Chapter One

Lone Starr hadn't seen the Spaceballs for years. For this, he was grateful. He had had to rescue the ungrateful Princess Vespa from President Skroob. At first, he had thought she was a total self-occupied b!tch, but then he grew to like her. Though he still didn't know what was so special about her nose. However, this story is not about Lone Starr and his wife's nose. Except for this part. Enough about Vespa. Nor is it about Barf, Lone Starr's loyal friend. Barf was mawg, half man, half dog and proud of it. This is about the Return of the Spaceballs. Like Lord Dark Helmet. And Colonel Sandurz. It may include Major Idiot and Gunner's Mate First Class Idiot. Maybe Snotty.

"Stop." Dark Helmet ordered. He thought carefully. The Return of the Spaceballs, this ought to be good! That means that Lone Starr didn't defeat him completely before because he got to make a comeback! But Planet Spaceball still needed a supply of air, since the air stolen from Planet Druida had been stolen back from them. "Light speed to Planet Taller! They have an aird shield with even better air under it than, what was that planet?" Dark Helmet turned to Colonel Sandurz.

"Uh, Planet Druida, sir." The Colonel answered Dark Helmet's question.

"No, that wasn't it. I thought it was Planet Nacluv." Dark Helmet was very confused.

"Lord Dark Helmet, Planet Nacluv was where we tried to get the power of logic. The Nacluans were a very logical people and logically refused us, saying that we would use the wrong type of logic to do our deeds." A young ensign remembered.

"Don't correct me!" Dark Helmet pulled out his ring and killed the man using the Schwartz. "You, gunner. What's your name?"

"Gunner's Mate First Class Philip Idiot, sir!" First Mate Idiot declared.

"Wait a minute? Weren't you here before?" Dark Helmet said suspiciously.

"Yes sir! In the last movie, about half your crew were Idiots." The First Mate told him.

"How many of you are related to the Gunner's Mate?" Dark Helmet asked his crew. Everyone raised their hand. "NOOOOO! I'M STILL SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!"