|Turn The Page
Author: TideOfMelancholy PM
They always met as far away from home as possible. With Natsu, that is. A drag from his cigarette, a barely audible sigh. GrayxNatsuRated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Angst - Gray F. & Natsu D. - Words: 2,344 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 1 - Published: 05-19-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8129862
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Please, listen to Metallica's version of Turn the page while reading.
It is the song I am referring to in the story. It will help create the 'mood' I was going for.
It was at least 5:30. Outside the sky had a gloomy, semi-dark, just-before-dawn color and the atmosphere held the chilly sting of last night's lingering humidity.
The lights on the side of the road were still on, guiding the few lonesome drivers, who had been found away from home at such an ungodly hour.
Gray's left hand was hanging outside the car's window, bearing with the cold, relentless air against it, holding his lit cigarette, while the wrist of his right one rested on top of the wheel lazily, barely keeping the vehicle on track.
His eyes were half lidded with a very faint scowl shadowing them. Slowly, tiredly, he brought the cancer stick to his lips and, closing his eyes just for a moment, he inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with cheap, shitty smoke. Having held it in his mouth for a while, he crooked the left corner of his lips, allowing the poisonous gas to escape.
Shifting a bit on his seat, he released the wheel, to change gear using his right hand, causing the dark colored Toyota to suave a bit on the road. Without the least bit of hurry or alarm, Gray brought the car back on track and resumed his previous motionless state, with the exception of the regularly occurring up-and-down movement of the hand holding his smoke.
His whole demeanor was oozing disappointment, exhaustion, indifference.
He was disappointed, he was strung out from the road, he was exhausted, he was damn sick of it.
A drag from his cigarette. A sigh that never made it to his ears.
He had been driving for hours. It was barely midnight when he left the motel and he had been driving ever since.
They always met as far from home as possible.
With Natsu, that is.
Another drag of smoke, another sigh.
Damn it all, he was sick of it.
The night before, he had met Natsu again. Months had passed since their previous time together, but still everything about it was the same.
The motel was cheap, the room ready to fall apart, the bed barely strong enough to contain them, the words scarce, the passion burning, the urgency unbearable, the thirst unquenchable and the greed… the damn greed Natsu always awoke in the pits of Gray's everything, the damn greed that scratched Gray's insides every time, that goddamn greed for Natsu was still fucking there.
Gray hissed in frustration, and banged his right hand soundlessly on the wheel.
Resting the shrinking cigarette on his lips, he took hold of the wheel with his left hand as his right one fiddled with the radio.
One, two, three stations…all shit. He'd just rather listen to the moaning of his car's engine than that soulless noise. Fourth station,fifth… the same. Until, a familiar intro could be heard. Taking the cigarette from his mouth and holding it out the window again, he took to listening to the crying guitar as he quietly, absentmindedly started singing, barely listening to himself.
"On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha, you can listen to the engines moaning out as one old song…"
Close enough…just that he was nowhere near Omaha.
" …you can think about the woman or the girl you knew the night before…"
The woman or the girl, huh? That would have been simple, wouldn't it?
If only Natsu could be a woman or a girl….
"but your thoughts will soon be wandering, the way they always do…"
Yes, they would be. But it wasn't his fault. It was that fucking stink that he carried with him since last night. Smoke, sweat, sex and just plain dirt had been trapped deep into the fibers of his shirt, filling his car with the memory…
They were supposed to meet outside the motel. Natsu had got there first, but he waited hidden inside his blue Peugeot. A married man can't exactly risk being seen waiting outside of such a place, can he? So he waited, hidden inside his blue colored friend –because his car, Happy, was a friend and not transportation, as he had repeatedly tried to convince Gray.
When Gray reached the place, he spotted Natsu's car easily. Not acknowledging him, he walked inside the building, expecting Natsu to have noticed him by himself.
Soon enough a pink haired man was walking towards the "reception".
Gray kicked the jammed door angrily, until it gave way and they entered the musky room.
"Oi, droopy eyes, you tryin to break it down?"
That would normally have been Gray's queue. He would have moved close to him, their foreheads touching, their eyes glaring and he would have spouted some 100% true insult accompanied by "squinty eyes" or "flamehead" or "walking matchstick".
This time, nothing.
Natsu tangled his hands in front of his chest, the corners of his lips turning slightly downwards.
Gray turned and looked at him.
He wanted him. He wanted him right then and there, with his lips almost pouting, and his hands on his chest, and his silly, annoying, fucking gorgeous face.
But then again, Gray had always wanted Natsu. Always watching out for him from the shadows.
Don't you die on me, he had once said. Natsu hadn't even heard him.
Shaking his head to throw thoughts of the past away, Gray moved a bit closer and took Natsu's hands in his own. Natsu's eyes widened as he stood still, letting the other do whatever he wanted no matter what that would be. God he had missed droopy eyes so much.
Gray , never breaking eye contact, gently caressed Natsu's fingers. First the pointer, then the middle, then the ringfin-. The black-haired man abruptly stopped his gentle movement, to take hold of the golden wedding ring that was staining Natsu's finger.
In one movement he yanked it off and dropped it to the ground, as he backed Natsu up against the closed door, pushing at his chest and he kissed him feverishly, passionately and urgently like he fucking needed to.
Natsu responded immediately, hugging Gray and thanking him for taking the ring away. This was just them now and that thing had no place there.
Natsu moaned, panted, whimpered, mewled, anything. His senses could hardly keep up with Gray and his kissing and biting and sucking and licking and touching…god, his touching.
His hands moved everywhere, massaging Natsu's abs, his chest, his hips, while simultaneously hugging him closer and closer until there was practically nothing between them.
And, by the way, that was nowhere near close enough. And they both knew it.
They couldn't tell who moved first, but they found themselves stumbling towards the bed, still all over each other.
Natsu bounced a bit on the matress, as a boxer-clad Gray hovered over him.
"Damn exhibistionist." He chuckled, not even bothering to wonder how the other had magically turned from fully clothed to practically naked, in a fraction of a second.
"Shut it…mphf…flamebrain" was the reply, which came muffled due to the speaker's determination to keep licking the other's neck.
Fuck!, said man thought, almost cumming in his pants like a 15 year old, due to the other's loud moan.
With a last suck on the other's arched up neck, Gray lifted his upper body a bit, just enough to look at the flamehead's face.
Natsu was confused as to why that sweet torture had stopped. Moving his head to look at the other properly, he was met with indescribable eyes staring deep into him, telling him so many things. Things he didn't want to hear.
But much as he wanted to, he couldn't escape. Because Gray's pale, slightly flushed skin was more beautiful than he remembered, his contrasting dark hair even more tempting to touch and his eyes much, much more withdrawn than he remembered, disappointed and plain tired .
Sure, there was lust in them. Of course there was. But, there was also bitterness, for the presence of which Natsu was to full blame.
But it wasn't the time. Natsu had never been so turned on in his life and a release was something they both needed and they needed it fast.
So, that's why Natsu reached up, buried his fingers in Gray's amazing hair and pulled down violently, crushing their lips together, awakening that part of the other man again. That part inside of Gray that just melted and boiled for Natsu, only to scream in agony and freeze to the core when the man was away.
They did it four times in a row, never once fully breaking contact with each other.
Gray had done most of the job again. Except for the last time of the four. When Natsu growled, pinned him down and started roding him passionately, slamming himself so hard on Gray, that the bed almost fell apart and Gray almost fainted from the sheer intensity of that fucking orgasm. Natsu naked, eyes tightly closed, chicks red from the exercise was screaming his name bouncing on his lap. Screaming and moaning and moving - and fuck if that wasn't the sexiest sight Gray had ever seen. After however long it was, when Gray could feel nothing but himself releasing inside his Natsu, he tried, he tried, to scream his name to the heavens, to the gods, to anyone who could perceive what sound was. But even that was stolen away by the amazing sex he had just had. So Gray arched up, backed his hips furiously into the other man and soundlessly moved his mouth 'Natsu'.
Hardest orgasm of both their lives.
After everything, Natsu got up awkwardly to retrieve his clothes and wedding ring from the floor. Fully clothed, he returned to the bed, where Gray was staring holes through the ceiling still naked and stained, not even bothering to cover himself up.
He didn't reply. Staring at Natsu's ring was enough of a reply anyway.
"Say something…?" the pink haired one tried again.
In a desperate effort for some normalcy, Gray tried to play offended teenager.
"Oooi, you pitying me , damn squinty eyes?"
"Who did you call squinty eyes, droopy eyes?"
"Eeee? You wanna go, flamebrain?"
"Bring it, icecube!"
Their foreheads were touching, their eyes glinting, their fists shaking, Gray was the only naked person in the room. Everything was like old times.
They burst out laughing, hugging each other tight in the process.
The laughter died down. Very slowly and gently, Gray brought his lips to Natsu's. Just an innocent kiss with his friend, like the ones he dreamed about , but didn't get as a kid.
"I always wanted to do that, you know"
Gray shrugged in reply, saying " Back when we were younger. I just to kiss you. In front of everyone. For no reason. Just because I can."
"Yeah, I could tell that behind all the insults, there was just a lonely little icecube all these years."
"Don't make fun of my words , idiot!"
Laughter. Then, silence. Awkwardness.
Because Gray's words were true and they knew it.
"I should go." Natsu said.
"Give her my warm regards."
"It's not her fault, Gray."
It wasn't. It wasn't her fault and he knew it. It was Gray's fault. Maybe also Natsu's fault. The world's fault maybe? But definitely not hers. She was just as much a victim as they were. Maybe even more so.
Hesitating he reached for thick, black hair as he descended on pale lips, kissing them with just as much passion as the first time and he left…
Shit, Gray thought taking another drag from his cigarette, lazily throwing the ashes out the window.
The same song was playing and he was still singing, images from the night before taking over his mind.
He wanted to stop. Stop thinking about Natsu, stop caring about him in any way, stop this whole whatever the fuck it was.
"Later in the evening, as you lie awake in bed…"
Pausing his singing, he brought the now diminutive cigarette to his lips, taking a last deep drag, disposing it on the road.
"As you smoke the day's last cigarette, remembering what she said…"
There was nothing to remember. Natsu had said nothing Gray didn't already know. What could he have said ? That he would divorce her, for Gray's sake? And what would that accomplish? Gray had insisted on Natsu marrying her even though they had already started being intimate at the time. Two guys can't be together anyway, no point in you dying alone squinty eyes, Gray had said.
Well now, look at that, there was something to remember after all, Gray thought bitterly, as he inhaled deeply and gazed far down the almost empty road, towards the horizon.
"Here I am, on the road again…"
Two guys can't be together anyway, he had said. He still believed that.
"There I am , up on the stage…"
Then why had he spent almost his entire life fucking adoring Natsu in secret from the background?
"Here I go, playin' star again…"
Playn' star again… Doesn't sound so bad. So what if he can't stop caring? He can still pretend. He can still pretend he doesn't care, he's been doing it for too long a time after all.
"There I go, turn the page…"
Yes, turn the page, he thought as he felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket.
Next month, same time, same place?