry. "You are so annoying. Fine. But I'm not hurting anyone if that's your idea of fun."
"Why would you even think that? You totally got a warped view of yakuza. We don't go round messing with other people just for the fun of it. Dumb shits, lesser thugs, losers like that. I'm a sophisticated man, Light. Trust me." Licking his lips, he added, "My idea of fun involves just you and me, baby."
Rolling his eyes at the corny line, Light went to his wardrobe and picked out a pair of dark blue jeans, the first T-shirt he grabbed – which thanks to his mother was an old, blue White Lion's one from the days he and his father had time to go to games together. From his closet he donned a thin, black hoodie which he left unzipped.
"Wow," said Yujirou. "You almost look normal."
"And I don't usually look normal?"
"Maybe's the school uniform but no. Makes you kinda unapproachable."
This surprised Light. He did not want to continue this conversation where L could hear, so he shook his head and lead Yujirou back out onto the balcony. The shorter boy was like a lizard crawling over the railing then down a drain pipe. Light knew himself could not accomplish that and regretted not sneaking out the front door. But Yujirou motioned to him to go.
"If you fall I'll catch you."
"No, you won't"
"Well, 'least I'll break your fall."
Damn him, Light thought, crawled over the sturdy concrete railing and sat on it to figure out how he could do this without breaking his neck. The drain pipe had thin metal bands pinning it to the wall about four or five inches apart – it was difficult to tell in the dark. He tried placing a foot on one but soon realized relying on his weight would be a huge mistake. Light climbed ropes easily enough in gym class. But the sleek plastic was different. Steeling himself, he hopped lightly and the rubber soles of his sneakers gripped the thin bands well enough but his grip on the drain pipe trembled with his frantic effort to not let go. It was too difficult and he had not gone two steps downward when he missed a foothold and slipped. His hands scraped and tore against the metal bands making him loose his grip on the pipe. Light's heart leaped into his throat when he felt himself fall but he did not fall long before Yujirou caught him from behind.
His feet landed on the ground where it had been just a rough meter from him when he slipped. Straightening up, Light inspected his chafed but uninjured palms before turning his glare on his underclassman. "You climbed up that thing?"
"That would have been easier, actually, but no." He pointed at the low wall that fenced Light's backyard from the backstreet. "I climbed on top of the wall here then jumped onto your balcony and crawled to the other side."
Light gaped at him. "That's like eight feet!"
Yujirou laughed, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him down the street to the corner where his motorcycle was parked.
"If you want, I'll teach you a little martial arts."
"No thank you."
"Because you'll want something in return."
A secret smile spread on Yujirou's face.
His smaller underclassman left the bike across the street of a large park among temples and small shops, then led him towards a one-story building right next the park. Light wondered why the other boy brought him here and what stupid illegal thing he would be forced to do.
"Is that a daycare? You're taking me to a daycare?"
Yujirou motioned him to be quiet. "Just follow."
After climbing the wire fence around the building, Yujirou led him to the side where an extension of the building had a lower rooftop than the rest. Yujirou jumped on the wall, grabbed hold of the roof and pulled himself over it, then dropped his hand down towards Light.
"C'mon, just push of the wall with your foot, I'll pull you up."
"I can do it myself," Light argued tersely.
The roof had two other levels about four and a half feet tall. They remained on the middle one, and Yujirou went to sit against the wall of the third, spread his knees wide, and laid a handkerchief on the surface before him. On it, he dropped some dry bits of crushed leaves from a plastic sandwich bag, and, with nimble fingers, tore the bits even smaller; then lined them on a strip of cigarette paper before rolling it into a thin joint. Finally, he lit it and took a small drag.
Light remained standing as he watched, unimpressed. "Really? This is why you brought me all the way over here, onto the roof of a daycare? This is the 'bad' behavior you were talking about?"
"No, baby, this is just for you to lighten up. I like the view from here. You can see Shibuya." Yujirou stretched his arm to hand Light the joint, but when he did not budge, Yujirou rolled his eyes. "Fuck, you're such an uptight geezer."
"Sorry if I don't do drugs."
Yujirou laughed. "Shit, you're one of those?"
Being judgmentally chucked into a group of people tickled Light's pride. He snapped, "What do you mean 'one of those'?"
"You know, one of those people that think marijuana is a drug and think it's 'bad' for you. Shit, you don't even study what's in this but parrot everything you hear and read like a bunch of dumb fowls instead of using your brains."
Light could not believe he was being called ignorant by an unread boor, and though he was loath to admit it to himself, Light knew Yujirou was right about repeating what he was told and read without making his own research. Something which he usually criticized others for doing but never was called out on for doing it himself.
"This ain't no drug, not by it's technical term. It certainly ain't a chemical cocktail that'll fry your brain and destroy your health. It's herb. It relaxes you. Some abuse it because of the great feeling, you know, being happy and shit, and they become addicted to that feeling, but the herb itself has no addictive compound unless you add it and this shit here is pure. There's nothing else in it, wouldn't smoke it if there was."
The last thing Yujirou said was phrased in more proper dialect. He tended to make that unconscious shift often when he did not realize it. This made Light suspect Yujirou knew proper speech, but chose to use street language and slang due to his rebellious nature, and not to lack of education.
When Light remained still, Yujirou continued, "Look, you ain't some spaced out loser wastin' away on a couch that'll want nothin' more out of life than to smoke and feel good. Once in a while, it's actually good for you. And this shit won't harm a hair on your head. I wouldn't smoke anything else. In spite what you may think, baby, real yakuza don't go poisoning their blood just 'cause we in the business...sometimes." Once again Yujirou handed the joint over to Light, who took it reluctantly.
I cannot believe I am actually doing this, Light berated himself, but Yujirou made a strong argument. When he pressed the thin roll to his lips, Yujirou encouraged him with a good-natured smile. "Inhale. It's not like a cigarette smoke where you're not supposed to take the brunt of it into your lungs, this shit won't poison you, but it won't affect you if you don't inhale properly."
Light did as instructed. Yujirou refused to take a hit until Light was through with it half way, then he finished it. His underclassman did not seem affected but Light felt...happy (it was the best term to describe what he felt). No longer was he worried about L, or about being in the company of a delinquent, or trespassing. He was quite content with his situation. He did not feel weird or dizzy, did not have visions or suffer paranoia.
Light simply was enjoying himself. A foreign concept. The world seemed beautiful, the skyscrapers glittering like stars, so bright they painted the cloudy night sky with a dark purple blush. The air was cool but not chilly. Yujirou even seemed a little more charming.
The wind rustled the leaves of trees, whispering in the quiet night air. Cars honked in the distance and if he stilled long enough and perked his ears, he could hear murmurs of distant voices. Humans. Life, bustling, energetic, painful and beautiful at the same time.
Yujirou was laughing beside him. "Holy shit, you can look like a normal human being. You should see your face. You don't look like you always calculatin' shit, all defensive."
Those words made Light frown at him, but Yujirou only laughed at his expression and Light could no longer suppress his own mirth. Laughing was contagious. It came from the pit of his stomach, wracked his whole body in a very wonderful combination of peace and enjoyment when, before that night, Light always thought boredom was peace's only trait.
"Look at us," exclaimed Yujirou. "Future yakuza boss and future police chief. I heard say that Life can make sweet love to you one minute and next she whips out the strap-on and fucks you raw. We better relax and enjoy while she's being a nice bitch."
This made Light chortle uncontrollably which brought a wide grin to his underclassman's face. "Yup, this shit's just what you needed, my friend."
"Shut up," Light muttered half-heartedly with a lazy wave of his hand.
Yujirou grabbed the wrist of that hand, used it to pull Light closer, and kissed him full on the mouth. Light felt his old inhibitions return but the pleasure of the touch was too good to pass up. He was too relaxed to care about the resurfacing guilt and anxiety, and pushed it all back down with facility as he pressed their lips closer, opened his mouth to suck the lips between his own and allowed his own to be sucked. Perhaps it was the serene, softened state induced by the marijuana, but Light melted into the kiss. Yujirou's tongue massaged the roof of his mouth, kneaded his tongue, and delved deeper. Light moaned, opened his mouth wider and tried to penetrate Yujirou. He felt their saliva mingle and drip down his chin. Usually the sloppiness of the kiss would have grossed him out, now it only excited him.
They pulled apart for air, lips still touching, and Yujirou whispered, "I wanna fuck you so bad."
The pressure in Light's crotch agreed with the other boy but even in his high he did not want to have sex with another boy, at least not Yujirou. He did want to get off, which was why he dropped his own hand over his prick and pressed against it as they kissed again. Yujirou soon realized what Light was up to and took the taller boy's hand off himself before opening his jeans and taking the hard, naked flesh in the firm warmth of his palm. Light gasped in appreciation.
As a fellow teenage male, not only did he understand he had to return the favor but that it was a better option than just sitting there being pleasured by another boy – which for some reason would feel even more gay. The two sat side by side, gasping into each other's mouths as their hands fucked each other's dicks. It could have been enough, but Yujirou practically ripped himself from Light with a groan, rose to his knees to crawl between the taller boy's legs and press their bodies together. Their freed members already slick with precum rubbed together, eliciting delighted gasps. A hand dipped underneath Light's shirt, feeling him up, lips meshed and sucked, and with fumbling jerks Light was frenziedly humped against the wall. Light pushed himself up with his hands to raise his hips against Yujirou's, rubbing their dicks together hard until they came one after the other.
Light had come long and hard, and so much more satisfactorily than his masturbation earlier. Yujirou remained kneeling between his legs, panting into his mouth as they kissed as much as they could while taking sporadic gulps of air.
"Fuck that was good," Yujirou murmured against Light's lips.
"Yeah," he agreed lazily.
After they fully basked in their sweet little afterglow, Yujirou cleaned himself up with his checkered button-up he had on over a thin white undershirt and dropped it on the rooftop. Light simply covered his own mess by doing up his hoodie. Afterward, Yujirou bought two large bottles of beer and took them to the park where they sat on a bench on a high ridge overlooking the city. Though he encouraged Light to finish his drink this time, Yujirou left his own halfway because he was driving them. However, he did light a another blunt which Light helped him with after his ritual good-boy "initial rejection". After finishing, they sat side by side on the bench watching the dark-purplish clouds sail over the dancing jewels of their lit up Tokyo. They were high and feeling like the night before their eyes was the very universe in the palm of their hands.
This was unduly interrupted by the sound of footsteps alerting them to a patrol officer making his way towards them. Yujirou grabbed Light's wrist and bolted. Both being athletic they soon outran the man and headed for Yujirou's motorcycle across the street, laughing.
The giddiness of their harmless mischief was very similar to the high one feels when winning, with the added effect of it being funny for a strange reason, but perhaps that was the effect of the marijuana. Yujirou took them to a bar where no one seemed to ask questions about them. The rough looking men there should have rang alarm bells in Light's head, but he only felt comfortable and fearless, like everything was perfect and right with the world. After being properly high and drunk, his life's first shot of tequila was not as strong as he thought it would be. With each shot, it burned less, until he drank it like water. He had about ten when Yujirou finally took him home. During the ride it occurred to Light that he had not seen the younger boy drink at the bar but shrugged it off wearily. Bed seemed more important that instant.
By the time Light fell on his bed, the first of light rimmed the horizon. He was perfectly numb and the beginning of nausea churned in his stomach. The roof he stared at spun horribly, his mattress felt like waves that rotated specifically to torment him. He was vaguely aware that his peripheral vision was blotted, yet despite how shitty he felt, giddy laughter bubbled from his gut out his mouth.
At the back of his mind, Light knew Yujirou was in the room but did not fully register his presence until he was straddled. When the shorter boy lifted his own undershirt over his head, tousling his spiky hair and revealing the hard ridges of his muscles, Light laughed.
"What are you doing," he asked between tittering laughs.
"C'mon, Light," Yujirou whispered into his flushed ear. "You're neither a shy virgin nor a woman who needs to take care of her honor. We're both guys so let's do what guys love to do most."
Primitive instincts took over and Light automatically pulled Yujirou down by the head and pressed his lips to the shorter boy's neck. He nipped and sucked, and grew hard at the encouraging whines the younger boy let out. His hands, as if with life of their own, roamed down Yujirou's naked torso and waist as hips rolled against one another.
Yujirou sat up and pulled Light with him in order to remove his hoodie and T-shirt. Then dismounted the taller boy's waist to shove both their jeans and boxers off, before laying back down over Light.
"Don't make too much noise," Yujirou whispered but Light barely heard it, way too deep in his drunken high. All he knew was that he wanted sex and Yujirou provided it. He did not mind the other boy's rippling muscle or lack of curves and bouncing breasts. He did not mind another prick against his own – relished it even.
Light felt himself turned over and shivered as the AC right above the bed hit his exposed backside. When his cheeks were parted he gasped excitedly and when something wet and soft started touching alongside his crack, he forgot to be silent until a sharp hush from Yujirou had him biting his pillow.
In his stupor Light recalled a term for homosexuals was "pillow-biter" which made him titter nervously into it until the need for air forced him to lift his head. Yujirou's tongue fucked his ass until Light could not stop sobbing for an orgasm. Yujirou stopped all together. Light turned around to see what he was doing and saw the shorter boy was tearing the packet of a condom with his teeth before rolling it over his own member. The sight made Light's heart pound and his vision clear a little at the sobering thought that he was going to be penetrated.
"Don't look at me like that," Yujirou said quietly as he rolled Light back onto his stomach. "You want this."
Yujirou was average size like himself, and though Light had been inside a few girls, some of which had shown a variety level of pain which did not last long, his observation of their momentary distress never prepared him for the sharp sting of intrusion. It hurt for a lot longer than he thought it would and he had to bite his pillow to keep his voice muffled.
Yujirou gripped Light's shaft and the pleasure from the gentle pumping was a welcome distraction while his ass stretched to accommodate Yujirou's width. Nausea hiked even as some pleasure burned from the erogenous walls of his anus. Their movement, dictated by the shorter boy, quickened and slowed at intervals as Light was twisted and turned until Yujirou finally hooked one of his legs over a slender shoulder and fucked him sideways. Light did not much care for that position but soon Yujirou stopped with a frustrated groan. Exasperated himself, Light asked what was wrong.
"I can't find it, or you're not being honest," Yujirou whispered with equal frustrated. "Stop being a woman and tell me what the fuck you want!"
"What are you talking about," Light asked as he was rolled onto his back, thighs spread wide.
"Hold your legs," Yujirou said while holding his own member, his other hand parting Light's butt cheeks and guided himself back inside. "Put your pillow under your ass."
Light did so and as he lifted his hips up, Yujirou's dick tickled his prostrate. Light gasped loudly almost into a moan and Yujirou clamped his hand over his mouth.
"That's it. Stay put."
It was a little difficult to "stay put" since Light had to remain propped on an elbow even while trying to keep his knees parted and lifted in the air. He was too tired and languid to continue holding himself in that taut position so he screwed everything and lied back down. He was growing too tired to care about his hard dick.
Yujirou bent further, brow drenched, lips flushed dark in the dimly glowing room with the gray dawn's light outside the balcony door streaming in. He held Light's eyes but Light could not keep them open. Nausea built up and overrode all other sensations. The shorter boy came, biting onto Light's shoulder and holding Light's waist for dear life.
Light himself did not reach orgasm because as soon as it built up so did the bile. His father had told him once about mixing alcohol. One could drink strong liquor first and then drink beer or wine, but starting with beer or wine and follow it up with strong liquor was the best way for hell itself to spawn in one's gut.
He cursed and shoved Yujirou off before stumbling off bed, tottered over to his desk, snatched the cylindrical trash bin beneath it and threw up in it.
"Well this isn't my ideal wedding night," Yujirou commented cheekily.