Chapter 9:

Give me reasons

As the day pasted by I decide to remain watching, as if I was some spectator and life was simply a show on the TV. I didn't talk with the others neither make any of my usual remarks. Although I don't think it is because I'm feeling in a way sad or bad, or I don't even know. It just that… I'm not sure, but I just didn't feel like it. At lunch we all gathered and I couldn't help but notice how everyone was completely un-faced by my silence, they just smile and talk to each other. Although Sasori and Tobi did pester me with what was going on with me or what-so-ever they gave up and left me after a while. Besides that everything was fairly normal. Normal as always.

Now the day was over and I just lay on my bed looking at the ceiling. Not sure how much time has passed but it was a nice way to spend time. Just sealing on my own thoughts, laying down, in pure and outer peace… somehow bored though. I sighted and sit up, looking at my surrounding I notice it was probably around time to go to sleep. Tobi was comfy on his bed snuggling with a plushy, Sasori pass out in the middle of something on his table. Yeah, I think it's pretty late and I should sleep too. Walking down the small stair, I stretched a bit and head to take a short shower before going to sleep. After that I just lay back down and close my eyes; that night, I dream of nothing…

*TIME SKIP AND POV CHANGE TO THIRD PERSON* (A/N: sorry if it's annoying the sudden change of POV but its need for this to keep up)

Two weeks. It's been two whole weeks and Deidara was simply and utterly dull. He barely shows any sign that he was alive. Everyone try to do something, they were worry about their friend. But all the more they try, the more they were just ignore and cast aside. Pein said that all they had to do is let him alone and he will find himself; but even so, Tobi was still worry sick. After the day Deidara stop being himself, he start waking up early just to greet Deidara, he will bring Dei breakfast to their room, he will chat with him for hours getting absolutely no response. Deidara just sat there and looks at him with those empty eyes of him and honestly, Tobi didn't get it and no one was there to explain. What could they said? 'Deidara its just fuck up on the brain again' ? They couldn't, besides explain the small brunet what happen on the past will be a huge deal. That and that no one knew what was really going on. Was he remembering and now he hated them? Did someone tell him something? Or maybe there was someone telling lies to make Deidara hate them. Whatever it was they need to do something about it soon. Even Pein start realizing that leaving Deidara alone wasn't working at all.

Sasori… He has always been the impatience one. Even if he swear that he wouldn't interact a lot with Deidara – just for the sake of Dei getting a normal new life- he couldn't just sit and watch as the one he once love… no, the one he loves, just crumble. Yes, Sasori still love Deidara. How couldn't he? But he knew that what he did on the past was wrong, he was fucking stupid and selfish and there is no way he could change that. No matter how much he wanted, Sasori realize he was a monster and he didn't deserve Deidara. But even so, that didn't meant he will let the other just rot like that. Even if he couldn't be the reason of Deidara happiness, he still wants him to be happy. To always smirk in that goofy way whenever he gets to prove that art is fleeting, or that sweet smile he does when Tobi does something silly, or that victory grin he always had whenever he won a pointless argument. Sasori just wanted all that back. But I was the fucking monster that ruined all that, I am a monster… I broke Deidara and cause him sadness... Although I just wish he could smile. Even if I don't deserve looking at that beautiful smile, I still want it. I'm selfish.

At the moment of now it was lunch; they all sat down and start munching on their food. It was almost completely quiet, besides some small chitchat here and there. They all felt kind of down and gloomy without the artist telling off Hidan, or –like the old times- the artist duo fighting over what art truly is. Deidara slowly ate his food, looking blankly at it with no interest at all. As always Tobi was trying to talk to him, telling him about whatever had happen to him that he found rather interesting.

"And then I won the game! Tobi has the highest score! I even surpass Itachi-nii!" Tobi said excited. Itachi was always having the best score on all and every video game, and so he felt childish happy that he had achieve a higher score that him. Tobi turn his head to look at his senpai, maybe now he will have change! Maybe his senpai will be happy for Tobi! Or at least that was he thought. The second Tobi's eyes meet Deidara's his smile fell off his face. As expect by the others, Deidara was completely un-move by Tobi's words.

"A-ah! R-right! Tobi remembers! Senpai always say not to bother him with things that aren't important. Tobi is sorry…Stupid Tobi." Tobi look down and keep eating his food. Poor little boy, he was just trying to help but slowly he is also losing hope. He tries to keep his tears for himself as he gave a sad smile trying to hide his own feeling; also having his face half cover by the mask help. After-all that was the reason Tobi use the mask; to hide his real emotions of everyone and everything.

But….Tobi didn't want to cry. It was stupid to cry at a moment like this! No one had yelled at him, nor did he get hurt. So, Tobi shouldn't cry! He was a good boy, wasn't he? Good boys don't cry over nothing! It was stupid! He was stupid!

Even if he said that to himself, the small raven haired couldn't control the tears that start falling. He moves his mask slightly to wipe his face off the tears with his gloved hand, but as he did this his mouth let small hiccups out. Because of the small noise some turn around to find a teary eyed Tobi trying, and failing, to clean his face of the tears that just keep on coming. The first ones to react were Itachi, Zetsu and Konan who have always been a little bit protective over they smaller boy. After-all Itachi was his cousin and he cares a lot for all his family members, well almost all. He did hate his corrupted parents who have hurt him and his brother. Luckily they both now live together at their own house, he just wishes Sasuke will understand why he did that instead of blindly hating him. Most of his other family either didn't care or thought the same as Sasuke, beside Tobi. The little guy has always been really childish and carefree that the second he meet his dear cousin; he tackle hug him. Not caring that he had basically "kidnapped" his own brother for the sake of giving him a better life. Tobi said that either ways he will always love his cousin because he was really nice to him and so he didn't care what the others said.

"Tsk, that little runt! I don't care if he is having some kind of mental breakdown, but if he is the cause of this! I will fucking kill the bastard"Zetsu said as he point at Tobi who was being comfort by the motherly Konan. Zetsu even as part of Akatsuki, he didn't had much care for others members. He is normally silent and calm, but once you get him mad "black" Zetsu will come out. Black Zetsu was basically Zetsu's second personality, or rather 'persona', that acts as a defend barrier to Zetsu. This Zetsu is call Kiroi and he is almost the contrary from Zetsu. He has very little patience, meaning he gets piss off easily and he doesn't care who he hurts. Normally Kiroi wouldn't give a flipping fuck about anyone besides his other half; after-all he was the reason he exist. But just as Zetsu, he also fall for the smiling little guy. Besides, whatever Shiroi cared about, he did too. (A/N: Kiroi means black, Shiroi white)

And so, he didn't thought twice when he snapped at the blonde. The only thing he love and care besides Shiroi was Tobi, and he won't just stay calm as Tobi got hurt by that… that fucking egocentric bastard! Kiroi stands up and grabs the shirt of the still un-moving and un-responsive Deidara. He raises his fist planning on punch the whiny bastard, but just before he could, Sasori had already stood up and pin him to the wall. Sasori face was completely emotionless as always but if you look at those eyes you could see that he was trying hard not to kill everyone in this fucking room.

"You touch even a hair of that brat and I'll break every single bone in your body. Got it?" The red head shoved him to the wall, storming off afterwards. Konan sight and decide not to interfere; they couldn't blame Sasori or Zetsu for what they did. The stress and tension was just getting to everyone and it was clear that slowly they were breaking apart. Why did it had to get fucked up like this? They already lost their friend once, why again? Why when they were barely getting a glimpse of his usual self, of the person they actually consider a friend, why did he have to be ripped off from their reach? Wasn't it enough once? They all have already suffered once, and they thought that they could finally be happy. Being part of the Akatsuki brought them happiness, it was like the family they never quite have. They could turn your life to the better; making you smile every day, goofing around and just being themselves. So, what did they do to feel this horrible… thing once again? They hated this feeling… they didn't want it.

This all was just a fuck up and twisted lie…right? Oh, how they will wish it was just that. But true to be, life wasn't that forgiving; just when you have stood back up, it will push you back down, making you fall down the stair to be left alone to your own. Every single one of them had their own dark past, those dark secret you just regret, that sorrow inside you which you can't forget. Everyone had it, everyone has cry, everyone has lie, and everyone has –at a moment of their life- feel pain.

And the Akatsuki was just that; a group of people who know pain and sorrow as their best friend ; who have a dark past they can't change, who are hurt and just need someone to relay on. This whole group was just for that, to try and stand back up, to laugh, to be happy; so why did it turn out like this? What did they do wrong?

The group whose purpose was to bring at least a small ray of light to each of them was now bringing a moon that covers their sun. What happen to them? When did things start getting so… bad? Pein couldn't help but feel guilty, was this all his fault? He only wanted to try and help, but now it seems that he is just causing everyone to brake. After giving them happiness, smile and laugher it seems that now he was just taking all that away. Was life mocking them by taking it back? This all was just so fucked up. None of them deserve to feel like this again. None. Of. Them.

After the small… 'incident' with Sasori and Kiroi, they all just quietly walk their own path. No one felt like talking, they just need to be alone… Heh, how ironic; they needed to be alone? Again? Just how they have been all their life before Akatsuki? Completely alone without someone who cares? Well, it seems they all did and when time to get back to their rooms they still didn't spoke with one another. You basically could felt the tension in the air; everything was so quiet as if someone had died, although that will be easier to comprehend than all this.

Everyone was on their respective bed some thinking and analyzing the events of the day, some just feeling guilt and regret, and some other just feeling pure disgust for themselves.

A boy sat back up on his bed; before he was just trying to find the reasons as to why until he realize… This was all just so fucking stupid. Without thinking twice he storm out of his room and to the living room, standing just in front of everyone doors. He hit the wall behind him with his hand to try and make some noise, resulting in everyone else getting startle and waking up. He keeps on hitting until one by one stand by their door looking puzzled at him. Finally getting the attention he was waiting for, the boy grin before speaking up in a loud voice as if to make sure everyone could hear him.

"This isn't the fucking Akatsuki I know! We motherfuckers aren't a bunch of gloomy emo bastards that hide and cry with their mommy when something gets fuck up. We are the fucking Akatsuki; we beat the fuck up out of problems! So either you bunch of bastard get back to how you use to be and help to fix blondie or GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE." He finished up crossing his arms over his chest and smirking proudly. "Ouch! WHAT THE FUCK KAKUZU!?" He said once Kakuzo smack him on the back of his head like he did whenever he did something Kakuzu consider stupid.

"Did you seriously wake me up for that?" He replied un-interested as he usually did when they argued over anything, which haven't happen in a while.

"YEAH, PROBLEM BITCH?" Hidan said getting piss off at Kakuzo, which lead to both of them having one of their ever so normal arguments. Everyone else on the background just smiled and laughed. They needed this, it was like a wakeup call but from the usual idiot of Hidan that never knows when to shut the fuck. Even so, they needed that. Hidan -for once- was right, they were the Akatsuki! They didn't hide from problems; they faced them face to face. So, why the hell were they being so pansy and whiny instead of doing something about all this?

As laughter fill the living room, the blonde stir on his bed. He had heard all that Hidan had said but either ways, he still was un-changed. Even so, there was another part of him hiding in his subconscious.

'Heh, first time the bastard is right!' he thought with nostalgia. 'I guess it's about time I go and paid him a visit.'

Author Notes:

If I just start explain all the reasons as to why this is so late I wouldn't finish today. So let's just move on and get to the part where I usually apologize for my horrible grammar/spelling/ syntax and etc. I beta this myself ;-; so YEAH I know it kinda rush some stuff in and that its moving from one thing to another buuuuuut I had to. First because *spoiler spoiler* and second because I need him to will get who I'm talking about on next chap. With that said,

'Till next chaptie!