|The Sea Behemoth
Author: Conservatoons PM
When Dale warns Hank about a monstrous sea creature, he thinks it's just nonsense. But after a childhood memory, he begins to get paranoid. Is the Sea Behemoth real?Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,576 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 05-19-12 - Published: 05-16-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8122696
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Boomhaur limped to his car. He drove out of the parking lot. But there was alot of traffic going on, and by the look of Todd, he knew he was a goner.
"Aw man, dang o' why? Why?" Boomhaur said, crying in his car. He got out and ran like never before. His whole life was flashing before his eyes. He kept running and never stopped. He thought about how he never married anyone, and wasted his life chasing after girls. Boomhaur ran through the streets. He accidently fell through a manhole and landed in a sewer, drowning. Meanwhile, Todd was halfway out of the water. It would be about an hour until he landed on Arlen. Dale went over to John Redcorn's house to find Nancy. The helicopter landed and Dale got out.
"Nancy! It's me, Dale!" Dale said. He heard whispering behind the door. After about 5 minutes, Nancy opened the door.
"Sorry to interrupt your healing session, but we need to out of here. The monster's gonna destroy Arlen!" Dale said. Nancy just stood there, until a shirtless John Redcorn walked behind her.
"John Redcorn? Where's your vest?" Dale said. Redcorn forgot to put on his vest. He paused for a second and passed through Nancy.
"She's mine, Dale!" Redcorn said, as he jumped on Dale, pounding his face in. Nancy freaked out, and ran back inside. She grabbed a tomahawk.
"Nancy! Help me!" Dale cried out, with a broken nose. Nancy ran back outside and held the Tomahawk like a dagger. She had to make the ultimate sacrifice. She had to kill John Redcorn to save her husband. But because she wasn't strong enough, she only stabbed him halfway.
"Agh!" Redcorn cried out. "What are you doing, Nancy?" Redcorn got up. Dale did an epic sweep kick which caused Redcorn to fall and hit his head. He was unconscious. The pilot abandoned Dale and Nancy, trying to save himself.
"How dare you betray me! Curse you!" Dale cried out, shaking his fist in the air.
"Sug, we can just use John Redcorn's jeep." Nancy said. Dale took Redcorn's car keys from his pocket and the two got in his jeep. The two drove away in spectacular fashion, listening to Freewheel Burning by Judas Priest. Meanwhile, Joseph was trying to contact his father, but Dale left his Walkie-Talkie in the helicopter.
"Come on dad, pick up!" Joseph said, with tears in his eyes. The pilot controlling the helicopter heard Joseph, but ignored it. He threw it out of the helicopter.
"Why isn't he responding?" Joseph said, talking to Connie.
"I don't care! We just need to get out of here!" Connie said. She opened the right car door, since the other one was against the tunnel's wall.
"Connie, I wouldn't do that if I were you... The river's too fast." Joseph said. Connie stuck her tongue out at Joseph in rebellion. She slowly lowered her right foot into the water.
"Connie... Don't do it!" Joseph said. She ignored him and jumped into the water. Immediately, she was shot out through the tunnel and traveled through the river. She finally met her end when she collided into a rock.
"Connie!" Joseph cried out. He went over to the back of the Winnebago and grabbed a pack of Dale's cigarettes. He thought that since smoking calmed his father down, it could work on him. He found a lighter and tried to light it.
"Come on... Come on..." Unfortunately, He was too close to Dale's pestiside. Joseph was able to light it up. After a few puffs, a piece fell off and rolled towards the flammable tank.
"Nooooo!" Joseph cried out. But it was too late. The vehicle blew up, destroying the tunnel.
"Dad... Are we almost there..." Bobby said, tired from the long drive.
"Just a couple miles left..." Hank said. Todd was about to leave the water. He would soon belly flop on Arlen, killing hundrends of Arlenians.
"I'M ALMOST OUT!" Todd said, warning everyone in Arlen. Bill was still in the bathroom, sleeping in his filthy tub. He heard someone banging on the door. It was Kahn. He walked over to the front door and opened it.
"Hello?" Bill said. Kahn hit him over the head with a bat. Knocking him out cold.
"Come on Minh! Fat redneck has beer!" Kahn said. They decided to spend their last hour drunk. The two went back home and decided to party since their lives were over. Meanwhile, Dale and Nancy were driving in John Redcorn's jeep.
"Dale, where's Joseph?" Nancy said. Dale realized he left his Walkie-Talkie in the helicopter. But he still Knew how to track down his Winnebago.
"I bugged my vehicle, using this device." Dale said, as he pulled out a gps-looking device. "Since Joseph took my vehicle, we can track him down with this.
"But sug, the monster looks like its about to jump." Nancy said.
"We'll get out of here somehow..." Dale said, looking at the monster in his rearview mirror. Arlen was about 45 minutes away from destruction. Dale and Nancy were not far from Joseph. They stopped at the bridge where Joseph and Connie were at.
"Hmm... It seems they're located in some kind of tunnel."Dale said. They crossed the bridge and drove by the river.
"Sug! I think I see the tunnel... But it's in flames!" Nancy cried out. They drove over to the tunnel, and saw the destroyed remains of it. Dale covered his mouth and screamed in horror.
"Joseph! No!" Nancy cried out. The miltary got involved with the monster. Jets flew by and shot at him, but Todd was unstoppable. They shot several missals at him, but Todd ate it.
"I'M GONNA BURP!" Todd cried out. The jets flew away from his counter attack. Todd burped the missals out in flames, destroying them all. With 30 minutes remaining, Arlen was total anarchy. Luanne and Lucky were stuck in traffic. Bug and Juan padro, Dale's queer parents, got their trailer stuck in a pothole. And Dale and Nancy accepted their fate. Meanwhile, Hank and Bobby were on a long road. It was gonna take them about 30 minutes to get there.
"We're gonna make it Bobby!" Hank said. They were going to survive.
"BEEEELLLLLLLYYYYYY FFFLLLOOOOOOOP!" Todd cried out. His butt got out of the water. He was in the air for about 30 seconds. His torso hit Arlen's tallest building, causing it to explode. He hit several electrical outlets, shutting off most Arlen's power. Peggy was playing her last Boggle, until the electricity went out.
Her last words were "Aawwww... Dang!" Todd finally hit the ground, creating a huge blast of wind. It Blew away most of Arlen's neighborhoods. 1/3 of Arlen was destroyed. Todd giggled as he rolled around the wreckage, flattening places he didn't destroy. He hit the Arlen water tower, as it fell and destroyed even more places. He looked across the town, seeing if there were any survivors. That's when he saw Hank and Bobby driving away. He moved towards them like an inch worm. Bobby looked out the window, seeing the angry monster.
"Dad! The monster's after us!" Bobby cried out. Hank saw Todd from behind.
"So Todd... We meet again..." Hank said, as if he was in an action movie. Todd was moving fast. He was on the same trail as Hank and Bobby. Hank saw the sign "You are now leaving Arlen." He was almost there, but Todd was gaining on them.
"What are we gonna do dad?" Bobby said. Hank thought hard. He had about 10 propane tanks in the back, but knew it wouldn't be enough to finish off Todd. Just then, he realized something.
"Bobby!" Hank cried out. "Do you have anything in your pocket?" Bobby checked all his pockets, having nothing inside them.
"Sorry dad." Bobby said. He noticed a red stain on his shirt. Hank didn't hesitate to ask what it was.
"Bobby, give me your shirt!" Hank said, as the monster was right behind them. Bobby took his shirt off. Hank sniffed the stain. It smelled like strawberries.
"Bobby, did you have some of Clark's fruit pie?" Hank said.
"Uh huh." Bobby said. Hank stopped the truck, just yards away from leaving Arlen. He got out, holding the strawberry stained shirt.
"Todd! Todd!" Hank cried out. "Stop!" Todd saw Him, and stopped inches away from him. He sniffed the shirt.
"FRUIT PIE?" Todd said.
"Todd, if I give you this shirt, will you please leave Arlen?" Hank cried out, so he can hear. There was a moment of silence. Todd sniffed the shirt once again.
"HHHMMMM... OK, I'LL STOP!" Todd said, as he ate the shirt and left for the lake. That is, until the military captured him. Hank couldn't believe that actually worked. He went back to the truck and drove away, until he stopped by the sign. Hank and Bobby got out. They went to the other side of the sign saying "Now entering Arlen."
"Hehehe." Hank chuckled. "Get it Bobby? There's no more Arlen. Hahaha!"
(I know that was out of character for Hank, but it was too funny.)