This can't be me

It was a few seconds later when the memories began to sink in. Flashes of terrified faces of people whose names she never learnt. Screams… so many screams. Every thought that went through Buffy's head as she felt the life drain out of her victims….. Victims, such a horrible word, how had she not realized that before? That moment of realization as they suddenly knew every nightmare they had could actually be real, right before she killed them, no not killed, killing is when some psycho shoots someone and the ambulance gets there too late. This was mass slaughter, and she could remember every face, there were too many faces, how could there be so many faces?

Buffy felt a drop of rain slide down her check, no not rain, of course it wasn't rain. Her mind was too filled of death to really think, or to try to stop herself crying. As more tears fell from her eyes she slowly sank to the ground, as if her legs would no longer support her weight. All the time Angel held her, not speaking, not knowing what to say, just know he needed to be close to her.

She was shaking slightly, weather it was from the cold or not she didn't quite know. The blurred images were becoming more vivid now…. And more painful. She was supposed to help these people, she was the one supposed to be there to stop the vampire murdering innocents, not the vampire. But what was worse, she'd asked for this. She knew what could happen, what would happen. But she didn't think, couldn't give up her new life when it was getting good. Stupid, selfish, girl.

How did she still have tear's left to cry? Surely her body must have run out of water by now….. did her body even have any water? Obviously it did considering Angel's shirt was now completely soaked. Her nails were digging into her head, trying to get out the memories, pull them out of her mind, trying to make the physical pain drown out the mental pain. Angel pulled her hands away carefully, there was already blood trickling out from where she had pieced her skin.

"Buffy?" Spike said quietly, trying not to startle her when she was so lost inside all the pain in her head. She looked up slowly, her mouth tried to form words but her lips refused to move. "Sunrise." He told her, Buffy's head turned towards the horizon where the sky was quickly turning from black to blue. "We have to get inside" Back to the house where she had dragged bodies each night, where she had grinned and laughed at every scream. More tears found their way down her cheeks as she started to shake more.

Spike decided to change his wording slightly "We need to get out of the sun." Buffy shook her head. And finally her mouth formed one word "No!" She didn't want to get out of the sun; she wanted out of this world, she wanted out of this life. He looked to Angel, his eyes practically screaming 'Do something!' Angel looked to Buffy. To the horizon. Back to Buffy. "Buffy, please you're not thinking clearly." She shook her head "I don't want to think at all! Every thought hurts. Everything hurts!" Angel held her hands "Please, I can't lose you again." The tears that had stopped momentarily where back again. "I'm sorry" She whispered.

Spike looked to Angel and Buffy in despair. Why did she have to come back more lost than when they found her. Angel couldn't see his love die, he looked to the only person he could think of who would be able to convince her, someone who could convince anyone anything, even if it was Angelus to keep her alive.

Layla's eyes met her brothers and she knelt next to the two. "Why?" She asked in a soft voice. "This can't be me" Buffy replied "All these memories, it can't be me, but it is, I can't do this, just let me die, for the last time." Layla shook her head "it wasn't you Buffy , all those memories, it's not you, it's never you" Buffy could almost see the sun on the horizon now. "Yes it was, you had to have a part of me to do the spell, I was in there, I did that. I did everything. That part of me didn't try to stop anything. Please, just let me go" Layla sighed "Buffy I didn't want to do this, but the sun is almost up." Buffy looked up at her "You can't do anything to stop me staying here, I'm stronger than you" Layla gave her a sad smile "not violence, just words" Buffy frowned

"Angel, Spike and I aren't going anywhere if you don't" Buffy looked up at her. "You die, you get to kill three more people, leave your friends heartbroken" She paused for a second and looked to Dawn, Buffy followed Layla's gaze to Dawn's horrified expression. "And you leave you sister with no family" Buffy suddenly realized all of this was true, three more deaths by her hands, more pain for her friends, and for her sister. Layla looked at her sympathetically "Buffy," She said holding out her hand "Come inside." Buffy closed her eyes, before taking her hand and nodding once.

…

Wow that was a depressing chapter, sorry about that. So thoughts please, really I need to know what you think, like right now… or the universe will explode! And everyone will drown in custard! And turtles will take over the entire world? OK maybe not, but please review.

Oh depressing chapter almost made me cry….. And I was writing it.