Author: AnnD PM
The scene in 2x13 when Sam is found, and the "look" after he leaves the farmhouse. From both Andy and Sam's perspectives.Rated: Fiction T - English - A. McNally & S. Swarek - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,596 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 04-30-12 - id: 8075528
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A/N ~ Chapter 2! This is Sam's perspective, getting into his head was tricky but I hope you enjoy!
The look he gives her says so many things, none of which she is in the frame of mind to assume…
He walks out of the Pickering farmhouse, the exhilaration of being alive the only thing preventing him from collapsing, with little energy or motivation to think of much. The few things that are flickering through Sam's mind are sleep, anger, pain, Andy, and sleep, in no particular order (but sleep is most definitely taking precedence.) Then there's Andy…
He hasn't had much time to process his feelings on that now that survival isn't a distant hope. Before, Andy was motivation; continuing what they'd started was what was waiting for him if he could get through the hell Brennan was treating him to. Essentially, the potential of them together saved him. Of course, his wits, training, and instincts didn't hurt either.
But now that it was no longer hypothetical he doesn't know what he thinks. Surely his feelings for her are the same, but since he hadn't had much time to ponder while literally fighting for his life, there's a chance his confidence in the reciprocity of her feelings may be lacking now. And her expression doesn't help matters.
He's feeling a lot, pain the strongest contender and his mind is swimming and jumbled. But as he catches sight of Andy, one thing becomes undoubtedly apparent: He loves her! He honest to god, put-a-ring-on-her-finger, have-babies-with-her, grow-old-together-and-drive-each-other-crazy loves her! So when he sees the utter fear on her face he's a little taken aback.
Logically speaking someone in Andy's position would be shaken, maybe afraid for Sam's life, probably very anxious, and an array of other legitimate emotional responses to their friend, partner, lover?, being beaten and tortured. But the Andy McNally that Sam knows is not wearing a look of pure terror over something so sensible (and even if she were, he was safe, right there, alive and breathing for her to see so that fear would have subsided). This... this was an Andy fear... THIS was Andy completely terrified of his feelings and guilty and overthinking and... regretting?
Unacceptable. Sam thinks, Who the fuck does she think she is! And what the hell must she think of me to let her skittish mind jump to the absolutely wrong conclusions so damn fast!
He refuses to stand there watching her panic and lose faith in them just because they aren't in a position to really, ya know... talk, or desperately cling to each other, or any other form of reassurance.
He almost died for her! He almost died because of what they did, together. The choice they both made. A choice they made being fully aware of the risks. Maybe she was just that careless, but it takes something damn worth it for him to put his career and his life on the line like that. She was THAT goddamn important to him and yet she's standing there with her Bambi eyes worried he'll what? Reject her?
As if! Even if he didn't love her, even if he'd completely changed his mind, he'd STILL force her to stick around (like some piece of shit impulse buy you spend way too much on, so much that the sole reason you actually use it is because of how much it cost you). But that's the thing… she's NOT the uncomfortable pair of jeans or the "big white dog", or the fuck ugly floor lamp, she's McNally… and he actually fucking loves her. So she better get it through her head that he's not going anywhere, and he's not letting her go anywhere. He's not even above pulling the "I put my life on the line so now you have to spend the rest of yours making it up to me with affection and humor and love and more of that really great sex" (because he'd be full of shit if he were to pretend the sex hadn't surfaced in his mind a few times since).
But, for now he'll let her freak out, if only because he doesn't have the energy to explain to her how crazy he is about her, how he didn't regret any of it for a second and how if they spend the rest of their lives together it won't be long enough (and other sappy shit he's never understood before now)… So ya, he just doesn't have that kind of energy but also, they are all things she should already know!
And if she doesn't get it yet… after the two years of pining and the immaturity and the almost-beating-her-boyfriend-to-death and the storming-off and the giving-her-space and the being-there-when-it-counts and the almost-kisses and oh ya.. the nearly DYING! Jesus, he just really thought she would understand how fucking IN he is!
Yeah, but by the terror in her eyes at his pensive (and frankly, pretty annoyed) silence, she really doesn't get it. She hasn't got a clue.
(And at this point, there may be a part of him that would love to punish her mother for all of Andy's trust issues and kick Luke's ass for making said issues worse... but there's a chance this protective streak further solidifies his feelings for her and he just really wants to stick around for the rest of his life as a sign of protest or something. Like: not everyone leaves you, I'm still here sweetheart. So there!)
But since smothering her with his intense feelings would be both counterproductive and exhausting, she can suffer for the time it takes to go to the hospital, beat Boyd into next week and have a less than fun conversation with Frank. But after that she'll understand, because he'll make her understand, even if it means tying her to a chair and telling her he loves her until she stops twitching and her brain rewires to realize it's a good thing.
But for the time being, for a few hours, she can suffer. She deserves to suffer. Because he loves her and she should damn well know it by now (everybody else does).
A/N ~ That's it for this fic. I hope you liked it. Reviews would be great! Rookie Blue Season 3 starts in 24 days! Join me in flailing, won't you? :)
Rookie Blue Season 3 starts in 24 days! Join me in flailing, won't you? :)