|Harry and the Sadistic Bastard
Author: Lucillia PM
After Harry dies and is given the mantle of Death and the job that comes with it, he gets some on-the-job training from the Death of another universe.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Harry P. - Words: 856 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 132 - Follows: 41 - Published: 05-19-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8129671
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Harry sighed happily as he breathed his last. He almost hadn't thought that he would live to a ripe old age and be surrounded by his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great-grandchildren, great-great-great-grandchildren, and great-great-great-great-grandchild as he passed, pretty much right up until it had actually happened. The most amusing thing about his incredibly long life in his opinion was that Professor Trelawney's joyful prediction had come true, even the whole Minister of Magic part which he'd previously sworn never to do. If Ralph the Incompetent hadn't taken office in the first place, he wouldn't have been forced to do so.
Though he'd never thought he'd find love again after that Quiddich bombing in the 2020s that had taken his beloved Ginny, he had found his heart being put back together after an incident with a much younger woman during something of a mid-life crisis back in 2037. The nonuplets had been something of a nasty shock in the beginning though.
It had been when he'd opened his eyes in the next world that he'd gotten the surprise of his unlife though. By reuniting the Peverell brothers' artifacts, however briefly, he had become the Death of his universe.
Fortunately for him, and all whom he'd be dealing with in the future, he was to receive some training before taking up his post. Though he was to be the only Death for the Humankind of his universe, he wasn't going to be the only Death in existence. One of the Deaths from the other universes would be taking him under his or her wing and showing him the ropes as it were before handing him his scythe and turning him loose on his homeworld.
"Harry Potter?" a man who looked vaguely like how he'd pictured Crowley in Good Omens asked.
"Yes." he replied.
"I'm going to be your new teacher." the man said with a smile that sent a shiver up his spine.
"What do you do for entertainment around here?" Harry asked several hours later to break the ice after the initial nervousness of being in a new place with a complete stranger with whom he'd be "living" wore off and the boredom had begun to set in.
He immediately regretted his question when the other Death's face lit up with unholy glee.
"Watch." the other Death who did not - contrary to his appearance - in fact drive a Bentley or glue pound coins to the sidewalk said before dragging them off to either late 20th or early 21st century America and whispering in the ear of someone who was about to board a train.
The person spaced out for a minute before freaking out and getting himself, his friends, and a couple of random passengers whose vacation had just been ruined kicked off the train. An hour later, the train was struck by a drunken asshole who had been driving a tanker truck full of hazardous chemicals. There was a massive explosion, and everyone in the car that the group had been about to enter was killed, as well as about a dozen more people in the cars immediately in front of and behind that car.
"So, you save random people from accidents?" Harry asked, wondering if his first impression of the other Death had been off.
The other Death gave him an odd look.
"Watch." he said.
A week later, the survivors were starting to get their lives back on track despite the varying cases of survivor's guilt they'd been left with. Harry was getting bored with this, but didn't say anything since watching the people who'd been saved was obviously giving the other Death a warm fuzzy feeling.
After a memorial service for those who'd been blown up on the train, Death led Harry to the home of a twenty-something year-old man who had a fondness for black clothes, black hair-dye, black makeup, and just black if the decor of his room which was located in his mother's house where it had always been since the days when there had been a crib in it rather than a bed with black bedding.
"Lessee here, I've got a kitten, a ball of yarn, a couple cans of silly-string, a gas stove and a slightly wobbly fridge." the other Death said as he wandered through the house. "I can work with this. Harry, go nudge that kitten towards that ball of yarn while I turn the stove on."
Not quite sure what was going on, Harry nudged the kitten towards the ball of yarn, setting off a chain of exceedingly unlikely events which involved the young man tripping over the cat and, well you get the picture...
"You're a sadistic bastard, you know that?" Harry said as he tried to ignore the slams, crashes, hisses of aerosol cans, the whumpf of flames bursting into life, screams, the loud thud, and finally gurgles behind him.
"Yep!" the other Death said cheerfully.