|It's a Wolfpack Thing
Author: Bearbutt PM
Sixteen hours! What did we do?Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Suspense - Richard G./Nightwing - Words: 1,028 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 05-11-12 - id: 8105735
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Sixteen hours? What did we do?
Someone made a manip of this on Tumblr so I felt the need to write it out. I've only got the introduction/first chapter done. Not sure if I'll continue now that I've realised that they've already done 'The Hangover' gag in Bereft. The plot is all based on Season 2 speculations of course. "Omg where's Artemis?", "M'gann must've done something awful", new characters, etc.
Now. Enjoy some Dick-less pants. I mean, pantless Dick.
Las Vegas. May 7, 13:06
His head felt like it was exploding into a thousand supernovas. Also, he heard something that sounded like a flock of pigeons. Which may be a flock of pigeons for all he knew. Though, he was pretty sure he fell asleep indoors.
At least the cold tile of the floor felt good on his hangover.
The shriek that exploded through the hotel room felt bad on his hangover.
"Uhn." He groaned.
Where were his pants?
"Guys. I don't want to alarm you, but there's a tiger in the bathroom." Came Wally's voice from the hall.
"It's Mr. Tawny. He came by to drive us home last night-this morning whatever." Replied Conner from the living room.
Dick finally raised his head from the floor. He groped around and made a noise of approval when he was rewarded with his sunglasses.
"How did Mr. Tawny get to Las Vegas?" He asked.
"He's a big fan of Siegfried and Roy."
"Better yet, how do you remember all of this?" Dick slumped toward the coffee maker.
"I checked my text messages. I didn't know you could type in all capslock on a Blackberry."
"The more you know." Wally said.
The cool recirculated air felt chilly on Dick's bare buttocks. He should have probably been looking for a robe or something. All his mind could think of was the zombie-like need for caffeine.
"Okay. That's one mystery solved. Now where are Kaldur, Artemis, and M'gann?" Wally moved towards the kitchen.
"I just got a text from Kaldur saying he's at the breakfast bar."
"One down, two to go."
"I'm here." The bathroom opened and M'gann staggered towards them.
Her appearance was comically disheveled. Gills flapped about on her neck and a tiara lay askew on her head. She was too hazy to shift her appearance so was wearing a makeshift toga out of wet towels.
"I keep belching up dog hair. It is... disconcerting."
"I have a faint memory of a dog being eaten."
"You ate a dog?"
M'gann looked decidedly green around the gills. She dropped the towel and shifted her body to a more suitable form. The sundress and sandals looked like the perfect outfit for Vegas tourism.
"Guys. We still don't know where Artemis is."
"Maybe Kaldur knows."
"Yeah, she could be staying at Zatanna's penthouse. You know how those two are. With the sex."
"We get it, Wally."
Now that Dick had ingested some caffeine he was more aware of his surroundings.
"Okay team, time to prioritize. Mystery number one: where are my pants? Mystery two: Conner, why are you bald? And mystery three is where Artemis is."
Wally and M'gann glanced at Conner to confirm that he was, in fact, bald.
Wally made a frame with his hands, "You know, I can totally see your relation to Lex Luthor now."
M'gann appeared to be searching for Dick's pants. She made a noise of triumph as she lifted a sofa cushion to find a miniskirt.
"False alarm. Hey, there's some kind of headdress in here."
"Like the one you're wearing?"
"What? No. I'm wearing a headdress?" She turned to Conner.
"More like a tiara."
Wally zipped around the room causing piles of beer cans to float up in mini tornadoes.
"No sign of the pants you were wearing, but I found some short shorts that should fit." He held them out to Dick.
The proudly exclaimed "Juicy" on the butt. His sunglasses fell down his nose as he fixed Wally a glare before putting them on.
"I guess it's too much to ask for underwear." M'gann laughed.
"Who wears underwear?" Dick asked.
The pause that followed was relatively long. M'gann took into consideration that she too, had no need for undergarments. Superboy had never gotten into wearing them and Wally...
"I wear underwear." Wally said with a blush.
"Whatever. This is wasting time, let's go meet Kaldur and see if he knows where Artemis is."
"I'm going to check out the roof first." Said Conner, "I've seen a movie like this before and the missing guy was on the roof the whole time."
May 7th, 13:37
They found Kaldur at the poolside bar reading a copy of the morning paper and eating a grapefruit messily.
The man looked distinctly hung-over, but better put together than them. Heart-shaped, dark sunglasses covered most of his face and the pink hawaiian print shirt was distinctly tacky.
"I see you've all managed to awaken in one piece. Congratulations."
"Kaldur, did I really eat a dog?" M'gann asked before anyone else could speak.
That earned them even more weird looks from the other vacationers.
"Yes. It was a chihuahua you had named 'Canti'. You and the dog were barking at each other so you tried to shush yourself and the dog at the same time."
"By eating it."
"Tequila was involved in your logic."
"I didn't know Martians could get drunk." Said Wally.
"Then you've miscalculated the power of Tequila." Replied Dick.
Whatever response came next was drowned out by a massive splash. They didn't turn to see, because they knew it was Conner being a dick on his way down from the roof.
"Artemis wasn't on the roof." He announced, stepping out of the now dry pool bed.
"And now they want us to leave." Kaldur groaned.
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