|Legs and Lechery: A Borgias Counseling Service
Author: pixelsurgeon PM
You know they need it...In which Cute Little Kid Juan haunts everyone, Micholetto wants to bring in a fish and a shrubbery, and Savonarola is fun at parties.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,251 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 06-25-12 - Published: 04-30-12 - id: 8074352
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Me: Hallo. Welcome to The Borgias counseling service. (You know they need one). I don't own the Borgias, sadly enough…I am lusting after Cesare a bit…not a bit…but that's not important. This will be very OOC and quite insane. Just a warning.
Burchard: Apparently I'm the only one unbiased enough to help you people.
Dela Rovere: I'm unbiased…!
Cesare: Uh, yeah, no. Also, you stole my monkey idea. So screw you.
Micholetto: Wait, the monkey was your idea?
Burchard: Everyone shut up and listen to me! Why do you lot think you're here?
Rodrigo: We molest children.
Everyone: *backs off*
Cesare: I don't exactly know how to top that…here goes: I'm extremely violent and have killed a bunch of people. RAWR! I'M ACTING OUT! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
Juan: I'm overprivileged. And I have a mullet that is sucking the intelligence out of me.
Lucrezia: Juan killed my boyfriend so I dropped a chandelier on him.
Cesare: …wow. I'll need to step up my game here.
Goffre: Everyone's totally forgotten about me.
Giulia: My leg is some kind of classroom.
Charles: WE'RE UGLY AND WE KNOW IT!
Giulia: Did no one hear me? My leg is a frickin' classroom! And I step on Naples, like, every day!
Charles: Oh, so that's what that was.
Micholetto: I get zero love. Also, I kill everything. And a hot priest whipped me. Wait…why am I complaining about that?
Cesare: Notice how I'm not complaining about being the whipper…*eyebrow waggle*
Rodrigo: We think we enjoy calling ourselves 'we' too much.
Charles: We think the same thing.
Cesare: Then maybe just stop.
Charles: …the boy has sense.
Juan: UGH PEOPLE, PAY ATTENTION TO ME! Oh, right, that's the other thing…I'm an attention whore.
Cesare: Well, you're right about the 'whore' part.
Juan: *glare* Let's have a talk about fratricide.
Micholetto: Dudes, that's a big word! It's so big I don't even know what it means!
Juan: Everytime you facepalm, you kill a unicorn.
Lucrezia: NOOOOOOO! SAVE THE UNICORNS!
Giulia: I've stepped on a few lately…damn you Rodrigo Borgia! Now all of Italy is dependent on my leg! What happens if Rome gets an itch? Huh?
Rodrigo: …that would be bad.
Lucrezia: Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows.
Micholetto: I don't know what those words mean either…
Lucrezia: They're related to happiness.
Micholetto: Ah. That's why.
Giulia: Florence is getting itchy!
A/N: Please review!