Prompt:

SmurfsTasteGoodOnToast - I just thought it would be funny like as a joke Haymitch and Effie sent a fake wedding invite to Effie's old frineds just to see what their reactions would be.

(note: I feel like this is definitely something Haymitch would do and sorry about the weird posting time - I didn't see this prompt in my email and felt horrible because I had written the other two and posted them! So here's the third!)

She felt nauseous. It must have been a bug - one Haymitch was clearly avoiding as he passed clean towels through the cracked bathroom door when Effie was sick after breakfast.

"You're not going to catch anything," she said through the door. "If anything, Haymitch Abernathy, you have a fantastic immune system."

"Not taken' any chances, sweetheart."

Effie let out a sigh as she rested her head against the cool toilet lid.

"Should I get a healer?" he asked.

"No," Effie said with a sigh. "It's just a bug … or the flu."

"Well, can I get you anything else?"

"A glass of water?"

"You got it."

"And I swear to god, Haymitch, if you hand it to me wearing kitchen gloves I'll - I don't know - cough on you." She heard him laughing through the door as he went to get her water.

"Don't you think you should lay down?" Haymitch asked when he found Effie up and about later in the day trying to pick up after his mess.

"Clearly not," she said. "I'm sick for a couple of days and already this place -"

"All right … all right …" Haymitch said. "Listen, I'm going into town. Do you need anything?"

Effie shook her head but then said, "Oh, actually - a bottle of milk? I think Whiskey finished the last drop this morning."

"Fuckin' cat."

Effie gave him a look. He apologized and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Not afraid of catching anything?" Effie joked.

"Guess I forgot."

Effie tried to hide her grin as Haymitch wandered out the door. He wasn't gone long when she heard the mail slot creak open and the usual thin pile fall to the floor.

Setting down the glass she had picked up to clean, Effie went into the hall and picked up the few letters. The first was from Annie - no doubt an update on little Finn. The other two made Effie pause. She walked into the kitchen and put Annie's letter aside, her face looking puzzled over what she was holding.

Out of curiosity, she opened one of the two similar letters that bore 'Return to Sender' stamps on their fronts.

"Still up and about?" Haymitch asked when he came home - milk in hand.

Effie was leaning against the kitchen counter, her hands behind her back.

"Yes. More so, actually," she said. She then pulled the letters out from behind her back. "Would you like to tell me what these are?"

Haymitch looked torn between laughing and pleading for forgiveness. Effie's face was hard to read - he didn't know which approach to take.

"It … it was a joke," he said, keeping on the fence.

"A joke," Effie repeated. She opened one of the letters and took out the folded invitation - an invitation for a fake wedding that she read aloud. "What were you thinking?"

"Said it was a joke."

"How many of these - and to who else - did you send these to? Last I knew, a wedding was -"

"Calm down - those are the only two."

"Haymitch …"

"What? I'm being honest! Those two bitches -"

"Those two bitches gossip, you idiot!"

"Well did Plutarch call and ask what was happening? Don't worry about it. I thought it'd make you laugh. Did they reply?"

"Oh, yes."

"Let's hear it then."

"Did you really send these out just to get a rise out of them?"

"Hey - last I checked, entertainment around here was slim. There are only so many fights between Katniss and Peeta I can watch before I'm bored."

Effie smirked. "Well … let's see. Floria wrote in very poor handwriting - no doubt she was rather furious - about how much of a traitor I am and how dare I flaunt this … ah - 'rebel appeasement' to those I once called friends."

Haymitch was smiling wide.

"That all?"

"Just general hatred. Opal's is far more entertaining."

"Go on."

Effie tossed aside Floria's letter and picked up Opal's. She let out a breath and read, "I fear you've lost your way, my dear Euphemia, or that you are under the control of those dirty rebels. I beg you to remember who you are and how much I mean to you - why would you upset friends so? The Capitol is in such a state - marrying you to a drunkard? Effie - know your true friends and come home."

Haymitch was in stitches. Effie couldn't help smiling.

"Was I supposed to know about this prank?"

He shrugged. "I didn't really know what'd happen. Seems we got the laugh I was looking for - ha!" He took Opal's letter and read it again in the voice he used to tease Effie in - her high Capitol voice.

"Stop!" she laughed, taking it away. "And if I get calls from anyone - they're going to be referred to you."

"What? Am I supposed to apologize?"

"No," laughed Effie. "Just … explain that there isn't a wedding! And if you keep things up like this - there won't be!"

"Eff!"

"No one would believe us by that point!"

Haymitch grinned and kissed her gently. "Fine. Direct all … 'wedding' calls to me."

"Good." Effie pushed the letters into his hand. "Now - I'm starting to feel sick. I'm going to the bathroom."

Haymitch groaned. "Really? And you let me kiss -"

"If you get sick - we can be miserable together."