A/N: I can do all the non-self inserts! Please review if you read it, tell me what you like or hate about my writing style, anything! Any constructive critique is good critique, just no "I didn't like it" or "it was good" then sulking off. No matter what you say I will not think negatively of you so don't be shy my friends! Tell me what I do wrong or right, if I didn't want critique I wouldn't be doing this for PRACTICE TO GET BETTER.

Later edit: Yikes, this chapter was sad looking back. It wasn't very good at all compared to later ones.

I won't bother with the details of my life before I was whisked away, or how I got here. That's not important. No, I will say what happened during my stay and how my paradigms shifted, and how my view of the world changed. It was a hell of a ride. Now hateful is a word many would try not to ascribe to themselves but me... I can't help but look back and be able to use such a description. I suppose you'll see why.

The dusty path surrounded by trees which covered everything in a deep gloom gave an oppressing atmosphere to the world surrounding me as my eyes opened up, and took in the world that was upon me. There were trees; it was shady, not much of note in the place I lay, so I stood up. This was a mistake. I began to get up on two feet and couldn't quite stand up, then fell on my face in a way that probably looked very silly. I don't like to look silly so I pushed myself up with my hands, or at least tried to. As I did I noticed I had some very interesting looking eagle claws where my hands should have been, which would have been cool if it weren't so scary and disorienting. It felt strange when I pulled unfamiliar muscles in my back and heard a swishing behind me, so I crooked my neck back to see some fairly powerful looking wings of brown feathers ending in graying tips, and beyond that the tail of a lion. I have tried to make freaking out in pressure filled situations not a part of my personality but alas, not all of our efforts are rewarded.

It took some effort (which WAS rewarded) to calm down. Sizing up the situation would have been a great idea so that was what was done. The sharp claws were as easy and natural to control as my hands, and with effort I could stand upon my lion pawed hind-legs and use my claws effectively before landing yet again on all fours. I was embarrassingly inept with the wings, though, as you will see; I could barely control them.

So this is my tale. I can tell you one interesting lesson I learned before truly getting into the thick of the story; being a griffin certainly is cool!

I began to move onward along a path on the ground, and nearly stepped on something green and shiny with a white cord coming out of it, the smile I cracked was quite incredible (I'm still not sure how my beak could smile). The little thing was my iPod Nano and its USB charging cord! Now, considering I have ears like a hawk I did not try to use it but just tied it around my wrist awkwardly (those were the worst five minutes of my life).

The path I plodded down was shadowed over quite thickly and not much light filtered through the canopy. I figured I was hit by a truck or something and was having a very vivid, lucid, coma dream at the time. You understand right? I marched through the forest for what must have been a solid four hours before I was just far too thirsty to ignore and kept an eye open for a clean (looking anyway) water source. Some time later I saw a creek and drank thirstily from it (I also attempted to glimpse my reflection in it but it was too shallow and not smooth enough to get a look back with) before continuing on until it was starting to near sunset. The thick of the forest was behind me as I tramped out into the open, a cottage lay before me with a chicken pen and coop in the back along with a decent sized garden. What caught my eye the most though was the roof, it appeared to be made of, or at least covered with, leaves or bushes of some kind. Out loud I said, "Okay, that is just not practical at all. Does rain just go right through the leaves?" to which I got an answer.

"Oh, no there is a roof under it" something said as it flew past me, and just as I looked around for this rather silent visitor I heard a sudden squeak saying "Gilda!" and a rush of wind as something yellow darted past me. The scared blob (who I did not know at the time) rushed past and right into the back door of the cottage.

After a stunned silence I shouted "Hey, I just want directions, you never see a lion-eagle thing like me?" For an afterthought I added "and what is a Gilda?"

I got no answer as I stepped up to the cottage door and knocked (maybe a bit "too" loudly) "Well, can you help me out here? Please?" and still no answer. "Fine I will just walk off without any help or direction down the road and hope I don't get lost!" I promptly walked off, and looked back to see some curtains falling back into place, as though whatever darted into the house was watching me leave. I certainly do make a good first impression.

The road was easy to follow though not without event. I almost had a heart attack when I noticed the peculiar roman architecture of the cloud above me. Palace. Cloud palace, you get the idea! It was also covered with a girly assortment of rainbows and was pretty neat. Anyone who lives in a cloud palace is either very arrogant about just how amazing they are or has impeccable taste. I passed the castle and was promptly laid flat on the ground from a solid strike upon my face. A Very Solid Strike. I opened my eyes to something with rather equine features and rainbow hair (what is up with all these rainbows?) and a cyan hide snarling at me. The magenta eyes shifted over my face and seemed to weaken in fury as I clambered back up onto my talons and paws.

"You don't know Gilda do you?" she still carried a hostility about her as I caught my breath and made sure my beak wasn't broken from that little welcome wagon.

"No I don't know any damn Gilda, and don't you dare try to hit me in the face again!" I tried to look threatening, but I think I failed miserably. The horse-thing didn't seem phased, anyway.

She stopped staring daggers and me and looked a tad embarrassed, "Heh, I'm sorry, you look kinda like her. No hard feelings, right? I'm Rainbow Dash." she held out a hoof to me. I just started to recognize the rainbow haired Pegasus in front of me. I should have seen it earlier but I suppose I was in shock/denial. This world seemed an awful lot like something for little girls and internet creeps...

It hit me like a train that really did not feel like stopping. That is to say, hard. This was that show. Now I did not panic but I did say something I still regret to this day.

I groaned. "Oh god, that one pony famous for being into mares..." Being hit in the face with a hoof is not something I recommend to anyone. It is really not fun at all.

She was staring daggers again after a moment of stunned silence, "Oh so you've heard of me? I thought you didn't know Gilda, now get out of here before I send you to the hospital!" She would have been a hell of a lot less threatening if my face still didn't hurt from being struck in the face.

I mumbled something else as I was walking away that (thank god) she didn't catch all of, "Lucky I won't scratch out your eyes."

She shouted after me, "You better leave, this town isn't for lame jerks like you, I hope they run you out like they did Gilda!" What I did not see at the time was that her eyes were watering up as I was leaving.

I trekked onwards passed a multitude of rather brightly colored homes, many decorated with flowers growing alongside paths leading to the front doors. I wandered into what appeared to be a small town, and passed a multitude of shops (Clockwerk's Ticking and Tocking Clock Shop, Carousel Boutique, a number of flower shops and places advertising fresh vegetables, spices and the like) all of which were also brightly colored or very thematic in decor style. I approached the town center, in which was a fairly large building I assumed was the town hall as the sun was setting. I passed quite a few ponies on my way and got my fair share of curious looks.

I approached a mare with a light orange hide and curly carrot-orange colored hair with a bundle of carrots tattooed on her flank. "Hey miss, is there a place I could stay for a night?"

She gave me a curious look like so many others as if I was the only griffin in the whole world (for all I knew I could have been the only one other than Gilda, who I heard of a few times), "Well this is a small town and ponies don't stay often, not often enough for anyone to open a motel. Tell you what, I'll show you some good Ponyville hospitality and you can stay in the extra guest bedroom of my house tonight. And you're the second griffin I have ever seen so I kinda want to know where you came from. I'm Golden Harvest, but most call me Carrot Top."

Ugh, Ponyville, what a name. "I'm... Radner, and that's really nice of you, thanks." All I could think of was Gilda Radner (look it up if you don't know who she was), after I kept hearing the name Gilda. I think Radner is a fine name. "I haven't had much to eat for quite a while and I'm not exactly rich... I don't wanna ask too much of you."

"Oh, it's fine, and when we get there don't be too surprised when you see my roommate, she can be a handful, but she's awful nice when you get to know her. Her name is Ditzy Doo, she's the local mail mare." We talked on the way there about Equestria and she pretty much got that I was from a place outside of Celestia's rule (they don't know much about griffins, so I got a pass and said some vague answers about where I came from). Celestia is some kind of goddess ruler who came shortly after the founding of the Equestrian Nation and took rule after she restored order from some chaotic spirit of some kind (I felt like a living fantasy novel or some-such!). His name was Discord and he recently was banished after making some merry-fun that apparently was near world shattering. Oh, and I learned saying someone/everyone is not something ponies say (I said it was a griffin thing), instead they say somepony, everypony, stuff like that.

We arrived at a small home that appeared to be a duplex (not really, I was never that observant, Carrot Top told me, then I noticed it) I immediately asked who lived in the other side. I am allowed to be curious!

"One of our few local dentists. Her name is Colgate. It's a bit of an odd arrangement with her, she lives with Clockwerk, he owns the clock shop and the dentistry building is right next to his shop so she manages it during the day, I don't know how the shop keeps itself profitable considering how weird it's hours are."

"So what, every time somepony has an appointment at the dentist's office the shop is closed?"

"Yup, except when Clockwerk is around and he's running the place himself. He runs off for weeks or months at a time, nopony knows where he is running off to. Colgate has an hourglass cutie mark, I still don't know why her's isn't a toothbrush or something." I guess cutie mark is a word now? I have no clue what is up with Equestria, but this is just fuck-all stupid sounding.

She opened the door with her hoof (it has a lever instead of a knob, hooves seem very inconvenient!) and we walked inside. The house was... surprisingly not orange all over and carrot themed! It was a lot like how you would picture your average house, but with really (REALLY) plushy carpets and almost no electronics (they have a radio, a stereo and that's about it. Oh yeah, and an electric knife sharpener).

I heard a pony at the top of the stairs yell out "Carrot Top how was your day!" Just then a gray Pegasus with straw colored hair and some... very interestingly crooked amber eyes flew upside down right into me, making us both tumble onto the floor. As she was getting up she asked, "Where did the griffin come from?"

I got up right after her, "I certainly didn't just appear here. This is the second time a pony knocked me to the ground today," I said, maybe a bit too ornery in tone.

She looked at me (with one of her eyes I may add) and apologized to me, "I'm a bit clumsy, I didn't mean it! So, Carrot, where did the griffin come from?"

"I met him at the fountain, without any bits, no clue where he was and without a lot of know-how about Equestria," she glanced at me and continued, "even though we're pretty far from the northern border." She addressed me, "It's a week's travel with wings to get here."

"Yeah well, It's no wonder I am just so hungry." I tried to dodge the implication that my story didn't add up.

Ditzy said, "I'm making dinner tonight! It'll be salad, sound good?"

Carrot and I agreed that it sounded great before she darted off to the kitchen.

I cracked a little grin, "Well, that was fun. I'm going to head into the kitchen and get a glass of water, where are the glasses?"

"Second cabinet from the right."

Authors request: Tell me what you think if you bothered to read this, I know a human in Equestria story is a bit cheesy and typical but oh well, this will be an adventure fic and will have adventure (and may get a tad dark but not inappropriately so), I will be introducing the plot early to keep it interesting. PLEASE REVIEW OR I WILL CRY. Maybe not but I might give up again.