|Legs and Lechery: A Borgias Counseling Service
Author: pixelsurgeon PM
You know they need it...In which Cute Little Kid Juan haunts everyone, Micholetto wants to bring in a fish and a shrubbery, and Savonarola is fun at parties.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,251 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 06-25-12 - Published: 04-30-12 - id: 8074352
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Me: …oh my God. The last two episodes…emotional overload, here. So…I tried to make them funny…don't kill me if it didn't work. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, you're so sweet. Still don't own the Borgias.
Savonarola: Aren't I fun at parties? No, seriously! Everyone loves a bald fat guy who tells 'em they'll go to hell!
Micholetto: *narrows eyes* Hey. People love assassins. Especially ones who torture people.
Cesare: Now, now, Miccy, let's be nice now. Just because he realized you were a sodomite is no reason to freak out. Everyone knew, anyways.
Micholetto: …how did everyone know?
Cesare: Psshht, it was obvious. First of all, those puppy eyes you always give me? Obvious. Don't forget about your obsession with whips. And the way you were staring at that Sforza boy wasn't exactly inconspicuous.
Juan: Ten more sons…
Lucrezia: Are you alright?
Juan: …no. I had a dick juicer. I got ridiculed by a woman, my poodle headed brother, and you. I started talking to my penis. I became a stoner. Then I got murdered by aforementioned poodle headed brother. Then I turned into a cute little kid while my father buried me. It hasn't exactly been the best month.
Cesare: Oh, lord. Wait…how many people get haunted by Cute Little Kid Juan?
Rodrigo, Vannozza, Lucrezia, Cesare, Micholetto: *raise hands*
Cesare: Micholetto…? What? You never knew him as a cute kid.
Micholetto: A man can dream.
Cesare: That statement disturbed me more than anything you've ever done.
Micholetto: Even the eunuch and the candlestick?
Cesare: Even the eunuch and the candlestick.
Micholetto: Speaking of that, how does including a fish and a shrubbery sound?
Cesare: How would that work?
Cesare: Wait, I don't even want to know.
Micholetto: You take the fish, and-
Cesare: I don't want to know.
Micholetto: Then the shrubbery goes-
Cesare: I SMITE YOU WITH MY SEXY AVENGING ANGEL POWERS! *smites Micholetto with sexy avenging angel powers*
Micholetto: *repels with epic assassin powers*
Cesare: …well damn.
Juan: Wait, wait a minute here. I frickin' died, and all you've been talking about is eunuchs and fish. Don't I deserve some angst, here?
Prince Alfonse of Naples: OR MEEEE! Everyone forgot about me!
Juan: Seriously, dude. I deserve the angst.
PAoN: That could be debated.
Savonarola: Yo, everyone! Listen to fun party man! Okay, so. Juan, you go to hell. Alfonse, you go to hell. In fact, everyone just go to hell.
Della Rovere: Where did he learn my secret? Hmm…time for an overused line. KILL THE BORGIA POPE!
Cesare: That time again? Fine. Does Juan?
Della Rovere: IT WAS SUPPOSED TO END WITH ME!
A/N: Yeah, so…funniness in last two episodes equals zero. But please review!