Disclaimer: I own nothing. All the power rangers characters belong to Saban. This isn't a very original story...I'm just really angsty lately. Gomen ne, minna-san!

Love Kim

June 9th, 2002

Greetings normal beings. This is Kim Hart saying leave your sanity behind, because you are entering my world now.

Daddy died two hours ago. Brian died four years ago exactly. Three years ago it was Mommy. Last year Grandma died, the year before it was Grampa. Five years ago you remember what happened. I don't like June 9th.

Things have been really insane here. Do you remember Madison Brown? She moved out here when she was thirteen. She was in synchronized swimming. We live together now. We're really good friends, oddly enough. Seeing as the last thing she remembers of me as a child was The Trial and I wasn't at my best then.

Meimi Haneoka from Japan won gold. Team USA won gold. I won silver. I was upset then, but now...well, there's not a whole lot that upsets me now.

Six months after the PGs ended, my mom and stepdad were killed in a plane crash. Since then things have been surreal. Even more so than they were five years ago, which is saying something huh Jase? Those were interesting days. I haven't been manic in, oh, three years now. So no, I haven't jumped off any roofs lately. I cannot fly, and I accept this. I spent the last five days in depression. I haven't taken my pills in...well, long enough that I had to search to find them. One I got enough energy to get out of my bed, which took several days to work up.

I had to take them though, it was getting ridiculous. Usually I snap out of it in about three days. Not this time though! I seem to be okay now though. The pills helped. So, I'm in my right mind now. My left mind is completely turned off. Mmm...what was that about being okay? Don't worry. I'm fine. Caffeine is really not good for me, if you recall.

Now to get to the important parts. I don't feel like writing a dozen separate letters, so I'm just gonna write little notes to each of you.

Jason: You were my first friend. We grew up next door to each other -you put sand in my diaper once (no, I haven't forgotten!). You were there through everything. You let me sneak through your window and sleep in your bed when my father was home, or after, when I dreamt he was. You were the first guy I could stand to let touch me after everything. If Tommy had never moved to Angel Grove, I would undoubtedly have fallen in love with you. Over the years you became more of a brother than Bryan was. You were there for me when I needed you the most, and I'll always love you for it.

Trini: My first girl friend. I think that out of everyone I miss you the most Trini. You and Jason were my best friends, but where he protected me from harm, you cheered me up when it got me anyway. You held my hand, gave me chocolate and hugs. You signed up with Jason for martial arts lessons, so you could protect me if he ever came after me. Through all the problems I've had, you never walked away from me. That means more than I can ever say.

Zack: From the moment you met me, you didn't even know what was wrong but you pulled me up. The day after you met me you gave me my first guitar and said one word. Sing. Music saved me in those dark days. But the dark days aren't the ones I remember with you. The happy times in between are when you really shined. You brought music and laughter wherever you went (even, might I add, when it wasn't entirely appropriate). You sang, danced, put your heart into everything you did. That helped me survive, and helped me recover. And just plain made me happy. Thanks Z.

Billy: Wow. I still remember how we met. You were my first husband. Sixth grade, 'The Marriage Project'. I was so disappointed, I wanted to be married to Jason. Candy Kane got him (ugh, do you remember her?) and I got the boy who would become one of my best friends. You were patient with me, even when I didn't understand half of what you said, or even (I'm ashamed to admit it) brushed you off around my other friends. When you found out about my disease you spent every waking hour (and some that were supposed to be for sleep) researching it. You found out I could still be normal. You walked me through everything that was wrong. Then Trini translated, because the only parts I understood were the pauses. You had the guts to do the right thing when no one else would. I hated you for it, but I'll be eternally grateful nonetheless.

Aisha, Adam and Rocky: Somehow I still think of you three together. You were like Trini, Jason and me, you had that same unwavering friendship. I wasn't as good a friend as I could have been. I tried, and you really are all wonderful people. I missed my best friends, and at times I felt you were intruders in a private circle. I regret those feelings now, because you were wonderful. Aisha, you were a great friend. You helped me a lot when my mom moved to France, and I can never repay you for allowing me to stay. I would not have survived being so far from my lifelines. Rocky...you're great. You're funny, you're cute, and you're a wonderful martial artist. There was a time when I was slightly resentful of you. I felt that Billy or I should have been Tommy's second, we'd been around longest after all. But you did well, and you never showed fear. Adam, well I simply adore you. You're very sweet, and if the girls aren't throwing themselves at you then they must be insane. If I hadn't been involved I'd a been all over you (kidding. Mostly. Hehe.)

Kat: Wow. Um...we weren't friends. We both know it. I'm not saying you aren't a nice person, I know you are because Zordon trusted you. But in so many ways we were competitors. For Tommy's heart, for the title of Pink Ranger. For the love of the group. I'm a very insecure person, I have never been confidant about anything but the Fab Five, as we called ourselves in junior high. And when I gave you my place, I felt like you stole everything that made me, me. I realize now that it was very wrong of me. I thought you were intruding on my space, when all you wanted was some for yourself. I'm sorry Kat. I really am.

Tommy: I put you last because...it's just hard. What can I say to ever make up for my last letter? Don't bother, I already know I can't. I can't even explain, not really. All I can say is, I was lost. I was frightened, and I was alone. When I met 'the guy', he seemed to equal protection. He was strong and nice to me. I needed someone like that. Rather I needed someone like you. You were so far off and...I was jealous of Kat. God but I was jealous. I felt like I had been completely and totally replaced. It hurt, to see that someone could so easily take my place and to feel like I wasn't missed. Added on top of all that, I had stopped taking my medication. And that always turns my logic button off for a while. But still...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had to drag you down with the S.S. Kimberly. You made me feel special, like I really was Beautiful. No one has ever been able to do that, before or since. I really do love you, and I think I always will.

One little thing: Tell Bulk and Skull I'm sorry for being mean to them. I realized there are a lot of people who did much worse to get attention. Their hearts were in the right place anyway.

Most of you probably don't know what The Trial was. When I was nine my father started drinking heavily. First he beat on my mom, then my brother. When Brian went away to college, Dad moved in on me. Three years later Billy reported him to the Child Abuse Center. I didn't speak to him for two months, until Dad's trial. I kept thinking it wasn't his fault. When he was sober he was a totally different person, one I really loved. For a long time I thought it was my fault. That I had been bad and made him angry. He was sent to jail, and spent four years there. He got sick immediately after, and never recovered.

Jason became obsessed with protecting me from everything. Those were the worst times in our collective childhoods. Jase fell deeply into martial arts, he drove himself to know everything. Billy became obsessed with learning everything he could about child abuse. Trini tried to split her attention between the two. Zack spent all his time trying to cheer me up. Then came the worst part. When I was thirteen I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Wrongly, might I add. They gave me the wrong medication...and I went insane. I tried to jump off the roof because I though I could fly. I tried to kill a neighbor because I thought he was a vampire. They put me in Greenfield Hospital outside LA. I was on so many drugs I didn't react to anything. Not even my friends on the rare occasions when they could visit. They kept writing letters and visiting though, they never gave up on me. After almost a year in hell they diagnosed me properly, with bipolar I. Then they got my medication right and I came back to reality. I was never quite the same though. It wasn't too long before Zordon recruited me. He brought me back the day after we became the Rangers and told me about the best thing that ever happened in my life. As long as the Power was with me, my disease would not have any effect. He couldn't cure it, but he could subdue it. Which just made it worse when I went to Florida and gave it up. I felt normal when Zordon was helping me, but taking the pills made me a freak. Again. It was...hard. Very.

Things in Florida were very difficult. I found out belatedly that I could not participate in the Pan Globals while on any sort of drugs. So I stopped taking them. During my first and only manic episode while in Florida, I wrote Tommy that Letter. It made sense at the time. But then, five minutes later I went out and bought a ten-gallon jug of clam sauce -which I am allergic to- so I'm not sure how logical I was at the time. I'm so sorry.

I've gotta go. I love you guys, and I'm sorry I screwed up so badly. Forgive me?

Kim, Kimmie, Kimmie-cake, Kimlins, Beautiful, K, Hart, any other nickname I ever had and just plain old

Kimberly Hart



p.s.

Ever wondered what taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills will do to you? If you wanna find out, drop by my house.

Kim