Red vs. Blue...vs. Green

Story Four: To Protect and Server

Chapter Four: Why They Are Here

The final one...

CRASH! The Greens all climbed out of their wrecked drop ship and headed for the rise, on the other side of which lay the giant city of The Server. The main entrance; a giant golden gate, loomed above them with an even bigger being standing guard over it. "That's a pretty big guard." Awed Enemy. "What the hell is that thing?"

"Looks like a man in the shape of a brick wall." Described Snot. "But he's on fire."

"A fire-wall? Seriously?"

"We can't worry about looks now." Phill asserted, bringing them back to the point. "How do we get by that guy? Suggestions?"

"I picked up a few Emp bombs from the ship, but I wanna save those in case there are more bad guys." Said Enemy. Name passed the grenades to Phill. "Besides, I don't know if it'll have any effect on that."

"We could try shotgun to the face." Suggested The Commander.

"How's about we save the idiotic plans for when we're a little more desperate." Said Phill. "Somebody's gotta distract him. Who here is the most expendable?"

"Hey!" complained Snot after realising they were all looking at him. "I'm carrying the salvation of everyone everywhere. That doesn't matter, does it?

"Nope." Said Enemy.

"Not a bit." Said Phill.

"You guys suck." Said Snot. The small green figure approached the giant...uh...giant. It fixed him with a stony look. Pun unintended.

"Halt." It grated through rocky lips. "What is your intent?"

"I want to talk about life." Said Snot. "What is your opinion on the matter?"

"W..." the colossal man stuttered, taken aback. "You want to talk to me?" he asked.

"Yes." Insisted Snot. If the giant hadn't been on fire, there would have been a tear in his eye.

"Nobody ever talks to me anymore." He whimpered. "To be honest, I have gotten so lonely lately that I've considered...killing myself."

"I've been there." Said Snot.

"It's just no one pays attention anymore. I try to start a conversation but nothing gets through. You can only say so much as an anti-virus program with only a few other programs running about."

"Eventually, you can't say anything new and they just get tired of seeing you."

"Exactly! But if they'd listen then maybe we could get together and find out more about each other. Y'know, bond and stuff. Make our own stories, but no."

"They've got to make their remarks and continue on with their lives."

"Not giving you a second glance, walk on by. Just completely oblivious that you are standing there, trying to find out who these people are." Creeping through the gates behind the fire-wall were Phill, The Commander, Enemy, Parts and Name. Snot could see them clearly and for a fleeting moment, he considered telling the fire-wall that they were there...but then decided not to; he was just too depressing. A few hours later, Snot sidled up to the Greens who were waiting for him inside.

"What in the name of Stevie Wonder took you so long?" enquired The Commander gruffly.

"We had a lot to talk about." Explained Snot. "Repressed emotions, how ignorant other people are, social standards, guy stuff."

"Really?" said Enemy. "'Cos your guys stuff sounds like Parts' regular stuff."

"But I got some really good stuff!" piped Parts.

"Glad you said that?" The Commander asked Enemy.

"More than Phill regrets saving your arse."

"No, dude." Disagreed Phill. "No."

"Well, without Sir here to guide us, we're lost." Summarised The Commander. "We'll probably search this city for the rest of our lives before we get anywhere near the core. Prepare yourselves for that."

Five minutes later, they had found the core. "Well...that was easier than expected." Said The Commander.

"Yeah, all we did was follow the main road." Said Phill. "That was probably the most obvious thing to do."

Name stared at the core; a large pillar of flowing electrical energy, every beam flowing through a series of random televisions that made up The Server. But at the very root of the pillar was a familiar shape. Name pointed it out to the squad.

"Sir?" asked Phill. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you were destroyed." Said Enemy. "We all saw you get pulverised when that room went ker-floo-ee."

"Specific as always." Chuckled a hauntingly familiar voice from the past.

"What did you say, Sir?" asked Phill.

"That wasn't me." Said Sir. "It's good to see that you have all made it and after so much destruction. You really have caused quite a fuss in our quiet life."

"What are you talking about?" asked Enemy.

"Everything was a lie." Sniggered Sir. "That was the first thing I ever told you. You didn't listen, but it didn't matter. You have completed your purpose."

"And a very good job they did indeed." Said the voice again.

"Who is that? Show yourself!" ordered Phill. "I demand to know who-"

"Demand?" queried the voice. Sir turned to face the Greens, revealing a man standing behind him. The man wore green armour exactly the same as the rest of the squad. As he turned to face them, he removed his helmet to reveal his young face, brown hair and green eyes. "How do you make demands of a dead man?"

"You!" exclaimed The Commander. "Didn't I shoot you?"

"Yes you did. At close range, I might add. Corporal Bob, ex-military, part time dead guy, full time evil virus." Bob paced back and forth before the Greens, sneering at them. "Not a single thought was given to me. Before or after death. I would be hurt if I didn't care!"

"You're behind this!" shouted The Commander.

"Duh."

"You are destroying the Server!"

"But you're out of luck!" exclaimed Enemy. "We're here to bring the Server back online and put an end to your revenge plot!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed Bob derisively. "Revenge? What a fickle motivation! I started this long before I was killed by you cretins!"

"Then why?"

"Power! I want power! I seek it out for myself and that's what drew me here; the largest core of information and control in the entire universe. Did you know that the Server is so self-aware that it has created its own technologies without the real world knowing? Seriously. It's gotten in contact with species in other parts of the universe that have are unseen from Earth. The big guy here has arms that span the whole cosmos and I want it all. But that's not all. The Server has the capacity to destroy the real world and replace it with another. Imagine a world where we have control over everything! Too much of an opportunity to pass up! A universe of my choosing where we rule."

"Sir. Why are you doing this?" asked Parts. "I thought you were cool."

"Do you know what it's like being a backup? Tedious!" shouted Sir, lunging his large screen at the Greens. "The constant nothing! Endless void! I leapt at the chance to overthrow my predecessor as soon as Bob's offer came to light. All we needed was someone to tear down the defences from the inside, but it couldn't be us. If my brother found out what we were plotting, it's the recycle bin for us!"

"So we created a virus." Explained Bob. "Not just a virus; six perfect viruses, each designed to simultaneously destroy layers of code that would bring down the house of cards! Basing you all off the best fighting machines we could find in every universe, you would travel through each wreaking havoc and do our bidding. Unfortunately, you also turned out to be the thickest plods ever made."

"We try our best." Said Enemy.

"You were all so thick, you couldn't even leave that damned canyon of yours! You believed your own bullshit; soldiers in a war, looking for lost soldiers."

"I had to manipulate events to force you to leave." Continued Bob. "Making that tank of yours think it was in love, stretching tensions to the limit and showing that 'gamer' where he could find you. By the end of it all, you were lucky to be alive; your codes had begun to degrade so much already. I had Sir here send you all off on that foolish errand through the infinite doors to come here."

"We used them as shortcuts." Insisted Phill. "Like you said; it would have taken millions of years before we reached this place."

"Please!" spat Sir. "It was just a short cab ride away! You can get those here. What you were really doing was disturbing the natural flow of the universes. A rogue element disrupted to fabric of every code in every door. You were damaging the Server without even knowing it."

"Let's take a look at the damage, shall we?" suggested Bob, opening up a holographic folder. "You have destroyed several universes, crashed the X-Box network and...Wow. You crashed the PlayStation network as well. I didn't even think that was physically possible from here. I am really surprised; you guys are capable of a lot more than I ever thought."

"You'll find we use that quality a lot. Name! Enemy!" shouted The Commander. Name and Enemy charged for Bob. The rogue Green simply raised a hand and both of them dispersed into a green vapour.

"No!" screamed Parts.

"What the hell did you do to my men?" asked The Commander calmly.

"They're in storage, far away from here. By the time they find their way back, it'll be far too late." Jeered Bob. "It's useless to fight back; we created you, we know your every move, your every weakness. You know what it is? The biggie is each other. You can't stand the sight of each other and so you really don't listen. Together, you might have made all this go a little bit faster. Together, you might have seen through our scheme. But you didn't. You have all played right into our hands, doing our dirty work and single handed-ly brought about the Server's destruction and the real world's inevitable enslavement." Bob leaned in close to The Commander and whispered evilly; "How does it feel to be fooled? To have your meaning stripped away and thrown into the abyss? I bet you would really like to kill me, but you see, I have more power than you could-" BANG! Bob fell to the ground, his head no longer attached to his body due to the shotgun wound he suffered from The Commander.

"Shotgun to the face," said The Commander, leaning his weapon against his shoulder, "great for curing insubordination. God it feels good doing that again!"

"You will pay for this!" roared Sir, rising to full height. "All of you will die at my hands!"

"Son," The Commander turned to Sir, facing him down, "you're fucked. You and Fucked could be Sucking Dick in a Stupid brothel. You could be wearing a fucking racist tattoo across your fucking chest in a fucking multicultural neighbourhood on fucking Multicultural Day while the fucking fair passes down the fucking street you're fucking standing in the fucking middle of being fucking broadcasted on worldwide fucking television and everyone's out for fucking blood and they fucking see you and are ready to fuck you up. You know who we are? We're the fuckers about to fuck you up. See, you've put us through so much crap that did you really think that we would just roll over exhausted like thirsty dogs? You threaten our homes, you destroy the only means of continued existence and you put yourself before all others to control us. Taking away our freedom wasn't the best idea to make us go away, 'cos we'll fight for it. Heck, we'll die for it. There's no way we, or anyone else in existence for that matter, will let you walk away with our lives. Even the people you rule over will never accept ya either. They will fight you too. You will never truly win 'cos there will always be someone there to take you down. So, as I believe I mentioned earlier Mr. Sir...you're fucked."

"Yargh!" bellowed Sir, pushing himself forward to attack The Commander. With cat-like reflexes, Phill jumped onto Sir's front, blocking his view. Sir swerved, just missing The Commander, and ascended to the top of the room, flying up and out of the building itself.

"That guy has cat-like reflexes...and some pretty big balls." Said The Commander.

"You saw them too?" asked Parts.

"Parts! Stop that talk and get to work!" ordered The Commander.

"Yes, sir!"

"Sir? Where?" jumped The Commander, whirling around.

"No, you. I was referring to you."

"Oh. Okay, carry on. A little embarrassed now." Parts hurried over to the control console at the base of the column and began typing away. Suddenly, a small screen with a countdown appeared. The countdown was almost at zero.

"Get down!" yelled Parts, throwing himself to the floor.

Sir climbed higher and higher into the sky, his passenger not enjoying the flight at all. "It's no use!" he said. "There is nothing you can do to stop me now!" It was then that Phill remembered the grenades. With great difficulty, he pulled one off his belt and flicked off the pin.

"Hey Sir!" he shouted. "Get ready to suck some Emp!"

"Isn't that 'E.M.P.'?" Sir never got his answer as the bomb went off, shocking the flying television and sending them both into a spiral fall. Phill clung on for dear life and wondered how he was going to get out of this one. As the ground came closer and closer, Phill realised that one good kick to the thrusters would generate enough lift to slow them down. Phill waited for the perfect moment then stuck his foot as hard as he could up the proverbial back end of Sir. The thrusters fired, slowing them both down and sending them in an arc that made them parallel with the ground. He jumped off the TV and combat rolled to a halt. At least, he'll tell the others it was a combat roll. Sir crashed into a heap on the ground, smouldering in his own wreckage. Phill wiped his brow. Then he realised that was stupid because he had a helmet in the way. A small light flickered in the junk heap that was Sir. Phill jumped back when they all turned back on. "You think your small E-E-E-Emp could kiiiill me?" He glitched. "I have just started the downloading process into the core. Soon, I shall control everything and make a universe of my own. You have failed."

"All I know is one of us will be alive by the end of all this." Said Phill.

"It will be me!" The twisted wreckage sprang to life, reeling itself back together, healing itself. Phill did the only thing an honest soldier would; he ran for it.

"Why the hell did you dive like that?" asked The Commander. "You look foolish." Parts looked up. The room hadn't been blown to pieces.

"Sorry." He apologised. "Thought there was a bomb. It didn't explode."

"Aw." Moaned a sad Snot.

"What can you find out? Can we repair the Server?" asked The Commander. Parts returned to the console and worked his magic. After a few seconds of searching, he turned back to his friends.

"According to these readings...the Server is dead. We killed him." Parts bowed his head. The Commander too.

"Is there anything-" Parts shook his head. The Commander sighed. "Then we have failed." Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Went the computer.

"No. I have an idea." Said Parts. "To create his own universe, Sir will need to generate a large spark of energy to kick-start the process and to do that he's gonna have to have a pre-conceived universe to map it out into the real world."

"What are you suggesting?" asked Snot.

"We make our own universe." Proposed Parts.

"Are you insane in the mainframe?" asked The Commander. "We'll still destroy the real world."

"Look! We can't kill Sir and we can't destroy this place! The only hope we have is to beat him at his own game!" rationalised Parts. "Besides, it's either we save one universe...or he destroys them all." All three stood in silence, realizing the gravity of the situation and the meaning of what they were doing. Then they heard the sound of running footsteps and laboured breathing from outside. They turned to see Phill run through the double doors and lock them tight. He joined his squad, huffing his lungs out.

"Yo." He wheezed.

"What happened?" asked The Commander.

"Set off an Emp. We crashed."

"How did you survive?" asked Snot.

"Combat roll. What's up?"

"We're gonna create our own universe." Explained Parts bluntly.

"Sweet." Breathed Phill. "You got a universe in mind?"

"Oh, yes." Said The Commander. "Parts, order up our home with a side of fries."

"Would you like mustard with that?" asked Parts.

"Just get on with it!"

"Right. Sorry." Parts typed on the console. "Package is on its way."

"How's she lookin'?" asked The Commander.

"She's suffered minor code damage." He pulled an image of Blood Gulch up on the screen. "Huh, actually looks more lifelike than before. Looks like a bit of an improvement. Corners are all smoothed out, grass is standing up. I could get used to this. The lighting for Red base looks hideous!" The loading bar filled. " Here! All I need to do is hook it up to the core and find out what the spark is that-Ooh. I know what Sir is going to use to begin his universe-creating-taking-over-thingy."

"What is it?" asked Phill, The Commander and Snot.

Somewhere in another universe, there was a soldier. This was no ordinary soldier; he was an A.I. program encased inside a robotic body, but he didn't know that yet. He was also unaware of the presence of the ten megaton bomb in his chest. Even if he was, he still wouldn't have known that it wasn't any ordinary ten megaton bomb or the importance it had in events to come...

"Name! Name! Can you hear me? Talk to me-Wow, déjà vu." Enemy couldn't see a thing; wherever he was had nothing but darkness inside. The last thing he remembered was a bright light and then a dark light. He thought about that for a moment before he heard a click. A small lamp turned on and Enemy saw someone standing there. "Argh! Who are you? Identify yourself!"

Name sighed. Of all the five people who could have been trapped in here with him, it had to be Enemy. Why couldn't it be The Commander or the one who complains a lot? You know, the rest of them. Even Parts would have been preferred, but no! It had to be this douche.

"Hey buddy. You should've said something, I could have shot you."

'Yeah. Right.' Thought Name, rolling his eyes.

"Where do you think we are?" asked Enemy. They looked around them; what was illuminated by the light was junk. It was piled on cabinets or just thrown into piles on the floor. In fact, they were both knee deep in it. "You don't think that...we've been...recycled?" Enemy said, whispering that last 'recycled'.

Name couldn't understand why he was whispering so he decided to check if there was a main light switch on the nearby wall. There was; it was a thin cord. He pulled it and the ceiling groaned. Beam after beam of bright light streamed down from above, revealing the true size of the room which was massive. It was laden with unused machinery, props and plants, creatures and scenery. There were actual pieces of weather in large glass jars on high shelves. They walked through the isles, like they were in a shopping centre, swearing under their breaths at the amazing things they found. Eventually, they found the front door; a large, round, steel bulkhead. Unfortunately;

"It's locked." Said Enemy, depressed. "We'll never be able to break through this in time. What's say you and me light a stoogie to the end of the world, right? Name?" Enemy turned around but Name wasn't there. "Where'd ya get to?" Enemy searched everywhere until he finally found Name in a section marked 'Vehicles', arms folded and staring impressively at something. "What are ya lookin' a-Whoa. Now that is a sight for sore eyes."

Parts had never worked this hard in his life. Also, he had never done something this difficult. It was a real race against time for him; with the ultimate consequence for failure. "Snot." He said to his Green friend. "You still good for your part?"

"I guess." Mumbled Snot. "Except for one thing; what do I do?"

"When we're ready, all you have to do is stand on that platform there," he pointed to a square plate in the floor, "and the core will do the rest."

"I've been thinking about this." Said Phill. "And what happens to us?"

"Yeah." Agreed The Commander. "I mean, I'm all up for sacrifice and that shit, but if there's even a remote possibility of having a hope in a dream of a way of getting us out of this alive, then I'd like to take it."

"As long as we're all standing on that platform then we should be good." Assured Parts. "Trust me, I'm a mechanic. I'm also a qualified little league coach."

"Useless!" shouted Sir from above. Parts quickly closed the roof doors, sealing them in from the outside. "No matter how hard you try, you cannot get rid of me."

"Well, I'm really hard right now!" argued Parts.

"Ignore him." Said The Commander. "Your plan is a shambles. We've got our own solution to the problem and you can't stop us! Ha! The tables have turned and now you gotta pick up the check!"

"I may not be able to break through your defences," Sir continued through the intercom, "but I know others who can."

"Yeah? You and your army of floating circles? I've eaten rancid cheerio's that gave me more grief than them!"

"You think that I am the only one who wouldn't pass up the opportunity to rule over all of creation? You may have the better of me now, but let's see how you soldiers defeat me while keeping every other being alive from using that power for themselves!" The intercom buzzed off. The four soldiers stood in a horror-filled silence.

"Finally." Said The Commander. "And I was afraid I wouldn't get to kick a lot of arse today."

Outside, atop the tallest spire of Server City, Sir began a broadcast to every world that had not yet been engulfed by light. "Attention every world that has not yet been engulfed by light. No doubt you have all noticed the changes going on in your worlds; the strange creatures that do not belong, the cracks in the fabric of space/time and the doors to nowhere and everywhere. I can then assume that all of you have been enlightened enough to assume that this is a sign of the end of the world, which is true for you, it really is...but what if I were to tell you that it was also the opportunity for another beginning? All you have to do is follow the signal and kill anyone who stands in your way." Transmission was cut.

"Well, that was a little eerie." Commented Snot to the other Greens who had also heard the broadcast.

"Oh, and could the owner of the burnt out Nissan Micra please report to the front desk. You are illegally parked in a loading area. Thank you." Transmission was cut...again.

"Did everyone hear that?" asked The Commander.

"Yes. Except-No. No, ours didn't." answered Parts. "It's in containment. At least we won't have to fight ourselves."

"Good. You two stay here while Phill and I check out the perimeter." Ordered The Commander. "You hear us dying, you get your butts out of this universe without us. Understand?" Snot stepped forward.

"But I want to fight with you." He said earnestly.

"No! You're too valuable. I never thought the words would come out of my mouth, but there they are and there's nothing you, or I, unfortunately, can do about it. Capiche?"

Snot sighed; "Capiche." He looked down at the ground, a sadness overwhelmed him. For the first time, he was upset that death was so close. A hand touched his shoulder. He looked up to find The Commander a little closer.

"On your feet, soldier." Snot pulled his head up, rolling his neck back. "Friend." The Commander looked around at Parts and Phill. "All of you. It's a shame I will never get the chance to tell Enemy and Name this, but you've all grown on me. Despite everything you all do, I feel privileged to call you my friends." Parts sniffled, he was crying inside his suit. Now he was worried about getting wrinkles in his armour. Phill stood tall himself, clearing his throat.

"I feel privileged for you to call me a friend." He said.

"Liar." The Commander pulled himself together. "Enough of this sentimental crap. We've got an infinite amount of people to kill, and today is a good day for them to die."

"Did you mean everything you said back there, sir?" asked Phill.

"Of course I did." Answered The Commander. "Except for that bit about the killing."

"What? We won't kill any of them?"

"Kill; yes. Them; no."

"...But you think we'll come out of this, right?"

"Oh no, we're most certainly dead. I'm no mathematician, in fact I flunked math several times on purpose because even I knew it was a waste of time to even try to learn, but I know a hundred per cent chance of certain death when I see one."

"Okay then." Phill paused. "So..." he began. "Y-H-What's our defensive plan?"

"Simple. This main road bottlenecks them into this chamber here." He indicated, walking through the large spherical hall complete with pillars of varying sizes. "We'll make our stand here where there is a clear line of fire. If we have to fall back, then we block this hall off by bringing down the pillars."

"Brilliant." Nodded Phill. "With what?"

"I don't know." Thought The Commander. "I was thinking we might be able to push one down before we're horribly slaughtered, but I hadn't put much thought into it."

"Don't we have a bulldozer?" asked Phill.

"No."

"C-Four?"

"Nope."

"A rope and a winch?"

"Uh-uh."

"What about the leftover Emp grenades? Will they do?"

The Commander scoffed; "About as much effect as putting steroids in a dyke. What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry." Apologised Phill sarcastically. "I get a little nervous before certain death!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" They folded their arms and turned away from each other.

"I'll miss you." The Commander said angrily.

"I'll miss you more, ya bastard." Returned Phill.

"The hell you will!" The conversation ended right there. A loud crash rang out in the distance and lightning struck the sky. A black mist descended the far rise outside the city. It wasn't long before it dawned on the Greens that the fog was in fact the infinite army. "How many clips you got?" asked The Commander.

"Not much. Six, including the one already in here." Answered Phill. "You?"

"I got plenty, 'bout twelve dozen."

"How'd you manage that?"

"I always keep a few spares hidden in my anus." Informed The Commander. They both looked at each other. "You wanna grab a few?"

"No, I'm good." The crowd was growing, still flowing from over the rise and showing no sign of dwindling.

"Parts, what are we lookin' at here?" asked The Commander.

"I'm reading Storm Troopers, robots, treasure hunters, wizards, monsters, aliens...and an infinite amount of zombies from the Call of Duty universe."

"I knew this would come in handy." Said The Commander, holding his shotgun in one hand and rifle in the other. "Let's get bloody."

"Hey, is it too much to ask for just one fucking one-liner?" complained Phill.

"Yes." The Commander returned to Parts. "Activate Server defences."

Atop the mighty structure, large turrets lowered themselves below the data cloud above. Taking aim, they fired beam after beam of burning laser at the attacking mob, smouldering them. Even though it cut clean through them, it wasn't enough to make a dent. The army approached the golden gates and began ramming it down. That is, until a giant wall that was on fire and in the shape of a man smashed the creatures of many sorts to the ground. "Finally!" he roared. "Something the fuck to do!" Suddenly, Sir flew inside the city, into the hall and stopped in front of The Commander and Phill.

"What is the point of it all? This won't stop us forever!" he teased, an image of a tongue appearing on his screen.

"Oh yeah?" Phill smiled. "'Cos we had a chat with some of your co-workers and they didn't like the conditions of their service under your rule."

"What co-workers?"

"Sick 'em, boys." Dozens of Nortons leapt from their hiding places and zoomed across the room, ramming themselves into Sir.

"Charge!" they buzzed, chasing Sir out of the hall. Suddenly, the golden gates were slammed open, smashed to the floor. The army charged down the main road towards Server Tower where the Greens were in wait. The first wave: zombies. Phill and The Commander opened fire, cutting them down, making a pile of dead bodies.

"Damn." Said Phill. "If they're this easy, we might as well use 'em to block the d-" A zombie tackled Phill to the ground.

"See!" shouted The Commander. "That's why you need to shut the hell up and pay att-" A zombie scratched him on the helmet. "Come here you son of a bitch!" He kicked the zombie in the groin. "That's what you get for interrupting a superior officer."

Parts was flying through the codes, knowing that if he stopped for just one moment that this would have all been in vain. "The download on our end is almost complete. Sir will need a few more minutes than us so we should be fine." He informed Snot who was sitting, bored, listening to the sound of battle outside.

"Great." He said.

"Hello Snot." Greeted Sir. "I thought we should have a little chat."

"Don't listen-"

"I was talking to Snot, so button it!" shouted Sir. "From the moment you were created, your programming has always had a self-destructive nature. You have always wanted to kill yourself, to die. Look at what you're doing; saving the world. No, saving yourself. How can you deny your own impulses? Deny yourself the peace you truly deserve? You have never been in a better position to end it all and you're wasting it. That is truly pathetic! Don't disappoint your code, don't disappoint yourself! What's it to be?" Snot considered everything Sir had to say. It made a lot of sense, he had to admit that. He would be denying himself the one thing he had always wanted, and for what? The people who ignored him all his life, the people who judged him and drove him to this place in life. He had made his decision.

"All my life" he began, "I've wanted to die," he continued, "but all this time," he paused, "I've never really lived have I?"

"What are you saying?" asked Sir.

"In short: Go fuck yourself."

The battle had been going on for a while and the offence had grown in variety. The zombies now had bombs strapped to their chests, there were medieval soldiers, orcs, trolls and mythical creatures. The Commander was having fun, still with plenty of ammo left. Phill was almost out and was relying on his poor hand-to-hand combat skills for survival. The group of giant killer spiders up ahead might be a bit too much of a match for him. "Parts!" shouted Phill. "How much time?"

"Ow!" yelped Parts. "You don't have to yell; I can hear you perfectly."

"Just tell me!"

"Minutes! A few lousy minutes!"

"We'll be dead in a few lousy minutes!" This was even more apparent when Phill found himself and The Commander fighting back to back. "I have enjoyed serving with you, sir!" he said. "Well, except for every combat situation, every training session, every meal, every time."

"The feeling is somewhat mutual." The Commander head-butted a bear in the nose. A large shadow passed from overhead. Phill and The Commander looked up and saw a humungous daddy long legs spider striding above them; its abdomen opening up and releasing giant ants, spiders and wasps to attack. "Is it just me or does this fight seem incredibly one-sided?" Just then, rock music blared over the radios, deafening The Commander and Phill. The radio transmission was so strong that the music was playing through the Server's speaker system and over the battlefield. "What in Albuquerque is broadcasting that music?"

"Yee-haw!" rooted a familiar voice.

"It can't be." Breathed Phill. In fact, it was.

Two high beams shone over the rise far away. Following the beams was a jeep and mounted on that jeep was Name. In the driver's seat was Enemy, ploughing through everything that stood in his way.

"Look who it is! It's Green Army!" taunted Enemy over the com. He swerved to avoid the laser turret fire, aimed between the giant's legs and made for the gates. He looked in the review mirror to see several dragons sky bombing the jeep. "Light 'em up!"

Name swivelled his rocket turret around and opened fire on the flying lizards. He was loving this; it was the kind of action he had been waiting for all these months. All his life, as it turns out. The rocket launcher was doing so well that roast dragon fell from the sky. No more human tonight.

"Big momma, big daddy! Take him out!" signalled Enemy, pointing at the giant spider closing in on Server Tower.

Name fired up into its weak spot; the rear.

"Yeah!" whooped Enemy. "Take that! Take some of my hot lead up your arse!" Enemy paused. Had he just said what he thought he'd just said? He turned to Name who had stopped firing and was giving him a look which told him that he did. "Oh God! Did I seriously just say that? Fuck you, Parts!"

"Well, somebody's gotta do it!"

"Shut up!" They zoomed through the broken gates, billowing bad guys off their windshield as they went. From out of nowhere, a huge jumping spider leapt onto the side of the jeep, its legs getting tangled under the wheels. It sent the jeep into a roll, crushing the spider and subsequent creatures of all ages. Phill and The Commander closed their eyes as the jeep barrelled towards them, slowed down, leaned precariously over them then landed right side up in front of them. Name was pretty much intact, but Enemy was clearly soiled. "We miss the party?" he asked, out of breath.

"Not if you brought some more booze." Said The Commander.

"Oh, then these should help." Enemy turned to Name who chucked The Commander a Gatling gun and Phill a flamethrower. Enemy took Name's position at the turret.

"What are you using?" Phill asked Name.

Name crushed his fist in his hand.

"I didn't need words to figure that one out." Said The Commander. He and Phill took their positions in front of the jeep, Enemy swivelled around to face the attacking horde.

"Pick your shots, gents." Said Enemy.

"Oh, come on! You too?" complained Phill. They opened fire, mowing down the opposition. The survivors were beaten to a pulp by Name; kicking arse in every sense of the word. Phill was attacked by a swarm of giant wasps, barbequing them into a nice roast. The Commander tore a line of killer robots to shreds. Enemy blasted the hell out of everything else. A giant lava monster bashed its way through the arch, growling at its prey, even taking swings at the other creatures around it. Phill jumped into action. "I'll take care of this guy!" he pulled the trigger...but nothing happened. "Jammed." The monster took a swing at Phill, just missing him by inches. It bashed the ground, narrowly missing Phill as he jumped back and forth.

"Get down!" shouted The Commander from behind. Phill ducked and wondered why he had done this. The Commander grabbed his shotgun and swung it into the gas tank attached to Phill's back. The tank ruptured, flying off Phill and landing inside the creature's mouth. Long story short; its head blew up.

"I don't think we can hold this place for much longer!" shouted Enemy. "I can see a line full of ice-cream soldiers and I don't even know what the fuck they're from!"

"Hey guys." Said Parts. "We're ready!"

"How's that for good timing! Roger that!" The Commander shot his last bullet and threw down the gun. "Fall back! We're getting outta here!"

Parts moved Snot into position. "Just stand right there. It'll only take a second, but don't move." He started typing into the console again. Snot was worried. He got worried whenever Parts was using a computer. He had no idea what the hell that guy was doing.

"This isn't going to hurt, is it?" he asked tentatively.

"No." assured Parts. "I'll be perfectly fine."

"Okay." Said a reassured Snot. "What exactly are our chances of survival in this thing?"

"Umm, taking in all the factors...naught point three per cent." Answered Parts. "Just don't tell the others. Ignorance is bliss and all that."

"Yeah."

"That's the same policy I use for my dates."

"Yeah. Uh, what?"

The retreat had begun but there was one thing left to do. "Hey Enemy!" called Phill. "Bring down the house!" Enemy looked at the pillars supporting the roof, then at the army, then at the pillars again. He got the message. With one final heave, he pulled the launcher from left to right and shot down the load bearing supports. The entire room began to shake and the roof would be soon to follow.

"Do-Argh!" screamed Enemy as a sniper bullet struck his chest. Another bullet went through his leg and sent him falling off the back of the jeep.

Name saw his fallen friend. It didn't matter anymore if he hated the guy; he was a friend. Name fought his way over to Enemy and picked him up, helping him towards the Server chamber.

Phill shot as many people off Name's back as he could. An alien appeared out of nowhere and sliced his shoulder, but three bullets to the face soon sorted that out. He looked up at the ceiling as it cracked and rumbled. "Haul your arse, Name!"

Name was dragging as fast as he could, but Enemy was just so damn heavy. As the debris fell around them, one last shot rang out, this time hitting Name right in the thigh. He collapsed under the pressure, Enemy toppling down next to him. Phill took Enemy while Name limped his way through the door being held open by The Commander.

"Come on, we don't have much time!" shouted The Commander. "I'll close the door." Parts finished his work and a cube of light and numbers formed itself around Snot.

"Remember; don't move." He reminded Snot. The Commander began pushing the door closed when a spear cut straight through his torso. With one last burst of strength, he slammed the door shut, snapping the spear in half and forcing the locks on the door. Phill looked back and saw The Commander sinking down to the floor. He threw Enemy off his shoulder.

"Ow!" complained Enemy.

"Parts! Help these guys!" ordered Phill, running back for The Commander. Parts pranced up to Enemy.

"Need some help? Where do you want me to hold you?" he asked.

"Uh...never mind. I'm a little better now." Gurgled Enemy, struggling to his feet and waddling into the cube. Parts turned to Name.

Name shook his head and waved his arm in an 'I feel fine, go away' motion and followed Enemy into the cube with a disappointed Parts not far behind.

Phill knelt down to The Commander, the blood dripping from his armour and the spear still protruding from the wound. "Did you want me to leave you behind again, sir?" he asked.

"Fuck no!" shouted The Commander. Phill grabbed The Commander's armour at the back and dragged him towards the cube. The door rattled and crashed from the other side. The Commander pulled out his shotgun, ready for any close encounters. CRASH! From above, Sir crashed through the roof and landed, drained of power, on the walkway having used all his energy to get inside. Phill pulled The Commander along a little faster as the lights inside Sir began to flicker into life.

"I won't l-l-let you get away with this." He glitched. "This is my destiny." Still only half repaired, Sir picked himself up off the ground and levitated his way towards Phill and The Commander. Bang! Sir got a face full of shotgun, his screen now with more holes than Swiss cheese. Bang! Another shot. Bang! Pieces were falling off Sir, even he was having trouble keeping airborne. Bang! Phill finally pulled himself and The Commander into the cube. "What gives you the right," he began, pushing himself up to the cube, "to deny me my future?" asked Sir.

"Universal conversion charge in five, four..." began the computer.

"We aren't." said Phill.

"Three..."

"As far as I understand it..."

"Two..."

"...we..."

"One..."

"...are denying you your existence."

"Detonation. Thank you for using the F.Y.L.S.S. program. Have a nice death."

The sun was blazing high in the clear blue sky. It was a picture of perfect weather, but where was the weather? The only point of reference available was the sun, and the Halo in the sky. They couldn't see anything over these canyon walls. Perhaps someone at these Red and Blue bases knew where they were. Believe it or not, it actually took them another ten minutes before it dawned on them that this was Blood Gulch. Big shock there. "Wow." Awed Enemy, taking in the surroundings. "This place really has changed."

Name nodded.

"Looks great." Complimented Phill.

"That code degradation just took years off it." Said Parts.

"I can't believe it's the same place." Said Snot.

"Yeah." Agreed The Commander. "Stull a fucking dump, though." Everyone made noises of agreement. "Looks like we pulled it off. We saved the universe."

"Actually, we killed a whole bunch of other universes." Corrected Enemy.

"Pessimist." Spat The Commander. "At least we saved this one and that's enough."

"So, what are we now?" Phill asked Parts.

"I think we're just regular old time paradoxes now." He answered. "We can only exist in this canyon for as long as the Reds and Blues aren't here. That could be weeks, months or years before they come back but when they do...we won't exist anymore." A solemn silence fell over the Greens. The idea of death, after everything they had been through, it just seemed like the most depressing award for someone to get.

"That's downright depressing." Said Snot.

"I thought you'd be happy that you could die." Said Enemy.

"Change of heart." Explained Snot. "I have a new outlook on life."

"As do we all." Agreed Phill.

"So, who wants to play strip poker until we go?" asked Parts who was met with noises of disapproval all around. "Come on! Strip monopoly?"

"No, Parts." Said Phill.

"Strip Twister?"

"Stop it!"

"Hey Name!" interrupted Enemy. "Your helmet. The speech unit looks like it's been repaired."

Enemy was right; his speech unit was all better. He'd been wondering what that extra symbol on his visor readout meant.

"Go on." Encouraged Phill. Everyone was staring eagerly at Name to hear his first words. These people, this family. Name opened his mouth and said;

"..." Silence. No one spoke for there was no longer anyone in the canyon. They were gone...

"Just a little further, guys." Said Simmons, directing the Reds through the cave, even though Grif was ahead of him.

"You stole that thing all by yourself?" Sarge asked in astonishment, looking at Donut's strange purple flying machine which he had taken from O'Malley. Or Doc. Or whoever. It was hard to keep track these days.

"Yep and then I ran over the guy that was chasing us...and a few other innocent pedestrians!" Hammed Donut. The guy hadn't exactly been 'chasing them' as much as he had been 'moving at a slow pace towards them'.

"I'm so proud of you." Sniffed Sarge, buying every word.

"Hyeah, stealing and killing are a huge rush." Donut said, surprised. "I should have started at a much younger age. I caught the fever!"

Simmons didn't want to hear what followed, so he said "Okay," just to interrupt them, then followed with this as they left the cave; "the source of the distress signal is just outside thi-crap." He saw what lay in wait outside the cave. So did Grif, standing on a precipice overlooking Blood Gulch.

"NOOOOOOO-O-OOOOOOO-O-OOOOOOO! This sucks."

Finished.

Thank you for reading the final story ever of Red vs. Blue vs. Green. I know that there was never any actual versing between the individual colours, but hey, I liked the title.

It won't be easy getting over not having to write these characters ever again, but at least they will always be here for you as well as me. Once again, thanks for reading and don't forget to review!

But wait, there's more...

Long before the Greens arrived, before Red vs. Blue, before Freelancer and not long before the Human/Covenant war on a small blue/green planet called Earth was a beach. On this beach was a man who had long contemplated his meaning in life. Today, he had found that meaning. Washed up on the shore of the beach, he had found something caught in the sand. It looked like a piece of a television screen, but the lights flickering inside drew his attention to the alien technology still active without power. "I..." it crackled, trying to speak. "I need..." It was alive, but not for much longer. The lights inside the strange contraption blinked and the machine died. The man picked it up in his hand as though he were picking up his own future. For this is what he truly was carrying now; the future!

The End? Not bloody likely!