|Warriors Orochi 3: Macaroni of Death
Author: SoaringCatastrophe PM
It's a bit weird, and I changed some things. But hey, it's Warriors... FOR THE KIDS! Macaroni could never hurt anything... ONE-SHOTRated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Parody - Words: 1,315 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 04-09-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8008004
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Warriors Orochi 3: Macaroni of Death!
Something the mother inspired me to create last night whilst approaching me with a pot full of steaming macaroni… Well, yeah. I guess this is a way to make Warriors for the little ones. I made some changes to the storyline, like the Coalition army isn't really that big. Those who usually side with Orochi or just should be sided with him, are sided with Orochi; Da Ji, Masamune Date, Dong Zhuo, Sima Yi and Cao Pi, to name a few. Zhong Hui, Zhuge Dan, and Wang Yi will also support Orochi.
The Resistance army against the Hydra was almost fully prepared to face the Hydra in the coming battle. Taigong Wang and Shuten Doji had finally produced enough of the Yashio'ori for everyone to survive and defeat the Hydra. The final battle was almost within their grasps. Everyone could just taste victory as if it were only a step away.
Sima Shi did not share the feeling. He didn't trust Shuten Doji, and he didn't really think three Yashio'ori would be enough against the whole entire Hydra. At this rate, he thought they'd have better chances fighting with a truckload of steaming hot macaroni noodles. He couldn't put his finger on it; just something about the macaroni thing seemed more reliable than anything Shuten Doji could help them out with.
Perhaps he just felt uneasy going to battle, knowing he could be pit against his father, Sima Yi. Sima Yi stayed on Orochi's side, even after Shi's pleas to join the Coalition. Additionally, some other associates of Sima Shi stayed behind as well, such as Cao Pi, Zhong Hui, and Zhuge Dan. Sima Shi wondered if they could have been right to side with Orochi; who knows if the Coalition could ever win against a large beast like the Hydra?
"Brother?" Sima Zhao called, breaking Sima Shi from his thoughts. "Yes Zhao?" Shi responded.
"Are you alright? I've been calling you for ten minutes, and you've just been staring into space the whole time."
"What is it, Zhao?" Shi snapped, instantly becoming furious at Zhao for not quickly making his point.
"Xu Zhu got something for you—" Zhao started, "And you're already gone…" Zhao sighed, because upon that small statement, Shi took off to go find Xu Zhu.
"Sima Shi!" a familiar fluffy sounding voice called. (A/N: I HAVE NO OTHER DESCRIPTION FOR HIS VOICE EXCEPT FLUFFY. HE SOUNDS FLUFFY.) Shi turned around and greeted Xu Zhu with a smile.
"You've brought me the food to replace what I know Zhao took from me?"
"I couldn't find any meat buns, so I got something even better!" Xu Zhu said, handing Shi a bowl of macaroni and cheese.
Sima Shi gasped and snatched the bowl. "Xu Zhu… find more, pronto. I have an idea." Shi began laughing malevolently.
Xu Zhu didn't question Shi. He went to Kaguya and they returned to the realm and time where they found an abundance of macaroni and cheese: The distant future of the realm most of the Coalition originated from…
Now that Sima Shi had his hands on the largest abundance of macaroni he could get, he knew they stood a chance. Sima Shi decided to stay behind for a while and come as reinforcements, along with his father's nemesis, Zhuge Liang, and his wife, Huang Yueying.
"Master Sima Shi," Yueying spoke, "Are you alright? Why did you stay behind?"
"I have a plan… if they need reinforcements that will be the perfect time to carry it out." Shi snorted.
"What is your plan?" Zhuge Liang asked curiously. "Perhaps I could be of your assistance."
"Xu Zhu brought a truckload of macaroni—what's so funny, Yueying?"
Yueying giggled, "I'm sorry, but did you say macaroni?"
Zhuge Liang's eyes widened. "What do you hope to achieve with macaroni? I thought—I'm sorry… I thought Sima Zhao was Sima Yi's dumb child…"
"Whatever," Sima Shi grumbled. "You'll get it when the time comes."
A messenger arrived at that very moment, saying Hanbei Takenaka requested reinforcements while he was in battle against Sima Yi's unit.
Zhuge Liang and Huang Yueying went on their way, and Sima Shi followed suit, along with Xu Zhu and the macaroni.
When they arrived on the battlefield, not only was Hanbei still struggling against Sima Yi, but gunshots were firing all over the place, taking out several of Hanbei's soldiers. "Feast your eyes upon the Dragon!" a voice shouted.
"I can't fall behind Masamune…" Sima Yi grumbled as he pushed Hanbei to the ground and started whacking soldiers with his fan.
Sima Shi and Xu Zhu avoided being attacked by Masamune Date and quickly took the macaroni to Sima Zhao, who was operating a Yashio'ori.
"Zhao." Shi called.
"This one can't be destroyed—it's the only one we've got left!"
"Zhao… you better be talking about the heads and not the weapons."
"Brother, you can clearly see there's three heads," Zhao snapped. "We only have one Yashio'ori!"
"What? That quickly?"
"Yeah—father caught Hanbei off guard, then Masamune Date took out the first Yashio'ori. Cao Pi attacked Ma Chao and the Yashio'ori there kind of got pushed into the lava—and then there was one…"
"You imbecile, I knew these things wouldn't last." Shi snorted. "Don't worry. We have a plan b."
"Oh, it's about to fire, I better take off real quick!" Zhao said, getting off of the Yashio'ori and running off, as fire flew out from the Hydra's mouth into three large fire pit things that seemed to follow Zhao as they fell. (A/N: Another thing I can't really describe.) Shi watched and cocked his head in confusion. The Hydra was truly odd. It seemed to only be targeting Zhao.
Zhao went back to the Yashio'ori and fired. The beam destroyed a head.
"And then there were two—" Sima Shi remarked. "These aren't too bad when the right person uses them, huh…"
The Hydra then fired a beam towards the Yashio'ori. It was on its last legs.
"What's plan b, brother?"
"It may sound a bit silly… but it's macaroni."
"I'll take whatever we can get."
Zhao fired one last beam at the Hydra, defeating a head. The Yashio'ori fell to pieces.
"Alright, Zhao… Xu Zhu… Everyone over here, as a matter of fact…" Shi said, "This is a life or death situation… I'm counting on you all."
"THROW THE MACARONI!" he shouted as they all grabbed some macaroni and tossed it at the Hydra.
The Hydra sniffed and roared angrily. "Someone doesn't like the smell of macaroni and cheese," Xu Zhu said, eating a handful of macaroni.
"Xu Zhu, you moron, don't eat the macaroni, throw it!" Sima Shi shouted.
The smell of macaroni filled the battlefield. "Ugh, what is that horrid smell?" Sima Yi asked, still battling with Hanbei Takenaka, Yueying, and Zhuge Liang.
"Your son—he really is a strange one." Zhuge Liang remarked.
"Yes, I know. Zhao can be a real dolt at times." Sima Yi agreed.
"I was talking about the older one." Zhuge Liang corrected him.
"You don't mean Shi—you mean Zhao. Zhao is the moron, you moron." Sima Yi retorted.
"Sima Shi is a real piece of work, Sima Yi." Yueying stated. "He brought macaroni as a plan b to defeat the Hydra."
"Pardon me, idiots," Masamune said, "but can we all just agree that both of this idiot's children are imbeciles and move on?"
"I must retreat and rethink my whole life…" Sima Yi muttered, running off.
The last head of the Hydra roared and disintegrated. A new area revealed itself beneath where the Hydra was located.
"Impossible!" Cao Pi shouted as Ma Chao slipped from their deadlock and jumped to the ground below.
Zhong Hui arrived shortly after. "Where's the Hydra? Where's the enemy? Am I late?"
"Zhong Hui, you imbecile! Of course you're late!" Masamune shouted. "They already demolished it—you'll never guess how…"