Author: Conservatoons PM
When Hank gets kidnapped by a group of ninjas, he returns one year later to test his powers.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,571 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 05-27-12 - Published: 05-21-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8137853
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hank was reading the newspaper, Peggy was cooking lunch, and Bobby was doing nothing. It was just an average Sunday afternoon.
"Hmm..." Hank said. "Tom Landry Middle School is having a funfair. Wanna go Bobby?" Bobby was sleeping at the kitchen table. Hank sighed. Peggy put the food on the table and they ate.
"Hey Hank, could you go do some errands for me?" Peggy said. "I need you to get me some more eggs." Hank got up and walked outside. He saw his friends drinking by the fence. He saw Dale doing some kinda monkey dance in front of the other guys. He didn't know what they were doing.
"Gibblet heads..." Hank said to himself. Before he could put his car keys in the door, a group of ninjas jumped out of the bushes.
"What the hell?" Hank said. The ninjas surrounded him in a circle. Suddenly a ninja came from behind and palm strucked Hank in the back. He turned around as if nothing happened.
"Hey you Mr. that was uncalled for!" Hank said.
"You will learn young padawan, that this was for the better. You have been hit by the five step paralysis punch." The monk said.
"You sound like something off of a Jackie Chan movie." Hank said. He took five steps and fell to the ground.
"Hey, what the hell did you do to me?" Hank said. The ninjas picked him up and ran away.
"Will they accept this man?" One of the ninjas said.
"He seems very hardworking. And he has lots of potential." One of the other ninjas said. They left a note on Hank's front door.
I have decided to leave and become a master samurai. I will come back in a year to show off my awesome powers and my knowledge. Peggy, you will have to be the man of the house. Please take care of my boy and make sure he does not join the dark side.
Love, Hank Hill
ONE YEAR LATER:
Peggy was watching t.v and Bobby was sleeping in his room. Peggy heard knocking on the door. She got up to see who it was. She opened the door, revealing Hank's dramatic transformation.
"H...Hank?" Peggy said. "I can barely recognize you." Hank was wearing a white robe, with a katana strapped to his back. He grew his hair out and tied it in a bunch. He got rid of his American glasses and changed it to Japenese, square and black glasses. He even wore socks with sandals.
"Oh Hank, your back!" Peggy went to over to hug him, but Hank stopped her by throwing his deadly fist at her, just inches away from her face. He kept it close to her, freezing her where she stood.
"H-hank? Why won't you Hug me?" Peggy said, as her voice shook in fear. There was silence in the room. After a few seconds, he put his hands together and bowed.
"Sorry, I thought you were going to attack me." Hank said.
"Hank, i'm your wife." Peggy said.
"I am a samurai first, and husband second." Hank said. Bobby heard his father and walked into the living room.
"So anyways, where is my seed?" Hank said. Bobby walked over to Hank.
"Bobby, is that you?" Hank said. Bobby was so traumatized By what Hank did a year ago, he became Emo.
"Up yours, dad!" Bobby said, as he ran away from him.
"Peggy, what has happened to him? Has he turned to the dark side?" Hank said.
"Well, if you hadn't left, he would've never turned out like this." Peggy said. "I don't even know you anymore."
"I have to save my son." Hank said. "Goodbye Peggy." He turned into a cloud of smoke and vanished. Bobby was riding his bike, when Hank teleported in front of him.
"Woah! That's sick!" Bobby said.
"Bobby, I am upset that you turned out like this. But don't worry, I shall teach you the ways of the samurai." Hank said. Bobby had realized that his father was actually cool, and decided it wouldn't hurt to make him proud again.
"But dad, it took you a year to learn. What if it takes me that long?" Bobby said.
"If you have a dragon seal, you will have all the knowledge of a samurai." Hank said. "I have one. The monks gave it to me after I was done with my training. But people who have dragon seals can give them to other people. When I give you it, you will become a master samurai."
"Aww sweet!" Bobby said. "So when can I have it."
"Soon Bobby. But right now, I have some business to take care of. I have to test my powers." Hank poofed into smoke and went over to Kahn's house. He knocked on the door.
"What is it you stupid red... Samurai?" Kahn said, confused.
"I sense a powerful energy in your house!" Hank said, as he walked in.
"Hey you stupid samurai, get off my property!" Kahn said. Hank was sensing energy by meditating on the floor. He took his shirt off and let his dragon seal sense it for him.
"Hhmmm... Cold... Colder... Warmer... Hot!... Very hot!..." Hank got up and ran into Connie's room. Kahn chased after him.
"Hey you, get out of my house!" Kahn said. Hank turned around and rapidly poked him all over his body.
"I can't... Move!" Kahn said.
"I Chi-Blocked you gibblet head!" Hank said, as he ran to Connie's room, Pulling his katana out. He sliced the door in half and kicked it down. He startled Connie.
"Mr. Hill, what's going on?" Connie said, as she was in the middle of her violin lesson.
"Demon!" Hank cried out, as he slice her forehead open. He grabbed the forehead and sucked the life out of her. He focused it in a ball of energy, and purified it, turning it from dark to light.
"What did you do to my daughter?" Kahn said, as he heard the noise in her room. Hank didn't answer. He took her energy and put it back inside of her, sealing it back in and making her pure.
"Oh, um, nothing." Hank said, as he jumped out of her window. Bobby was at school. Him and Joseph were once friends, but then he became total schmuck. When Bobby became Emo, he was an outcast. He wasn't the chubby kid that made jokes anymore.
"Yeah I workout. So what? You wanna see my biceps?" Joseph said, talking to some schoolgirls. They were in detention. Bobby was watching him, sitting in his chair. But he didn't care, because he knew his father was gonna make him a master samurai. Meanwhile, Hank was going over to Strickland Propane. Buck Strickland wasn't doing so good without Hank, but was able to find a replacement. Hank walked towards the place, wearing his samurai armor. They heard the clanking of his armor from afar. He walked in, examining the place. He then saw an old friend walk towards him.
"Welcome to Strickland Propane! Taste the meat, not the heat!" Hank's replacement said. His name was Hal, a man who looked exactly like him.
"Well, why don't you taste the steel!" Hank cried out, as he pulled out his supernatural katana. Hal ran away, but Hank was able to kill him, shooting lightning from the end of his sword. Enrique, Joe Jack, and Donna ran away, exiting from the back. Mr. Strickland came out of the bathroom, tying his belt back on.
"Dang it Hal, what is going o-" Buck suddenly cut-off his sentence, looking at his dead employee.
"H-Hal! What happened to y-" Buck cut himself off once again, looking at the samurai.
"Who are you? Did you kill my employee?" Buck said.
"Yes, I did." Hank said, as he took off his helmet. "You probably remember me. I used to work for you."
"Hank? What happened to you?" Buck said.
"I became a master samurai!" Hank said, as he pointed his sword at Buck's face. "You are selling an impure gas that can harm people's lives. I want you to shutdown this place, or else."
"Never! This is how I make my money Hank!" Buck said. There was silence in the room. Buck was worried he might kill him where he stood.
"Arlight Buck, here's how we settled this. If you defeat me in combat, you can keep your business. But if I defeat you, your business will have to be shutdown. If you refuse, I shall strike you down!" Hank said. Buck nodded and the two shaked hands.
"We shall fight tomorrow..." Hank said, giving Buck an intimidating look.