|Taken in Stride
Author: ForsakenFerret PM
One shot featuring Dave and Bro. My first attempt at imitating Dave's rad style. I'm not sure it's quite right, and feedback would be appreciated.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Family - Dave S. & Dirk S. - Words: 2,919 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 04-29-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8072325
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Dave sat bored at his desk staring into space, as usual. He glanced toward the clock. 2:53, just seven minutes and he'd be outta this shithole for the weekend.
"Mr. Strider! Can you tell me the answer?"
Fuck. Dave looked forward, a bunch of numbers and letters were scrawled on the chalkboard. "Pass." He said indifferently.
"I don't think so. It's your turn to answer, Mr. Strider." The teacher said, unrelenting.
Dave made a show of looking at the board. After a minute had passed, much to the teacher's obvious annoyance, Dave finally spoke up. "Yeah, I can't see the board. It's too dark in here."
The teacher gripped his desk. "Perhaps if you took off those ridiculous sunglasses?"
"Yeah, you know I can't do that. Medical condition and all." Dave said, readjusting the awesome shades his Bro had given him. His Bro seriously got a doctor to sign a note saying Dave's eyes were hypersensitive to light, or some shit. Either way, they had to let him wear his shades in school. It was totally sick.
"All right then, you can come to the front of the class to complete the problem."
What a dick, but whatever. He took his time standing. 2:56, not long now. He walked listlessly to the front of the room. There wasn't a snicker to be heard, which he was quite proud of. In a class his size, there was almost always someone making fun of the kid picked on to answer the question in front of the class. Dave finally got to the board and actually inspected it. It wasn't difficult, though he hated math he was actually quite good at it. Still, he wasn't giving this teacher the satisfaction of forcing him to answer it. Dave made some markings on the board, pretending to show his work. Finally, making sure he was between the teacher and the board he wrote down the answer and circled it. A muted laugh or two came from somewhere in the room, kids who could see the board. Once he was finished, Dave stepped back to show the class.
A hastily drawn picture of sweet bro greeted them. "the poblem hass too many… NUNGBERS and VARIRBLES"
The class laughed as a whole and the teacher grew cherry red. The school bell rang above the noise, as if adding its voice to the laugher as well.
"Class is dismissed, you may all leave. Except you Mr. Strider, you will be serving a thirty minute detention with me."
The class booed the teacher on their way out the door, and soon enough Dave was alone in the room with the teacher.
"I am extremely disappointed in you Dave. I know you're a bright child, and yet you squander your talents for what? A chance to poke fun at your teachers? I urge you to think of better ways to apply your talents to your work, rather than making some…" The teacher said, looking for the word. "Satirical statement." He finally said, pointing to the drawing.
Dave stared back, face impassive. "Yeah, I'll need to call my Bro. Let him know I'm gonna be home late."
"That's fine." The teacher said dismissively, turning his attention to some papers on his desk.
Dave pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and hit the speedial for his Bro. He bobbed his head slightly to his Bro's ringback tone, a beat he'd made that Dave remixed for his Bro's birthday. After six seconds, just as it was about to get to the sick bass, his Bro answered. His Bro had this shit to a science, just as you're about to lose yourself in the song, he's on the other end. God damn brain ninja, but Dave was used to it. "Sup, Lil' Man?"
"I'm not gonna be home for a while." Dave said simply.
"Why? You get in a fight or some shit?" His Bro asked, nonplussed.
"Alright, let me talk to the teach."
Dave put the phone down. "He wants to talk to you." He said, handing the phone to the teacher.
"Oh? Alright." The teacher said taking the phone from Dave.
"Hello Mr. Strider…Yes, this is Mr. Phelps, Dave's math teacher. Dave caused a scene in class today, so I'm having him spend some time with me this afternoon to think about what he's done…I'm sorry to hear that, but I believe he needs to stay here for a while and think about what…No, I'm not calling your ability to be a guardian into question…I'm sorry, I meant no offense. The detention can be delayed until Monday…Yes, and I'm sorry again Mr. Strider. Have a pleasant evening…Thank you, goodbye."
Mr. Phelps handed Dave back his phone. "You're free to go Dave, your brother needs your help with household chores apparently. He believes it's essential to building your character. You will be staying after school Monday, for an hour. Have a good weekend, and please do give some thought to what I said."
Dave merely nodded, taking his phone and heading for the door in a single action. Dave made a beeline for his locker, grabbing his backpack and skateboard. He thought about just jumping on before he even hit the school doors, but decided he better not take any chances. His Bro already bailed him once, no need to push his luck.
His trip home was uneventful, and he found himself wondering what his Bro would have ready to eat when he got home. Probably microwave burritos, fucking awesome. He'd grab some apple juice too, chill in front of his computer and draw up a SBaHJ comic. That class had given him some fuckin' awesome ideas.
He hopped off the board once he reached the apartments, stomping the back so it popped into his hand. He took the elevator up to their floor because seriously, FUCK stairs. He grabbed the key from his pocket as he walked toward his Bro's apartment. He stood outside a moment, wary of alerting his Bro of his presence. Of course he probably already knew he was home. Deciding it wasn't very cool to stand in the hall like a dope, he turned the key in the lock and walked inside.
Lil' Cal "stood" in the doorway, holding a sign. He noted shadowy afterimages of his Bro out of the corner of his eye, holding the puppet up. This couldn't be good. The sign read…
BRO check this funkin Burrburito"
Dave's right hand shot up, almost out of instinct, and the crinkling wrapper of the incredibly shitty gas station burrito in his hand told him he'd successfully avoided the missle.
"Sweet catch, Lil' Man." His Bro said from the living room. Lil' Cal had disappeared and his Bro was playing Xbox. Dave nodded, almost imperceptibly, acknowledging his brother's compliment. Barely nodding was the most ironic thing to do, not to mention cool as hell.
Dave walked into the kitchen, avoiding the unbelievably shitty swords lying around. Who the fuck kept so many god damned shitty swords? He opened the microwave and was only slightly surprised to find two puppets, positioned more than passing erotically, staring at him. He broke his ever present poker face to offer them the briefest of scowls before tossing them onto a pile of ninja stars on the counter. Their eyes seemed to bore into him as he pushed the buttons on the microwave, and once he had started it he turned away from the sight to see his Bro standing in the kitchen doorway.
"How was school?" He asked.
Dave stayed cool on the outside, but inside he had a million thoughts buzzing. He did not just say that. That was possibly the lamest question you could ever ask. There had to be a catch, but what was it? Dave had to be sure. He raised an eyebrow at his Bro. "What?"
"You forget to clean your ears this month? I said how was school?"
How did he want Dave to answer? He obviously didn't want an actual answer, that would be retarded. Did he want him to give an ironic answer? Was he asking about the detention? Did he want Dave to mock him so they could have an awesome freestyle rap battle?
"Pretty much the gayest shit ever. Teacher tried to make me answer some math shit, but Sweet Bro had my back. All dissin' the poblems and varirbles."
His Bro glared at him through his awesome shades. Was that disappointment? Man, how did he expect him to give an ironic answer to a question like that?
"Whatever. Grab your board, we're heading out."
Dave raised an eyebrow, the microwave going off beside him. "You serious, dude? Burrito just got done nuking, piping hot in that motherfucker. My hunger is a god damned volcano god, capricious as fuck, and that burrito is the virgin sacrifice to appease it."
"Nah bro, just got a geothermal reading on this motherfucker. No activity, eruption postponed. Percent chance of eruption, capricious deities excluded…, precisely jack shit. Now grab your board." His Bro responded, walking toward the door.
Dave sighed, staring at the microwave. God damnit, oh well, he took the burrito out and tossed it in the trash. No sense saving this shit, almost inedible when it was fresh.
Dave followed behind his bro, who wasn't using his badass rocket board for once. He just had his, just as sweet, normal skateboard. Bro locked the door behind Dave and the two of them headed to the elevator outside. In the elevator, Dave was forced to bring out his sword to fend off attacks from Bro the entire way down. How the hell did he even find room to maneuver in this cramped elevator?
The second they hit the bottom, Bro was on his board and skating toward the front door. Dave followed suit. The two of them skated around for a while, Bro whipping out insane tricks and Dave trying to answer with his own. Bro had him beat every time, but Dave wasn't going to give up without at least trying to put up a fight. There were of course times where Bro whipped out some ridiculously delirious tricks that Dave could never hope to top. Dave didn't bother retaliating to these, instead inclining his head slightly in acknowledgment of his Bro's skills.
"So, where're we going?" Dave asked on a particularly boring stretch.
They only went a few more blocks after that, heading into a section of town where the buildings were shorter. Bro suddenly stopped, captchalouging his board. Dave did the same, watching his Bro for any sign of why they were in this rundown neighborhood.
His Bro went blurry for a second, before disappearing entirely. Dave looked up to find him standing atop the roof of the building nearest him. He motioned for Dave to follow before walking out of sight.
Dave walked up to the base of the building, finding no obvious handholds up. He was gonna have to wall jump off the building beside it. He psyched himself up for the jump, but just as he launched himself Lil' Cal appeared next to him. With his silent laugh, Cal started pummeling Dave. Dave lost his focus, falling heavily to the ground. The only thing hurt was his pride of course, as Lil' Cal floated above pointing and laughing. All right, let's do this…
Dave launched himself at the wall again, pulling his sword out of his strife specibus. Cal came in again, but Dave brought his blade down. The puppet vanished, reappearing again on the other side. Dave continued, jumping off the walls three more times and fighting off Cal the whole way. When he finally reached the roof, he found his Bro standing with Cal in hand. "Not bad." He said, captchaing Cal and standing in the middle of the roof.
Bro's katana appeared in his hand. "Ready? You're gonna learn something today, bro."
Dave was still out of breath from jumping up, but he didn't show it. "Like what?" He asked, bracing himself. "And why aren't we doing this at our apartment roof? That's where we always strife."
Bro didn't answer. Instead he rushed toward Dave, bringing his katana down. Dave blocked the attack, swinging for Bro's midsection only to find he was no longer there. Dave turned around, feeling the rush of wind behind him as his Bro attacked again. The exchange lasted for a few blows, before Bro appeared a ways away with his hand held up to stop.
"You're never gonna land a hit on me that way, Lil' Man. You need to learn to Striderstep."
"Striderstep? You mean that phasey bullshit you do?" Dave asked disdainfully. Though he showed only scorn outwardly, inwardly he was giddy. That flash step shit was so badass. He couldn't wait to learn how Bro did it.
"Yeah. Take a deep breath." He said, sitting down with his back against a small AC unit.
"You're shittin' me."
Bro took an exaggerated breath, then pointed at Dave.
Dave rolled his eyes behind his shades, taking a deep inhalation.
"Now exhale, and move with your breath. Concentrate on your movement rather than how you're moving."
Dave glanced nervously at his Bro, not sure what he meant. There was no way he was telling him he didn't get it though, so he exhaled quickly and rushed forward. He moved normally and stumbled when he ran out of breath. Basically, he looked like a total tool.
Bro scoffed aloud, worse than anything he could have said. "The hell was that man? Geez, you gonna take this seriously or not?"
Dave stood up, dusting himself off. "Fuck you, how about a better description?"
Bro stood back up. "Or maybe you just need to learn through doing. Remember what I said, we aren't leaving this roof till you figure this shit out."
Strife recommenced with haste. Dave barely had time to get his blade up before Bro attacked. Before Dave could so much as move his blade, Bro flash stepped behind him and elbowed him in the back of the head. Dave hit the ground heavily, but Bro lifted him up and kicked him into the air. Reappearing behind Dave in midair, Bro axe kicked him back into the roof of the building.
Dave landed with a muted thud. Bro's foot appeared in his field of vision. "You gettin' up?"
Dave stood quickly taking a swing at Bro, who of course was no longer there. Dave took a moment to think, rolling across the roof as he did so. What would be the best course of action here?
As soon as he was on his feet, Dave took the most reasonable course of action and promptly flipped the fuck out. Lashing about in every direction indiscriminately, Dave failed to land so much as a blow on Bro, who had taken to staying too fast to be seen and using Lil' Cal to put the beatdown on Dave.
Dave tried to follow Bro's movements, but realized quickly it was a futile task. He sighed as he performed another roll to the other side of the roof. How was he supposed to keep up with him? Dave took a deep breath as he tried to collect his thoughts. Wait! Was that…? He exhaled slowly and managed to catch a glimpse of his Bro rushing around behind Cal. Focusing intently, he was finally able to trace Bro's movement, though he was still moving far too fast for Dave to hope to hit. Following his instincts, when Dave saw his Bro particularly close he rushed forward to meet him.
The ground flew away under his feet, like way too fuckin' fast. Suddenly he was sailing out over the street. He turned back to Bro, not bothering to hide his panic. Bro caught him before he'd gone too far, actually leaping off the roof himself to grab him. Turing in midair, Bro grabbed onto the ledge of the roof, fingers bleeding from the sudden weight put on such a small area. Dave was thrown back onto the roof before Bro hoisted himself back up.
Bro stood over Dave for a moment before taking a seat on the edge of the roof. "Shit, you trying to give me a heart attack kid?"
Dave hovered back for a while, afraid he'd truly upset the young man who'd raised him. It was rare for Bro to show such concern. Bro didn't say anything, and after a while Dave went to sit by him.
Bro turned to look at him. "That was actually pretty tight, Lil' Man. You moved faster than I did the first time I tried this." He said, extending his fist toward his little brother.
Dave smirked, bumping fists with him. "Whatever."
Bro smiled wide at the dismissive comment, wrapping his arm around Dave who struggled against the contact. Bro laughed and kept his grip steady as Dave squirmed and the both off them stayed there wrestling until the sun was just above the horizon.