Disclaimer: I own nothing. All the power rangers characters belong to
Saban. This isn't a very original story...I'm just really angsty lately.
Gomen ne, minna-san!
June 9th, 2002
Greetings normal beings. This is Kim Hart saying leave your sanity behind,
because you are entering my world now.
Daddy died two hours ago. Brian died four years ago exactly. Three years
ago it was Mommy. Last year Grandma died, the year before it was Grampa.
Five years ago you remember what happened. I don't like June 9th.
Things have been really insane here. Do you remember Madison Brown? She
moved out here when she was thirteen. She was in synchronized swimming. We
live together now. We're really good friends, oddly enough. Seeing as the
last thing she remembers of me as a child was The Trial and I wasn't at my
Meimi Haneoka from Japan won gold. Team USA won gold. I won silver. I was
upset then, but now...well, there's not a whole lot that upsets me now.
Six months after the PGs ended, my mom and stepdad were killed in a plane
crash. Since then things have been surreal. Even more so than they were
five years ago, which is saying something huh Jase? Those were interesting
days. I haven't been manic in, oh, three years now. So no, I haven't jumped
off any roofs lately. I cannot fly, and I accept this. I spent the last
five days in depression. I haven't taken my pills in...well, long enough
that I had to search to find them. One I got enough energy to get out of my
bed, which took several days to work up.
I had to take them though, it was getting ridiculous. Usually I snap out of
it in about three days. Not this time though! I seem to be okay now though.
The pills helped. So, I'm in my right mind now. My left mind is completely
turned off. Mmm...what was that about being okay? Don't worry. I'm fine.
Caffeine is really not good for me, if you recall.
Now to get to the important parts. I don't feel like writing a dozen
separate letters, so I'm just gonna write little notes to each of you.
Jason: You were my first friend. We grew up next door to each other -you
put sand in my diaper once (no, I haven't forgotten!). You were there
through everything. You let me sneak through your window and sleep in your
bed when my father was home, or after, when I dreamt he was. You were the
first guy I could stand to let touch me after everything. If Tommy had
never moved to Angel Grove, I would undoubtedly have fallen in love with
you. Over the years you became more of a brother than Bryan was. You were
there for me when I needed you the most, and I'll always love you for it.
Trini: My first girl friend. I think that out of everyone I miss you the
most Trini. You and Jason were my best friends, but where he protected me
from harm, you cheered me up when it got me anyway. You held my hand, gave
me chocolate and hugs. You signed up with Jason for martial arts lessons,
so you could protect me if he ever came after me. Through all the problems
I've had, you never walked away from me. That means more than I can ever
Zack: From the moment you met me, you didn't even know what was wrong but
you pulled me up. The day after you met me you gave me my first guitar and
said one word. Sing. Music saved me in those dark days. But the dark days
aren't the ones I remember with you. The happy times in between are when
you really shined. You brought music and laughter wherever you went (even,
might I add, when it wasn't entirely appropriate). You sang, danced, put
your heart into everything you did. That helped me survive, and helped me
recover. And just plain made me happy. Thanks Z.
Billy: Wow. I still remember how we met. You were my first husband. Sixth
grade, 'The Marriage Project'. I was so disappointed, I wanted to be
married to Jason. Candy Kane got him (ugh, do you remember her?) and I got
the boy who would become one of my best friends. You were patient with me,
even when I didn't understand half of what you said, or even (I'm ashamed
to admit it) brushed you off around my other friends. When you found out
about my disease you spent every waking hour (and some that were supposed
to be for sleep) researching it. You found out I could still be normal. You
walked me through everything that was wrong. Then Trini translated, because
the only parts I understood were the pauses. You had the guts to do the
right thing when no one else would. I hated you for it, but I'll be
eternally grateful nonetheless.
Aisha, Adam and Rocky: Somehow I still think of you three together. You
were like Trini, Jason and me, you had that same unwavering friendship. I
wasn't as good a friend as I could have been. I tried, and you really are
all wonderful people. I missed my best friends, and at times I felt you
were intruders in a private circle. I regret those feelings now, because
you were wonderful. Aisha, you were a great friend. You helped me a lot
when my mom moved to France, and I can never repay you for allowing me to
stay. I would not have survived being so far from my lifelines.
Rocky...you're great. You're funny, you're cute, and you're a wonderful
martial artist. There was a time when I was slightly resentful of you. I
felt that Billy or I should have been Tommy's second, we'd been around
longest after all. But you did well, and you never showed fear. Adam, well
I simply adore you. You're very sweet, and if the girls aren't throwing
themselves at you then they must be insane. If I hadn't been involved I'd a
been all over you (kidding. Mostly. Hehe.)
Kat: Wow. Um...we weren't friends. We both know it. I'm not saying you
aren't a nice person, I know you are because Zordon trusted you. But in so
many ways we were competitors. For Tommy's heart, for the title of Pink
Ranger. For the love of the group. I'm a very insecure person, I have never
been confidant about anything but the Fab Five, as we called ourselves in
junior high. And when I gave you my place, I felt like you stole everything
that made me, me. I realize now that it was very wrong of me. I thought you
were intruding on my space, when all you wanted was some for yourself. I'm
sorry Kat. I really am.
Tommy: I put you last because...it's just hard. What can I say to ever make
up for my last letter? Don't bother, I already know I can't. I can't even
explain, not really. All I can say is, I was lost. I was frightened, and I
was alone. When I met 'the guy', he seemed to equal protection. He was
strong and nice to me. I needed someone like that. Rather I needed someone
like you. You were so far off and...I was jealous of Kat. God but I was
jealous. I felt like I had been completely and totally replaced. It hurt,
to see that someone could so easily take my place and to feel like I wasn't
missed. Added on top of all that, I had stopped taking my medication. And
that always turns my logic button off for a while. But still...I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I had to drag you down with the S.S. Kimberly. You made me feel
special, like I really was Beautiful. No one has ever been able to do that,
before or since. I really do love you, and I think I always will.
One little thing: Tell Bulk and Skull I'm sorry for being mean to them. I
realized there are a lot of people who did much worse to get attention.
Their hearts were in the right place anyway.
Most of you probably don't know what The Trial was. When I was nine my
father started drinking heavily. First he beat on my mom, then my brother.
When Brian went away to college, Dad moved in on me. Three years later
Billy reported him to the Child Abuse Center. I didn't speak to him for two
months, until Dad's trial. I kept thinking it wasn't his fault. When he was
sober he was a totally different person, one I really loved. For a long
time I thought it was my fault. That I had been bad and made him angry. He
was sent to jail, and spent four years there. He got sick immediately
after, and never recovered.
Jason became obsessed with protecting me from everything. Those were the
worst times in our collective childhoods. Jase fell deeply into martial
arts, he drove himself to know everything. Billy became obsessed with
learning everything he could about child abuse. Trini tried to split her
attention between the two. Zack spent all his time trying to cheer me up.
Then came the worst part. When I was thirteen I was diagnosed with
schizophrenia. Wrongly, might I add. They gave me the wrong
medication...and I went insane. I tried to jump off the roof because I
though I could fly. I tried to kill a neighbor because I thought he was a
vampire. They put me in Greenfield Hospital outside LA. I was on so many
drugs I didn't react to anything. Not even my friends on the rare occasions
when they could visit. They kept writing letters and visiting though, they
never gave up on me. After almost a year in hell they diagnosed me
properly, with bipolar I. Then they got my medication right and I came back
to reality. I was never quite the same though. It wasn't too long before
Zordon recruited me. He brought me back the day after we became the Rangers
and told me about the best thing that ever happened in my life. As long as
the Power was with me, my disease would not have any effect. He couldn't
cure it, but he could subdue it. Which just made it worse when I went to
Florida and gave it up. I felt normal when Zordon was helping me, but
taking the pills made me a freak. Again. It was...hard. Very.
Things in Florida were very difficult. I found out belatedly that I could
not participate in the Pan Globals while on any sort of drugs. So I stopped
taking them. During my first and only manic episode while in Florida, I
wrote Tommy that Letter. It made sense at the time. But then, five minutes
later I went out and bought a ten-gallon jug of clam sauce -which I am
allergic to- so I'm not sure how logical I was at the time. I'm so sorry.
I've gotta go. I love you guys, and I'm sorry I screwed up so badly.
Kim, Kimmie, Kimmie-cake, Kimlins, Beautiful, K, Hart, any other nickname I
ever had and just plain old
Ever wondered what taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills will do to you?
If you wanna find out, drop by my house.