|A battle of wills
Author: lilyevansfanic PM
If truth be told she does not understand his fascination with her. She does not think she will ever understand the true depth of his love for her or why he loves her. She just knows he does and every time she helps Robin she feels the guilt crushing her.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Marian & Guy of Gisborne - Words: 1,394 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 04-11-12 - id: 8014278
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
If truth be told she does not understand his fascination with her. She knew she possessed a certain beauty, that she held herself with dignity and moved with effortless grace. She knew that she possessed qualities that were often coveted by a man in a woman. She was not startled by his sudden interest in her, it had happened before. She was no stranger to the lustful looks that accompanied men upon their introduction. The way the masterfully placed themselves in her way in an attempt to catch her alone, to capture her interest as she had captured theirs. But usually that interest waned and dispersed when their charm was met by aloofness and icy disinterest.
The moment they realised that she was capable of real thoughts and that she would express them despite what they thought. That was the moment she lost them, for who would want a woman who challenged their authority, whose opinions varied so differently from theirs. Someone who wouldn't be cowed and be made to keep her mouth shut. She wasn't willing to be subservient, to play the docile servant and she didn't want to be.
She was no fool who could be manipulated into complying with their will and believing whatever lies they had decided to tell. She could not be shoved into a corner while the men talked of more 'important things' which she couldn't possibly understand; because they knew she would all too easily dominate their conversation and beat them at their own game.
But this did not appear to deter him, if anything his persistence had grown at the exposure of these traits. He never faltered in his pursuit of her despite the lack of respect and contempt she had shown him as the sheriff's henchman.
She could not fathom the way his impenetrable gaze moved from her as he surveyed the room only for it to return to rest upon her. The way he looked at her with such ardour and intensity when she finally found the courage to force her eyes upwards to meet his. Ever since those early days when he had begun his pursuit of her in earnest he had always gazed upon her with such emotion that she felt compelled to tear her gaze from him because she was afraid of the fierceness of his passion and how quickly his affection for her had seemed to grow.
She was unable to handle his feelings for her as she could not comprehend them. She had never experienced the type of burning passion and desire that he held for her. No one had ever looked upon her the way he did, Robin's gaze did not cause her to blush or to become flustered when she caught him observing her. He did not elicit the same reactions from her as Guy. So she pushed him away, she created barriers and walls to separate them and to remove them from each other because she was afraid of his feelings for her but more importantly she was afraid of her feelings towards him.
She was afraid of how she would react towards him if her feelings were allowed to grow and that was not a risk she was willing to take because if truth be told the attraction wasn't one-sided, it was far from it. The more she enabled herself to know him the further she fell and the further thoughts of the man who was to one day marry her flew from her head and the more thoughts of another man took his place. Because if she was honest with herself she would know that maybe it was possible for her to love someone other than Robin of Locksley. But if she looked deep within her she would find that she had never loved Robin at all. Oh she thought she had, she had convinced herself he was the only one she loved and she had done it well. She was able to pretend because she truly believed that he was the only man she was capable of marrying. He did not mind when she spoke
out of turn and they shared many of the same ideals. She had thought him different than all the other nobles because he liked to hear her express her views and often he encouraged her reckless behaviour. But they were not in love. His eyes did not follow her around the room, she did not evoke the same passion in him as she did Guy. He did not clench his fits in fury, frustrated by her blatant need to place herself in danger because by placing herself in danger she helped further his cause. He did not seek to protect her from everything that would cause her harm except when it served his purpose and secretly in the darkest nights she wondered if King Richard were to order her execution if he would have been so ready to step in and help her.
She does not think so, just as she feels that if they marry he will soon lose all patience with her and demand obedience. He has done it before and she had felt caged, unable to breathe and she imagines that is what marriage with Robin will be like. He does not mean to do it but he likes to have sole authority and he enjoys doing whatever he pleases with no input from others, he always has. He always has and that is the real reason he has escaped to the forest. He has never liked responsibilities and now he has come home to find them crashing down around him and the sheriffs authority pressing down upon him. She thinks that he is very much a boy who is unwilling to grow up.
He enjoys the admiration of the people, she knows he is incapable of being unloved and praise comes all too easily to him. It is something he expects. Where as it always takes Guy by surprise, he has always been eager to please her but he does not understand that she is not impressed by his displays of wealth and power. She likes him better when he shows kindness towards those when he could do otherwise. She likes him best when he looks at her as if she were the most precious thing to him. Sometimes she thinks she is. She does not think she will ever understand the true depth of his love for her or why he loves her. She just knows he does and every time she helps Robin she feels guilt crushing her and she knows she is unworthy of that love because even now when he knows she has betrayed him he still watches her, he takes up the role of her protector but she thinks she sees pain behind every movement, every gesture and she knows that in the end that love will destroy them both.
He has given up his attempt to control her and secretly she thinks her passion and determination to stand against injustice is what drew him to her in the first place. Part of her fears the power he would have over her if he knew that she did love him. So she fights against it even though she secretly believes that if she gave him the power to destroy her that he wouldn't. But she is not willing to risk becoming a pawn in his pursuit of power; she fears that if he was certain of her affection for him that he would turn away because despite his obvious love she is afraid that once he has her he will lose interest.
So she fights to deny her feelings because she knows he can crush her and she will keep escaping to the forest because loving Robin is easy, he cannot hurt her because she has already proven to herself that she can survive without him. She is not so sure she can survive without Guy; but she is trying and she is too stubborn to admit defeat. She doesn't have to; she already knows she's fighting a losing battle and that frightens her more than anything because she doesn't know how the outcome will affect them. She only knows that neither of them will give in.