|The Enterprise Rules
Author: Mockingeagle PM
Starfleet Command makes it the job of Enterprise's senior staff to make rules for the ships crew and even themselves but they couldn't have predicted the things the crew is up to and no one's trying to gloss the insanity over.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - J. Kirk & Spock - Chapters: 11 - Words: 11,709 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 03-16-13 - Published: 04-22-12 - id: 8049309
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: So, it's been awhile. Can I just say that I'm terribly sorry and that while I have some valid excuses for not getting back to this sooner I feel just awful about it. I won't hold you up for too long but let me just say that I'd like you to read and enjoy this but would love it if you review and give me some much needed feedback :)
Update 1/26/13: So, a sweetheart of a reviewer pointed out to me that I started couting the rule numbers wrong by this chapter. I'm really bad at math, what can I say. So, I've fixed 8-10 so that they have the right numbers. Which means I've actually hit the 300 mark. Props to me. If you're inclined to reread this then feel free. If not, don't worry, I'll update soon.
Chapter 9- Messing Around in the Mess Hall or Rec. Rooms Can = Angry Kirk
The rec. rooms were meant for relaxation and having fun as equally as the mess hall was meant for relaxing meal times. So why was it that both gave Kirk the worst stress? Perhaps it had something to do with all the crazy things his crewmembers would get into in both places.
JTK241: You cannot live in the rec. rooms.
HS- Collective groan of displeasure
S242: You may not stock up for a supposed apocalypse. There will not be any apocalypse and the supplies are taking up necessary space in the cargo hold.
LM243: Rec., as in recreational, room not wreck the room.
HS- Kevin started it.
KR- Did not!
HS- Did too.
KR- Did not!
NU- Now, now children, don't make me put you in timeout.
JTK- Listen to your mother kids.
PC- I sign on and this is the conversation I see. What's going on?
S- The Captain and Lieutenant Uhura, for some unknown reason, now believe they are Lieutenant Sulu and Ensign Riley's parents. However this is impossible. There is only about ten years of difference in age between each pair which would mean that the Captain and Uhura would have to have had them when they were around their preteen years and while it is possible for a female human to get pregnant at that age I highly doubt that such a thing occurred between them and resulted in a child of Asian descent and a child of Irish descent.
S- Yes, Doctor.
LM- Shut up.
MS244: You may not hold auctions for food in the cafeteria.
PC245: Chanting and pounding your forks on the table whilst demanding food will not work on replicators.
NU246: Please do not misplace yours or anyone else's vital organs.
HS247: Please remove the poles from rec. room 5.
PC- Ignore him.
KR- Duly ignored.
JTK247: Should you decide to put on a performance of "Hamlet" or "Macbeth" I must remind you of our ship's record with Shakespeare performances and remind you that you will be doing so at your own risk therefor.
S248: Bowling in the corridors is no longer permitted.
JTK- You mean it was permitted before? When did that happen?
S- Remember when the bowling club asked for a space to bowl at and you told them to use the corridors.
JTK- I was joking.
S- That may be Captain but they took you seriously. However, after the accident involving the alien ambassador we transported last week to a conference, I do not believe it should be permitted any longer.
JTK- Yes, I agree completely. But how were we supposed to know bowling balls looked like the eggs of an endangered species from his planet?
LM249: Don't make a mess in the mess hall, that's not why it's call the mess hall.
MS250: Do not label everything.
NU251: Don't rip up tissue paper and throw it all over the cafeteria.
HS252: Please get rid of the poles in rec. room 5 already. It's not that hard to do so just do it already.
NU- Hikaru, while I agree completely that they need to come down, why is it that you want them down that badly.
JR- He's the one that put them up.
CC- Then why does he want them down?
JR- Because I'm holding his plants hostage until they come down.
NU- You go girl :)
JTK253: Why would you order 100,000,000,000,000 door knobs? We don't even use door knobs anymore. When I find you, whoever you are, I'll throw you in the brig!
JTK254: Do not…
S255: set fire to your hair,
LM256: crank call Klingons or Romulans,
MS257: play football on cafeteria tables,
NU258: release the kraken,
PC259: play hot potato with live grenades,
HS260: or tell Starfleet Command to- don't tell them anything.
CC- Well, that's one way to write the rules.
KR- I guess that does get it done a bit faster.
JR- I'm confused. So, we're allowed to crank call Klingons and Romulans, release the kraken and all that other stuff now? Is that it?
LM- You're naturally blonde, aren't you Yeoman Rand?
JR- Yes, why- Hey now, that was a legitimate question. The way those rules are written is confusing. There's no need to make fun of me.
JTK261: Why would you try to build a skyscraper in the main rec. room?
S262: There is no logical reason for speed dating during your shifts.
LM263: All nurses will return to sickbay immediately!
CC- Not on your life! We'll come back when we're good and ready.
JR- Something up?
CC- Riley's in for a fractured patella and he keeps himself occupied by singing.
MS264: My kilts been stolen again.
JTK- Oh, we are not doing this a second time. Whoever has it give it back this minute or it's your hide.
PC265: Russia :)
S- That is irrefutably not a rule at all, Ensign.
JTK- Why are you sticking your tongue out at Spock via emoticon too, Bones.
LM- It's Spock, why else?
HS266: If a crewmember needs to get in shape they will either do it on their own or get advice from a doctor. In other words, you are not to force them to take the Jefferies tubes to get to and from places on the ship as a means of exercise.
LM- Thank you Mr. Sulu, all that crawling around was giving me a hunched back.
NU267: This ship does not have a kill on sight policy for anyone not wearing a red shirt.
MS- I think security's excuse for that was something about rebalancing the yellow to blue to red shirt ratio aboard the ship.
JTK- I don't care what it was, I barely escaped with my life and I'm the captain of this ship.
S268: Cells in the brig are not to be rented out as make-shift apartments.
MS269: There is no "we're in an opera day" and let me remind you that most operas end tragically.
JR- Something tragic is always happening around here so I think we're safe. Just the other day one of my favorite orchids died on me. Now that's tragedy for you.
JTK270: What is Gangnam Style and why is it randomly done during meal times.
Somehow they had lost their focus on the issue of rec. rooms and cafeteria all over again.