|Of Mary Sues and Mind Slavery
Author: Kittenn1011 PM
A dark force is working within Hogwarts in the form of a deluded teenage vampire. Now it's up to the most mismatched group in Hogwarts history to save it from Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. This is the real story of My Immortal. (Warning: Occasional Crude Language.)Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Remus L. & Severus S. - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,799 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 06-10-12 - Published: 04-29-12 - id: 8071444
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Allysen: Cannon Fodder = Blood Banks. We're not sure if any Hufflepuffs were killed during the making of this story. By the way, there seems to be a glitch in the matrix. By the way, it's Kittenn's birthday, so... happy birthday!
Kittenn1011: While writing this chapter we found my favourite spelling error in all of My Immortal, in the passage I'm about to share. You're welcome for the lulz.
"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wquallysaid way.
Also, there's a shout-out to the hacked chapter at the end of this one, if you can catch it.
Of Mary Sues and Mind Slavery
A dark force is working within Hogwarts in the form of a deluded teenage vampire. Now it's up to the most mismatched group in Hogwarts history to save it. This is the real story of My Immortal.
My Immortal Chapters Twelve and Thirteen
Chapter Seven: Apparation in Hogwarts?
It was a good day when Brittany managed to go through an entire morning without seeing Ebony. That is not to say she did not hear Ebony or any of her friends. Their band was playing on the seventh floor as dawn broke and the horrible screams echoed into the Gryffindor dormitories— though, whether or not they should be called such was debatable. Ebony had moved all of her lackeys into Gryffindor, all of her so-called enemies into Slytherin. Brittany stayed in the Gryffindor tower only because she had no idea where the Slytherin, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw dorms were or how to get in.
In fact, she felt like the last sane person in the school. Ebony controlled everyone, from the first years to the headmaster. She forced people to become goffs and she forced people to become preps, and everyone else became Hufflepuffs, which translated to cannon fodder.
In fact, when she entered what used to be Care of Magical Creatures class, though now a banner declared it Hair of Magical Magic Creatures, Vampire Potter was drinking blood from a random Hufflepuff. The girl seemed to still be breathing, but Brittany could not be sure.
"Hi," Vampire suddenly said, dropping the Hufflepuff to the ground and turning to look at the one person who Brittany wished would drop dead.
"Hi back," said Ebony.
They stared at each other blankly for a long time. Brittany turned her attention away from them when Professor McGonagall arrived; for some reason, Professor Hagrid could not teach the class, and instead of a normal substitute, McGonagall seemed to be taking his place.
Ebony and Vampire quickly drew the Brittany's attention back to them when they jumped on each other, pulled a lime and coconut from inside their tight clothing, and—
"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" yelled Professor McGonagall.
The two broke apart.
"Vampire you fucker!" Ebony slapped him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" She turned on her heels and dashed away before hiding behind a tree.
Vampire started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" His eyes rolled up
"NO!" She ran back from behind the tree and moved so close her nose almost touched his. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" She shouted.
"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation," he replied. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"
"It really ruins the dramatic effect that You-Know-Who's name gives if you say it wrong," Brittany mumbled. "And how did he change a curse scar?" She paused. "Well, I was wondering where Malfoy went. That answers that."
Ebony and Vampire ran towards the castle, and Brittany made the split-second decision to follow after them. She stayed at a safe distance, only close enough to hear their always-loud voices.
"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" they yelled together as they raced up the stairs in the Entrance Hall.
Dumblydore? Brittany wondered, ducking behind a pillar as the two moved to a stop and Professor Dumbledore arrived.
"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" asked Dumbledore.
"Volsemort has Draco!" Ebony and Vampire said together.
Professor Dumbledore cackled.
Brittany had to rub her eyes and double-check that it was actually Professor Dumbledore who stood before them.
"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" begged Ebony and Vampire. Despite the earlier sentenced keeping in unison, it sounded more as if Vampire was echoing Ebony for dramatic effect.
"No," said Dumbledore. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." He frowned at Ebony. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." He exited the scene.
Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned.
Brittany gaped. What did I just witness, she wondered. Was that someone Polyjuiced as the headmaster or something? What is going on!
"Its okay!" she stuttered. Suddenly, the tears running down Vampire's face began to flow red.
Is that blood? thought Brittany. That's not normal. He should probably head to the Hospital Wing.
"I had an idea!" Vampire exclaimed, jumping up.
"What?" asked Ebony.
"You'll see." he said. He pulled out his wand— That's good, he hasn't forgotten what that is, thought Brittany— and then they disappeared.
Brittany stared, eyes wide, and head hung back in complete shock. She could not form a sentence for a long moment.
She raised her hands into the air and fell to her knees. "You can't apparate in or out of Hogwarts," she yelled at the ceiling. "This is unlogical!"