Author: metalheadrailfan PM
Tripp Campbell, now a roadie, is transported to an ancient age of rock and finds an empire of the verge of destruction and only the power of metal can save it. A parody of 'Brutal Legend'. Rated T for language.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Adventure - Trip C. - Chapters: 12 - Words: 20,212 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 05-03-12 - Published: 03-25-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7958575
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
An I'm In The Band fanmake on the most metal game ever, BRTUAL LEGEND! Reasons for song lyrics being in much of the story is that in the actual game, battles take up at least 65% of the game, so when you come across them when reading, play the music to imagine the battle scene taking place. Annyomous reviews accepted, but no flames please. Enjoy!
Tripp Campell as Eddie Riggs
Izzy Fuetnes as Ophelia
Jared as Lars Halford
Lana as Lita Halford
Emperor Doviculus as Himself
Derek Jupiter as General Lionwhyte
Burger Pitt as Kill Master
Ernesto as Mangus
Ash Tyler as The Fire Baron
Arlene as Rima
Headbangers as Themselves
Razor Girls as Themselves
The Guardian of Metal as Himself
Hey, what's up? I think a little introduction is in order. Name's Tripp Campbell and I am the world's greatest roadie. 'What?' you all must be thinking, 'why the hell would you go from being the lead guitarist in your favorite band, Iron Weasel, to being a roadie?'
Well, to put in lame man terms, after my first album with the band tanked, everything just fell apart; we all decided it was time to call it quits and the band went their separate ways. But that didn't mean I wanted to get out of the music business. I auditioned for several bands, but none liked my style of playing. Still wanting to travel the world in a band, I decided to apply for a job as roadie. At the time, it seem very degrading to me, but once I was hired I felt I had just joined a huge family. The other roadies welcomed me like one of their own and I instantly fit in. As the years progressed, I developed skills in engineering and mechanics and soon, I was able to fix anything, build anything, I mean you name it, anything.
So here I am in my early 30s tuning my old BC Rich Warbeast guitar before the band I was working for was supposed to go on. I just wish they were a little more appreciative...
"Watch it! Dude, check it!"
Oh God, speak of the devil, here they come. This was perhaps the biggest bunch of poseurs I have ever seen, much worse than Metal Wolf. They go by the name 'Kabbage Boy' and they're this pathetic Nu Metal/Metalcore band with some tweeny pop mixed in. I know; complete bullshit right?
"Hey Campbell," the 'guitarist' called to me, "sorry I smashed your guitar last night." I knew he wasn't sorry in the least as he started laughing, but then I handed him my guitar and watch his face drop. I still have no idea why I let him use it.
"What the..." he said in shock. "It's like new!" the 'drummer' said in a similar tone. "Whoa! How'd you do that?" the 'guitarist asked, before snatching the guitar out of my hand. I didn't bother answering as I lit a cigarette. "Yeah, I'll try not to smash it so much this time." "Don't mess with that guy," the 'bassist' said as they walked on stage, "he scares me."
They're 'lead singer' (or should I say rapper) walked up to me, texting on his god damn phone and acting like he's the only person in the world. "He Tripp," he said, "I hate to ask, but our manager wanted to know, when are you going to build us like, a new set? This stone hedge stuff was funny in a kinda retro sorta way, but... Look, Tripp don't get me wrong, you're the best, the greatest roadie in the biz. Everybody knows you fix anything, build anything. So why don't you build us something more towards our tween demographic? I'm just sayin, sooner or later you're going to have to join the modern world."
And like a little girl, he pranced on stage, as I just looked at him with disgust.
"Alright!" he said into the mic, "do you people want to hear some heavy metal?" The crowd cheered in response and they began their first song of the night. It's really not that bad, until...wait here it comes...
Girlfriend, you really wanna make my heart bend
You know you'll always be my best friend
And what I'm saying to you, I can't pretend
Because I'm turning inside out
Oh god, how can people like this shit?
"I can fix anything," I said to another roadie, "except THAT." "Metal is dead," he sighed.
Oh you're so fine all mine (Say What)
Like a porcupine (Say what)
"Ever feel like you were born in the wrong time?" I asked, "Like you should've been born earlier, like when the music was real?" "Like the '70s?" the roadie asked. "Earlier, like the early '70s."
"Uh oh," he said. I looked up and I saw the dumbass guitarist dancing on top of the stage prop like a little monkey. "UGH!" I shouted to myself, "I told you not to climb up there you STUPID MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"
"Please let him fall," the roadie pleaded, but for whatever fucking reason, I couldn't. "Dammit!"
I tossed my cigarette aside and raced on stage, just as the dumbass lost his balance and dangling from the prop. I came underneath the mouth of the monster-like prop and signaled him to drop the guitar first. He did so and I caught and set it aside, before signaling him again to let go. He did bother arguing and fell and I caught and he went back on stage. I was just about to walk out and hand him my guitar when everything suddenly went black.
A set of stage prop suddenly fell on Tripp, crushing him, leaving wounds all over. Some blood from his hand dripped onto his monster-like belt buckle. Then, its eyes began to turn red and a bluish liquid drained from his mouth. The members of Kabbage Boy walked up to the wreckage, when suddenly; an enormous metal monster rose and let out a thunderous roar. It looked at Tripp, who lay unconscious, and then looked at the band members, who were pissing in their pants. It let out another roar, which killed them instantly.
The monster continued to roar as the crowd cheered and applauded, before a blinding white light appeared and both the monster and Tripp vanished.