|Facing My Nightmares: A Katniss & Peeta Fanfiction
Author: R. Leigh Noble PM
Post Mockingjay Katniss Everdeen has to see her loved ones burn night after night, but she has one person that will hold her when the flames try to pull her under. REVIEWS ARE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED! M to be safe.Rated: Fiction M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Katniss E. & Peeta M. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,234 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 04-11-12 - Published: 04-10-12 - id: 8011601
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Peeta eventually comes in from the rain and continues baking. That's his release; baking. Mine is hunting, which he lets me do without question, and his is using dough to create delicious pasties, cakes, and breads. When I'm in the woods I let my thoughts take over my brain, and I think about the things that have happened to me. When Peeta has his hands in a fresh pile of dough, that is where I'm sure he gets his chance to work things out.
So I let him be. I take my bow and quiver of arrows and slip on my boots, then I carefully open the window of our bedroom. It's not a long drop, just one story, so I hang over the edge and land noiselessly on the moist ground below. I can see him working through the window, and can't help but stare at his golden hair, his muscular arms, his calloused yet gentle hands. His face is expressionless; he is lost slicing apples for a pie he promised Haymitch. I duck away before he sees me, and run through the puddles to the woods.
The rain has passed, and it is now the strange period where the birds reclaim the forest and the sun peeks through the gaps in the leaves. The air smells fresh and wet, and it is hard to keep quiet with the numerous puddles in my way. At the rate I'm going, I'll scare off any sign of game within a mile radius.
Deep down I know I didn't come here to hunt. I came because the woods are the only part of myself that I still have from before the games; from when life was somewhat normal. I know why I needed to escape the house for a while, it's because I felt so horrible about Peeta, that I couldn't stand to be right above him knowing that I broke his heart. I need my forest, the familiar green.
I sit down on a large rock protruding from a natural forest wall. It's quiet and I am far from anyone's sight, so I hold my face between my hands and let myself cry for a while. I'm terrified that tonight Peeta won't want to hold me, yet I'm certain that the nightmares will plague me again. Why should he comfort me, when I'm never there for him? I know that him ignoring me would be fair, but I can't bear the thought of him being mad at me. We've been through so much together, that my stubbornness is a rediculous reason to separate us.
As the day passes, I give up on hunting. I haven't caught a single thing. I trudge through the deep foliage to the familiar path that winds to the exit of the woods, and make my way home. It's dark and past dinner, and I find Peeta in the living room painting.
"Hi Katniss," He says nicely without stopping his painting. His voice holds no sign of anger, which relieves me.
"Sorry, I was hunting." I apologize.
"I figured since your bow was gone and our window upstairs was open." He chuckles and continues brushing his favorite orange onto the flower of a tiger lily. "I thought you'd need some air."
"I was awful to you." I mutter. "I don't know why I just ran off like that. Peeta, I-"
"Katniss." He says, cutting me off. "I was the one who surprised you like that. It was abrupt and stupid. I should've known better that you wouldn't change your mind."
"It's not that, Peeta. I'm just selfish. I'm selfish and stupid because I can't see everything we've accomplished. I can't let myself be happy because I'm scared that it's all going to be taken away from me." I'm not sure if Peeta can understand a word I'm saying because I am sobbing now.
He puts his paintbrush down and guides me to the sofa, laying down beside me. "You are not stupid or selfish. You and I have been through the worst anyone could go through and I know that some things you may not be able to get over. And Katniss, don't think that saying no to having a baby will make me love you any less. It's okay to be afraid, because I am terrified too. I don't know what would happen if we had a kid. Maybe I would be an awful dad."
I have to laugh past the tears at his last remark. "Oh Peeta, you would be the best dad and you know it. I've never seen anyone as patient as you."
He wipes my tears off my cheeks and wraps his arms around my body. "And you don't see how good of a mother you would be. You are the most loving, brave woman I have ever met. Nothing would happen to a child under your care."
"I know, but-"
"I'm not trying to change your mind, Katniss. I just want you to see what I see when I look at you. I will not ask again though, and please do not feel bad about hurting my feelings. It is your desicion, and all I want is for you to be happy." Peeta kisses the top of my head.
I summon a deep breath and look up into his eyes. "Peeta, please tell me why you want children."
"Well, Katniss, we aren't going to live forever." He pauses, checking my face to make sure he didn't say anything to upset me. "If something happened to you, I don't know how I could go on. I just couldn't. I just wanted to have a piece of us combined; something that I could watch grow. They would be safe, because of what you did at the Capitol, they would never have to see the horrors we have seen. Our childhoods may have been ruined, but theirs wouldn't have to be."
I try to find something to say. "Okay." Is all I can come up with. "Thanks for being honest."
He hugs me one more time, and heads toward the stairs. "I'm going to bed. You coming?"
"I will in a bit, I'm going to have some tea."
"Okay. Wake me if you have a bad dream." He smiles and climbs the stairs, disappearing from my view.
I sip some tea and stare at Peeta's beautiful painting for a while, letting his words sink in. Peeta had trusted me wholeheartedly when he was hijacked; he never doubted when I explained about everything before he lost his sanity. He trusted me when I told him that he loved me, and that I loved him. He trusted me with everything. I should trust him.
My hands shake as they grip the railing of the stairs. I slowly guide my feet up each step, until I reach the top where the door of our room is. It is dark, and I can hear his soft snore radiating through the air. I slip into bed quietly, without waking him, and face his sleeping body. I can do this, I tell myself.
My hands find the bottom of his shirt, and I shakily feel my way up his soft torso and his muscled his chest. His eyes flutter open, and he tries to comprehend what I'm doing. I snuggle closer, kissing him tenderly. He resists at first, then kisses back. I feel awkward with my hands in his shirt, and my legs nearly wrapped with his, but he doesn't seem to mind. He pins my shoulders to the bed, and passionately works his lips around and beneath mine. The leg that I am not lying on pushes it's way between Peeta's, and I fumble for my shirt, lifting it just above my bellybutton when he stops me.
"What's wrong?" I ask, embarrassed at the rejection.
"What are you doing, Katniss?" He demands, leaning back on his elbow.
"Trusting you." I whisper, leaning in for another kiss. His hand grasps my wrist and ducks back, and I slink down into my side of the bed. "So now you change your mind, Peeta?"
He sighs. "I would like to ask you the same question."
"I have changed my mind," I say, mustering every ounce of confidence I can. "Ever since the end of the war, I have let you give me everything. It's your turn to have something. You have proved to me that you love me and that you would do absolutely anything for me, and why shouldn't I do the same?"
Peeta is speechless for a few moments. He balances himself over my body, his mouth an inch from mine. "Katniss, I told you that you don't have to-"
"No. I will be okay. Peeta, I trust you. I love you."
Peeta leans down and kisses me like he's never kissed me before. It has a fire; a happiness that I've never felt in him. Our lips mold together, and we cling so tight to each other that no force in the universe could tear us apart.
"Katniss, thank you." He whispers. There are tears in his eyes. Different than the ones I saw earlier in the rain; these are tears letting me know that I am giving him something that he has always dreamt of.
"I love you so much, Peeta."
He kisses me slowly. "Words can't even describe how much I love you." He speaks without leaving my lips, his words buzzing in my mouth.
"I don't need words." I murmur. "Just show me."