Author: Loopstagirl PM
The Hood has met his match. For all the planning and powers that went into this mission, there was one thing he didn't count on. The one thing that could be his downfall.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Hood & Grandma T. - Words: 2,628 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 12 - Published: 05-08-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8097357
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I own nothing, all rights belong to their respective owners. In fact, I think one of them took control of my sanity in the process as well.
Happy Birthday, Sam1! For the person who taught me what ornery meant! *grin* Hope you like it, honey!
It was a bright and sunny day, not the type to be inconspicuously trying to take over an island by oneself. But whilst he would have preferred the cover of darkness – or even a dramatic thunderstorm just to prove how powerful he was – the Hood knew that now was his only chance. The island was deserted, of that he was sure. The Tracys were all in New York, a conference or something as equally mind-numbingly boring. For those who knew how to have excitement in their lives, this was perfect for their nemesis. Whilst they were bored to death – thus saving him a job later – the Hood could get his hands on their technology.
Admittedly, the sub wasn't the most subtle of things to approach a secret island in, it was rather large and black, a bit of a contrast against the brilliantly blue sky. But he had nothing to fear, because it wasn't as if there was anyone else left on the island. Sure, there could potentially be that genius of theirs, and possibly even his own half-brother and niece, but that didn't bother him. They were background people, only coming forth when they were needed. And the Hood certainly did not need them, so they would just stay lurking in the background, of that he was sure.
The landing had been straight-forward. For someone who valued security, it was ridiculously easy to simply walk up to the front door. No hiding or ducking around bushes for him today, he just strode casually up the beach, pushed open the door, and he was in. Admittedly, on a secret island, he supposed there wasn't the need for locks on the doors. The Hood wasn't stupid (despite what some believed), he knew their secrets would be guarded by locks that the majority of the world couldn't even comprehend. But that was where mind-powers came into use, he could simply...ah. Now that might be a problem. He could have just forced one of them to unlock it, but the only people remaining were the "background" people. The Hood didn't particularly want to get them involved; they might come out and do something surprising that put a stop to his perfect plan.
Stealing his way through the house – after spectacularly knocking over a vase and thanking everyone and anything under his breath as his powers allowed him to catch it – the man found himself in what looked like a kitchen. It made sense, he supposed. After all, even billionaires with the world's greatest technology at their disposal had to eat, despite the rumours that Jeff Tracy was some kind of superman so therefore didn't need the basics that every other human needed. The Hood couldn't help but scoff. He was the only one allowed to boast of superhuman powers, and he was about to put them to good use like any decent villain and bring his enemy crashing down. It would be perfect. For the Tracys who survived the meeting without their brain cells combusting, they would return to an empty island. The Hood made a mental note to make sure that he left all the doors and windows in the whole place wide open just as a mocking imitation of a normal burglary. He, on the other hand, was going to be making off with all their machinery. Admittedly, he hadn't yet worked out how he was going to take it all, apart from hoping that it was a very long meeting and he was able to make a couple of return trips.
Before he had even realised what he was doing, he had pulled open the fridge. The rush of cool air made him smirk (for a villain is not capable of a smile, it has to be a smirk), and leant in closer. Living in a temple meant that whilst he maintained the shroud of mystery and fear that he had spent years striving to achieve, it did mean that common things such as a refrigerator didn't exist in his home. How could he hope to scare a military general into working for him if there was just the hum of a fridge in the background, it completely undermined his sheer evilness! Not that he would admit it, but the Hood did miss certain things. Without thinking about it, he had leant forward and picked up the carton of milk. Flicking the top off with his mind, the man took a long gulp, almost groaning in satisfaction.
Only to promptly spit it back out again when there was an almighty bang from behind him. For a moment, he froze, believing that he had just been shot. But no, all limbs were still intact and he seemed to be alive, so very slowly, he turned around. Only for his non-existent eyebrows to rise in astonishment. Now this he hadn't seen coming.
It was one of the "background" people. But he hadn't thought of this person, never having to pay attention to her because of the sheer irrelevance to anything going on that she usually had. But the short woman in front of him reminded him fiercely of his own mother, and the sparks flying from her eyes made him shrink back. He may have towered over her and had all the mind powers an evil genius could want, but he could have sworn that she grew as she took a menacing step towards him. The rolling pin in her hand made him swallow hard. He couldn't help but think that he would have preferred to have been shot.
She took another step forward, and the Hood backed up, hitting the wall behind him and strongly resisting the urge to sink down it into a crouch. He was glad that all the training he had gone through to strengthen his mind had clearly paid off as he managed to keep himself standing. His mind was racing, wondering whether to kill her, knock her out, start lying about why he was here... But he didn't have time to come up with a master plan (for he wasn't capable of anything less) when she opened her mouth.
"Use a glass!" She practically yelled, almost throwing one across the room at him. His powers meant it didn't hit him but instead enabled him to catch it, slowly pouring out some of the milk into it. At her pointedly look, he sheepishly put it back in the fridge and finally letting the door swing shut, closing with an audible click.
"Much better." He would have been reassured by the softening of her tone if it wasn't for the fact that she still had the rolling pin in her hand. If she would just put it down, he knew that he could take her, for she would turn from a fearsome grandmother into just a little old lady. The difference that made was something many people underestimated.
"Now..." The Hood did not gulp. He was a villainous mastermind that was going to take over the world and bring the Tracys to their knees. He. Did. Not. Gulp. "Why don't you take a seat, I'll fetch some cookies if that boy of mine hasn't eaten them all, and you can tell me what you are doing here."
The Hood made to protest. Even his own mother hadn't told him what to do, not without him doing the opposite. But the damn woman was still holding the rolling pin, meaning he knew that he had no choice. Trying to make it look like he was in control of the whole situation, he slid onto a bar stool, reaching out for the plate of biscuits that had appeared in front of him. Only to have his hand sharply slapped away.
"There." A clean plate was pushed in front of him and the man considered that to be permission to start eating. He had one, and then decided to go for more. It was nothing to do with the fact that they were mouth wateringly delicious, nothing at all. But if he was going to destroy the Tracys, surely depriving them of something so good was all part of that plan?
"There's a good man, you don't look like you've had a decent meal for a while. The boys are due back soon, won't don't I fix us all something, or do you have too many plans to steal all the machinery that is supposed to be a secret on this secret island that no one is supposed to be able to find?"
The Hood breathed in sharply at her words. She knew his whole plan! Now this could not be allowed, he would have to do something about that. Rolling pin or not, she simply could not be allowed to stand in his way, and his evil mind was already racing about what he could do that wouldn't be a) messy (he didn't have a washing machine, either) or 2...no, b) take too long. But whilst his mind raced, his throat and lungs protested at him breathing in around a mouthful of biscuit. Instead of executing his potential threat, the Hood found himself in a coughing fit that ended up bringing tears to his eyes as he tried to dislodge the crumbs.
The Hood prided himself on taking note of everything that was going on around him, no matter what the circumstances were. But he knew that even he couldn't pretend that he had heard Grandma moving until a small hand gave him an almighty thump in-between his shoulder blades. He was sent flying forward, almost smacking his head on the table in the process. For a wild moment, he thought that he had underestimated her and that she had been planning to knock him out, until he realised that he could breathe easily again.
"There, much better. I'm not having a dead body in my kitchen, certainly not through choking on my crumbs, no, that is not happening. You just sit there nice and quiet like, and drink your milk. I'll fetch us something to eat."
He was acting it. He was playing along to lull her into a false sense of security, that was what it was. The Hood almost nodded to himself in certainty, trying to ignore the small voice in his head that was not very helpfully informing him that he was just doing as he was told. Strangely enough, the voice in his head sounded suspiciously like the old woman he could see bustling about in the corner of his eye. He took another sip of the white liquid, fighting back the smile. When was the last time he had cold milk? Hidden in the depths of a jungle, it was hard to get a home-delivery on groceries, and there were certain things that he had missed. Besides, even if he could brainwash a driver into making the perilous journey, there was still the issue surrounding the lack of fridge. Even he couldn't get his head around that one.
It was only as he put the glass back down again did something catch his eye. There, sitting on the table, was the rolling pin. She had put it down! He could take her on now, for without that in her hand, he had nothing to fear. With a war-cry, he snatched it up and jumped to his feet, whirling around to face the one person that was standing in between him and everything he had ever been dreaming about.
Only to drop it again, backing up with a face of horror.
It had just got worse. Far worse.
"None of that, boy." She scolded lightly, taking a step forward and causing the Hood to promptly sit back down again so it didn't look like his knees had given way. How could he even think about going against her now? Now that she had it in her hands? The one thing that was worse than the rolling pin.
As Grandma waved the wooden spoon in the air threateningly, the Hood changed his mind. This whole plan was too risky. It wasn't giving up, it was just a tactical retreat until he was sure the island was empty of all Tracys rather than just the male ones. In fact, he would take on all six of the others if it meant not having to go against Grandma.
Before she could take another step, the Hood jumped to his feet and bolted.
Just as a plane came into land on one side of the island, the huge hulk of a black submarine sunk once again under the ocean, the Hood hiding in the furthest point of it. He couldn't help but glare at the sky. Why had it decided to cloud over now, now that his plan had been ruined? It would have been the perfect arrival with the sky beginning to darken overhead. But it seemed that everything about this perfect plan had been out to get him from the very beginning. Glancing down at the one thing he had managed to steal, the Hood felt a sly grin making its way over his face. Maybe it hadn't been a wasted trip after all? He might not have been able to bring down the whole family, but maybe he had succeeded at hitting one Tracy where it hurt...
Back in the kitchen, Grandma shrugged as she regarded the now empty kitchen. Deciding that times were just simply strange now that she had moved to the island, the old woman set about tidying the kitchen as the rest of the family arrived. She wasn't going to mention the incident, knowing that Jeff would fuss, Scott would swear and John would spout some deep logic that made no sense to anyone and would have Gordon scratching his head in confusion.
"Everything alright, Mom?" Jeff moved into the kitchen, opening the fridge. Without pausing, he picked up the milk carton and took a long swig. John sniggered as her eyes narrowed.
"Glass." She said coldly, throwing one at his head. Jeff only just ducked in time, causing it to shatter against the wall and making her wish that the Hood character could teach her son and grandsons a few things about stopping glasses from breaking. With a smile on his face, Scott moved past his father and opened the fridge himself.
Then he blinked, shutting the door and reopening it again. He then proceeded to almost climb into the fridge.
"What are you doing?" The oldest grandson ignored his younger brother, however. Instead, he gave a dramatic gasp before slowly turning to face his grandmother.
"Where's the apple pie?"
If the Tracys had been on the other side of the island, they would have heard a noise travelling from the depths of the ocean that would have haunted their nightmares for years. A noise any self-respecting villain would be proud to call their own, a deep, evil sounding chuckle.
Sitting cross-legged, the Hood continued to laugh as he began to eat.
Bye-bye sanity, it was nice knowing you... I think... did you ever exist? Hope you liked it, hun, and happy birthday once again.