|It's Like A Cigarette
Author: Squiggles-chan PM
He wants what he knows he can't have. He wants her to realize what he cannot say, but she won't. He blames her. And he swears he hates her.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - H. Gokudera & Haru M. - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,047 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 04-28-12 - Published: 04-20-12 - id: 8041660
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Pale fingers ghosted across ivory keys.
Sound filled the small room Hayato Gokudera was in, immersing him completely in the beautiful chimes of music. At that moment he was cut off from the world, cut off from everyone. It was just him and his piano. For a while he hated the very piano he was currently seated at. His sister had given it to him as a gift on one of his past birthdays. He'd given her such a tongue lashing, insisting she was mocking him. Trying to ruin the memory of his mother.
He inwardly cringed at the memory, and regretted the words he'd said. He didn't get along well with his sister, but she undoubtedly cared for him. He was just an angry person, and seeing her made him envision is father. And thinking of his father made him think of his deceased mother. The mother he thought was just a nice lady teaching him how to play the piano. Just a face among faces. But she was more than just a face, and by the time he found out she was gone.
For once, he felt relaxed just playing the piano. One of his favorite memories drifted to him, he'd perfected playing a piece by Chopin, and his teacher, his mother, had been so proud.
"That was wonderful, Hayato."Or "That's amazing."She had told him that with a brilliant smile, her tone sincere. She was always honest and sincere, and if he made a mistake she'd encourage him every time she came to visit.
Gokudera heard the voice, and for a minute thought it was just a vivid memory of what his mother would say. But then he felt the piano bench shift, and his hands froze. He looked over beside him, a frown coming to his face.
"How did you get in here?"
Gokudera watched Haru raise a finger to her mouth, her right eye closing in a wink, a smile adorning her face.
"That's Haru's secret!"
Gokudera sighed, itching for a cigarette, but he'd left the pack in the kitchen. he didn't feel like walking like walking all the way there, so he managed by simply playing with the black tie that adorned his maroon colored button down.
"It's my house, I should know."
Gokudera let out another sigh, cursing the fact he was back in reality. His good mood was replaced with twisting feelings in his stomach and heart now that a certain brunette was beside him.
After he had confessed, she acted like it never happened. And then for a while he harassed her about staying indoors and worrying the others. And then she was back to herself. And then he began avoiding her. And then she cornered him in the boys restroom (because obviously she had no shame), and forced him to listen to what she had to say. She thanked him for something he couldn't put his finger on, and then told him to "wait" and ran off. He waited and hour in that damn bathroom confused, but she didn't come back. In fact, she turned the tables and avoided him.
And then slowly things went back to normal. She was comfortable enough around the Tenth and Kyoko again, though she didn't cling to the Tenth any more. And she began hanging out more with Chrome than Kyoko (granted, Chrome was very nervous at Haru's pushiness for a while). Gokudera watched things go by in a sped up paste, everyone laughing while he felt frozen. He and Haru didn't talk much. No, that wasn't right, she attempted many times to speak to him but he brushed her off.
Haru began to talk, but Gokudera's fingers moved again and drowned out her voice, a song that fit his mood at the moment bounced around the room in an almost angry way. He was playing the piece at a slightly quickened speed, but he didn't want to hear Haru.
"Do you hate me?"
Gokudera froze instantly at the question, turning to face Haru with a shocked expression. Oh, how he wanted to lie and say he did. But... He didn't want her to think that, so he spoke the truth.
She seemed relieved.
"Why would you think that, stupid woman?"
He demanded, brows furrowing.
"You've been avoiding me. I've been trying to talk to you, but you just sigh and run away. Or make up excuses to get away from me."
Haru frowned at him, leaning closer.
"Gokudera-san is a terrible liar."
Gokudera leaned back, scrunching his nose up. No he wasn't, he was a fantastic liar! She was crazy.
"You told me to "wait" and then you don't come back, and you start avoiding me. You keep tugging on this stupid leash, getting my hopes up, and then you leave me at the side of the road!"
"I didn't mean wait in the restroom, Gokudera-san! In any case, you shouldn't ignore-"
"How else am I suppose to get over these damn feelings?"
Haru inhaled sharply, his loud tone of voice catching her off guard.
Gokudera paused a moment before turning so his legs were straddling the bench, one leg over either side. He cupped Haru's face in his hands, lifting her head so his gaze met hers.
"I'm in love with a girl that can't love me back, do you have any idea how much it hurts? I'm sure you, but I'm a man and I'm prideful. I want everything to go my way. I want to read a book an be able to fix this problem. But I can't, no amount of reading or studying can fix anything. Everything I want for myself I can't have."
Gokudera felt his eyes burn, but he blinked away all his emotions and refused to cry. he wasn't an eight year old boy, he wasn't going to cry.
"Haru really hurt Gokudera-san, didn't she?"
Haru, however, was crying. Her tears ran down Gokudera's hands in streams, her body shaking slightly, fists clenched into tight balls.
"When I told you to wait... Haru had never had someone tell her he loved her, it was strange to hear. But Tsuna-san... I couldn't just forget my feelings for him, they were still there. I couldn't forget him in a day, or in a week. I loved him since I was fourteen. I didn't want you to think I was using you. But you confused me, I thought you disliked me, so I never thought of you as anything but a weird friend. Hearing you confess made me see you differently. I needed to think."
Haru brushed off Gokudera's hands and covered her face with her own.
"I only avoided you because I started seeing Tsuna-san as just Tsuna-san. My heart didn't flutter around him, it fluttered around you more than ever, and it scared me. I didn't think I could love you, but I can, I will, I do! Please, don't say it's too late..."
Haru fell silent, not daring to look at Gokudera, her sniffling filling the place of the piano.
"Don't cry, Haru."
Gokudera whispered to her, pulling her into an embrace.
"You're so stupid."
He buried his face into her neck, hugging her tightly.
Haru let out a sniffling laugh, pulling out of the hug slightly.
She leaned up and pressed her lips against his, then just rested her forehead against his.
"I'm sorry, Gokudera. For everything."
Her voice was sincere and honest, her doe eyes sad and worried. But Gokudera scoffed and she smiled, opening her mouth to say something. But he cut her off, kissing her again.
In many ways, Haru was like a cigarette to Gokudera. He craved her when he knew she was killing him. He tried to quit her, but always ended up thinking about her, which ended up with him going to get just one glance at her. But now, things didn't look so bad. Was luck finally acknowledging him?
Maybe, just this once, he'd get a happy ending.
A/N: This story is officially over! You guys do not know how hard it was to decide on an ending. I was seriously considering giving Gokudera a sad ending, and then Haru a sad ending. I originally planned the happy ending differently, but couldn't word it right... So this will suffice! I had a lot of fun with this story, I'm going to miss it... But I'm off to publish a different story in a bit, so look out for it! Thank you for reading! Thanks for the reviews, story alerting, favoriting, and all that good stuff! You guys are really awesome, I can only hope this ending didn't disappoint! And just to make it clear, five months passed on this chapter from the last. I just couldn't picture Haru dropping her feelings for Tsuna in a snap, or rather I couldn't work with that, so I did a time-skip. Again, thank you all! You guys rock!