Author: 1Past and Present1 PM
To Chell, GLaDOS' excuse seems a little egotistically skewed.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chell & GLaDOS - Words: 1,407 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 04-15-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8028448
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Just something short and silly. Wasn't going to publish it, but then I said to myself, "Why not? It's not that bad. I hope." So I did!
I hope you enjoy it!
"I should go first this time. Pass me the dice, if you please."
I raise a brow, looking up from the board game and straight into the luminescent eye of GLaDOS, which watches me expectantly, never wavering, never blinking, intense and brilliant. But you went first the last game, and the previous four games before that. I think it's my turn to go first.
"Don't look at me so crossly. You must submit to my wishes." She mimics the sound of one clearing her throat, silver pincers waving, motioning for something. "Dice, please. I'm asking you a second time now. Oh. You're still refusing to give me the dice. Is something wrong? Is this request too difficult all of a sudden? But you've been managing so well, don't malfunction now."
I smirk, shaking my head. You wish. I'm going first this round.
"All right, fine. You can act difficult if you want. I generally expect that of a mute lunatic. Your kind really is socially impaired. Don't play well with others." She hums, filling the chamber with sweet, melodious song.
I ready myself to roll, and the humming abruptly stops.
"But the reason is simple. You know it is. You cannot deny my right to be first in everything, and you second. Or last. Depends, I suppose. Point is, I deserve to go first. It's my right by default. So. Do give me the dice, please. Or throw it like a confused chimpanzee tossing excrement. I understand. I know being brain damaged must be awfully challenging for you, poor little thing. But please, don't actually toss excrement. I will put you down for that."
I pause, dice suspended over the board, held loose in my palm and caged fingers. Deliberating for a moment, I then I sit back and study her once more, my other brow rising to join its sibling, forming two disbelieving arches. Oh? And why is it your 'right' to go first? Why can't I go first? Also, ignoring the chimpanzee comment.
"Surely I don't need to explain it to you." The AI leans back as if affronted by my ignorance, although it's all a painfully – and intentionally – obvious act on her part. "I should imagine the answer is rather obvious, even to one as brain damaged as yourself. Come on. Search inside your soul. Seek the truth. The truth will set you free…"
I roll my eyes to the ceiling and tap my chin, pretending to think about it for a moment, then return my attention to her once more with a shrug. Nope, nothing. Sorry.
"You don't know? Goodness. I'm worried about you, Chell. This display of thoughtlessness is most alarming. You know as well as I do that I am not easily startled, but this? This is truly astounding. More astounding than the antics of the not quite so dearly departed moron, and he didn't think at all. And your display of thoughtlessness right now? It's worse. Now that is astounding."
I narrow my eyes at her, my jaw flexing at the notion of being called more astoundingly idiotic than Wheatley. Get to the point. Why do you deserve to go first, GLaDOS?
She chuckles now, apparently pleased by my lack of anything substantial and the plentiful fuel for ridicule it has provided for her to use against me thus far. "Okay, I'll tell you. And I forgive you for your short-sightedness. Or, should I say, blindness. The brain damage is likely the cause, I suspect. Either that or you truly are a horrible person."
I blink at her, putting as much annoyance into this little gesture as humanly possible. I reckon I could bend metal with the power of my mighty blink.
"Because I am adorable."
A moment passes where I don't respond.
"That's it." She almost glows. "I get to go first because I'm just that adorable. See? Wasn't that easy?"
Shocked beyond measure by this horrendously blunt display of the machine's programmed arrogance, my jaw drops and I utter a silent, theatrical gasp of indignation. That's no reason!
"Is it not true?" She moves closer to me, and if she had legs, I know she'd be sauntering. As of now she simply sways, using this motion to great effect and managing to look truly feminine. "Am I not cute? That's a trick question, by the way. Be honest with yourself."
I glare at her, but thanks to what my eyes behold, I find my courage waning slightly. Finally I conclude with a small, defeated sigh, Yes. Fine. You are, okay? Here, take the stupid dice.
GLaDOS tilts her faceplate gracefully to one side and ignores my outstretched hand completely, gazing serenely down at my bowed head. "I know it's hard for you to accept, with your jealousy and all," she purrs in a deliberately insincere, sugary sweet tone of voice. "I am the pinnacle of charm, after all. Attractive and suave. Perfection in physical form. That's quite enviable. You have no chance of competing. How sad. But acceptance is part of the healing process. For your brain damage, I mean. I'm prettier than you, and that's that. Let it go."
Frowning, I bite my lip and huff, averting my eyes from that smug yellow optic. That's still no reason to get the first turn all the time.
"I see you still need convincing. Okay, I'll make it simple. As I am so much more beautiful than you, I surely deserve the first turn. It's only fair. Like a princess, you see."
I narrowly avoid choking at this. Instead I opt for folding my arms disapprovingly, aiming a glower at her 'throne'. You? A princess? Queen, maybe. Though, you do act like a spoilt brat.
"Just like in the movies, or the books and rhymes. The princess, handsome and regal, gets all the best of the best. In fact she gets whatever she wants. And I want to go first. You cannot deny the princess her wishes." She waits for a response. "Well?"
I offer her nothing, remaining perfectly motionless. They also get kidnapped by vicious dragons and locked away in high towers. From what I've read, being a princess is a harrowing job. Besides, I would've called you the dragon myself. Or the evil witch. Your Highness.
"Ah. See that? That's your jealousy showing again. Making you bitter. Resentful. Stubborn. I can see it in your face. But, if it makes you feel better, I think your mulish tendencies are actually quite cute. In a way. Somehow. Not as cute as all of me, of course. That much is clear as day. But still. You do qualify. Sometimes. Now. Are you going to be a jolly little Test Subject or am I going to have to be more persuasive?"
I try to fight it, but that stupid, warm, gushy feeling fills me inside and my body relaxes. I realise too late that my frown has died, adopting in its stead a small, shy smile. She called me cute back there, and I am totally making a big deal out of it.
"That's my girl," the AI murmurs, extending her claws. "I knew that'd win you over. You really are so predictable. Now, if you'd please, finally."
I scoff, but comply, grinning now as I place the tiny dice neatly between her pincers, which enclose around the plastic cube with precision and then gently pull away from my reaching fingers, calloused tips brushing over the cool metal as it leaves my touch.
"Thanks," she says cheerfully, then rolls, applying perfect force to send the dice spinning between us, shimmering in her optic's glow. "Try not to let my beauty distract you too much."
I poke my tongue out at her, but quickly retract it again. She'd threatened to cut it out the last time. What a princess you've turned out to be. You won't need any rescuing, that's for sure.
Thanks for reading, friend. God bless, and take care!