Disclaimer: Hey... guess what?! Wowee! I DON'T own Gundam Wing!!! WELL! What do you think about *that*?

Heh... anyways...

This fic, yes, is insane and has some very weird parts... if theres OOC parts, that's ok... they are meant to be! Plus, the song that this is based on is suuuuch a cool song, that I can't resist making the fic as humourous and twisted as the song is... *grin* Because the song alternates between two singers, this fic will vary between two pilots POV's... heh...

Lyrics in ~~ these will signify Heero's POV.

Lyrics in ** will signify Trowa's POV.

Lyrics in signify the chorus which is with both.

Please review - Nicely! -----

Pairings: 3x4, 1x2, 5x13

By: *~*Mezra*~* ()

Dedicated to: Wind!!! *huggles* Because I think of you with this song too, heh...^.~

Some Fantastic

(Or: Oh! The Nuances of My Missing Self Respect!)

~ One day, I will build a fountain, drink, and never grow old... ~

There was an unnerving click, a bang, and then the whole house seemed to leap off its foundation. Quatre spilled his tea in his lap, Trowa fell off his balance beam, Duo got his comb stuck in his hair, and Wufei almost stabbed himself with his sword as he polished it.

Blinking, Heero stood in a tiny room in the basement, examining the damage. There were a few charred remains of his previously complete experiment. Apparently, it hadn't been quite as complete as he thought. Perhaps he shouldn't have built in that self-destruct device... But it was too late now. Rubbing his hands together, in a strangely psychotic gesture, he began memorizing a list of things he would need to do.

He heard the door behind him slam open, but he refused to dignify it with his notice. Finally, after several moments, the new occupant to his 'Lab' spoke.

"Heero Yuy!"

Turning around, he plastered on his best emotionless look.

"Yes, Duo?"

"What the HELL are you doing?"

"Experiments..."

"With bombs?!?!"

"No, my experiment self destructed itself."

There was silence in the room.

"You're not cloning yourself, are you Heero?"

"Hm? No..."

"Then what are you doing?"

"Building a machine..."

"Please, Heero... for once in your life, don't be succinct."

"Ah. Alright. Well, I'm making a machine to produce life giving water, so that we can all achieve immortality by drinking it."

There was an eerie silence once more.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course..."

~ Then I'll market an elixir that will eliminate the common cold... ~

Duo turned to leave, braid swaying out behind him.

"Heero, I don't understand you sometimes..."

"I'm also trying to find a cure to the common cold..."

Duo tilted his head to the side, as if contemplating that.

"Yeah?"

"Yes, perhaps virus cells can self destruct..."

Pondering to himself, Heero vaguely noticed that Duo had left the room. Turning back to his work, he grabbed a wrench.

"Now... where did I put that glue..."

~ Find your sickness on my list, pay up front and make a wish. ~

Picking up a bolt from the floor, Heero stared at it a moment. He wasn't quite sure, but Duo didn't seem too enthusiastic about his new projects. But everyone had told him that he should find a hobby, so he did. He couldn't really help it if he often chose large hobbies... like the time when he'd tried to create a tiny alien species of Squirrels. There were still reports of terrorizing rodents with bomb, attempting to blow up themselves in the middle of large cities.

Almost sighing, though not quite, Heero tossed the bolt onto the table.

Duo would be sorry when he had a cold... THEN who'd be the long suffering one?

Smiling as he found himself imagining a scene of Duo, gratitude oozing from his everyword...

"Oh, Heero! I'm cured!"

"This is so wonderful!"

"Hn!"

"Oh, I knew you would agree!"

"Aa."

"You are so wonderful, Heero, come here and let me show you just how wonderful you are!"

Glancing up at the clock, Heero nodded. He had allowed himself 3 minutes and 14 seconds of daydream time. It was now time to begin working, with a project ratio of 5:2483 and a suggested rate of...

* One day, I will work with animals... all the tests I'm gonna do. *

Balancing easily on one foot, he raised the other and clicked his tongue. The Lion walked forward, slowly easing into a run. Raising his arms in the air, Trowa closed his eyes and focused on remaining steady. In one deft move, he launched himself into the air, spun, and caught onto a bar. Hanging off it, he realized he'd forgotten to set up the safety net. And the other bar.

He noticed his lion, Angel, sitting on the floor watching him quietly. Wondering if he shouldn't have had steak for dinner last night, he looked around for something to catch onto. Seeing nothing, he straightened his arms and prepared to hang around a bit. Literally.

Five minutes later, his luck began to run out. The door opened and Quatre walked in.

"Trowa... Huh? I thought he was in here..."

Then Quatre noticed the lion.

Quatre had never met Angel, this was one of the new additions to the circus. His vocal cords choosing this moment to abandon him, Trowa hoped that Quatre wouldn't be eaten. He still hadn't found the nerve to confess his love, and he didn't much look forward to confessing it to the lions stomach. He could see it now...

"Quatre... I... I love you!"

"Mm mmmf mmfff muuuf!"

"You love me too? One mm for yes, two for no."

"Mm."

"That's so great! I'm so happy!"

"Mm."

"Are you happy?"

"Mm... mm mm."

"You're not?"

"Mm mm."

"Why not? No wait... you can't really answer that..."

"Are you in any discomfort? I can see if Angel will swallow small television or something... do you want any tea?"

"Mm..."

Blinking out of that little dream, he looked down to see the Lion stalking closer to the short blonde. Gulping, Trowa opened his mouth to say something. When Quatre squealed and ran up to the lion.

"Oh, you're so cute! Are you a new lion?"

Kneeling, Quatre began stroking the lion on the head. Staring in shock, Trowa watched it lay its head on Quatre's lap and purr.

"You're so cute! You're just the color of my favorite Camel!"

* All my stuffs completely natural, and when we're done we can boil 'em down for glue. *

"Quatre..."

"Oh, my! You speak! And you sound *just* like Trowa!"

"It IS Trowa..."

"Trowa! You've been turned into a lion!"

"But you looked fine at breakfast..."

"Quatre, look up..."

Looking up, Quatre blinked at him.

"Wait... if you're down here, how are you up there?"

"I got stuck up here... could you go tell Catherine - she's in the garden - to come and hook up the safety net so I can get down?"

"Oh... sure... bye Camel-colored lion!"

With another pat on the head, Quatre turned and walked out the door. The click of the door seemed to echo through the room. Trowa looked down and met the lions eye.

"And what do you think YOU'RE looking at?"

"... Grrr..."

"Hah! Don't even think about it, lion, the only one who gets to think of Quatre as a tender morsel is ME."

* That I can use to re-adhere your lips to mine if you were here. *

"Trowa?"

Breaking the staring contest, Trowa and Angel turned to look at Catherine, framed in the door way. Entering, she gave him a strange look, then motioned. Rashid came in, easily carrying the safety net. Setting it up quickly, Catherine waited till he'd dropped and stood beside her, rubbing his aching arms.

"Ooooh, nothing... but you should be careful how loud you argue with the lions. Someone who matters might hear some day..."

Winking, she took Rashid's arm and they exited the room. Standing there, Trowa blinked and turned to the lion.

"Like she's one to talk. She only got Rashid because he overheard her talking to Sally at teatime."

The lion seemed to nod.

"Well, shall we try that again?"

"Grrr..."

"Ok."

There's a lot I will never do. Some fantastic, I know its true! But none as much as my want to be with you...

"HAH! I get the necklace!"

"Noooooo!"

There was a groan of pain. Walking into the room, Heero blinked a few moments. There, sitting on the floor, was Treize. Across from his, Wufei sat looking rather smug. However, that wasn't what shocked him.

Yes, Heero Yuy was shocked beyond all belief.

In the middle of the two, sat a board game. But not just ANY boardgame, but *the* board game. Duo's antique from the ancient days of America.

"Why are you playing Duo's Pretty Pretty Princess game?"

There was silence in the room. A few minutes later, Trowa came into the living room, via the kitchen, and flopped onto a couch chair. Throwing his legs over the side, he opened his book and began reading. There was another silence as Trowa finally noticed what was going on. Of course, he remarked on the matter.

Three minutes and 4 seconds later, Heero was counting, in came Duo and Quatre. Both were arguing heatedly.

"No, Treize will win! Come on, he used to want to be a universal dictator! I think he can be a pretty pretty princess!"

"No, Wufei will win! Its OBVIOUS that he makes the better pretty pretty princess..."

Looking over, Quatre gasped.

"Treize! You let Wufei get the necklace?!?!"

Duo's reaction was similar.

"Wufei, he's gotten the earrings AND the ring! You'd better start hauling royal princess ass there, Wufie-chan..."

"It's Wufei, Maxwell."

"Heh, silly me... I forgot... Oh, hey Heero."

For two seconds, Duo looked at Heero then walked away and could be heard pittling around in the kitchen. Quatre stared at Trowa for a moment, then shook his head, as if resolving something. Patting Treize on the shoulder, he walked towards the kitchen.

"Time for tea... and Treize, get that crown."

Bye bye, self respect... I haven't had much of it since you left.

Suddenly disliking himself, Trowa tossed his book onto the floor. Locking his arms behind his head, he closed his eyes and pretended to be resting. He could hear the soft murmur of words in the kitchen, then the whistle of the tea kettle. Sighing dramatically, for him anyways, he wondered briefly if he'd ever even been close to finally admitting the truth.

There was that time when he thought he was about to die, and as the roller coaster went over the top of the 2974 foot drop, he'd found himself screaming:

"...!!!!!!!! HNNNNNN!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! QUATRE!!!!! HNNNNN!!!! ...!!!!!!!!!"

Sadly, Quatre was next to him, and only heard:

And he hadn't died. So he'd consoled himself with a shaved ice and took bets with Heero on how many corn dogs Duo could eat.

Speaking of Heero... opening his eyes, Trowa glanced over at the quiet boy. Yep, still there. In fact, Heero was still staring at the spot where Duo had been standing. Heero was like him, in many ways. In love, but unsure how to say it. Of course, everyone could see that Duo loved Heero as well. Unfortunately, Heero was too dense to see it sometimes.

People like that REALLY annoyed Trowa. Always sitting around, moping over someone they loved, and then not doing anything about it.

I missed out on the best of you.

There was a victory cry as Treize grabbed the crown.

"I won, my Dragon! What say thee to THAT?!"

"Kuso! INJUSTICE!"

Quatre and Duo came running out of the kitchen.

"Hah, I win!"

Sighing reluctantly, Duo nodded.

"Now you have to give me Dou-chan!"

"... FINE. But we also bet something else..."

Gasping dramatically, Quatre noticed something. Wufei had the sparkly shoes!

"Noooo!"

"That's RIGHT! And YOU have to give me Gun-chan!"

"... FINE THEN."

There was a stony silence as Quatre and Duo stalked out of the room.

Treize turned to Wufei.

"Come, my Dragon, we have *our* bet to attend to..."

A decidedly hentai look was shot at Wufei. Wufei, blushing and still stammering about injustice, stood up.

"And don't forget the dress, my love..."

Grumbling, Wufei grabbed a pink, lacy dress off the back of the couch and stalked after Treize. Coming back into the room, Duo and Quatre began having a staring contest, hands locked behind there backs.

"Ok... count of three... One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

Turning their heads and holding their hands forward, they traded items. Forgetting his foul mood, Quatre giggled and hugged the little clown plushie to his chest. (A CUTE clown plushie, not an ickie one...)

"Dou-chan! I've got you back! That mean Duo will never hold you hostage again!"

Likewise... Duo hugged a little dark haired soldier plushie to his chest.

"Gun-chan! I've saved you from that evil Quatre! You're safe now!"

Turning and growling at each other, Quatre and Duo slowly backed away from one another and ran out of the room. Looking around, Heero vaguely wondered if he would *ever* understand *anyone* in this house...

~ I can't stand to wait in line long, so I built a new machine... ~

Glaring at the moving crowds around him, Heero stepped closer to Duo and took hold of the boys braid. If Duo was forcing him to come here, then he would make sure that Duo stayed with him. Wondering if the line was EVER going to move, Heero stealthily reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny device. Setting it with one hand, he kept an eye on Duo and on the crowds.

~ It just measures up the distance, and eliminates the folks between... ~

Preparing to blow everyone in front of him up, Heero began to casually step to the side. Duo, catching his action, suddenly frowned.

"Hey! What are you doing with that bomb?!"

"You were going to blow the ticket booth up, weren't you!"

"Heero Yuy! I did NOT bring you here to blow people up! We've only been waiting for one minute, stop being so impatient!"

Actually... it was 1 minute and 12 seconds. However, the look in Duo's eyes stopped him from saying it.

"Hn."

Disarming the bomb, he sighed and put it back in his pocket. Maybe he could blow the popcorn stand up later.

* One day, I'll construct a satellite and I'll name it after you... *

Looking around cautiously, Trowa allowed himself to relax. No one was around. Turning off the bath, he examined the height of the bubbles and the temperature of the water. Finding it perfect, he dropped his towel and climbed in. Settling himself down, he sighed in pleasure. Reaching over, he grabbed the greatest bath time necessity ever.

A rubber Camel.

Covering it with soap suds, Trowa smiled as it bobbed happily in the water at him.

"There we go, ... We'll get you all nice and clean!"

Patting his camel on the head, Trowa faintly wondered if he would ever get to take a bath with something... or someone... more than a plastic camel.

~ Cause you were the greatest friend of all... ~

Beginning to fall asleep, Heero found himself wondering if the movie would ever end. He'd taken to timing the kisses between the two leads, and the problems that eventually would break apart their relationship. Then he'd take bets with himself on how many times she would run back to him, or him to her and how many times they would think the other was cheating and.. that was the *last* time he ever allowed Duo to drag him to a movie marathon. Chick flicks.

"Hn."

Duo glanced up from the popcorn he was eating.

"You are *so* right... lets ditch this popsickle stand."

Standing, Duo lightly began climbing across peoples laps to get to the aisle.

"Hee-chan! Come on!"

Following more politely, he joined Duo outside the theatre. Biting his lip, he shot a rare look of pleading at the braided boy. Duo caught it and began giggling.

"Oh, go ahead..."

Eyes lighting up, though he was trying to subdue his emotions, Heero whipped out a remote and pushed a button. There was a loud explosion and pieces of popcorn and gummy fish went flying. Smiling a rare smile towards his companion, Heero gulped.

"Thank you, Duo..."

He gave the braid a gentle tug, then walked off. He could feel the boys eyes on him, and if he'd been looking, he would have seen the absolute shock on the boys face.

* Except for when you split my lip in two. *

Climbing out of the bathtub, Trowa dried off and set him on the sink. Tying a towel tightly around his waist, Trowa opened the door. Unfortunately, Quatre had been opening the door - thinking to take a shower - at that very same time. They both fell over, Trowa landing on the cold tile with a soft Arab on top of him. Gulping, his mind echoed that he would prefer to be on top instead, and preferably in a bed. Shoving that thought aside, he helped them both up and checked the status of his towel. It was still on.

"Are you OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you..."

There was silence, then Quatre gasped.

"What is *THAT*?!"

Turning, Trowa saw that had captured Quatre's attention.

"Um... that's ... my rubber bath camel..."

"You have a bath camel?!"

"...Hn."

"I'm SHOCKED Trowa! You... you've been hiding Camels from me! What ELSE are you hiding?"

Here it was... his opportunity.

Oh, that was sure to make Quatre feel better.

"And to think," began the blonde with cerulean eyes tearing up, "I'm in love with a Camel hider!"

That seemed like an unpleasant nickname.

"Oh! D...Darn you, Trowa Barton! I spill my heart and you '...' me!"

Surprising for both his height and his stature, Quatre punched Trowa. Surprised came over them both and another silence filled the room. Quatre turned to flee, but Trowa found his body boycotting his rational mind and acting on its own. He grabbed the boys wrist and pulled him close. Even with the split lip, he found himself unconcerned with his actions. Pressing forward, he captured the boys lips with his own.

~ To see the look upon your face, as I launch you into space...

"You said thank you!"

"Hn..."

"Just like in my fantasies when..."

Duo's mouth snapped shut as his brain caught up with his words.

"You fantasize about me?"

Turning to look at the boy, he found Duo flushing brilliantly and sweatdropping.

"Erm... well..."

"Do you?"

Suddenly, Heero was quite pleased that Duo couldn't lie.

"Well... yes..."

"What do you fantasize about?"

"Oh, well, come on, Heero, you don't want to know..."

"Actually, I do. What do you fantasize about most?"

Looking down, Duo began playing with his braid.

"That you'll tell me you love me, then kiss me... and... and... sorry."

"No, I'm sorry..."

Never being one for subtlety, Heero grasped Duo's chin and tilted it up.

"For what?"

"For never making that fantasy come true sooner..."

There's a lot I'll never do, some fantastic, and oh! It's true! But none as much as I want to be with you. Bye bye, self respect. I haven't had much of it since you left. I missed out on the best of you.

Wufei looked up from his position on Treize's lap as the front door opened, then could be heard shutting.

"You guys home?"

Trying to sound casual, Wufei began to quickly pull his clothing back on.

"Yes!"

A strangely sing-song voice sounded out. In through the doorway, a rather ecstatic blonde leaped.

"Guess what, Wufei! Trowa loves me!"

A whirling ball of energy, named Duo, leaped in beside him.

"And Heero kissed me!"

There was silence for a moment. Wufei felt himself pulled into Treize's arms and lifted. As they were walking out of the room, Treize turned to look at the two boys.

"About damn time."

* Someday I will find the secret to your social chemistry... *

Trying not to look like he was about to freak and leap out the window, Trowa forced another half-smile as he was introduced to yet another sister. He really didn't understand how Quatre could remember everyone's name AND what they wanted to drink. Looking over, he caught Heero's eye. Heero was attempting to disengage a sobbing Relena. Duo was latched onto one leg, and Dorothy was holding onto the other. They were both pulling as hard as they could to rip the former Princess off the former Wing pilot.

Looking around, Trowa tried not to grimace as another flock of Winners came to pinch his cheeks, hug him, and threaten his life and his manhood if he made Quatre unhappy.

~ Then I'll print it on a teeshirt and it'll make you wanna be with me. ~

Heero stared. Really, what else could he do? Sighing, he pulled on a pair of jean pants. Reaching down, he grabbed the teeshirt and pulled it on. Opening the door to his, and Duo's, room he began steeling his expression. He would show no weakness.

Walking into the kitchen, he grabbed the bottle of orange juice off the table and began drinking. He heard a snort and suddenly someone began laughing.

"Ahhh, justice!! Pure justice!"

Glaring his most potent death glare, Heero looked down at his teeshirt.

Well, so what if it said: "I (heart) Duo Maxwell"?

* And if I wear it past your work... *

Walking up the stairs to the large company office, Trowa gingerly knocked on the door. A cheerful voice called him in and in he went. Smiling warily, he nodded once at Une and Noin. There was a sudden snicker. Looking up and glaring, he met the gaze of Zechs.

Quatre looked up from his desk and smiled.

"Trowa, you came! I'm almost done meeting with... with... OH TROWA!"

Smiling smugly, Trowa accepted the wet kiss and warm hug he received from the enthusiastic arab.

"I love it, Trowa! Its so wonderful!!"

Yes, buying the "Camels Rule, You Drool" tee-shirt was one of his better ideas.

~ You'll see other guys are jerks! ~

Looking up, Heero smiled warily as the braided American entered the room. Duo, stopping stared.

"HEE-CHAN!!!!!!!"

Resisting the urge to stick his tongue out at Wufei, Heero pulled his lover into a kiss.

Wufei, seeing this, laughed even harder. Duo, pulling of the kiss, turned towards Wufei.

"Fftt, shut up Wufie-chan."

"Grrr, Maxwell..."

* Much like pheromones for flies... *

They met at the club, then headed to the restaurant across the street. The night was clear the moon shone brightly. The breeze was warm and the dark was comforting against the glare of the streetlights.

Trowa smiled as Quatre slid into his side of the booth, and pressed close to him.

It could be called a simple pleasure, to enjoy the evening. Quatre and Duo got in a foot fight, till Trowa put a stop to it when it became clear that Duo couldn't very well tell which leg was Trowa's, and which was not.

Dessert, which Duo insisted they had, had a cherry. Knowing what would come next, Trowa was surprised as Quatre giggled and pushed it towards Duo. There was a hidden wink between the two. Feeling the boy tap him on the shoulder, he looked down. He had 1 second to breath before he found himself being kissed.

~ You will not avoid my eyes! ~

Humming a little, Duo pulled the cherry off the top of the whip cream. Heero could hear him sigh and shoot a glance at Trowa and Quatre. Heero knew what the boy wanted, but he found it so hard to be so open in public. Suddenly, he met Duo's eyes.

Knowing he was staring at the amethyst eyed boy, he felt himself blush as Duo slid the cherry into his mouth. He could tell that Duo was swirling his tongue around it, sucking the little red fruit for all its worth. Then he pulled out the cherry and made a show of biting it in half.

Gulping, Heero quickly put his arm around Duo and pulled the boy close.

"Heh heh, better?"

When the boy nodded, Heero felt a bit safer.

There's a lot I will never do, some fantastic, and oh! Its true! But none as much as I want to be with you... Bye bye, self respect. I haven't had much of it since you left. I missed out on the best of you.

Watching a rented movie later that night, Duo draped himself across Heero's lap and almost went to sleep immediately. A tender look flitted across Heero's face, but he quickly hid it. He wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression.

Covering the boy with a blanket, he glanced over at Trowa.

Bye bye, self respect. I haven't had much of it since you left. I missed out on the best of you.

Hearing a sound, Trowa looked up. Heero glanced at him and motioned with his head. Looking down, Trowa found that Quatre had fallen asleep, clown plushie hugged tightly. Keeping his arms around the petite blonde, Trowa only allowed himself a smile and put his feet up on the coffee table. Wufei snickered for a moment, but was silenced by Treize.

Raising an eyebrow, Trowa felt slightly confused. His camel slippers were cute!

Bye bye...

--~-- End! heh heh heh... ^_^

A/N: Dou-chan is Quatre's clown plushie... Dou is what I shortened from Doukeshi (which means Clown in Japanese...)

Gun-chan is Duo's little soldier plushie... Gun is what I shortened from Gunjin (which means Soldier in Japanese...)

Some Fantastic - the song - is by Barenaked Ladies...