|Partying Under Protest
Author: Baby-Firecracker PM
Aria is less than pleased to be getting dragged along on Doug's bachelor party but that doesn't mean she won't make the best of the situation. A situation Phil fully intends to use to his advantage. Phil/OC.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Phil W. - Chapters: 4 - Words: 15,194 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 116 - Updated: 07-10-12 - Published: 05-02-12 - id: 8079453
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: Partying Under Protest
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that belongs to the film The Hangover, the characters/actors or anything else you may recongise and it is not my intention to cause copyright infringment.
I know, I know. Another story but I promise this one is all wrote up, the chapters just need to be edited and adjusted so there won't be big delays inbetween updates.
Chapter One: One of the boys
"Why am I here again?"
"Because I love you."
"I hate you."
"No, you really don't."
Aria glared at the back of Doug's head from her seat behind him offering up an uncomfortable smile to Alan who was seated in the passenger seat, he stared back blankly at her until she shifted forward in the middle seat effectively ignoring him to look at Doug who was trying desperately to hide his smile. She poked his cheek in annoyance which only seemed to make him more amused by the situation.
"Traditionally the bachelor's party is an all guys trip; I lack the required parts to meet that quota."
Doug chucked lightly, "Trust me I know that but I want you here. Deal with it."
She huffed before leaning back in her seat with her arms crossed tightly over her chest, "I want my protest noted!"
Pulling up outside the school Phil worked at, she let her head fall back against the head rest as she slid her sunglasses over her eyes to stop her from squinting into the sun. Looking out the corner of her eye she saw Phil making his way quickly out of the school and down the steps and held back a miserable groan. It wasn't that she didn't like Phil per say, she liked him plenty if she was honest; he was great company to go for drinks with, it was more she hated how perverted he was with her. She wasn't a shy person by nature and it irked her to no end that Phil could make her flush with just the heat of his gaze over her body.
"Eh, do you have to park so close?"
She tipped her head forward to look at Alan and cocked a curious brow as he desperately tried to cover his face with his hands.
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"I shouldn't be here."
She snorted in amusement, "Scared of kids?"
"No but I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school."
"Or a Chuck E. Cheese."
She returned Doug's look of absolute bafflement and for a spilt second truly worried about what the hell she had gotten herself into on this trip. That and she was seriously questioning whether Alan was a psychopath, he had the crazy eyes thing going on already and now he had some form of retraining order to stay away from kids that wasn't helping her assessment of him any.
She startled and let out a yelp as a bag sailed over her head, the handle slapping her on the forehead as it landed in a heap beside her. Whipping her head around she glared as Phil climbed his way into the car, letting her fist lash out to catch him in the thigh with a solid thump.
"Ouch! Easy, Ri."
"God, watch the leather!"
"Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question."
"You are such an amazing teacher; no really you should have some kind of award."
He ignored her in favour of giving Alan a glance over, "Who's this?"
"It's Alan. Tracy's brother."
Alan looked slightly offended by Phil's question and with good reason, "I met you like, four times."
"Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?"
"Aria, go get Stu."
She shot Doug a vaguely disgusted look, "You want me to converse with that thing he calls his girlfriend? No way."
"Fine, jesus, I'll go."
Phil gripped Doug by his shoulders to hold him in place, "I've got this." Cupping his hands around his mouth he yelled towards the house, "Paging, Dr Faggot! Dr Faggot!"
Aria let out a giggle at the nickname causing Phil to wink at her before he leaned forward to honk on the horn repeatedly, taking great delight in disturbing Stu's neighbours and in turn probably upsetting Melissa greatly. She found that she got on with Phil the most when he was poking harmless fun at other peoples expense, hypercritically she didn't find it quite as funny as when he aimed his comments her way, Doug usually had to step in at that point to stop it from escalating.
She greeted Stu as he sat down beside her with a wide grin and half hearted punch in his direction. She shifted uncomfortable however as she found herself with less and less space as the trip continued, they weren't exactly travelling in the biggest car despite how pretty it may be. She found herself slumping to the side as Phil shifted his arm to rest it along the back of the seats, shooting him a grateful look she adjusted her seating position, getting herself more comfortable as she sunk back into the soft leather.
Pulling onto the highway she shook her head as Phil pulled out a bag of beer from under his feet offering one to both herself and Stu, shockingly enough both of them declined. She declined because she wanted to wait until they were in Vegas before she began any sort of drinking and Stu, because he wasn't really all that of a drinker, to be honest he was kind of a lightweight.
"Babe, don't be such a bore, have a drink."
"I'd like to remember some part of the night, Phil." She paused and shot a vicious scowl his way, "Don't call me babe."
"Vegas! Vegas, baby!"
She watched highly amused as Alan leaned over the door to scream continuously at a little blonde girl in the car next to them. Her mouth dropped open and she spluttered out a laugh as the kid flipped him off and he dropped back into his seat with a sulky look on his face as the car took over them.
"Come on, just til Barstow. Everybody's passing us."
"Absolutely not. I promised Sid, I will be the only one driving this car."
"My grandma drives faster than this."
"Shut up, Aria. Your grandma's been dead for years!"
"Yeah, that was kind of my point."
"Whatever, besides Phil you've been drinking."
Phil let out a scoff, "Oh, what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk."
Stu bobbed his head in agreement, "True. Don't forget, Phil was always our designated drunk driver."
Doug remained impassive to the whole argument, "Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Alan?"
"Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah." He explained before twisting back to face the front.
Aria stared at the back of his head for a moment, "That's…really, really sad."
"Aw, whatever. I left my dog at home so I could go with you guys. You know how difficult that was?"
Alan turned in his seat so he could face Phil, "That's really sweet."
Phil rolled his eyes in response, "Yeah. Dude, I was being sarcastic. I fucking hate my life. I may never go back. I might stay in Vegas. Doug, enjoy yourself, because come Sunday...you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day."
"Yeah, that's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?"
Everyone took a moment to look at each other to determine how to respond to that before Stu replied, "Oh, really? That's why you're single?"
"Cool. Good to know."
Doug as always broke the awkward silence in the car, "Am I all right over there, Alan?"
Alan nodded without looking, "Yeah, you're good."
"Aw, Jesus Christ!"
"Oh my God!
"That was awesome!"
Aria held a hand over her heart as she tried to control her breathing, her eyes tightly closed as she envisioned the truck not severing out of the way but instead smashing into the car. She jumped back when she realised she was clinging to Phil's bicep and he had his arm around her shoulders, firmly holding her against his chest. Lifting her head her eyes connected with his and she felt a hot flush work its way down her face and neck as she detangled herself from his embrace.
He smirked down at her, "It's no problem, really."
Aria smiled widely from her place on top of the bonnet as Alan conversed with an old man who had came up to compliment the car. She was taking a shine to the chubby little man; he had various funny moments without realising he was being funny. Although he still freaked her out when he took on that vacant expression and stared at her like he could see into her soul.
"You heard me. Don't look at me, either. Yeah, you better walk on."
She shrugged at the stranger as he turned to her for some form of explanation, she however was too busy trying to hold in her laughter over the entire situation to give him any sort of verbal response. Shaking her head in amusement she lay back against the warm metal and closed her eyes enjoying the cool breeze against her skin. She squinted her eyes open as she felt something looming over her and barely suppressed a scream as Doug's frowning face came into view inches from her own. She settled instead for punching him hard on the shoulder, satisfied when he winched in pain.
"What are you doing? You'll scratch the paintwork!"
"You have got to relax."
Hopping off the bonnet she made her way around the car, snagging the packet of chips off Phil as she passed him ignoring his shout of protest as she shoved a handful into her mouth. She almost choked on them a second later when an arm wound around her waist and tugged her off the ground as the other tried to grab the bag off her. Squirming in his hold she moved her arm in different directions in an attempt to keep them from him, concerned that all the movement was going to make him lose his grip on her and she'd fall on her ass.
"Didn't you ever learn to share, Phil?"
"Didn't you ever learn stealing is wrong, Ri?"
She let her head drop back against him as she lifted the bag up under his nose and shook it in surrender. He snatched the bag out of her hands, keeping his other arm around her waist as he shoved her towards the car door with his body, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek in a form of thanks.
Once back in the car, she found herself with her head leaning against Phil's chest, her nose brushing against the buttons on his shirt and her legs curled up in Stu's lap, careful not to shove her feet any place they shouldn't be and instead pressed them against the door. She was dimly aware of the conversation going on around her but decided to tune out completely as she heard the word masturbation and attempted to get some sleep knowing that she was in for possibly the world's longest drinking session when they arrived in Vegas. She did not in any way want to have to return to the hotel all because she was sleepy from the car ride in. She let out a contented sigh as Stu massaged her calf's causing her toes to curl into the cool leather of the door in pleasure. She felt Phil's chest shake as he chuckled, no doubt laughing at her reaction, as his hand fell to grip her hip. Within moment she found herself drifting off completely as she snuggled further into the heat of Phil and Stu's bodies.
She came to as the car rolled to a stop and Stu shifted out from underneath her legs. Lifting a hand to her eyes she rubbed furiously in an attempt to liven herself up, with a groan she pushed herself up into a sitting position and found amused blue eyes trained on her.
Self consciously she wiped her face but found no drool, touching her hair however she realised she had a total case of bed hair. Scrunching her face up in annoyance she attempted to straighten out the tangled curls, sticking her tongue out at Phil's back as he made his way out the car. Turning to Doug she lifted a brow in question as he stared at her fondly.
"You look like you've just been laid."
Aria let out a happy squeal as she jumped onto Doug's back as they made their way inside the villa, happy when he griped the back of her thighs to steady her instead of just letting her dangle from his neck. The villa was way more awesome than she was expecting it to be; of course at over four thousand dollars she was expecting something rather swanky, the hot tub was a rather pleasant surprise.
"Okay, ladies, pick a room, get dressed. Let's be ready in thirty minutes."
She jumped off Doug's back and made her way to her room dragging her suitcase behind her, occasionally stopping as the thing almost tipped over in her haste to get to her room. With a groan she hefted the bag onto the silk sheets and took a moment to enjoy the luxury of the room, pausing in awe to look out of the window and take in all the city lights. Turning back to her bag she pulled out a simple short black dress with red satin high heels, deciding long ago not to wear anything too fancy since she was going out with an all male group and didn't want to bring any unnecessary attention to herself. It was Vegas after all; someone would probably think she was a hooker. Setting her outfit out she pulled out her tongs and plugged them in leaving them to heat up on the dresser as she quickly brushed her teeth and applied some eye make up which consisted of eyeliner and mascara. After touching up her curls she sprayed some perfume on and gave her lips a slick of red lipstick, pressing a kiss to the mirror on impulse. Slipping on her dress she grabbed her shoes and bag and made her way out the door and followed the boy's voices to what she was sure was Stu's room. Leaning against the doorway she shoved on her shoes before walking further into the room and letting out a horrified shriek.
"Put some clothes on!" She paused to notice everyone staring at the little black box in Doug's hand, "What's that?"
Doug turned it so she could get a clear look inside, "Engagement ring."
"Ew, Stu. You're gonna marry the dragon lady?"
"See! Aria agrees with me!"
Doug withheld his smirk as he pointed sternly at them, "Hey, that's his fiancée."
Phil shrugged, "What? It's true. You know it's true. She beats him."
"That was twice, and I was out of line. She's strong-willed and I respect that." Stu explained calmly.
Aria was gobsmacked, "She beats you? B-but she's so tiny."
"She fucked a sailor!"
"Hey, he wasn't a sailor. He was a bartender on a cruise ship, Phil. You know that."
Stu remained unimpressed throughout the entire conversation, "Guys, I'm standing right here. So I can hear everything that you're saying."
The conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Alan, "Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?"
"Let the dogs out. You know."
Aria let out a quiet laugh as Alan softly began to sing the song, complete with a little dance move. Moments like these made her forget how much Alan freaked her out and instead made her realise he was a great source of amusement. Somehow she didn't think he'd appreciate it if she said that to him though as she didn't believe he actually knew he was being funny.
"Who brought this guy?"
"Yes, Alan, we are ready to let the dogs out."
Aria sighed as she made her way out the door, "Can't believe I came to Vegas for this."
Phil apparently was still cranky from the conversation in Stu's bedroom because everything that came out his mouth was tinged with annoyance and it appeared most of his comments were going to be directed at Alan for the time being.
"You're not really wearing that, are you? The man-purse? You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys fucking with me?"
Aria and Doug shared a knowing glance, they knew that the conversation could very well head south if Phil was left to his own devices but neither was particularly inclined to jump into the conversation. Stu ignored them all as he jabbed repeatedly for the elevator, almost desperate for it to appear and for the drinking to begin.
"Phil, leave it alone."
Alan grabbed his bag protectively at his hip, "It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this. Plus, it's not a man-purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."
"So does Joy Behar."
"Phil!" Aria snapped before slinging an arm around Alan's shoulders, "It's real nice, buddy."
She tensed as she felt him sniffing her hair, "You smell like watermelon."
She was saved from further commenting as the elevator arrived with a ping effectively breaking up the conversation and bringing their attention to the couple in the lift that looked highly suspicious if you asked her. She gagged silently as she watched the blonde swipe her fingers over her lips, followed by her tongue and realised exactly what the couple had been doing before they interrupted them. She squeezed herself in-between Doug and Stu to get to the front so she didn't have to witness anything going on behind her, utterly horrified by how the night had begun.
"We're going up, guys."
"Yeah, that's perfect."
All four of them turned to Phil in confusion, ""Really? We're going up?"
"We are definitely not supposed to be up here."
She rolled her eyes behind Stu's back, finding Phil grinning back at her as she did so. She might not be a major rebel but Stu made her look like a complete badass, he was the most responsible guy she'd ever known in her life, he'd probably combust if he did anything halfway wild and impulsive in his entire life.
"Come on, we're paying for a villa. We can do whatever the fuck we want."
"Just wedge the door open." Phil explained while gesturing for them all to climb up the ladder he was standing in front of.
One by one they all made their way up the ladder; although Stu protested loudly as he did so, stating he was blaming the entire thing on Phil if anything happened to go wrong while they were up there. Once he was up, Phil turned to her and gestured with an exaggerated arm movement towards the ladder as he bowed down before her.
She scoffed, "No way, I'm going last."
"What if you fall?"
"I'd rather that than you staring up my dress the whole way up, you pervert." She snarked.
He smiled back at her charmingly before nodding with a chuckle and made his way up the ladder, waiting at the top to help her over the small ledge. They made their way over to the group just in time for Alan to pull out a bottle from his bag with five small shot glasses.
"A little Jägermeister."
Mutters of agreement came from all of them as they accepted a shot of him. After taking the first shot, Stu began speaking whilst Phil poured them all out another shot.
"I'd like to make a toast, to Doug and Tracy. May tonight be but a minor speed bump in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage."
"Alright, I wanna talk about something -"
Alan broke into Phil's sentence without a second thought, even as though he didn't realise he was doing it in his haste to speak, "I want to...I'd like to...I'd like to say something that I prepared tonight."
He paused to rifle through his bag and pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper, "Hello. How about that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So were there two...So there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought: 'Wait a second. Could it be?' And now, I know for sure. I just added two more guys to my wolf pack."
"I feel so included right now." Aria muttered under her breath.
"Four of us wolves running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine, so tonight, I make a toast."
"You know I'm here, right? Cause I'm starting to get offen-whoa!"
She cut herself off as Alan whipped out a small knife from seemingly nowhere and pressed it to his palm dragging it across his skin, at that point all four of them began to freak out and Aria went back to her original theory that Alan was in fact a complete and utter psycho.
"Dude, what the fuck?"
"What the hell are you doing?"
"What is that?"
"Blood brothers." He explained as though the answer should have been obvious to them.
"No, I'm not doing that. Make him stop."
Doug cautiously approached him with a hand stretched out, "Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife. Slowly, thank you. Okay. Thank you very much."
Aria watched wide eyed as the guys all checked him over and watched his warily and questioned her safety once more on this trip and tried to communicate with her eyes the hate she felt for Doug in the moment for making her come on this trip with them and a highly emotionally unstable person. She shook her head as Phil tried to coax her into a group huddle, grinding her heels into the ground in an attempt to stay put as he tugged her waist until she stumbled further into the group, him motioning for them to lift a shot.
"All right, to a night the five of us will never forget."