|Red vs Blue: Symphonian Stories
Author: Rey'ekk PM
Two armies compete for the worst piece of real estate: A box canyon in the middle of nowhere. AU Based off Red vs Blue. I DON'T OWN RED VS. BLUE OR TALES OF SYMPHONIA. THEY BELONG TO ROOSTER TEETH AND NAMCO RESPECTIVELY.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 19,188 - Updated: 04-22-12 - Published: 04-14-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8023106
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Ok I wanted to try my hand at this and see where this goes. If you haven't heard of Red vs Blue its basically about two teams in a box canyon fighting a civil war. All of them have armor colors thats close to the side that they're on. I want to apologize in advance if the character's seem extremely out of character (which is expected) and i haven't thought of who all's going to be in this story yet.
I do not, or ever will own Tales of Symphonia, Red vs. Blue, or anything affilated with either of them. I don't feel like doing a disclaimer every chapter so yeah.
The Question and the Delivery
It was another fairly normal day in the canyon of unchanging hot temperature for the Red Team from Tethe'alla. Their commander was to arrive shortly later in the day, leaving Private First Class Sheena Fujibayashi and Private Zelos Wilder to stand guard on top of the base. The only sound was the wind and their breathing, while birds from unknown origin chirped. Nobody could ever find those damn birds.
Sheena took this opportunity to strike up a conversation with the only person there, even if half the time the two couldn't stand one another.
Zelos glanced up at Sheena, as if he had just woken up from a nap. "Yeah?"
"Do you ever wonder why we're here?"
Zelos turned his gaze back to the sky, as if in deep thought. "It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it?" He turned his head back to Sheena. "Why are we here?" This time, his body changed positions so his entire self was facing his comrade. "I mean, are we a product of... some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God… watching everything? You know with a plan for us and stuff." Zelos stared out into the canyon once more. "I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night."
"What?" Sheena quirked a brow. "I meant, why are we out here, in this canyon?" Sheena folded her arms, watching Zelos turn away, flustered by the misunderstanding.
Zelos was now looking as stupid as ever "Oh, uh… yeah.
"What was all that stuff about God?"
"Uh…hm? Nothing." Zelos quickly retorted.
Sheena began to turn her head away, but then it returned to its previous spot. "You wanna talk about it?"
Despite the fact Zelos still hadn't turned his back away from Sheena yet, Sheena continued on. "Seriously though man, why are we out here? Far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon, in the middle of nowhere, with no way in or out."
" I mean the only reason we set up a red base here, is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there, is because we have a red base here."
Zelos finally made eye contact with his partner. "Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other."
"No no, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon." Sheena rolled her eyes. "Whoop de fucking doo."
"What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some angels. Next thing I know Martel blows up all of the Cruxis forces, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere fighting a bunch of Blue guys."
That was the last bit of conversation Private Emil Castagnier of the Sylvaranti Blue Army bothered to pay attention to through the scope of his rarely used sniper rifle. He didn't even know if the damn thing shot successfully or not. All he did was use the telescope function on it.
Private First Class Lloyd Irving attempted to peek into the scope. "What're they doing?"
Emil glanced up, furrowing his brow and the return of Lloyd's voice. "What?"
"I said what're they doing now?" Lloyd attempted to get a hold of the sniper rifle, before Emil quickly jerked the bulky weaponry away.
"God damn!" Emil cursed, "I'm getting so sick of answering that question!" His eyes darted away from his partner, because he felt if he had another look at him he would get a nice punch in the jaw.
Lloyd's hands quickly moved to his hips. "Hey, you have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit. Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick all day."
Emil growled quietly to himself, before slowly returning his eyes to Lloyd. "Okay, okay look. They're just standing there, and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing five minutes ago. So five minutes from now, when you ask me, 'What are they doing?' my answer's gonna be 'They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there!'" Emil quickly and angrily turned himself back to his weapon.
A moment of silence passed, before Lloyd asked, "…What're they talking about?"
Emil felt the rifle crack slightly under his grip. "You know what? I fucking hate you."
Unaware of the conversation above, Sheena and Zelos continued yammering away in a conversation that didn't end in sudden bickering.
"Talk about a waste of resources" Zelos sighed. "I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent life forms. You know, fight them."
"Yeah, no shit." Sheena said, in one of those rare moments where she became relaxed enough to swear, "That's why they should put us in charge."
Their commander's sharp voice suddenly rang into their ears.
"Ladies!" the tall man born of darkness, Sergeant Kratos Aurion, shouted at his subordinates, "Front and center, on the double!"
"Fuck me," Zelos murmured.
"Yes sir!" came Sheena's response. The two privates used the conveniently placed ramp to slide onto the canyon sand.
"Hurry up ladies; this ain't no ice cream social!" Kratos spat.
"Ice cream social?" Sheena asked confused.
"Stop the pillow-talk, you two." Kratos tilted his head back slightly, in an annoyed fashion, eyebrow quirked. "Anyone want to take a guess, as to why I gathered you out here, today?"
"Um..." Sheena and Zelos took a quick glance at eachother, before Zelos responded, "Um, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?"
A spark of annoyance flared up in the sergeant's eyes before he smiled. "That's exactly it, private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero, and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Fujibayashi here..." His face suddenly turned violent, as he screamed, "IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"
Zelos's eyes widened, not by the emotion, but the volume. Sarge, as they normally called Kratos, often was prone to violent outbursts like that. Sheena was convinced it was old age, but Kratos looked no more than 30. "I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir."
"God dammit private, shut your mouth or else I'll have Fujibayashi slit your throat while you're asleep," Kratos threatened.
"Oh, I'd do it, too," Sheena smiled, gently putting her hand to her holstered knife before shooting a mischievous smile at Zelos.
"I know you would, Fujibayashi… good woman."
"Couple things today, kiddies." Kratos turned to face away from his soldiers. "Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1."
Zelos moaned. "Crap, we're getting a rookie."
"That's right dead man." Kratos smirked. "Our new recruit will be here within the week. But today, we received the first part of our shipment from Command. Aska... bring up the vehicle."
The robot, manufactured by Kratos himself, pulled up a jeep with a gun turret attached to the back end (with enough room to stand to operate the weapon) over the hilltop.
"Shotgun." Sheena called.
"Shotgun." Zelos but realized he was a little late, "Fuck."
"May I introduce our new light reconnaissance vehicle. Four inch armor plating ...maaag buffer suspension...a mounted machine gunner position with armor-piercing bullets, and total seating for three!" Kratos patted the hood of the vehicle. "Gentlemen, this is the M12-LRV!" With pride, the sergeant quickly examined the armor plating. "...I like to call it the Warthog."
Sheena raised her hand slowly. "Why 'Warthog' sir?"
"Because M12-LRV is too hard to say in conversation."
"No, but...why 'Warthog'?" Zelos began, unconvinced by the answer. "I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig."
Kratos glared at his least favorite private. "Say that again."
"I think it looks more like a..." Zelos quickly examined the car. "A puma."
Kratos stopped, thought momentarily, then bit at his lip. "What in God's name is a puma?"
Sheena pretended to mull over this for a second, although she knew damn well what a puma was. "You mean, like the shoe company?"
Zelos groaned. "No, like a puma. It's a big cat, you know, kinda like a lion."
Kratos's glare became harder. "You're making that up."
"I'm telling you it's a real animal!" Zelos shouted.
The sergeant quickly glanced at Sheena. "Fujibayashi, I want you to poison Wilder's next meal."
"Yes sir" was Sheena's response. Zelos slowly turned his head to glare at her, though this went unnoticed by her.
"See these two tow hooks?" Kratos crouched to emphasize his point. "They look like tusks. Now what kind of animal...has tusks?"
"Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?" Kratos barked.
As they had been for the past five or so minutes, Emil and Lloyd were still positioned on their small cliff hideout.
"Hey," Lloyd pointed at the vehicle below, "What is that thing?"
"I don't know, but it looks like uh,… looks like they got some kind of car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it."
"A car? How come they get a car?"
"What are you complaining about man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."
"You can't pick up chicks in a tank man."
Emil, even though he had calmed down, quickly felt his anger swell up once again. "Oh, you know what, you could bitch about anything, couldn't you. We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up man?"
Lloyd shrugged in response.
"OK, and secondly, how are we gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?"
"...Well what kind of car is it?" Emil aimed his sniper rifle back down to get a good look at it again.
"I don't know, I've never seen a car that looks like that before… like a, uh, a big cat of some kind."
"…What like a puma?"
"Yeah man there you go."
"So!" Kratos slammed his fist against the hood of the vehicle. "Unless anybody else has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with 'the Warthog'." He took a step closer to Zelos. "How about it, Wilder?"
"No sir, no more suggestions" the red-haired private responded dispassionately.
"Are you sure? How about Bigfoot?"
"No really, I'm... I'm cool."
"Leprechaun?" Sheena chimed in.
"Hey, he doesn't need any help..." Zelos grumbled.
"Phoenix!" Kratos suddenly shouted.
"Oh my god..." Zelos had to hold himself back from attaching palm to face in disgust.
"Hey, Fujibayashi. What's the name of that Mexican lizard, eats all the goats?"
"Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir."
"Hey Wilder! Chupathingy, how 'bout that? I like it! Got a ring to it..."
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