|The Kasvuera system
Author: bezerkoid PM
An average writer's first venture into the Hitch-hiker's Guide to The Galaxy; this entry covers the Kasvuera system.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody - Words: 1,233 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 04-28-12 - id: 8066288
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My first venture into the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Enjoy!
The Kasvuera System
The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the matter of the Kasvuera System. The system is very uninteresting, lacking a promised utopia while also not possessing significant threats of danger at the present time. The only real threat of danger is often considered to be death by boredom or a simple death from lack of movement. Despite having once been the location of a large network of optic telescopes, the galaxy was presumed dead when their sun became a supernova. Unknown to the rest of the galaxy for decades, one planet in the Kasvuera system did still function and support life thanks to an artificial sun's construction, but the resulting lifestyle is agreed by most locals and visitors to not be worth living.
The last surviving planet in the Kasvuera system, Lemardus, is consequently considered a no-approach zone; to the extent most travel agencies and hyperspace flights will often mark it as a dangerous area too hostile to so much as pass. A few extremist locals declared that the life in the region was not only too unethical, it was also depressing and forced upon the populace, most of which wanted to die. Their attempt to force Vogon demolition of the remaining planets in their system, themselves included, was unfortunately ignored; it is a known fact that the Kasvuera system is not only a pointlessly large area to travel through, it also leads to nowhere of particular interest.
Lemardus itself has a few areas of life deemed truly considerable of inhabiting, but chief among these is the capital of the woodland continent, Marnel. Needless to say, the area is still devoid of any real atmosphere, stuck in a perpetual slump. While very much alive in the sense that people still live there, work there and pass through, the atmosphere is so lifeless that visitors are automatically compelled to leave as soon as possible. The streets are indescribable in terms of hygiene, yet feel simultaneously dirty and sterile, leading to most potential visitors being repelled. The air is filled with a soundless void nobody can be bothered to sort out, and the mere rustling of a newspaper seems to echo for eons. Discussion in the city is minimal at the best of times, and most conversations revolve around the topic of local suicide and the constant appeals to the Vogons for demolition.
The main area where any exception to the limited discussion can be found is the city hall. The street on which it was constructed several years ago is kept in a condition that briefly lifts the depression of passers by. The reason for this is that the street is one of the few areas with flourishing vegetation, making it feel like the last bit of life in the city is there but refuses to spread. The hall itself is mostly made from five hundred year old bricks, with additional structure support added two hundred years later. The insides seem somewhat anachronistic when compared with the exterior, as all the furniture is at most thirty years old, the glass is changed every five years, and the portraits on the wall omit less recent mayors and politicians of other sorts. It seems a sad attempt to try and keep with the times on behalf of the entire system, an attempt that still manages to increase the feeling of depression.
Shopping districts for the area all feel very sterile when compared to the ones in the star systems to the east. All the department stores are run by uncaring and bleak, bleary-eyed individuals who seem to be on the verge of abandoning their underperforming franchises; despite this multiple chain stores still manage to open around the planet. There are few major events that take place here, and when there are any, they are held next to a statue considered to be an eyesore (as well as in shockingly poor taste), they are grossly understaffed and finally serve complimentary sandwiches. The sandwiches in question are made from the hide of the Kasvueran Redback, a primitive animal that in other civilisations is generally ignored for safety reasons. This is because as a defence mechanism towards predators, its hide is highly poisonous, and seems to bypass any immune system, regardless of species.
The statue mentioned beforehand is an indestructible reminder of the brutal dictator Emperor Termora Varritzla, infamous for his massacre of soothsayers and oracles that gave him something as minor as the wrong day of the week. Varritzla then tried to have most of the consumer population cleansed if they purchased products he didn't, only for this to backfire when all affected franchises attempted to move systems and were subsequently frozen. Most of the corporate executives were subsequently hanged in the palace gardens. Leaving an overbalanced economy that was unable to thrive, Varritzla was overthrown and killed himself.
Unfortunately, his aides had declared all his statues were to be made out of the strongest metal in the event demonstrators tried to overthrow him. The result is a scorched and reviled statue of the dictator, holding the brutally dismembered limb of a dissident and using it as a golf club. It is always surrounded by bullet casings, as most of the population spend afternoons shooting at it in a futile attempt to finally destroy it. Aside from the statue, which the locals are only interested in destroying and casting into the sun, the only real thing of interest is a group of darkly coloured cars that drive through at midday, every day on the dot. These cars were designed for funerals, and when they drive through at midday each day their horns seem to blare in disgust at the horrific state of life they live in, before disappearing.
As most people choose to bypass the shopping districts, they often find themselves passing a large sign, complete with a picture of a Kasvueran military vehicle, which reads in the local language: Imperial Marnellian Military Barracks. The sign is something of an anachronism and by extension so is the complex; Emperor Varritzla is long dead, and all remaining royals were killed in the supernova. In addition, neither Marnel nor any other parts of Lermardus have required a defence force for many years. The only reason it remains is due to a mix of tradition and the fact that it is long forgotten.
The occupants of the barracks themselves are unaware of the fact that they are an anachronism, largely due to the fact that they were cryogenically frozen shortly before the system's chief scientists discovered that Kasvuerans were useless in warfare; this is in part due to an easily breakable part of their hip and also because of their incredibly heavy heads, as well as a generally pacifist nature. All attempts to research into a genetically modified breed of soldiers were suddenly halted by the supernova and subsequent death of most of the scientists. The surviving few were involved in the construction of an artificial sun before committing suicide shortly afterwards after crossing what most psychologists refer to as the "Despair Event Horizon", generally regarded as a terminal point of depression.
Please let me know if you want anymore of this, this was a test I wrote some time ago and want some advice on.